I don't get this shit at all. I hear my guy friends complaining about their gfs all the time, and I make a point of avoiding that shit with my bf. I always bring my own money when we go out, I don't mooch by making him buy me shit, and I squish my own bugs and stuff.I figured he'd be thrilled but he's all "its like we're not even together" bc he thinks I'm supposed to "need" him or something. Like I'm supposed to be helpless without him? He knew I could handle my own shit before we started dating cause I already was, but now he's upset that I don't let him "help" me, but I don't need help. If I needed help, I'd tell him that.I think he found out I've been having trouble making rent and he's trying to dance around the subject but I've been taking extra shifts and I have it under control and I don't want to be like one of those women who just milks her bf for everything he's got. I'm actually uncomfortable when he spends money on me because I don't feel like I can repay it since he makes more than I do.I told him all this but he acted like I was being unreasonable. Am I being unreasonable?
Congrats, you just found out that men are insecure. Wake me up when you figure out how to manage that.
Not unreasonable to me. If he really wants to help than maybe let him help you a bit? You mention that if you need help you would tell him but you have a rent problem and you don't wanna let him help at all so I think you just don't want help in general. Not unreasonable but kinda the complete opposite of what you don't like. You don't want to let him do everything but the response is let him do nothing both are extreme I think. But he could also just deal with it too so it's a him problem at the same time
>>31949920>Am I being unreasonable?No, not at all. It isn't about reason though. People like doing things for other people especially the people that they have deemed special. You can repay your bf back by accepting his assitance. You probably have some neurosis about it becoming habitual but it is that same neurosis that will prevent this from happening.
>>31949928Wouldn't she also have some insecurity since she wants no help at all? A secure person wouldn't mind either or. I agree it's an insecurity on his part too tho. Even if wanting to help hour partner isn't that big of a thing to me.
>>31949920youre not being unreasonable and mad props to you for how you take responsibility for yourself and try to not be a leech. guy herehe might be upset because he wants to show his love and value and be appreciated by being generous and helpful. you're not letting him show his virtues. that might also make him insecure about the relationship if he feels like you could lose him without a sweat. so maybe relax and let yourself be treated like a princess more often. on the other hand it could be that he wants power over you or wants to make you owe him something.
You're a good woman and you should be capable of taking care of yourself in order to not be dependent on him, that leaves you with the option to leave him when things go south and not be stuck with him until it becomes unbearable.He has good intentions, probably, but you can fulfill his fantasy of being needed by playing up how much you need his dick or maybe something else he can do.
>>31949920You should let him take care of you.
>>31949947>>31949955>>31952845>>31952879Thanks. I just feel like I'm "losing" by letting him help me, and I hate losing. I'm a competitive person, and I don't get along well with other women because I feel threatened by anyone I feel is more feminine than me. I know I'm being kimd of a headcase, but I thought guys would like this sort of thing and he'd be happy that I'm not bugging him to help me with my bills or give me rides home from work or w/e. I can't stand feeling indebted, so letting him do anything for me is hard.
>>31955409>>31955409>and he'd be happy that I'm not bugging him to help me with my bills or give me rides home from work or w/eHe is>I'm a competitive personMe too but now you are playing team sports. Support your team member and flourish together.
>>31949920>squish your own bugs>buy your own shit>self reliant but dependableIf he doesn't want you? I do! Okay, compliments out of the way. I think some men just want to be needed. It's hard to explain but basically he feels that, in a crazy way, that he cannot provide for you and it's making him upset. You seem self-sufficient but being in a relationship is a two way street.My advice is ask for his help. Let him pay for the meal. Treat you nice but don't use him. We both know he's not a free meal ticket but he also wants to provide for you. You can even ask for a loan for the rent if you get to that point and shower him with love, affection, and spending time with his hobbies. Compliment him, too. Boys dig it. If all else fails? Make sure he knows that you can ALWAYS turn to him for help whether it be financial, emotional, or physical support. Hope it helps.
>>31949920OP, I just gotta say I think you are cute. Nothing worse than a girl who's whole personality is being a damsel in distress.I feel like the situation is too subtle to be answered online.On one hand, it is good for a couple to depend on one another. On the other, it could be an ego thing, which would not be healthy.
>>31955409Yeah this is a bit of an issue but not anything mayor or bad. Regardless of how you are you don't seem bad or unreasonable. He probably just wants to help and do things for you out of love. Maybe let him help you in smaller ways instead of big ones? No helping with rent but maybe picking you up once in a while. Maybe let him treat you from time to time. You feel like losing if he helps but think about how you are instead winning since he's happy and you would be happy too and thats good for the relationship. As another anon mentioned it's a team game now. But since that's a less likely one how about letting him "win" from time to time. Pick your victories type of stuff.
>>31955409why do you feel threatened by anyone who's a little more feminine than you? when do you think you started to feel this way?
>>31949920>my guy friendsYou want their validation so you're letting them dictate your relationship? Fuck off.
>>31949920You aren't unreasonable your boyfriend is just a betacuck. And cucks gonna cuck. Basically he's trying to treat you as if you are his wife even though you are just some random girl. Honestly if I was you I wouldn't know how to feel about that. Are you cool with him treating you like his wife? You could easily take advantage of him, yet you choose not to, which I think indicates that you have a quality personality. Then again you do have guy friends and your boyfriend doesn't care, so again, cucks gonna cuck.
>>31956801They are dating. Lmaooo do you read? Stop being cukpilled
>>31956853having a girlfriend doesn't mean you aren't a cuck, but honestly i'm not gonna argue about it because i don't care. all i'm gonna say is that unless you're married, a woman's rent is never your concern. unless you're a betacuck
>>31949920Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated in some form. Find a form that works for the both of you. Don't worry about what other people are saying and doing. Be creative and do what works for you and your boyfriend.Try different ways of being affectionate, perhaps you can cuddle or hold hands more. Give him the opportunity to do gentlemanly things for you like hold open doors, or rub your feet or something.
>>31956945This isn't just about rent. Have you gotten cucked? I mentioned them dating since you mentioned they are randoms and nothing to each other. Let me guess you would cheat unless married?
>>31949920no, it is very reasonable to want to be able to take care of yourself
>>31957039i've never been cucked to my knowledge, if i did i would just dump her and move on>Let me guess you would cheat unless married?i wouldn't have sex with another girl, but i would go out with multiple women at once because i have no loyalty to women i'm not married to.
>>31955471Alright, makes sense.>>31955504Thank you>>31955600I can do that stuff, I just feel like a loser when I ask for help so all that comes with difficulty for me.>>31956642I mean, I've always kind of been a tomboy. My mom wasn't around (rehab) so my dad was my big influence. I never really did any girly shit growing up. My friends have always been guys, because I feel like I can't compete with other women. Whenever I'm hanging out with another woman, I always end up comparing myself to her and feel like I fall short. Then I kind of feel resentment and just distance myself.>>31956705No I just kind of figured listening to them would give some ideas on what guys like about women and what they don't like.>>31956801Why is it bad to have guy friends? My bf came from the same friend group, he knows all my friends.
>>31957235>Why is it bad to have guy friends?i'm not saying that you are a cheater, it's just that as a man, i know how other men are, so i personally wouldn't be comfortable with my girlfriends having other "guy friends".
>>31957235>My friends have always been guys, because I feel like I can't compete with other women'Why do you feel the need to compare yourself to other girls that eventually lead to resentment? Isn't that torturing yourself since it's only in your head. You're pretty much restricting yourself from having more meaningful connections with other girls because of your insecurity, unless I got it wrong.
>>31957280I trust these guys, I think my bf does too. We've all been friends for a long time, so its like a big extended family.>>31957590Its not always a conscious thing. Like I see how much better they are at everything than me, and my brain just starts wandering to miserable places.
>>31957703why do you interpret it as them being "better" than you at everything? How do you know it's not just a facade? They might be struggling with problems, maybe even more than yourself. Why not just accept and embrace that it's ok to be different from the mass in terms of how much "femineity" or "masculine" you have?
>>31949920Your issue is assuming that your guy friends were genuinely annoyed and not just complaining for the sake of it
>>31952845All of this
>>31955409It depends on the man. Some men want to feel that they're helping their partner, some want their partner to be independent and self sufficient
>>31957235So would you ever actually ask for help? You mentioned you would if you need ir but from how you have responded it seems like you wouldn't.
>>31957798>All of this Asking or accepting help doesn't mean you can't accept any. What you are describing is when people let the other person fully take care of them and all they do is be inside the house
>>31949920>guy friends>acting as independent as possible, to the point of never asking him for anything or letting him feel usefulThat's the opposite of what most relationship-oriented men want in a woman. And protip: the kinds of men to hang around as "guy friends" are much less likely to be the relationship-oriented type (notice how some of those men ITT are openly telling you to compensate by focusing on sex). > Am I being unreasonable?Yes and no.For one thing, stop with the "guy friends". You can be polite and friendly with other men, but keep some extra distance out of respect for your relationship. It's not as bad if they're your bf's friends, but there should still be a little bit of a barrier.Otherwise, your thought process isn't illogical, and your motivation to be a good gf is hardly evil, but your premise--that your bf desires exactly what "guy friends" do--is clearly wrong. Not wanting to be dependent on your bf is perfectly fine (a good thing if you're not married). Purposefully sending him signals that you will never need him is very off-putting to tons of men.
>>31957747Its really hard to internalize that. I've heard this advice before, and mentally I know its probably bbetter to be that way about it, but my brain just doesn't cooperate and my feelings frustrate the effort.>>31957823I'd ask for help if I felt like I absolutely could not handle something on my own. If I felt like I could maybe handle something myself, I wouldn't. I'd feel bad for being too weak to take care of stuff on my own.>>31957894I'll be totally honest in saying I don't really know what guys like.
>>31958016>Don't know what guys likeIt's okay. Men don't know what women either and vice versa.>feels weak if can't do it on your ownHmmm. What if you helped him and he helped you? Would that be even? Example >you help him with his bed or something >he helps you with your bed or something Some trading system where the help wouldn't feel one sided. Would that work?
