I don't know how to start a conversation and I don't know how to continue a conversation past the initial I'm good how are you part. is there any way to learn as an adult or am I just fucked?
>>32021158Literally say whatever is on your mind within reason. If you're attractive like me it will work
>>32021192what do I do if im not attractive
>>32021244I'm not sure the best answer other than keep trying despite it being uncomfortable. When I try to join conversations it feels like everyone goes silent and then carries on like I had never said anything. I'm getting a little better, but I can tell that other people notice my statements don't fit in the conversation as good as theirs do. I think we just have to keep practicing. How are you today?
>>32021158I won't read no social skills threads. It's been done to death so see the archive.
>>32021305thanks for the bump :^)>>32021260I guess my problem is that I dont get into situations where its ok to socialize. im feeling a little down but ill live I guess
>>32021373>I guess my problem is that I dont get into situations where its ok to socialize. im feeling a little down but ill live I guessDoes your persona amount to imitating a down on his luck cartoon character? Did you see Eeyore from whinnie the Pooh and say "that's so cool I'm gonna ape his schtick!" Have some self respect guy
>>32021373I noticed that there is a girl at my college who makes an effort to say hello and how are you to every person she sees, she is so naturally outgoing. Shes a mom of 4 kids who are very polite and confident. I am trying to be more like her. I make effort to say hello to walmart greeters, deskpeople, anyone im in close proximity to, even if it is not required to do so for me to go on about my day. Getting really confident with hello, how are you, bye, have a great day is a good step. People really like to talk about themselves. If you go to a place that you sometimes make small talk with people at, remember things that they care about and ask them about it. Like if theres a person at your work who has mentioned they have kids, you could greet them and mention that a fun activity is happening in your town that would be nice for them to go to as a family. I've been using that one a lot and it is working very well! A coworker was talking to everyone saying he has no idea where to bring his kids, and I mentioned a fun festival with lots of food and amusement rides that is affordable and close to us. Even if this is of entirely no interest to you, it helps build relationships and confidence in speaking to others. >im feeling a little down but ill live I guessI am sorry to hear that, I hope you feel better. I have also been feeling down. Do you have anything fun going on this weekend that you're looking forward to?
>>32021402bro that's what my mom says>>32021451getting better at the greetings doesn't sound bad. I'm worried though because I'm really clueless when it comes to anything beyond thatI don't have anything going on this weekend, will probably just be in my room
>>32021158Most etiquette books have a section on "conversations." If you pick up the thickest Emily Post edition on Etiquette (it's a blue book) that you can, they will typically have a very large section on how to start and have a conversation.I suggest it because it's probably the best guide on how to hold a conversation for an autistic person I've ever read. And the reason I say that is because it's so detailed. As an example, I used to have trouble making phone calls to schedule a dentist appointment. I had such severe social anxiety, and that book helped because IT ACTUALLY HAD A SECTION SPECIFICALLY FOR HOW TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO A DENTIST OFFICE. Like it was that detailed and autistic. Another book had a section specifically for what to say if a worker in a store asks if you need something.What surprised me is that I started following that book to a goddam T, and despite feeling so fake and robotic, people were telling me I "opened up"/"changed" and was _less_ robotic. That actually upset me to hear, but that's a story for a different time.
>>32021489I can totally get that. I've joined a few clubs/groups with no success because I feel like im a total deviation from what the rest of the people are. I love historical sewing, so I joined a medieval history group and I was so bad at conversing with people I never went to another meeting. In retrospect, I probably should have just continued to push myself because no one actively disliked me, i myself was just too uncomfortable to continue.I did join a quilting club that is only 60-80 year old women. I'm 22, and they make me feel very welcome. Even though most of them are very unlike me, and we only have one thing in common, I find it much easier to talk to them than people I am similar to in more ways (age, job, etc)If you like arcades, barcades are a good way of meeting people who also enjoy games, and the bar aspect helps to make it an older demographic than a normal arcade. honestly, most people at the ones near me arent even drinking so theyre easier to talk to. You can try to play a two or three person game with other people, if that's hard theres nothing wrong with lying and saying your friend bailed on you and you were looking forward to playing that game. That has helped me talk to people. From that point, you could maybe move to another game, chat about things related to it, the arcade, or other things going on in your area. Ask them where they like to eat, or the best place to get a coffee. Ask them something about their opinion and make it seem like you care about their response. I don't have much going on this weekend either, probably just working on commissions and trying to fix my record player. What kinds of music do you listen to?
>>32021554funny you mention clubs because I was feeling down because I tried to join a club but when I showed up nobody was there, this is the second time this happened and it really sucks that I don't even get a chance to mess up and learn in a social situation:-/bars aren't really my thing, too loud/high energyalso to answer your question I don't listen to music but I wish I did
>>32021570I absolutely hate bars but push myself to go to barcades at the very least just to try and be normal. It doesn't come naturally to me at all, everything im describing is outside of my comfort zone. I will say, maybe im going about this wrong, but i am making progress so this could be a possible way for you to improve your conversational skills. Some things that can help conversation is asking open-ended questions, like after >I don't listen to music but I wish I didyou could say "What kind of music would you recommend?" As a way to continue the conversation so it doesnt end. If youre in public talking to someone and say that, they might not know where to go from there either and just end it. There are probably better, more interesting ways to talk but this is kinda how i've been doing it and its showing success. Have you ever listened to Gordon Lightfoot? I really enjoy his music. If you dont like loud/high energy bars, I think youd enjoy how calm and relaxing his music is. It always helps put my in a good mood. Maybe you could listen to him this weekend while youre hanging in your room!
