>be me>meds are running out and I have to go to psychiatrist to get more>day of going to psychiatrist comes and I'm sure I have to get there 5pm>go out early to be sure I won't miss it>as I'm getting there I check my messages and discover I was supposed to be there 3pm not 5pm>try to work out something but my appointment ends up being rescheduled for next week>feelsbad.jpeg>I feel like shit and disappointed in myself for messing up such a simple task>feel hollow inside and feeling of apathy>when home spend hours watching porn (sometimes I don't even masturbate I just sit there looking)>"I already wasted my time so it doesn't matter if I waste it more" I think>feel like shit for having spent hours watching porn and not doing productive stuff like studying for uniIt's not the first time something like this happens, it almost feels like I take pleasure in punishing myself for making a mistake by wasting even more of my time and making even bigger mistakes, like how I should be studying for exams I have next week.I would genuinely like to change but stuff like this has happened so many times it makes me think there's either something really wrong with me or I don't want to change.But I do want to change, it just feels like I'm in an NPC cycle and I succumb to my script in certain situations."Just doing it" doesn't seem as easy as other people make it seem.
>>31683775stop taking meds
>>31683786I have really high anxiety tho, if I stop taking them things get worse.I start having rapid thoughts and trying to think about stuff becomes unbearable and painful fory brain, I end up spending most of my time trying to distract my brain from itself and trying to making it go silent.The meds have helped with brain getting more silent. Less rapid thoughts, less things repeating endlessly on my head, but life is still really hard
Sounds like a conversation to have with your psychiatrist next week. What time is your appointment? You should probably call to confirm the time then write it down both on a piece of paper stuck to your fridge and in your phone.
>>31683814It's 2:30pm Wednesday.I think I'll set an alarm one or two hours early to remind me.Notes on fridge and phone aren't reliable since I did have it written down but convinced myself it was 5pm instead of 3pm and didn't check to see if I was right.
>>31683814A big problem is I also end up thinking a bunch of stuff about myself that I should say to the psychiatrist but forget about it once I'm there, ig I should write it down
>>31683775>when home spend hours watching porn (sometimes I don't even masturbate I just sit there looking)Based gooner
>>31683786Shut the fuck up, you dumb chimp.>>31683775>it almost feels like I take pleasure in punishing myself for making a mistakeNot "almost". It -does- feel good, self-punishment is extremely pleasurable, addictive even, it gives you a temporary way out (even if it creates a negative feedback loop).First, you need to learn how to sit with the emotional pain. Don't go for the pleasurable self-punishment. Close your eyes and allow yourself to feel the negative emotion, don't kick and scream trying to push it away, don't indulge in it. Take some deep breaths, sit with it and metabolize it. Let the thoughts pass in front of your mind's eye. Remember to breathe.Next, think about what you want to have accomplished tomorrow and what you want to have accomplished next week. Don't be a dumbass trying to carry the world on your shoulders. Try something measurable. What do YOU want to have accomplished by tomorrow? One chapter? Two? Think about that and try to actually live painfully, arduously for the rest of the day today.>but muh pain buh buh buh im afraid of pain dun wanna uwuMy dude, pain is a part of human existence, why live an incomplete life without pain?
>>31683917>Shut the fuck up, you dumb chimp.as usual the good advice get flamed classic
>>31683866That's funny lmao, there's times I stand there looking at porn and finding body types I like, never end up drawing them but it's fun
>>31683924>stop taking meds>good adviceYou deserve to get in a car accident and bleed to near-death, only to be saved by the blood donation of a black woman you will never meet.Dumb chimp.
>>31683917You're right, I'm pretty sure my mind always jumps to apathy and I don't end up processing my feelings.Always had problems with my feelings, I mean, maybe not always, I think as a kid I forced myself to suppress my feelings and act "normal" I ended up feeling a lot of apathy throughout my life.Now, breaking things down and setting myself to accomplish something just for tomorrow does seem like the way to go, for weeks I panicked and had high anxiety about not studying enough, and ended up not studying the little I had to study everyday because I was worried about the things I lost and the exam that was a month away
>>31683964Wanna learn a cool word that describes this shit better than "apathy"? Alexithymia. Someone or something hurt you so bad for expressing negative emotions, you have locked them away.It's okay to feel anger, it's also okay to feel sad, anxious, scared, ashamed. You're not fucking apathetic, fuck that, of course you care, otherwise you wouldn't feel this way. Fuck suppressing your emotions (except anger, anger is the only "respectable" negative emotion), especially if you're a guy. This fucking "you-should-only-be-either-happy-or-mad" chokehold guys are subjected to can go to hell.
>>31683956it is fuck you
>>31683786fpbp
>>31684032This might be the case, tho I'm so far removed from dealing with my own emotions I have no idea what to do.I know it's a classic at this point but I literally cannot cry, when I'm supposed to feel sad I feel empty, and when I do feel sad it's mostly at random.The only times I did cry in recent times were when I had panic attacks.When dealing with other people's problems I take a logical approach and have a hard time empathizing with them.I guess that also applies to me as I take a logical approach to solve my own problems and have a hard time taking in account what I'm feeling.
>>31684040It's the worst fucking thing to tell someone who's already on meds, go fuck yourself with a Bagger 288
>>31684109>but I literally cannot crySure you can. It's okay to feel afraid to, but you still can. >>31683917
>>31684154Maybe if I were to become more aware of my emotions I'd cry again, it is something I want but I do think I'd take a long time before I'd be able to do it
>>31684136stupid idiot only cuz i didnt write a long reply doesnt mean what i wrote is wrong.Ofc you are not gonna cold turkey stop.You take calculated steps to stop.whatever fuck you, you are the reason/adv/ sucks ass.
>>31684204What's the benefit in not taking meds tho?
>>31684204Seeing you backpedal now tells me all I needed to know.You're a dumb chimp.
>>31683808You need sunlight and fucking exercise.
>>31684248you lost im afraid
