you get validation and a sense of worth from women considering you special and better than other men. that simple

I only have one ex I care about and I know she still thinks about me because I popped that cherry

>>32008776
True

>>32008771
I won't read can't get over ex threads. What a faggot.

>>32008771
that sounds like OCD you retard. exposure and response prevention therapy works wonders for that if you really want to stay away from meds

>>32009579
Elaborate?

>>32009777
no

you mean them having sex before you were together or after you were together?
If its before then just date virgins, and if its after why do you care?

>>32008771
I'm working through it right now, it's especially bad when you know details about her new sex life. In my case it's because we lived together and I had a business set up on our property. This business used literal tons of high-powered machinery so moving out was a long, drawn-out process that took months. She knew this and started dating another guy right after we broke up anyway.
Saw one day when I went inside the house to piss some candles and a bottle of massage oil out. I never got or gave her candle-lit massages.
Got really mad when I saw she had birth control pills out one day. Yeah we used the pill for the first few years when we dated but she asked to switch to condoms AFTER WE MOVED IN TOGETHER because she was "concerned about her hormones." Guess this new guy is more important than her hormones.
I never met her new boyfriend, she at least had the courtesy to make sure we never crossed paths, but seeing little things like that positively wrecked me. Now I'm completely out of the situation and starting to feel better.
I think it'll get better once I find a new girl to fall in love with, but I can tell I'm not gonna be ready for love again for a long time. Have you dated since your most recent ex?
>>32008776
This is a big factor, my first GF would get orgasms from vaginal sex, sometimes multiple if I was really going at it, and she never stopped touting how superior I was to her ex who was her first. I actually think I "alpha widowed" her, she had a rebound with a lesbian and AFAIK hasn't been in a serious relationship with another guy since me. Funny thing is I wouldn't care if she started fucking guys left and right anyway, it's my most recent ex that bugs me.
>>32008781
I also popped that ex's cherry and I know for a fact she doesn't give a fuck about me anymore,. Women care about that a lot less than you think, "oh women never get over their first" is a brain rotted incel meme.
The. Past. Does. Not. Exist. For. Women.

I came across an old voice message from an ex the other day while I was looking for another file. I decided against my better judgment to listen to some of the old messages she sent. In one of them she was recounting a conversation she had with her grandma who is basically her main confidante in life. My ex had this other ex whom she spent 8 years with. Well long story short, they are still friends and were throughout our relationship. It was a situation that I was fine with because he was pretty much a onions asexual and it was totally obvious she was at zero attraction for him. Not a big deal. Well anyway, she was telling me about this conversation she had with her Grandma about how her Grandma was looking at his facebook and thought that he was still in love with my ex and hadn't gotten over her yet. At which point she says
>Yea, I don't think this will ever happen to us, but if for whatever reason it doesn't work out, I won't want to get back together. I don't really reach out to him at all, he only reaches out to me. The past is the past and should remain that way.
After hearing that, in her voice, really helped me get over the breakup. Whatever small hope I had, even though I 100% shouldn't even get back with her to begin with, whatever hope I had of a major revelation where she apologizes and realizes the mistake she made, entirely vanished from my consciousness. I realized that she probably is barely thinking of me, having begun the process of moving on much longer ago, and has buried the tragedy of our passionate and unsuccessful relationship without any sentimentality. There was no reason for me to keep spending energy on her, and our relationship. And I think most women are the same. When they end things, it's over, and you should just bury it as with little sentimentality as they do. They were just somebody that you used to know, which is no longer and never again will be the case.

>>32009989
Thanks for your response, anon. Glad to hear that things are going better for you. I think things will get better for me provided I either go bang 20 girls or get another good, long-term girlfriend.
>The. Past. Does. Not. Exist. For. Women.
Was hoping you could elaborate on this. Not quite sure what you mean

>>32010050
Thanks for the story and I think you make a great point about the need to just utterly forget about the person like you are getting over some bad memory or something. You know how sometimes when people go through really traumatic experiences there's this phenomenon where, after some time has passed, they tend to forget a lot of the major details of the event? It's like the brain is trying to shield you from the darkness. I think with enough force we can trick our brains into thinking that exes are bad experiences that need be forgotten immediately. Just a thought I had while reading your post.

>>32008771
you are coping with depr. and OCD, not fixing it. there is insecurity in you, maybe shame or doubt or something of that nature. are you unlocking some more mindfulness right now? is this mindfulness in the room with us now?

here is what every man forgets when they generalize about women, is that each woman is genuinely unique in many ways and you cannot generalize their behavior. in this vein, they do not realize that their anecdote of their bitch wife is not representative of the actual dating pool. so just let those feelings go my friend.

>>32010392
Oh and one more thing I'd like to add, have you ever looked at a recent photo of an ex and found her WAY less attractive than before? I don't think it's necessarily because she has aged, I think our brain just makes our current partners 2x as attractive as they really are as a strategy to get us to reproduce.

>>32009989
>The. Past. Does. Not. Exist. For. Women.
god I fucking hope you're right. but honestly seems too good to be true

>>32008771
Homo. Embrace your homosexuality and fuck off to your gay little island and go be gay with other homos.

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>>32010400
>you are coping with depr. and OCD, not fixing it.
A good point but the only reason I said that was to illustrate that I HAVE these issues, yet they don't really ever bog me down, and that the ONLY thing that sometimes does is the thought of my exes being with other men.

Anyway, speaking of mindfulness, I have pretty much figured out the issue after sitting here and reading everybody's replies.

The underlying issue at hand is mere FOMO. Two of my exes have already moved on, yet here I am single and getting no sex, at least for now. If I was currently with a girl at or above my exes level of attractiveness, I know that I wouldn't be bothered by any of this.

SO, what I really need is a coping strategy for being upset at the fact that, at least for now, I have been left behind.

>>32008771
Stop caring? You’re not even dating them it’s not your fucking problem who they fuck.

>>32010337
>Was hoping you could elaborate on this. Not quite sure what you mean
There's really not much to elaborate on. Women would not be able to survive and maneuver through the world if they got overly hung-up on one guy. Sure, sometimes some of them will always have "the one that got away" but women at large move on from relationships much faster than men, and especially by getting into new relationships. Once she's had a taste of new shiny dick, even if it's half the size of the old one, that's it, the old dick does not matter and neither do any of the memories she made or experiences she had with that old dick. It's sad, but it's just the way women are. Even back in the day when people actually did stay together until the death of one partner, it was super common for widows to re-marry. It's all over the Bible. It's just their mode of operation.
>I think things will get better for me provided I either go bang 20 girls or get another good, long-term girlfriend.
>>32010457
>Two of my exes have already moved on, yet here I am single and getting no sex, at least for now. If I was currently with a girl at or above my exes level of attractiveness, I know that I wouldn't be bothered by any of this.
I know that feel my friend. I've been hitting on everything on two legs with a vagina in between (except for actual fatties and uggos). It's especially rough for me because I'm in my thirties, not in school, and self-employed, so I'm basically a stranger to every woman I meet. But I've turned complete strangers into flings and girlfriends. I think our problem is that we're obviously desperate for a rebound to get over our exes. Women do not have this problem, no matter how desperate and broken a woman is she just needs to spread her legs and a line of pussy-starved losers will form. But women can literally smell desperation on men. Unless you're good looking and around tons of single women, it's gonna be rough for a bit.(to be cont. fucking character limit).

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>>32010457
>>32010571
>SO, what I really need is a coping strategy for being upset at the fact that, at least for now, I have been left behind.
It's cliche` but the antidote really is to work on yourself. You feel less valuable as a man because of lack of female attention. In reality, you actually have this inferiority complex because you're disappointed in your own shortcomings. You gotta learn to compartmentalize and double-down on working on yourself. Get satisfied with YOURSELF. And then eventually, if it takes a year or two or ten, some woman better than any of your bitch exes could ever be will take notice of that really fucking awesome guy she met, and you'll get what you're looking for and you'll be cured. You might even get some delayed victory if one of them comes sniffing back around, pic related. (Also yes, you definitely should go watch Swingers if you haven't. Drop whatever you're doing and spend the next two hours watching it.)

I feel like a hypocrite typing all this out, but maybe it's because I needed to hear it. I still have intrusive thoughts about the "romantic" things my ex is doing with her new bf, especially after seeing that fucking massage oil. But at the end of the day, the thing that's making me uncomfortable is the idea that he's "better" than me somehow. And really, how the fuck can that be true? I'm the fucking man! I'm awesome, I'm living my dream, my ex and her new bf are both at the same stupid wagie job and probably will be forever. Every day can be a new adventure and a new chance to get even better. Get your old swagger back and then some.
I'll see you on the other side, bro.

>>32010571
>>32010600
Thanks a lot anon, gonna try my best.

>>32009493
>>32009904
>>32010446
>>32010555
>You're not allowed to have emotions
>You're not allowed to remember the past
>You're not allowed to have intrusive thoughts
Must be nice living life as a small-souled robot, I'm jealous

>>32010400
>each woman is genuinely unique in many ways and you cannot generalize their behavior
Oh yes you absolutely can. You can generalize men's behavior's too. Enormous bodies of literature in various scientific fields exist because of this.

>>32010641
I have emotions, and you wouldn't believe how often the past dances in my mind. I have had intrusive thoughts and every day have thoughts I would rather not have, feelings and emotions I'd rather not have. Part of me was joking, the other part was being a dickhead. I'm the guy who told you to be gay on an island. I'm not successful, I don't have a gf, don't have a social life, but jot what your experience is, analyze what sets you off, how you react to it, what you can do when you feel it coming on, see what works, what doesn't, and go on from there. Face if. she's not yours, she was your gf but isn't anymore so she'll be sucking and fucking other dudes. Move on, get another gf, or don't do shit to spite her but to genuinely improve your life. Its over, accept it, move on.

>>32011022
I appreciate the real talk, dude. I'm not OP but the other guy struggling with the same issues giving the advice/blog posts
>Face if. she's not yours, she was your gf but isn't anymore so she'll be sucking and fucking other dudes. Move on, get another gf, or don't do shit to spite her but to genuinely improve your life. Its over, accept it, move on.
The rational, Vulcan logic side of me accepts this, but as I alluded to this isn't a problem that rationality can solve. I've been trying to internalize what you wrote but it is rough handling all these emotions especially in my case when I saw her put in the effort for another guy
And I must say you are absolutely right about not doing things out of spite. That will carry you for a little while but it's a double-edge sword, once you do start to move on the anger fades and the "changes" you made start to unravel, you revert back to your old self.
I lost a bunch of weight after my breakup and am continuing to try to lose more. At first my thoughts were "ha, I'll get hot and show my ex what she's missing, and bang a bunch of other girls." Now I just want to know what I look like with a six pack after over thirty years of life without one.

>>32011055
The emotions are difficult, life isn't one and done, like loading a bullet of logic in the chamber, shooting the emotion dead, and voila, all you had to do was the emotional and mental equivalent of those 3 minute abs workouts and you're all set in a matter of seconds, clearly life doesn't work that way, but the flip side is letting it take control over you, influencing your judgement, worst scenario being a murder suicide or some other self destructive activity that'll have you hurting yourself and others, yet you'll still be repsonsible for what you choose and do because your circumstances and emotions aren't the ones choosing x thing or x behavior, it'd all be you. You don't have to let it get to that point, as it'd be a gradual thing that takes time. Funny, it takes time to both destroy yourself or improve upon yourself, just that the former can be quicker than the latter. Maybe write things down, ask yourself what you feel, why you feel it, when you feel it, what causes you to feel it, and give it time. The wound is still relatively new, and the scarring process takes time to fully realize until it does and it becomes a memory.