I was in a relationship for 6 months with a pretty sweet girl. There were a lot of issues that triggered my insecurities and anxiety about relationships. She was absolutely beautiful in so many ways. We moved in together relatively fast, after about 4 months of dating. Lived together for 2. She was very much into going to bars and what not and I had come to find further in the relationship we differed on a few moralistic principles, which lead to more tension in the relationship. However she would always tell me she wanted to get married and have kids with me.Then after a string of arguments, she dumped me. Our last argument was quite literally because I was drunk and kept talking about how hot and good she is to some friends that came to hang out with us one weekend. Which lead to a whole other argument. Then she ghosted me for 2 days without coming home, we had dinner after those 2 days and I was hit with the news that she wanted to either breakup or move out and slow things down. To which I declared we might as well just break off clean while we can. Its been almost a month since the breakup. She called me last week with some trivial questions in the middle of the night. ever since then it has been harder to sleep than ever. She told she broke up with me because of my anger and my insecurities. There were some topics such as open relationships, religion, and other things we disagreed on fundamentally, to which yes, I did get visibly upset at. However her answer to every conflict was running off somewhere without resolve in the conversation, claiming i was being mean. the loneliness is fleeting.coming home to an empty house. I can’t help but feel like i’ve been such an abusive monster, but i’m also conflicted because I feel like most of my concerns/things I got upset about were valid.>let me know where you are>monogamy>conflict resolution>baseline moral/religious beliefs anyways, idk how to get over her bros.
>>31688100Was it you who wanted an open relationship or her
>>31688619not op but i'd bet my foreskin that she wanted it.
>>31688648Why even post
Open relationships never work out. I wouldnt want to share my partner with anyone.. I would be constantly comparing myself to whomever they wanted, anxiously awaiting their departure (feeling like they would leave or always thinking of someone else). When living with your SO or being in a LTR, its not a good idea to be seeing / talking to or sleeping with other people. Nta, it would cause rifts and potential fights / arguements. Commication is key for conflict resolution, being very open and honest with the other party is necessary. Moral beliefs I feel often should be compatible, while you dont necessarily have to be on the same religious plane. If not similarly religious, it is possible that (if both parties are into it) you could teach each other about your specific religious beliefs and become more in line with each other.. not suggesting conversion, but its possible. If one party always wants to know your location and the other doesnt want to share theirs .. thats a red flag. Personally, I would be happy to share my location with my partner .. but I dont think he would do the same, so I wont. I may be curious but I wont push the subject because I dont want to be or have him feel like im controlling. In the end, everyone is entitled to their own choices. Free will. If she wants to see other people and fuck around and you are a monagamas party, it will never work out. Save your heartbreak.
>>31688619We were having a discussion about the topic because a friend of mine kept getting his heart broke going after women that were poly and I had felt bad for him. To which she had said ‘well I think later on down the road I would probably want to open the relationship’ which absolutely crushed me. Even though it wasn’t at that moment. The idea of the woman who in one hand claims to want to marry me and bare my children, claims also she’d want to open the relationship because ‘she only has one life to live’.
>>31688794Ultimately is sounds like she feels you arnt going to be enough or you arnt enough. Thats devistating, and a major red flag.
>>31688794Yeah you dodged a bullet bro. It might hurt now but its for the best
>>31688777This was actually very insightful and hopeful. We actually shared locations on eachothers iPhones for a while and every now and again shed ghost me and I would only see her last location. Should have noticed the red flag there. Thanks for your reply, it actually has given me some hope that there’s decent women out there that I can meet with the similar ideals of life as well as morals. I think my thing is I often go for the outgoing ‘bimbo’ types that, no offense meant, often are nefariously promiscuous and typically don’t want to settle down. Where as I know who I am, know what I want. I’m approaching my 27th birthday and have a great job, house, car, pets etc. and I got out my ‘party bug’ in my early 20s. It’s probably best to stop pursuing women who frequent the bar scene in their late 20s lol.
>>31688808Crazy because she always expressed how sexually satisfied she was with me and how she thought I was hot and would tell me how she would flick the bean to my pics while I was away at work. She really didn’t do much other than hang around the house and play video games. Typically I would come home from work, do chores and then cook us dinner or take us out to dinner while she just relaxed or whatever. She only worked a couple nights a week. Maybe things aren’t so bad after all.
>>31688813Yeah the more I’m reading the replies to the thread the more I’m realizing that though I might have had some faults, it seems like from day one she was looking for an out. There’s a lot more to the story I could put on here but I feel like the main points captured the essence of the relationship.
>>31688100>Moving in after four monthsAre you a lesbian or something?In all seriousness, both you and your ex are probably nutjobs. It was six months, not six years. Just go live your life for a little while.
>>31688829That actually sounds beautiful. I hope you guys work out.
>>31688100OP here to share the final argument>go to family gathering 45 minutes away from home>my family loves to drink at gatherings>she shows up after she gets off work that day >we end up going out and seeing friends while out>we all go back to our place after the bar closes to hang>I start spilling my heart out to friends>take it a lil far on saying how hot she is>she gets embarrassed bc we’re all pretty hammered>take friends home early that morning>starts yelling at me, says I keep trying to talk over her when I was just trying to be a part of the conversation >stops her car tells me to walk a mile home>im still drunk>put her car in park and take her keys>wtf, anon>tell her if I gotta walk she can walk with me and we can talk it out>she gets more upset>finally cool things down, get home>make up>we have sex, >I start to think everything is ok, resolution was met>don’t have car for whole day while she’s at work>gets off and comes home around 10:30PM, doesnt really acknowledge me >takes me to my car 45 mins from home, it’s almost midnight, I have work in the morning>arrive to car>im still upset with you so Im going to get some drinks with my friends anon>I get upset because of her reasoning>express how we hadnt got to see eachother and talk about the stuff from earlier in the morning>she tells me i dont own her >ask if she’ll be home in time to talk that night>tells me im controlling and possessive>tells me I have anger problems, while yelling at me>I start crying and go to my car>get home, go to bed defeated>cant sleep>check location, bar>2:30AM rolls around, no sign of her>call to check in and make sure shes ok>no answer>text her asking her whats going on>Ill be home when I get home anon>dont hear from her for a whole day after that night
>>31688885Funny enough we did joke about how we were the straightest lesbian couple to ever exist. I’m a straight white male though. I agree. After reading the replies it seems this is all just a lesson to be learned rather than something to hang my hat on.
>>31688959eeek. i would never do my man like this.
>>31688954It was honestly really taxing mentally and emotionally. I just want to be able to move on. I havent been broke up with other than one other time in my life.
>>31688959Both of you sound fucking insufferable and act like 18 year olds. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
>>31688100Religion problems? What was she athiest or maybe another religion? Can't image that being a problem
>>31688959>comes home after one day of ghosting me for all of 5 minutes to get dressed for work>tells me she will meet me for dinner around 8>show up at restaurant at 8>she doesnt show up until 10>i admit my faults, express what my plan is to alleviate some of my faults>i do struggle with depression, self image, a bit of anger, and trust from time to time but nothing that has ever affected my day to day in a grand sense>she tells me Im just being manipulative>tells me she wants to move out or break things off>i get upset>tell her she can pay for our dinner>start to walk out>come back anon youre embarrassing me>start to call back down>pay for dinner>tell her it would be good for her to move out but would want to stay together>go outside >start arguing again>group of like 3 people start approaching walk to a nearby bar>I start to calm down due to the realization of how ridiculous this all looks>calls me a pathetic poser and a loser and walks off. >she comes by a few days after to get her things from the house>start talking and seems like she wants to make things work>hold onto hope>stay w my mom for a few days to give her space to get out>never hear from her again, start feeling better until >a week ago she calls me after midnight bc her friend flashed a group photo that apparently is going around town>asks if I knew anything about it>tell her no>tell her its good to hear from her, how much I missed her and how Id like to see her if she had the time>im too drunk for this conversation anon>ok well goodnight be safe out there>stay up all night pissed off
>>31689005She was pretty atheist but also kinda into the witchcraft/spiritual stuff. I consider myself a Christian deist, so I am pretty open to other ideas of religion and beliefs but she would shit on Christianity to get a rise out of me a lot not fully understanding what my beliefs were.
>>31688988Yeah no you are 1000% correct. This thread is pretty eye opening in that regard. I was too invested in making her happy and lost a lot of myself completely trying to appease her. Its been rough crawling back to frens with this stuff because I’ll just the the ‘itodyaso’ so instead im posting to adv
>>31688976You are a rare one. Hope you and your man are happy, anon.
>>31688808Not necessarily. Some people can function and flourish in an open relationship, the pool of people capable of doing that is extremely small, because involves high levels of trust, open communication and their shit together. Maybe ginger rare. Not myself poly, just know.
>>31688959>check location, barErm.. You kept tabs on each other? We share locations occasionally.
>>31688100anon, your not an abusive monster. you seem like a pretty chill guy and your ex was just a whiney bitch who culdnt handle being wrong on anything. dont let it get to you. breakups happen a lot. hopefully you'll find another partner thatyou can get along with easier.
