How do I deal with the fact that my parents, especially my mother, ruined my life?
jerk off and dont wipe the cum off.
>>32027554Cut contact and live well.
>>32027559>>32027560Yeah, I know it sounds like bullshit. I hate that I'm able to say it. My mother has always been super controlling and manipulative. I never got to really separate myself from them and have my own life. I'm not young either, so this has been going on for a while.
I know that I have to get out and cut them off, that's an easy solution. But the thing is dealing with the affects, all the lost time and opportunities, things I wanted to do with my life. It's been mostly just trying to get away from them and failing because they always find a way to intrude and manipulate a situation to hold me back
Cut contact, start living in the present and don't fall into victimization ruminations.
>>32027700Stop thinking about thoseJust live in the present. If this are so hard to deal with, get professional helpI had controlling and emotionally absent parents, I’m in a similar boat
>>32027796 Dude, I'm 34, haven't dated, etc. I missed out on a lot, trying to get away from them, dealing with my drinking problem, or trying to find a job that I can hold down with my extreme issues with depression and anxiety. I don't go out, I have no friends, I have nothing to do, and no where to go. And I've been put here, as many times as I legit wanted to get away or had chances to thay were always fucked up by them. Usually by intruding, and manipulating and controlling the situation. These are people who wouldn't let me get a car.
>>32027554I won't read my parents are to blame threads. Take responsibility for your life.
>>32027554Rebuild.
>>32028083I have, they've just always got in the way and have this weird mental and emotional control of me even when they're not around. Along with the shit that they've pulled over the years, I moved out and they tormented me and my roommates so bad we were at each other's throats. Along with wanting me gone so the problems would stop, even knew it was my parents.
>>32028083Shut the fuck up faggot
>>32027560^^^^
It's strange, they've been a bit against my development and growth. I remember I'm my late teens of all the arguments we had because I wanted a car, wanted to move out, etc. It's strange to have your parents against that, and still invading your life and causing problems. Seeing the results on me and how un happy I am and not seeming to care but keeping that control and manipulation always a priority. I have to hear what I have to do for them, and what's best for me all the time. But no once any time, or anything about me, and what I want. Like my mother with disabilty and how much she's sabotaged to get me on it.
>>32027554By accepting that actually you did this to yourself, that blaming others is just a way to avoid the responsibility for straightening yourself out.
>>32028033How do you cope with it? I don't see any way out. I'm just want to cry and waste time doing nothing... no video games, no jobs, I don't want to do anything. I'm wasting my current time, which feels horrible but at the same time I don't see the point.
The ultimate payback would be to rebuild your life
>>32028216>>32028033They can't manipulate you if you're independent and cut contact
>>32028560I want to, and have been trying but I can't find a job. If they would have let me get that car, and didn't hold that money hostage I'd be in a different and better place. But since I don't, I'm very limited to what I can find which supports my idea that this is and has been done for a reason. To get me on disability, but I'm capable, perfectly capable of having a life of my own and when I moved out and was for a while they lost their fucking minds
>>32028555Drinking, constant internet use, false hope. I did stop drinking and was sober until they sent me back into it tormenting me over my sobriety. I have nothing, just to do chores, drink, and wait around for any phone call from anywhere I've put in applications. Which sucks because I've had many chances of employment, I just can't get anywhere. It's put such a damper on my life, I literally have nothing else
>>32028569That's what I want to do, but I still love them and they're older now. I don't want them to spend their last days fucking with me and not seeing me on my own and happy. But, then it comes to how they've kept that from me. I have to start my life later than others, and there was so much I wanted to do, like going back to school. I just wanted to get away from them first
No friends, no social life, no where to go, nothing to see, nothing to be a part of, I've missed put on a lot. I don't go out, I don't do anything.
>>32029195Same.
>>32029534It sucks when you're isolated, sitting alone, drinking and smoking in a garage think of the life you wanted to have. Watching and looking at others lives on social media with envy, and depression. Yearning for the love, life, friendship, and happiness that they have, but never been able to attain on my own for obvious reasons. Maybe I needed more help, maybe I needed more support, I don't know what I needed, and I don't know now.
>>32028479I'll be honest, it's a bit of both. But there's been opportunities to move on and grow that they got in the way of. I don't understand why, because if something popped up, why couldn't I do it? Why does all of my decisions have to be vetted and controlled by my parents? And because of this I have lost a lot of time and chances. A car would have opened up so many possibilities of employment and the like and that's one of the reasons I'm still here, they knee capped me again right at the right moment. And everytime, always told me they were helping, but nothing good has came from this apparent help.
Don't let your past fuck with your future. Move on and deal with it. There's no point in dwelling on it.
>>32029195>>32029658stop pitying yourselves and gain some self-respect, you pathetic faggots...no one gives a fuck...literally no one in the world gives a damn about it except you...man the fuck up and take your live into your own hands
Jerry Wise on YouTube. I hope he helps you anon.If I predict correctly, I have been in your shoes before.It's not over until you want it to be over. You have the power to make choices, they just left your switches flipped off.
>>32029897I would have never thought of doing that. Let me just walk outside into the world with my newfound can do attitude, and all my problems will be solved by just going up to a woman at a bar, chatting her up, and she'll just jump on my dick immediately because i'm no longer socially retarded anymore. Thanks, i'm cured, fuck off.
>>32028216>weird mental and emotional control of me even when they're not around.that is called co-dependency...become independent by removing yourself from them...you are not responsible for their shitty lives and don't let the guilt tripping get into head. it is your life and your responsibility to live well. no one will save you. you have to do it yourself. in the process, when you succeed, you will gain a new perspective of yourself, you will be proud and secure, you will know your accomplishments and no one can take that away from you. feast on it and tell everyone else to fuck off if they wanna drag you down
>>32029918you are a demoralized faggot and rightfully no one woman wants to date such a loser. man up or stay miserable...your choice.
>>32027559>>32027554ODBmaxx and use the fact that you're temporarily repulsive to the benefit of your independent.>>32028033Very neurotichttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9GQ8nI56Mcbe more plain, think lesssome amount of gruglife is more than warrantedhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiE4Qs7Gdgwwork on yourself and your independence on whatever level, get over your shame-based "scrupules" that are actually just excuses, cop-outs.
>>32029933I've my own issues, i'm well aware of that. I don't know if you are aware of how simple things should be versus how simple they actually are in practice. Social skills don't come easily to everyone, but thanks for your advice. I'll keep it in mind.
>>32029923I also heard what my parents have done described as narssistic and developmental abuse. My old therapist was impressed I knew those terms and accurately picked them out and having relevance to my situation
>>32029915He's not like Jordan Peterson right? I don't like that guy.
>>32029933That's kind of my thing with dating, women can be cool but I don't see myself as someone would want. Especially where I am in life, along with being unhappy with myself. No one would like to be drug to some dudes parents house and have the dude have to keep the door open like he's a fucking child. I should be in a better place in life in a lot of ways, and without those things fixed, and not having those chances I feel there's no use until the ball gets rolling. But the dating pool at my age, fuuucckkk
>>32029886The past is all I have, and it sucks looking forward and not seeing much of a future. While being tormented with the one I could have had in my mind. If I was just let to grow up and move on with my life and rid myself of this stagnation
>>32027554>16 years old>playing hackeysack with dumbass friend group at school>cute girl joins her friend>afterwards get her number (first time ever asking)>text/talk for a couple weeks>ask if she wants to cruise around town, "sure!" (first date)>driving around, no money to do anything like movies or ice cream>ask if she wants to play guitar hero at my place, "okay">open door with cute girl, parents are in kitchen making dinner>complete shock on their faces, speechless>quickly move downstairs with her>play guitar hero for maybe an hour (scared to make a move with parents upstairs)>leave, drop her at her house>my parents say nothing, like nothing even happened, brain goes irrational anxious mode "did my parents think we had sex? we didn't i swear!!!">few days later, get grounded from car for a week for something that wasn't a problem before (not warning them that i'll be home a bit later)>had plans with cute girl that i can't make anymore>extremely embarassed and upset, still irrational and anxious, with shaky hands text her "i'm sorry this isn't going to work out">she calls me repeatedly and leaves voicemails, i refuse to answer, brain has shut down completelyi was harrassed in my prepubescent years by obsessive girls my age/younger, i denied them (i was too young for sexual feelings), this became a habit, and older people condoned my behavior + laughed with me at the girls, i had a reputation of being "above the fray". then i started to like girls, and at 16 took my first steps to become normal, asking a girl out, but my parents acted really fucking weird when they found out about it, which confused and scared me, and then they grounded me from my car which had never happened before. i was destroyed by this, i went back to my "above the fray" posture. years later i stepped back into the fray but my friend said "you can do better than her", so i decided to do better than her, do better than all women. i've refused dozens of nice women. i'm fucked
>>32027700>I know that I have to get out and cut them off,If they can still offer support, I'd try to keep things politic so as to not cripple your support system. Family, even crappy family, can be a valuable support system that few other things in life can replace.
>>32030114As you get older, that becomes a lot more important. Either make your own family, and make it large, or hold onto the one you were born with. Otherwise, horror.
>>32030117It's a sad thing man, I just wanted to save myself. And I have no idea why they didn't want that for me, as being such an ambitious, driven, young man I once was. Why would they keep me from that? Why would they keep me from finding and having my own? Was it about disability? Was it about not thinking I was capable after many times I showed them I was and all the professionals I didn't need to be at said the same exact thing? What did they want? For me not to be capable? To be a scapegoat? It doesn't make sense to sit there and watch your son suffer in such loneliness, unhappiness, and unfuffilment? Where is the love I wanted? The friendship?
>>32030450And they're keeping me down, I couldn't have money for my car, but I could have money to poison myself and keep myself down. The beer, the food, the cigs, the other stupid shit. But never once handed me the money I had, and let me get it and take the opportunities and chances I had to better myself and my situation. It's like they knew what to do, and fed into my problems and short comings to manipulate and control me.
>>32030017If you're aware of the issues and problems, you can tackle them. 50% of the work done. Use your parents and their shitty behavior as a reminder how someone should not be, negative role models. Godspeed.
>>32030470All the bands I wanted to see, the events I wanted to go to, the moped rallies, everything. I've seen so fucking much pass me by.
>>32030058>don't see myself as someone would want.Then become someone would want and stop whining. Simple as. Fat? Lose weight. Poor? Get 2 jobs and save up. Addicted to porn? Stop watching porn. None of it is easy and that's the fuckin point. Adversity builds character. Do you wanna sit in the corner and cry all day or man the fuck up? Up to you.
>>32030484>>32030470>>32030450If you want to move on from all that and begin to take responsibility for that what you let your family put on you implies you have been making choices that are just totally sick and massochistic.Habit is no way to handwave your responsibility for your life and the habits you build up with your choices.
>>32030720It's not my choices, I've always wanted better
>>32030522Dude, I've tried to man up, that's the whole fucking problem dude. When I moved to Richmond I thought it was all.over, it wasnt
>>32031276If it wasn't your choices you'd be DOING better already -- not just "wanting" better.
>>32031288 I get it. It doesn't make what ive been through illlegitimate. Dude, I hate to say it, but shit like this is more common than it should be. Even family knows about it.
>>32031871I doubt it. You're confusing two issues, what you can do, and that you hate your parents for having been irresponsible as they were raising you.Some of that hate is going to be justified, some not, but you don't get out of that morass without accrueing some distance from them and finding a few more areas of your life that you can take responsibility for.Like clearing up to yourself what your responsibilities are, and what isn't. That's hard yet essential work.
>>32031899I just want them to stop holding me back, and I knew it'd be an easy thing to dismiss to others. But I'm living a reality that I never wanted to live, ever. I wake up alone, I go to bed alone. And God damnit, I wish I had someone there, but with my own place, life, career, etc.It makes me want to vomit to think I'll never have that.
>>32031899what if your options are living in miserable poverty or staying with your parents?
>>32031943Then don't think that. I went 20k into debt and spent a year homeless to be able to move out. That was well worth it.>>32031950I live on like, 14k EUR a year, but it's only as miserable as I make it because I don't have to spend time with anyone for 360+ days out of the year. Don't have to work menial labor, don't have to see my family. My own two rooms and food and toilet and uh idk "shower room".It's not ideal, but I'm glad I put in the effort to pull this much together. It's better than anything I had growing up, certainly for my peace of mind, and it's been stable for about 2,5 years now.This subject is largerly underexposed:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9BE-Xnp1zgAn important point is, once you've repayed everyone you don't owe anyone anything anymore.That's something I want in my life.
>>32031950That's why I had to come here, it was supposed to be a temporary thing. Work, get a car,leave like I've always tied to do. Then suddenly almost 6 years past and I'm finally became more serious and grounded on the fact,My parents ruined my life.
What would you do if you encountered a different externally driven tragedy? Like a fire burned down your house and all your possessions. All you can do is grieve that loss and move on. Everyone is dealt with some sort of cross in life, a burden to carry. A lot of people have lost years due to tragedy, obligations, missed opportunity. For some it's the fact they had kids too soon, a disabling injury at work, they got into debt and need to work multiple jobs for seemingly forever. For you its this codependence with your parents.Realistically you likely still have decades of your life to live. You're lucky you're still alive, a lot of people die at younger ages. You have the opportunity to reinvent yourself and live a new life. Your life isn't ruined just because you experienced lost time or setbacks.
i am so fucked up from this and its caused me so much horror. Ive found that people completely understand whats happening to me but they are either just glad im suffering or theyre indifferent.ive fallen on my face so many times trying to dodge their attemps to keep me from being a normal adult. Ive tried using the legal system too. No one cares and its maddening even though i have so much evidence of foul play. I have to accept that i was just abused for no real reason and it didnt matter and i dont matter and no one cares. In fact people are glad Im not a real contender. My life is literally meaningless.
>>32032007we care senpai
>>32031997I know, but the optimism aside, I'm not looking at a good future. I can get away, it'll never be like I wanted my life to be.
>>32032086We all get one chance here, and even the thought of that bothers me. We don't know what happens after this, and I'm going to love my life barely scraping by in all aspects of my life because of my fucking parents? This is horror movie type shit, mommy dearest and the abusive father. It's just fucked, and I have to live like this. I got to go to bed in a bit and I'm still going to wake up to this bullshit in the morning. They act like it's not a big deal, means nothing, and I'm laying in the bed wonder what the fuck I've done with my life besides trying to get away from the? Nothing else, I'm 35 next year, I'm not the spring chicken I used to be. And they tell me this shit is normal and still annoying and fucking things up to get me on disability. It's so fucked up, and the answers always the same, "you got to get on disability"
>>32027559unironically what i did for a long time
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