A long time ago I made a thread showing my gross scarred bald head from chemo, and at my last appointment they found no traces of the tumour anywhere.I don’t want to get my hopes up, and I’m struggling with a little bit of suicidal ideation because I was convinced for five years sooner or later I would have to.I was ready to die and over the last year things just improved. I can’t seem to get back to being excited to live. I felt nothing every time I got good news.My family is ecstatic and had a party but I sat in the corner drunk and close mouthed the entire time.Im still scared, and hopeless how do I change it? They saved me but I don’t feel saved.
>>31691455If nothing else just give yourself a minute.Much like a guy that got the crap kicked out of him, just because you're no longer actively getting beat down doesn't mean you're ready to immediately jump up 100%It's cool to just lay and say "well that was fucked" for awhile, you've got time nowFor what it's worth I'm really glad to hear your news anon
>>31691455Congrats anon. I can't help you with the emotional side but if the cancer comes back look into metabolic therapy by Thomas Seyfried its carnivore/keto for cancer. I heard great things about that in terms of fighting cancer. Maybe this could also improve your depressive thoughts idk. Try some vitamins too.
>>31691508Its probably a simple reason. I hated my life before all this in retrospect. Now its just different and easier, but I still hate it.I got sort of angry easily over the past five years and confrontational. I lost all the friends I had five years ago because I made no effort to see them.
>>31691594Made no effort to see them after being rude that is. For example if someone would walk too slow or ask a question I thought was pointless I would shut down and “See how retarded that is?” Etc.I can’t really blame it on the cancer, im no victim. I was in a regular state of derealization and lashed out because I was in fight or flight mode all the time.I wish they would have been more understanding, and also that I could have just stayed silent.
>>31691455How about an actual voice instead of soulless text https://voca.ro/1ghFh7iWRaCw
>>31691714NTA but i like your voice. Its very calming
>>31691933
>>31691714Thanks bro. I don’t have speakers just headphones so it sounded like you were whispering in my ear for four minutes.Unsettling experience due to large headphones but I appreciate it kek
