Wife and I have sex maybe every week.I have to put so much effort into making feel good like for days. One little slip up, and it's not going to happen.Yesterday she said I'm always so affectionate when it's been a few days. Like, I only am when I want to have sex.Previously she's said I need to be better at identifying when she's too tired and not to try. So okay, I just am lightly affectionate.What am I supposed to do? I feel like the game is rigged.
>>32322559Let's suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream that you wanted to dream. And that you could, for example, have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time. Or any length of time you wanted to have. And you would, naturally as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfill all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could conceive. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each, you would say "Well, that was pretty great." But now let's have a surprise. Let's have a dream which isn't under control. Where something is gonna happen to me that I don't know what it's going to be. And you would dig that and come out of that and say "Wow, that was a close shave, wasn't it?" And then you would get more and more adventurous, and you would make further and further out gambles as to what you would dream. And finally, you would dream ... where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today.
Sex = love and passion. It sounds like you’re in a relationship with someone who views it more like a tool than something people do who enjoy each others time.Communicate directly to her that you’re tired of trying to make her feel something and that you feel like taking a step back.
>>32322599Wtf, anon?>>32322617I don't want to take a step back. That seems like an escalation.
>>32322559Communication is probably better, but I go on strike from doing other shit if she wont put out. If she wants to play games, I will play. Both parties want something.
>Yesterday she said I'm always so affectionate when it's been a few days. Like, I only am when I want to have sexShe may be feeling used, like you're only affectionate because you want to have sex, making love transactional. Try being regularly affectionate and romantic, acting like you love her, without the expectation of sex.
>>32323069I should have said, I do. At least I think I do.But I suppose the overall point is, if I'm affectionate, it's bad because I want to have sex. So I stopped, and now she keeps asking if something is wrong.What am I supposed to do? If I wasn't overly affectionate and initiate, we'd never have sex. But I'm the bad guy for trying to be affectionate?Honestly, I just want her to want me like I want her. She used to. But I guess getting married and having kids does something.Borderline I'm ready to just give up and accept my life as it is. But I'm hoping to find some advice to make it better.>>32323026I do communicate, at least I try. But I don't think she hears what I'm saying, or she just thinks communicating and using words is the same as acting.For example, the other day I brought up that she's not given me head in a long time. Keep in mind, this was something done every time we had sex, she used to enjoy giving me head and it was honestly nice to have things focused on me. So I brought it up.She said she enjoys it. Sorry she hasn't. She feels fat. Blah blah. Like... None of it has anything to do with me. It's all her.But it's been two weeks and still no head. So what the fuck is the point of communicating?This is all making me angry now. Not angry, just disappointed. Having sex makes me feel love, but I have to put so much effort into it. It's a job. I'm tired of constantly working.
>>32323123go on a date night, if yall are fucking every sunday mix it up. sounds like you need to start grabbing her ass and sexually harassing her during the day. I'd also get her some wine. theres a difference in mindset of when are we going to have sex and WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX. Attack it from multiple angles
>>32322559start blatantly looking at other women in public when with her
>>32322559same with me.My wife came out right to be asexual.
>>32323167I do this too. It works 50% of the time. Sometimes she does it to me, but the later that night she just goes to sleep.We have date nights every so often.She actually just came into the home office (it's morning here) and said to let me know when I'm free later (for sex). But like... I don't feel like it DESU. All this has just got me depressed and this feels a bit like a pity fuck.>>32323196What would that achieve? Make her feel more insecure so we have even less sex?>>32323236I don't think she's asexual.
>Reddit spacingMaybe you should ask them.
>>32323371Redditors actually have sex, so that might be a good idea
>>32323385Very comical.
>>32323371It's called spacing paragraphs so the text is easily read.Maybe if you wrote more than a single thought at a time you'd appreciate it?
>>32322599God, that's retarded. Given infinite time, sure, but there's nothing virtuous about the lives of most people here, given that they're on /adv/. I wouldn't want to dream this life, and I wouldn't want to dream OP's life.
Chicks only want lots of sex when they're not stressed, and feel appreciated. Do some house chores for her and find a way to make her less stressed. They don't have the same sex drive as guys.
