Wife no longer is physically, romantically, or sexually attracted to me. Used to be, but things changed. She still enjoys my company a lot but I feel like a friend to her more than the things she used to feel. She's been stressed out like crazy. It led to her being neglectful and inconsiderate. I've been stressed out too, but I never took it out on her like this.I also chose to focus on being better to her, fixing up my own bad tendencies and behaviors while also doing more for her. For example, I never did anything she told me she was not comfortable with, and if she decided it made her uncomfortable, I would immediately stop and pivot. I'm not claiming to be flawless but I've definitely done a lot of work on my own shortcomings. I've basically spent the last year consistently improving myself both in the relationship and in my own life. I continue to focus on that, but she's my lady and I care obviously about trying to restore the health of our relationship too. She acknowledges that I'm very good to her and that she's "in the wrong" for how she acts and feels very guilty for how she feels- she tied her emotional comforts to a fictional character and fixates on him when she's in distress, to the extent that I feel like he's her actual partner and I'm just her friend. Her stress levels due to her career are a consistent, cyclical problem where she just becomes so overwhelmed that she can barely keep it together. I have had my own distresses and problems, but honestly I can't say that I never made time for her problems while dealing with my own. Only a small few times where I was at my limit because things in my own life were at a serious low, but she was just focused on her own things.Any advice on repairing a marriage? We're not giving up on each other. She says that at this time, I'm a good partner and she isn't. I'll continue to be patient but also I want to figure out what it is I was lacking and what it'll take.
...it is over. Move on.
>>32317952No. That is not how marriage works.
>>32317936you might roll your eyes at this, but there is a lot of truth to it: do NOT simp for your wife, and squash ANY insolence that rises the moment it happens. You don't need to go overboard, use exactly enough force (verbal, physical, emotional) that's required and no more. If you think dismissing her bullshit will work to gain respect, then do that."listen!! I do not care how stressful your work is, there are no excuses to act like a bitch"Do not elaborate. Use few words as possible. Make her think (worry) more and listen (resent you) less.
>>32319215I think you're onto something, actually. I was more appealing a year ago when I was doing my less attentive stuff lol
>>32319396good you agree with the truth.Here. Read parts 1 to 5.https://illimitablemen.com/2015/12/27/machiavellian-maxims/
>>32317936This just reads like what your wife thinks and feels outweighs your own self respect. She's cheating on you emotionally with a fictional character, and why wouldn't she? You're not a very strong or inspirational husband if you're constantly bending the knee and giving in to her bullshit.My advice? Stop being a doormat, if you're really putting all this effort in, and she isn't, first of all don't compare yourself to her like that, and second give up on trying to appeal to her if she's not going to respect you in return. If she comes home to bitch at you because she's so stressed and wants a punching bag, you're not that punching bag, tell her to fuck off with that.Women are not these infallible creatures, they're fucking people. She's stressed and that's honestly not your fucking problem, even if she is your wife. She needs to toughen up a bit.
>>32317936This is the sort of thing couples counselors are actually good at helping with
>>32317936Chronic stress decreases libido, especially in women. Other potential problems: too much closeness and familiarity, not enough time spent apart, little or no independence which kills novelty, no adventure, poor communication, adult attachment drama as often seen between insecurely attached couples.
>>32319527Thank you for your advice. I am adapting with each new post and this is something I've resolved to do.>>32320182How do I pick the right one?>>32321006Thank you for this list.I think the familiarity is one factor, as is the poor communication and some drama. As for the stress, it's truly constant for her. I hope she will learn to cope with it better. I do what I can.>>32319527>She's stressed and that's honestly not your fucking problem, even if she is your wife. She needs to toughen up a bit.Harsh but also what my boomer parents would say, and what I think too.
>>32317936ما الذي جعلك تستمر في علاقة كانت تؤذيك هكذا؟ابتسم جوني ابتسامة حزينة جدًا وعيناه شاردتان، وأجاب إجابة صدمتني لكن عندما استرسل في الحديث فهمت.صدمتني لأنها صدرت من شخص مشهور مثله.. ومطلوب مثله..لكني فهمتها عندما شرح مشاعره.قال الإجابات بهذا الترتيب:١- أعتقد لأن أبي لم يترك أمي قط ولم يرحل (وعمومًا، هذا شيء أصبحت أؤمن به بشدة.. ما تراه وأنت صغير تتصرف به بشكل غير واعٍ وتكرره).٢- لم أكن أريد أن أفشل! (شعور الإنسان بالكفاءة وارتباط معاني النجاح لديه بمعاني معينة يجعله عاجزًا عن اتخاذ قرارات في مصلحته).٣- كنت أعتقد أنني أستطيع مساعدتها لتصبح أفضل (شعور بالمسؤولية رهيب يربطك بأن تعيش تعيسًا على أمل أن يتحسن الطرف الآخر.. ربما.. ومن الواضح أن الموضوع ليس له علاقة بالغنى والفقر، فهو أغنى شخص في العالم.. ولكنه أيضًا لم يستطع الرحيل.. شعوره بالمسؤولية وأنه يستطيع تغيير ديناميكية العلاقة جعله مشلولًا تمامًا أمامها).٤- لم أكن أريد أن أجرح أحدًا!آمبر تغيرت.. لم تعد حبيبتي.. أصبحت عدوتي.. كل أفعالي لم تعد تناسبها.. وأنا لم أعد كافيًا بالنسبة لها (أصعب شعور يمكن أن يعيشه الإنسان.. مهما فعلت.. أنت لست كافيًا).لكنني لم أكن أريد أن أفشل.. وكنت خائفًا عليها إذا رحلت أن تفعل شيئًا في نفسها (بالمناسبة، من يعيش مع شخص مضطرب نفسيًا سيفهم هذه النقطة جيدًا).قلبي انفطر من كلماته.. نظرات عينيه المليئة بالأسى على الفشل والأيام التي ضاعت.. صدق نبرة صوته..أعان الله كل من يخوض معركة صامتة لا يعلم عنها أحد شيئًا العيش مع مضطرب نفسي يجعلك تشعر بأنك كبرت مليون سنة من النضج والتفكير والتعب
>>32323239I translated this with Google and I am immensely moved. Thank you for sharing this. I wonder where it comes from.
>>32323468depp vs amber
>>32317936No one loses their sexual and emotional attraction while retaining platonic feelings over just "feeling stressed". Those feelings need to be maintained. How have you been maintaining them for her? Don't tell me about this shit about working on yourself, that's just a constant background of life. Tell me about what you do in your relationship EVERY DAY to facilitate romance, mystery, spontaneity, etc?What do you do to make her feel sexy? Like a woman? Like the only woman in the world? How do you seduce her?
