basically to start off, im 20 and im from the US! ive been thinking of the old quote check yourself before you wreck yourself and i feel like the past couple years ive been wrecking myself. basically i feel like the past 8 years or so ive been so addicted to youtube and the internet and ive became so reliant on the internet. i just want to deactivate everything and go all buddhist monk for an entire year go on this journey of finding myself and trying to become a better person.

but recently ive found myself in a deep depression thinking my life is now over. let me explain and i hope people give me thorough advice because i serously want to find a way geniunely out of this and heal and be the successor idk

basically i met this girl online i legit thought she looked like shes in college she looked 27. i talked to her about wanting to just make friends online and outta nowhere she kept bringing up sex and it was unusual to me. mind you i am also autistic and cant read situations well. i just was like nah senpai i mean but i would give you a hug or something i told her. she was like are you serious? you just want to be friends? i was like i mean yeah i just met you. she then asked me how old i was i said to her i was 20. she said ohhh!!!!!!!!! im 17 and i took a step back and told her wait i thought wait im sorry i thought you looked like a college person im sorry, she then told me no its okay we can stay friends right? i was like uh okay? she then the next moment an hourt later texted about sex and i was like idk but i cavedin and told her like well maybe we could cuddle i guess sense you seem to want it and its consensual but we wont do anything tho, then she literally ghosted me and minutes later i had a bunch of random people spamming my inbox calling me a p word..........

i started freaking out and blocked as many as i could and deactivated my facebook, then an hour later was like fuck it deactivate everything for a week. ive been so shooken up by all of this and i feel like they knew everything about me and i just feel like my lifes over

i feel like... idk man my friends told me 1000000000% she was BAITING me into all of that and probably wasnt even 17. but it made me thinnk i wished someday i could get into larger then life careers someday and i felt like all of that is gone now, ive been a suffering from depression person seeking validation person addicted to social media person for a long time now and i always felt suicide eh

it just makes me wonder if i really wow lol the stufff i am posting ofc does feel way more different then how i imagined myself typing it and explaining it but yeah i thought i wonder if i seriously went on a 1 year stride to get off the internet and then become some changed man person after and come back here to explain my story and how i feel now and and then i wonder if the internet would forgive me idk......... sounds cringey the more i read it out loud too

just earlier i was listening to yakuza music and then japanese city pop then black sabbath walking around at night smoking a cigar alone crying feeling like my lifes over or something, i just wonder if i have a future, maybe ive just became tooo...... maybe ive lost my standards for myself a lot along the way because of the depression

its like i dont think im an awful person either idk i self reflect SOOO much i always say treat others the way you want to be treated and i alaways liked star trek and lookeed at life like theres always honor and dishonor and i feel like ive done many dishonorable things and i wonder how i can reclaim my honor back

i do feel a lot better getting this off my chest

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>>32331279
Not your personal blog, faggot.

lol exactly what i was expecting from first 4 chan reply

lol what i expected from first reply lol typical 4chan

I don't have the energy to read all that but here's a piece of advice: try using chat bots to vent. Nowadays they are very good at listening and understanding and offering advice. Claude in particular has been great for me.