subject basically says it I started dating a longtime friend, I'm talking 15+ years and I've become deeply in love with her. She had a bit of a breakdown last night and confessed to me that for a year and a half, she has been living with no water or gas at her home due to not making enough money to afford it. I had no idea, I am the first person she has told. She does all her bathing with a hit water kettle and in the winter, has multiple electric heaters set up throughout her house. The issue, outside of the obvious, is that she refuses help from me and her family. She does not have parents that she can rely on but she has lots of friends and a brother and myself, all of which would be ready and willing to help her, but she refuses all assistance. I personally have a much, much more disposable income than she does, but she will not take money from me or allow me to pay any of her bills for her. She also believes that she would not be able to maintain paying her utility bills should she cough up the backpay for them. She also refuses to move in with me because she "doesn't want to take advantage of me" and doesn't want this to be the reason we move in.My question is: how can I help someone that refuses help? I do not believe she is using me or taking advantage of me, and I do believe she loves me. She is in a very dark place right now and I have made it abundantly clear that she is welcome in my house any time for a shower or to warm herself up. I've even given her a key to my house but she has never used it. I worry myself sick about her and I don't know what I can do to make this all better for her, which is all I want to do.
>>32332867At first this struck me as an exploitative plot to take advantage of you, which seems like a red flag, but I think I was wrong. This, in my opinion, is a much bigger red flag, specifically a highly neurotic woman with a guilt complex. I am dealing with one right now and the things she does are beyond belief. All you can do is try to be earnest and open and tell her how you feel and why helping her is important to you. Rest is up to her.Nice Duckman pic btw.
>cant afford water>uses kettle to heat water>cant afford gas>runs electric heaters that use a ton of electricity>in a years time hasn't done a single thing to improve her circumstancesthis aint adding up yo. also how fucking expensive is water utilities there? i have well above average water use for someone without a pool and even then my water utilities bill is like $25 a month
>>32332867Bro what the fuck, heating her house with space heaters is almost certainly costing her more than a gas bill. Has she tried entering into a payment agreement with her utility companies? 9 times out of 10 they will allow you to do that because ultimately they want your money, not to cut your shit off. Also tell her to look into public assistance for utilities. I’m pretty sure HEAP is a federal program she can apply for in any state. All that said,>how can I help someone who refuses any helpYou literally can’t
>>32332967Exactly this. Doesn't make sense.
>>32332967Apparently she allowed her water bill to become delinquent and the city shut off her water. After which, she turned it back on (illegally). The city found out about this about 5 months later and removed her meter. Now, in order to get it turned back on, she will likely need to pay for quite a few months of water and possibly a fee for turning her water back on.
>>32332867>She is in a very dark place right nowYou can't fix mental illness by paying a gas bill and if she wasn't having mental illness problems she would probably find a way to pay her gas bill like everyone else.So you're trying to fix the wrong thing.Try to get her some kind of mental health help? Good luck BTW.Something about her story is fishy because they just put a lein on the property tax for the back bills, they don't bother with collections around here. Then you can't technically pay your prop tax until you pay the lein and after a couple years at most the Sherriff kicks them out. Since she's not kicked out there's something odd about this story. Maybe she called and disconnected rather than stiffing them with a bill.
>>32333138thats peak nigger/white trash behavior my guy. big red flag
>>32332867It would be a win/win to combine forces. I think something is up tho because it probably cost more to use a kettle for everything. Keat is the most expensive electricity.
