Married anons of /adv/ and anons with relationships that have lasted a long time, I would like your perspective.I've been with my gf for 3 years. Marriage is something we have on the horizon and both have discussed favorably. Despite this, I'm noticing a difference in how my gf and I seem to behave. My gf seems to have cooled in her passion. She still loves me and being around me and likes to spend time with me, but it began to feel more like a close friendship than a romance over the course of this year. The sexual sparks have cooled, and the way she behaves around me also feels less romantically charged. Some of this had to do with her not vocalizing her issues she was having both in her own life and in our relationship, and she said that she felt less connected to me but never really explained more until I finally understood what that meant. I've been working on fixing those things that were causing that disconnection, and last night I asked about it again as a sort of check-in on our progress.I asked at one point if I feel more like a boyfriend or a friend. She said that I feel more like a "best friend". That being said, she isn't interested in being with or looking for anyone else. I proposed the scenario of meeting someone who is super incredible etc, and she responded that she doubts she will meet another person like that (clarifying that it was me she was referring to as the one she already met)(1/2)
(2/2)By contrast, I was growing more intense in my passions and desire for her as time goes on, but especially after recent things, I've been feeling like maybe it is better to cool myself as well so as not to have unmet expectations. The relationship has been getting better than it was after we had our rough spot earlier this year. She remains adamant that her interest is solely to be in a relationship with me, and to exclusively be with me in all respects. So, married and long time couples, what has your experience been with the progression of your own relationships? Does my experience sound typical?
It does sound typical for the most part. She's still loyal and fully committed to you. Her feeling of disconnect is a problem though - has she been able to articulate what would make her feel more able to tell you about issues? How have you reacted (past and present) to when she does? Do you still make efforts to romance her? What's your sex life like? Intimate (non sexual) contact throughout the day?
i’ve been with my wife for 17 years counting dating too. we had a long period of just being roommates. co parents. there was nothing relationship about us at all. i wouldn’t have dated her if we met during this time. it’s really normal. it happens. we eventually got it back. it took a lot of time. i didn’t really wait though i cheated on her throughout this time. no regrets on that and if we ended up in a similar situation i would do it again. but things are very good now. it’s better to stay together in the long run
>>32242646Married 27 years. None of that sounds terribly unusual, though of course every marriage is different. My wife is my best friend, we like being around each other, we enjoy fucking each other, we want to stay around each other and fuck each other indefinitely. That's definitely not the case with all marriages, the covid lockdowns put a lot of stress on some marriages where the couple discovered they didn't actually like being around each other that much, a few of my coworkers got divorced during that period.
>>32242646>>32242648I wouldn't say it's unusual. I have couple friends who went through a "roommate" phase but that was when they had a newborn/infant in the house. What kind of issues was she having? I can tell you, I've never experienced that in the seven years I've been with my wife. However, we also don't have kids yet. The longest we've gone without having sex was maybe three weeks or a month and that was after her mother died. Normally we keep to a loosely every-other-day schedule.I try to make a point of always flirting with my wife. I'm giving her back rubs, massaging her calves, playing with her hair, kissing her neck, and I'm not just doing this when I'm trying to get it in. It's constant. I also eat her pussy almost every time we have sex, unless she's on her period. Eating pussy well really seems like a path to a girl's heart.
>>32242648>So, married and long time couples, what has your experience been with the progression of your own relationships? Does my experience sound typical?Yeah, sounds typical. Honeymoon phase dying down, happens right around your current year of dating (2-3 years). Look man, here’s the thing about marriage - it’s completely misunderstood and miss-sold to a lot of people, especially these recent generations.Marriage isn’t exactly about romance, or lust, or heart pounding lovey-dovey shit, or mind-breaking sex. It will include some of both, but those ain’t the meat and bones of marriage. Marriage is about security. It’s about familiarity, it’s about making a home with someone by making a home in each other. Having a person to crawl back to, a person who will always be a mainstay in your life until the day you die. And that requires making a friend out of each other, best friends in fact, like your wife said. The romance and sex are just bonuses that come and go, they’ll dry up and pour forth. But at the bottom of it all, what remains is the foundational connection of being each other’s rock, no matter what. It also means sometimes you might hit your head against that rock over and over when you frustrate each other lol. But the rock will remain there. Cuz its home. And when a man and woman understand this, they won’t bother trading it away for a divorce or an affair. As you get older as a man, sex and romance starts to matter less and less. Your sex drive chills out, You find fulfilment elsewhere, typically in raising kids, or pursuing your own goals or dreams. Marriages eventually become this relatively peaceful sanctuary of stability and security. And yeah that means no more honeymoon limerence and emotional highs, but the peace is typically worth it if you’re with a loyal and dependable person.
>>32243064>I try to make a point of always flirting with my wife(>>32242913 here) Also this. And my wife flirts with me. And I take her out on dates once a month or so, or every few weeks, depending on the economy. So yeah, we're best friends, we're roommates, but we never allow ourselves to forget that we're lovers, that she's my wife, that I'm her husband. So it's more than friends with benefits, more than roommates, in a way that's hard to explain if you haven't been there yourself.
Thank you all, your answers have been very comforting. We recently had a little issue because she recently confessed she was no longer sexually attracted to me two months ago, and it takes her a long time to clearly communicate things so I can understand her. She is honestly rather poor at communication in general even when I try to ask or create a space to speak. She keeps things to herself, so I operate with limited information and just try from there. She previously felt less connected to me, but said it's gotten better than it was after our last month of improvements. I didn't feel terrible when she said the best friend thing, as it seemed very stable and secure for the future and that mutual loyalty is key. Still, romantic and sexual sparks are things for an individual to manage as well as a couple, I think. Thanks again, everyone. Thank you for sharing your history.
>>32242646>Some of this had to do with her not vocalizing her issues she was having both in her own life and in our relationship, and she said that she felt less connected to me but never really explained more until I finally understood what that meant.It looks like she lost the spark, sadly, I've never seen return it, at least, not in secular couples.
>>32242646Relationships are friendships with sex. If the sex is gone then it really is just a friendship. It can be a really close friendship, but if you want a relationship at all and plan to engage normally with monogamous cultural ideals, you shouldn't marry a friend. Keep them as a close friend and find someone else to have a relationship with.
>>32242646I think relationships tend to cool off over time for most people. I started dating my now wife a bit over 5 years ago. When we first started dating, the main thing we would do together is be physically intimate, be it cuddling or sex and that's all either of us would really think about. Now we still do cuddle daily and have sex occasionally, but the things we do together on the whole are less physical. Like our main together time tends to be going to the gym, going on hikes, and playing tabletop / video games. Some people never really cool off like that, and if it hasn't for you, I'd imagine it would be an issue to be with somebody who wants to be less romantic over time.
