People aren’t capable of enduring many (that’s a relative term — “many”) instances of humiliation, heartache, and betrayal. We’re stronger than we know. But we’re a lot weaker and limited than we care to admit, and which science — I use that word in a special sense, kind-of like how Ellul defined “technique” — enables us to understand. Life has showed me that we are fragile — the hard way. The instinct to protect oneself can be excessive with some people. But for most people that instinct is healthy. I ignored that instinct for years, which is a tactful way of saying I’ve made (emotionally) unhealthy decisions for a long, long time. The consequences took their toll. I can’t handle more pain. My threshold was reached a long time ago. I am deeply cynical now. That didn’t happen through petty rumination. It crept up on me slowly and quietly. That’s how I know this is serious. Perhaps I can recover. But honestly I doubt it. To the older frens: how do I proceed in life alone henceforth?
toocryptic4u
>>32021610That writing, it's giving midwit hon
"We are stronger than we know" followed by "we are a lot weaker and limited than we care to admit" (expand on whatever you tried to say there, cause its a bit vague)The only thing i can get from you is that you stopped taking care of yourself for a long timeSo whats the problem here? Your cynism? Your carelessness?
>>32021624The point is that I placed myself in connections, jobs, relationships, and situations where I was apt to get hurt because I overestimated my resilience. I don’t think I can handle more pain. A lot of really wild shit happened. If I end up going through life alone, I’m wondering how others have managed to maintain a reasonably happy life.
>>32021661That first statement was deliberately vague. In some ways, we like to flatter ourselves with affirming thoughts and comments. In other ways, we greatly underestimate ourselves. We can handle more than many of us think. But there are definitely limits. I don’t think there’s a precise limit on the amount of shit people can handle. But they definitely break eventually. I’m not suicidal, and I’m not violent, addicted, or whatever. I just don’t think I can be in romantic relationships anymore. Not that I have been for a while. And I’m wondering how people manage to spend a lifetime alone because that is what seems to await me.
>>32021661Regarding your last point, I suppose it was carelessness mixed with overconfidence (that word feels wrong but I’ll go with it) and nihilism which resulted in a lot of shoulder shrugging. Visually, imagine someone shrugging and saying “fuck it” before taking a major risk. That was me — many times.
>>32021718Well bud, i think you try to dissect the greater meaning of pain(?), pain just "teaches" you to not engage in certain actions. If im burning my hand in the stove, i take my hand away, i wont start to philosophize on why pain exists and how should i deal with it.And probably yeah, you tought of yourself as insensible tough soul, or something like that. And you frustrate yourself over the fact that your body is also something of his own thats not your mind. You're not mere willpower, you are not a mere soul, you are those two trapped in a vessel of flesh, bone, nerves and sensatory organs. Thats the price you pay to have a bodyI cant say if you will never have a partner, unless you are that old, criminal or poor, but is your overall situation in life ok? The absolute basics: having a job and a non violent enviroment.
>>32021677Nope, you had your chance and you blew it. Not reading
>>32021791>is your life collectedI have done well for myself.Regarding everything else you said — I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if it was nihilism or hubris which led me to shrug my shoulders and walk into horrible situations so many times. Probably both. I just know that I can’t deal with more.
>>32021827I think its nice if you say you've collected yourself, shows a bit of endurance, even though you cant say why you're enduring all thats life's throwing at youAnd maybe you got too much used to the mistreatment that you just accept it and never bother for better (and actually achieving better is quite a feat to do desu, sometimes the conditions dont allow us for more)Hmm, i cant say how horrible the situations you told me actually are but as long as is not someone seeking to stab you or harm you in ugly ways, then i guess everything should be less worse than that (?)And i cant say much on your nihilism either, its true we decide based on what w know, whats ignored by us cannot be taken in consideration
