I spent all year hospitalized and very near death, I'm OK now and immensely grateful yet I jump into the dame mental patterns of loneliness and need for companionship/sex. WHY?
I was actually fine just surviving, I don't need the external shit

My life is hardcore empty. I don't have a job and I'm on disability. The only real passion I have is women and they don't like me 99% of the time although I talk to some girls online. I'm awkward and a people pleaser at the same time.
My life is going nowhere fast, I have no purpose, etc. Bleakness. Every time I try to pick myself up, I fall back down harder than before.

>>32326031
AI nude mods are kind of cool at least you're creating something.

>>32326044
>I jump into the dame mental patterns of loneliness and need for companionship/sex. WHY?
We're social animals, we're not meant to be alone.
It's only recent developments in technology that allowed us to stay alone.

>>32326061
It's the same feelings so for me. I guess it's part of why I'm not completing my thesis.
>at least you're creating something
Not exactly. Someone else made the nudes, and I just edited them (with the help of an artist) and modded them in with the permission of the maker.

>>32326031
I won't read chatty threads on an advice board.

>>32326031
>Had first and only gf in 2022
>She broke up w/ me bc I have anxiety attacks and I'm hypersensitive
>Broke up right before we were supposed to go study in the same uni
>Now a remote student for 2 years
>Any cool girl I meet is already in relationship
>Some tell me I'm handsome tho but I'm not gonna try if they have bf
>Used to be hentai sound designer for a voice actor girl
>Now me learning 3d on the side and getting payed a bit

>make two good mods
>8 and 17 downloads
>some shitter literally just uploads backup files
>not even an actual mod
>20 downloads

I think I want to end my relationship, but have absolutely no idea how to go about it. How does someone bring that up, especially if the other person might not suspect things are wrong?

We live together in an apartment. I could probably get a new one in the town where I work, but I have no driver's license, my friends all live somewhere else and I'm scared I won't be able to move by myself.

>>32326737
>the other person might not suspect things are wrong
Sounds like the issue is not with them. Why break up when they could help you with whatever you're going through?

>runt of the litter
>big sister is engineer and now works travelling around the world for her company, having been to japan, spain and all the others
>other sister is working on her masters while working part time for a tec startup
>meanwhile, I'm behind 2 years on my 3 year degree
>can't go live in the city where the university is
>stuck at home basically being a deadbeat looser
>cut contacts with every other "friend" I had here
>about to be 23 next year
I'd like to get tested for adhd one of these days, but I'm alone in that, don't want to burden my parents

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>THE BANKS ARE COLLAPSING
>THE YIELDS ARE SPIKING
>THE RATES ARE CUTTING
>THE PETRODOLLARS ARE DYING
>THE BONDS ARE DEFAULTING
>THE INSIDERS ARE SHORTING
>THE MONEYS ARE INFLATING
>THE FAMINES ARE COMING
>THE MARKETS ARE CRASHING
>THE JOBS ARE RECEEDING
>THE UBI'S ARE DROPPING
>THE DEBTS ARE PILING UP
>THE CYBERCRIMINALS ARE HACKING
>THE BLACKOUTS ARE COMING
>THE WORLD WARS ARE STARTING
>THE WEST HAS FALLEN
It's over but I still have to go to work tomorrow morning. I'm tired bros, I'm tired of this world. When will it finally be my turn to be on top?

>>32326751
It's a bit more complicated, but the reason I want to leave is because they have changed since we got together and became increasingly possessive, like it's a struggle if I'm out with friends and run a bit late or even when I have to go to bed earlier than usual for work.

>>32326879
I think modern relationships lack communication.
You should at least discuss these concerns, maybe they'll change.
It's better than the unpleasant finality.

>>32326031
Anon! Do 1000 words a day, it takes like 1-2 hours. You'll be okay. Take some time off your hobbies and just think about your situation for a bit. Then start working on it just a little bit at a time. It'll all be alright.

>>32326031

>about to finish the first year (out of 5) of my career.
>lots of procrastination, still pulled out 9s and 10s out of 10. I know well my lucky streak will end sooner or later, and I am working on being more responsible with my studies.
>made a couple of friends this year after being a loner in all hs. But it's not so rosy, social interactions, although pleasurable, are still exhausting for me.
>started reading after years of internet addiction. Not a lot, just 13 books, but coupled with the amount of reading I'm doing for college I guess I'm training my skills on this domain.
>got interested in two girls that ended in disappointment. They were georgeous, but had kind of a dry personality and seemingly lacked any hobbies. So yeah, it was kind of sad because they were good people, the great kind for small talk and superficial convos, but that was it.
>started drawing and painting after discovering Jake Dont Draw. I suck really badly, but been grinding the Bargue plates going for the slow kill.
>re-discovered half life 1 online. It is the funniest shit I've played in years. Now I own noobs with tau cannon rays and practice my bunny hopping
>started using this site. Don't know if it was a good idea, but here we are. Posts like this are great. /lit/ is really inspirational sometimes.
>been dealing with ennui. The "empty" feeling got worse during june-july (when I was done with college for the first semester). Went to sleep at 4 am to wake up at 11, got fat and showered like 2 times a week. Now I have a good routine with good habits, but the feeling hasn't gone completely. I just keep doing stuff even though there are days when I would just like to sleep for an indefinite amount of time

Anyway, thanks for asking anon. It's nice, becase as I was writing this I reflected a little about this year. Hopefully next year will be better.
Good luck with your master's and your AI project, and especially with your feelings on life.

(btw, nice to see lain here).

>>32326424
Are you using blender? And is it freelance work?

>>32326031
>be me
>be 19
>2020
>college courses transition to online ones
>drop out
>2021
>dog dies
>join niche fan game project
>discover passion for writing
>2022
>dad progressively becomes disabled after a series of strokes
>dad now has loud uncontrollable mood swings
>dad has become an over grown infant
>mom gets breast cancer
>mom gets a mastectomy
>home is now hell
>cannot decompress
>no longer have passion for anything
>2023
>be caretaker
>pick up smoking
>taking dad to fruitless therapy/doctor's appointments
>do everything for him
>dad stays in the den till 10:30pm
>stay up late every night after taking him to bed
>wake up on 4hrs of sleep to take dad to and from toilet
>his three other children check out of his life
>2024
>the weight of dad's disability is too much for mom
>mom is angry all the time
>mom's going deaf
>dad wants to die
>mom and dad are noisy 24/7
>need to leave
>going back to college
>trying and failing to get a job
>still taking dad to bathroom trips
I am no one

>>32327872

Shit, I'll save this for whenever I feel miserable.
Hope things get better for you.

>>32326031
Emotionally and mentally better than before, need to work on my finances and personality. I really do not know how friendships and socializing works. I've never had a friend before

>>32326031
Mentally unstable (suicidal, violent intrusive/depressive thoughts) as always, but I have spent my late teens rationalizing and learning to control my impulses into something more sensical, gonna join the army in a year or two once my bearings are together and "travel the world" (kill people for money) and eventually hit spec ops.
I might as well channel my lack of meaning in life into something I can operate with on an instinctual base.
As for personal progress, been doing combat sports for the last two years, got off three years worth of opiate addiction, alcohol is rearing its ugly head in slowly though, as much as I would like to say it isn't.
Also made peace with familial trauma, and the fact that I need to abandon them as they are broken unfixable people with too much mental difficulties to be able to fix on my own without being some gajillionaire with a personal army to control them.

>>32327872
You're a good man, if anything, I'm not a believer in christian heaven per say, but some higher power is taking notes.

>>32328075
Its just shooting the shit with people that have similar thought and speech patterns basically.
As for people that aren't friends you just do the same shit but puddle deep on positive notes.

>>32327926
Likewise.
>>32328192
Thank you, Anon. Good luck with the army.

>>32328192
>per say
Per se.

>>32328813
Thx

>>32328849
also thx

>>32326031
>AI nude mods
Based?
Link to your work Anon, we can feel empty, together.

>>32327872
Now that is rough. You unironically need all the cliche solutions people get in these situations, therapy, stoicism etc. Try to just stay healthy and ride it out, don't neglect socialising and don't fuck yourself up worse with something like alcohol

>>32329989
Sorry, I try to separate different aspects of my life.
My mod has about 2500 downloads and it's somewhat known in its community.

>>32330649
>stoicism
I'm just like Master Chief fr
>alcohol
I like angry orchard but I'm no booze hound.
>stay healthy and ride it out
Thanks for the encouragement, Anon. Hopefully, college works out.

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>>32326031
About to start a job again and regretting life like usual. I've being thinking about how far this site has gone down at least according to some.

Apparently I had an appointment with the uni's "psychologist", and while I did see that my advisor had sent a request for an appointment, I didn't know that the date had already been set, and only saw it 40 minutes before the appointment.
I went and basically it was all surface-level stuff, so he requested an appointment for me with the "psychiatrist" to get a diagnosis.
Probably gonna take a while to book and meet him.

>>32327872
you did all that to yourself retard, i have 0 sympathy for spineless fags like you who enable the shitty behavior of others

>>32330665
>Vagueness
It’s so over, I’m never finding this shit. I don’t play gacha, the nudes were going to be my reason to do so.

>>32326031
I’m feeling kind of desperate and confused about which career path to take. The first thing I want is to stop living at my parents’ house. I can choose between becoming a lawyer or working for the government. Unfortunately, the latter option would require years of studying while staying at my parents’ house, though the salary would be much better in the end. However, I can’t stand living with them.

I also can’t stand the fact that, in 20 years of my life, I’ve never felt the affection of a woman. It’s eating me alive, and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

Other than that my life is very average.

>>32326625
it all depends upon where you host it.
i do fallout 4 mods. some of the places where i host them would be lucky if i got 5 downloads total but, host it someplace else, i'd get 500 downloads per day.

>>32326031
You gotta knuckle down and finish your thesis bro. If you don't do it your master's will be taken from you. But I know you don't care/too much adhd/depression for that to be helpful. You gotta do something to shake yourself out of this stupor. Get adderall, go on a spirit quest, find God. Whatever it is, you must be reborn, or you will be abandoned to fate.

>>32327641
Yes freelance and blender, although I'm just starting to learn it so it's nothing great. Imma learn how to make nsfw animations to get back on the twitter porn industry

>>32331637
The better long term path is the one that is most easily accessible at the moment, you need to crawl before you can walk in my experience, aiming too high while being on quicksand is a recipe for disaster.
There is a dumb stigma that once you're past prime age you cannot academically recover, I believe in the contrary, as long as you financially stabilize yourself now with something simple you can always strive for something higher later if it is truly in your plans.

>>32331637
>I also can’t stand the fact that, in 20 years of my life, I’ve never felt the affection of a woman. It’s eating me alive, and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.
Cuddle with a prostitute.
Yes, I know how it sounds, but trust me, it's worth it.
No, she doesn't love you, but it sort of FEELS like she does. Just try it once (with a good one, not a junkie).

>>32326031
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QT3fOMJdfbc

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the looming dread of completing a CS degree just when the AI is starting to kill codecels, I either catch the last train or will end up flippping burgers at mcdondalds
I did the k and h parts but I'm still a virgin incel and to be honest I'm not even looking to fix this part
I /fit/, /lit/ and sleepmaxx

>>32326031
Im really in a point in life to where I don't want to do anything. Im going to go over the road, which is an awful time, Im going to rent a shitty apartment, which is all I can afford due to the economy, and Im single, which means no pussy to cheer me up, and the chance of getting any whilst over the road are slim. I'm in a repeated doom cycle of lamenting over things that are lost, and cannot make up my mind about the future. I want to sit here and suffer. I want empathy, I want people to feel bad for me. But I don't know if I go over the road or kill myself or het a new apartment or try a new job or whatever. The future is too unclear. Im hoping no one reads this. Im hoping everyone reads this. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I think is "best". Im lost and I don't know what to do. The best years of my life are behind me. Im 31, and I feel like I've lost more than whats fair. I don't want to ask for help because I don't care. I want to be hated, I want to be the villain but Im too weak. I just look like a joke now. Wtf is wrong with me. I look like shit, act out, am a loser, you'd think I'd fit right into this place but no, I get banned constantly, sometimes for things I don't do, and get no replies or (you)s to bet my life on. I don't know what is right anymore. I don't have what ordinary people have. What do I do here.

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>>32326031
>How's yours?
queer tranny retard doing undergrad graphic design
kinda 0 skills, don't know what i'm gonna do after college

>>32326879
>>32326737
>>32326879
Just leave a "dear John" letter and fuck off lmao. You people make everything complicated. Just text her. You dont own shit to anyone

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>>32326031
Things are bad, but also theyre fine. I mean, sure I'm sad and lonely without friends or gf, but I'm healthy, my finances are stable and I'm slowly progressing in life. In one hand I'm deeply depressed while at the same time I'm glad for all the blessings in my life. Things are so strange I have mental dissonance.

I have oneitis with my ex. I didn't want it to be this way but it is what it is. Not sure if trying dating would make it better or worse. Using apps really degrades my self esteem even worse than it is. I'm almost 30 and live at home. Nowhere to bring new girls to bang to at least cover up my pain for the time being.

>>32331449
who's behavior did I enable?

>>32333482
Better start studying for that cybersec cert :3

>>32334174
I'm active on ctf platforms and I plan to take oscp
after the bachelors I think I will keep going with my studies and pick cybersecurity/ai instead, if all is good I will land a job in the meantime to build experience

>>32331449
You're going to hell, Anon.

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I'm gonna be 30 next year and I have no idea how to judge my progress so far. When I was 13 my mom got forcibly retired and ever since she stopped acting like a "person". She hasn't worked, hasn't studied, didn't try to either organise or clean the house, never taught anything about life, how to do taxes, how balance finances, how to cook, how to clean, and over time it got to the point where I'd have to force her to take better care of her hygiene. If I wasn't around, her poor financial decisions would have caused her to have lost her apartment, because she'd literally buy food from places that were two times more expensive than a supermarket, because she could order it over the phone instead of shopping personally. She literally ground her femur against her hip bones, losing an inch of bone because she was too proud to use walking aids. If you ever try to talk to her about some stupid decision she made or anything she doesn't like, she'll spend minutes without saying anything and just looking at the ground, and when she does speak, you have to be really careful about her lying.

Nowadays things are more stable, but only because every slightly important decision made goes through me, ao she's basically using me to think for her. I haven't been able to finish my education, I have never dated, we live in a relatively poor area in a third world country, despite her having had the opportunity to get a well paying job in the US, I have never been to a party, I have developed health issues because of stress, malnutrition and living next to a highway, and because not a single person has offered help, including her family, who own multiple apartments, I can no longer actually trust anyone and my ability to feel empathy is almost zero.

Am I considered a "neet"? I have been trying to learn to draw because I know it's easy to get money from commissions if you play your cards right, but I've been pretty inconsistent due to adhd and never having learned discipline.

>>32326031
It's not bad, I like my job. But I'm very unhappy because this is all there is.

>30
>moved to hollywood
>used to love it here, even if the jobs werent great they were in the film field i went to college for and the people were nice there was always something to do and the girls were hot
>moved back home when lost all money
>grinded to move back out here after years
>covid/AI happened
>my entire career and all i worked to learn is gone
>LA is now basically mexico. hate it here. broke and living on the floor of my also-poor mom's trailer. i have to drive my rental car to the public toilet to take a shit in the middle of the night
>also somehow had a relationship with the girl of my dreams and everything felt great, and then she cheated like it was nothing
>i tried so hard and got so far and in the end nothing really matters anymore
>now i barely talk to people and the internet is censored so thats not the outlet it used to be either
>even if i could get a job and save up again and dig out of this hole whats it get me? a place in a world increasingly not for me, with people i grow to hate and most of the time cant even understand, searching for love in a population of girls systematically primed to be whores?
not where i saw my 30s desu. this is not how i would've answered the 'where do you see yourself in 5 years' interview question

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>>32326031
I'm 22 and 4 years behind on my college degree to the point where i'm considering changing the course of my life altogether. I'm in school for computers but i realize now that I don't really like computers at all and don't want to have to sit down at one for the rest of my life. I'm still young so I know there is still time to get myself together but it would require breaking free of the belief that if I don't go to university I will not have any success in life. Realistically I just want to be able to live comfortably and be able to fund whatever hobbies I pick up during my life. I want to talk to more people that had an alternative pathway other than university and see how things worked out for them. Aside from that, life is decent. I got a part-time job

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I can't stop being lonely. And its the only problem I can solve on my own so I'm fucked. I need help but nothing is free and I have nothing to offer. And in order to have something to offer I need to fix my life. In order to fix my life I need to have clear mind. In order to have clear mind I need to stop being lonely.... AHHHHHHHHAHAH!!!!. GOD IM FUCKED!

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>>32326031
More lonely and depressed than ever (which is saying a lot). I'm going to go back to college next year so hopefully I can at least remedy that a little.

>>32326031
I haven't been doing too well this year and I feel extremely lonely and isolated from everyone and everything. No matter how hard I try to fit in and make friends, there's just nowhere to go, neither irl or via the internet. It feels like everyone's on their own.
Where can I go to find an active, chill community to just talk about stuff without the conversation turning into political agenda shit or just gooner stuff?

>>32326759
I hate when this happens (something similar happened to me):
The brothers who have already fulfilled their main goals change to an attitude of: "I am one of the most important people of the earth for my stupid work" and "If I could do it, I do not see because you do not and I should not help you, now I do not get more of you and your family but the only thing I can recommend is that you do not postter things and do not compare you. Good luck.

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If I told you about it, it would sound bad
but I'm coping pretty well so it's all good

Getting close to the holidays makes me miss my ex. She broke up with my early march for being too conservative (She knew I was when we started dating so I think it was just a convenient out).

It sucks for many reasons, but a lot of it is because I think she’s legitimately the only girlfriend I successfully pair-bonded with. Never felt that way about my other gfs.

The good:
> New job is full remote and pays 35% more than my last job
> Have a cute mentally stable and supportive gf
> Playing Metaphor ReFantazio
> Going to the gym consistently

The bad:
> Cost of living where I am is raping me
> Long time friends underappreciate and treat me like shit (I am ready to crash out)
> New job requires long hours and studying for the next 6 months
> No friends that actually message me to hang out aside from my gf
> Seasonal depression is at a big low point for me right now
> Binge eating my emotions away and losing sleep over anxiety

>driveway is all ripped up and they'll put a new one in later today
>had a bowel movement, which always makes me happy (don't have to worry for another 24 hrs)
>have a 'meeting' today at work which never goes anywhere (they could always be an e-mail, if that); it's just my former boss trying to sound important and, being a woman, she always manages to get away with it
>just waiting until i can start my morning routine; can't eat too early
>have been trying to avoid social media / pr0n and it's been mostly successful; you have no idea how much shit you can get done when you cut back your shitposting
i dunno; the older you get, the more you're just naturally depressed.
the next 4 years is absolutely going to suck (i know, i know... 4chan loves themselves some trump because "pwning the libs" is an olympic sport here) but take it from an Official Old Person that "be careful what you wish for" is a rule, not an exception.
anyway, time to start the rest of my day.

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>>32334856
Your goal should be moving out and away from your mother. In case it's not already clear to you, she doesn't care about you and she never did. Yeah she "did her best" or whatever but I'm sorry that trite shit it doesn't cut it if those efforts boiled down to abject neglect and failing to raise you and prepare you for adult life. She failed you and you cannot rely on her.

Some mothers will hobble their sons and quite happily extract every ounce of help, goodwill and money from you, long into adulthood so long as it serves the mother's own goals and whims.

You're 30 years old. Your mother should not be occupying this much space in your mind. You should not be spending your days thinking about your mother's hip bones or shopping habits or what she did or didn't do. She should be someone you call once a week, perhaps visit once a fortnight or once a month if you care to. To do this you must physically separate yourself from her. You must be separated from her by time and space; it is not enough to mentally cast her aside while you still live together.

You need to take a step back and realise that your mother has fucked you over. Separate the fact that she has provided you with a place to live; that should be a given from any mother to her son. You can spend a lifetime waiting for someone to act the way you think they should i.e waiting for them to wake up and provide the nurture, guidance and proper care that a parent should have provided for their son. You know this because you have already spent 10+ years too many waiting for it. Understand that this will never happen.

Via bux or getting a job, you need to get your own place away from her. This should be your only goal. Yes it will be harder for you than normal people because you are lacking in skills they have taken for granted because they had parents who did right by them. Regardless, you need to do this. The only way you will come into your own is by getting away from your mother. Good luck.

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I like my hobbies and my work but find socializing exhausting and have, as a result, alienated my friends over the years. I've also never had sex at 28. The past couple years I've been trying to get out more to mixed success. I had the opportunity to plapjak recently and I just couldn't do it. Fat women smell bad and her being fat was the least of her problems. I don't think I could handle being in an actual relationship, let alone the practice/plapjak ones some shill here. It is kinda funny how many of the friends I had in my teen years now struggle financially but have active social and romantic lives, while I am more than secure but have no bitches. I'm not particularly mad about it, at least not like I was when I was younger, but I still wonder what my life would be like if I was normal.

>>32326031
literally couldnt be worse

>>32336740
why