Sorry for the wall of text.My mom recently told me she doesn't see me as a man. She thinks my little brother is much more of a man than me. I'm not a bum or anything. I live alone. I moved out when I was 17, and got a job as a programmer at 20. I don't know why she would think that, but apparently she was comfortable enough to say it to my face. We don't have the best relationship (partially why I moved out so young) but I can't help but feel like there's more to it than that. She's not the only one.As an example, I've been seeing this woman recently. One day she told me the reason she liked me is because I'm "nerdy and unmasculine" in her eyes. I didn't know what to say. I hadn't asked her, and she clearly wasn't joking. She just told me that randomly. I just left, and stopped answering her texts. I know she said she liked me for that reason but I was pretty offended regardless and felt like she was "fetishizing" me or something. I have more stories like this but you get the idea. I know I'm not the most "macho" guy, but this can't be normal. I'm not overly scrawny or anything. I go to the gym, and try to stay active. I have my own place and take care of myself. I feel like a normal person.tldr My mom told me I'm not a man and people think I'm a loser but i don't.
>>31690188You probably are just tempermentaly timid. A soft spoken people pleaser and make it a point to be "nice" which some people, especially women, will like and zero in on because you come across as someone that will just take whatever bullshit they have. Thats what a girl means when she says youre unmasculine as a "compliment" Just my speculation, but if you have the drive to move out and provide for yourself so young, you should have some sort of fire in your belly, right?
>>31690218I guess that makes sense. Like I said my mom and i don't have a great relationship. One of the reasons for that is I always felt like she wanted me to stay a little boy forever. She seemed to hate when I showed any initiative or assertiveness whatsoever. I learned eventually that she hated her father, and that probably applies to men in general as well. >you should have some sort of fire in your belly, right?I guess. At the time i definitely did. But I'm older now and i feel my mental health slipping a lot. I'm starting to feel like the loser she seems to think i am. I won't get too into it unless people want me to but i had a very shitty relationship with both my parents for a long time. I still don't talk to my dad and haven't in years. I've only recently started to get closer with my mom, until she said that. Now i don't know what to think. I'm her oldest son and for her to insult me like that is just fucked up. And then to directly compare me to my brother. It's like she was trying to get under my skin. I've honestly felt like a lot of my mental health issues have started to compound lately and that just made it worse.
>>31690188It's likely that you have some trauma from childhood because of your mom and maybe it shows a bit in being excessively reserved? But that's not really bad. Healing is important, but there's nothing wrong with being reserved.I wouldn't take women's views on masculinity as being very important. They don't really know what they are talking about, nor do they really care. A woman's definition of masculinity is whatever is convenient for her.Anyway, I suggest that you cut off your mom. She sounds like a cunt and you don't seem like you depend on her for anything anymore, so it may be wise to just never talk to her again. She can have fun being obnoxious with other people.I also wouldn't worry about being masculine or unmasculine or whatever. Best way I can sum it up is with the poem "If-" by Rudyard Kipling. There's nothing in it about being a roidbeast retard gorilla faggot or a skirt chaser or what have you. In fact, the whole poem praises a composed and self-controlled, rational kind of character. And this is what true masculinity is. All the screeching about masculinity that we hear today is just the squealing of pigs at the marketplace. Ignore it.
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>>31690188Real men do eat quiche. Definitions of masculinity have expanded in the past 60 or 70 years, and you are wrong to think that being seen as more than just gym-meat is an insult.
