What are some tough conversations I should have with my gf before proposing to her?
kids. it all comes down to kids
>>32226532anything else?
>>32226473>kids>family and upbringing>do you have a dream>valuesI mean that's about it, make sure to reciprocate. If they don't wanna talk about these things and get sensitive if you bring it up that's a big red flag.
>>32226473Ask about/talk about:>Discipline styles for kids>Religious differences if any>Trust levels for each other’s family; (example: do you trust her family to look after your pet(s) or children? Does she trust yours?>Basic domestic roles: Who is working? Who is remaining at home? Are both going to be working? If so, who cooks and who cleans? Will it be 50/50 workload? Or will workload depend on who worked hardest? >Schooling. Public or private or homeschool?>Money. Shared wealth or prenup? Shared bank account or two separate accounts? Who is doing the budgetting? Who is holding the purse strings?
How many sexes have you had is the only question that ever matters.
>>32226933what
the most important thing i did was wrote a list of things i need in a life partner the only problem for me is i did it 5 years after getting married. and my wife couldn’t do like 8 of them
>>32227517Did you guys end up divorcing after? What happened?
>>32227530i filed for divorce. she wanted to go to therapy. i took time to write the list. i gave it to her. she said it would be better than therapy to have that and talk through it. it was basic shit. like my number 1 item was “i need to be with someone nice” and she was a total bitch. there wasn’t many items on it but easy stuff like “i need to be with someone affectionate” and she wasn’t. there was one like i need someone who is into the same activity im intoit’s been a while since then. she did change a lot. she is still a bitch sometimes but overall much nicer. she is much more affectionate. this has taken me years of training her. and she has attempted my activity and sucks at it but at least tries. so we haven’t divorced but that was a low point for both of us. i was ready to leave then. now i would not
>>32227544Do you have any fear that she'll revert back to how she was before?
>>32227981she does at times and i call her out on it quickly. but i can tell she is actually working on herself. things do improve. the big thing is she is crazy about me and would basically never leave me. never cheat on me. she would do anything for me. and i guess i just needed to show her i was ready to leave for her to get it. we were in a very bad place because of kids. she mentally had trouble with them. post partum depression. her personality has changed a lot since having kids. the kids getting older have allowed her to calm down a bit and go back to her old fun self more rather than this anxiety ridden bitch but that’s another part of why i didn’t leave her. any woman will change over time. you can’t predict it. some will change to get fat. some will change to not love you. some will realize they made a mistake and want something else. mine changed because the kids are draining on her and she wants to relax and be quiet when she has free time. she used to be the life of the party big party girl that i loved to be around. she would make me more talkative and outgoing. now our roles have reversed. i think this is a better outcome than trying to guess what some other woman might become 15+ years later
>>32228013That’s actually beautiful anon
>>32228013Wow you sound like a bad husband
>proposingThat's the beginning of the end of your life.
>>32229468Woman?
>>32228013I hope you got a prenup dude. She sounds kinda crazy
>>32229632She'll probably do the who Jodie arias thing. Many such cases or less worse.
>>32226473Talk about boundaries with the opposite sex. IE don't talk to the opposite sex unless I am present. Same goes both ways.
>>32226473I see people talking about kids, money, etc... but you have to have the sex talk. Make it clear that a fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship is necessary to make the marriage work. Not starfish sex, not a bored-look-on-her-face blow job and not a "hurry up" PIV sex. You are going to promise monogamy, but not chastity.
>>32226473Paternity test.What should be a really simple"Yeah I like 80% trust you not to cuck me but I'm not gonna yolo that last 20%""Not ideal but reasonable"Becomes this massive fucking shit test where the girl wants the option to cuck you and not be held accountable, but phrased in a muh feelings way, because even she can't admit that her feelings can drift.
>>32226473why frog sad
>>32226473My friend flat-out told his now wife that if she stops fucking him, he'll exit the relationship. A pre-condition for marriage.
talk about both your financial situations
>>32227544That wasn't a wish list, anon. That was a list of grievances.
>>32231488cuz he gonna he eaten
>>32226473Most important convo to have is what do both of you expect from each other financially and how things are going to get paid for. Next is family obligations. What are you expected to do for each other's family and is it something you can handle.Kids. Pretty self explanatory I think after those 3 conversations most things will fall into place bc if you're thinking about marriage I assume you have a decent relationship. That said if you don't have a good relationship don't even think about marriage and don't try using it to force a change in your partner. These tough conversations are about working on the layout of the marriage not solving problems that already exist in your relationship.
>>32227544try to get yourself typified with people from the cognitivist community/ psychological analysis/ (or ego hacking) then watch c.s Joseph videos about your relationships and what could be the source of problems between your personalities
Don't have "conversations", anyone normie enough will be able to figure out what you want to hear and parrot it back at you.The super secret thing to evaluate any partner is to hang out with them under less than ideal conditions and see how they deal under stress. Two good options:1) Help her move apartments.2) Take a trip to a foreign country, make sure it's an overnight flight, and then don't have a concrete plan for how you're going to get to the hotel. These "games" begin to mimic how this person will interact on zero hours of sleep trying to deal with a sick, wailing child.
These algorithms aren't great, I keep running into the same distribution and it's like idk. It needs to be cleaned up basically.
>>32234836>>32226473you can also ask her to help you take care of somebody else's children (I'm gonna be honest if the kid only cries because it wants attention or is an asshole I would just ignore it until it learns that crying without a valid reason is a waste of time)
