I feel fucking pathetic because I can't look out for myself.I just spent three hours trying to work up the courage to make a phone call. My car broke down and got towed away 3 weeks ago and I still haven't got it back, because I've had to work up the courage to call the place that has it, the mechanic to take a look at it, another mechanic to get a quote, the mechanic again to tell him my decision, two towing companies to get quotes, and the place that has it again to try work out what to do. Every time I have to make one of these calls I leave it to the next day and then spend half that day procrastinating on it and feeling shit because I'm so anxious about doing it. And now the place that has it isn't answering my calls or returning my message and I'm stuck.I get so anxious because I don't know what I'm supposed to say when they answer my call, I don't know how to ask for what I want, I certainly can't bargain, I feel obliged to say yes to the other person because I don't want to be rude or upset or disappoint people. And I'm incapable of being firm or expressing anger because I have zero self-esteem.I feel like shit because I can't look out for myself or my own interests. How am I going to make it through life like this? Why is it so hard? How can I call myself a man?
bump
There's a saying that when it rains, it pours. The longer you put things off the greater towing charges and what not may accure, so you save yourself money by knocking everything out at once.Do what will help tomorrow's version of you. Instead of making one call, make one call and then make another. There is satisfaction in snowballing objectives.
>>32335389Can you ask someone else to help you with making these calls?In the long-term you'll need to work on this. Forcing yourself to do it ("exposure") is likely the quickest way. Professional help is available if you can afford it.
>>32335487You're right that when I take care of one I feel a lot better, and probably better able to do the next one, though I always seem to need time to think about what to do next or whatever.It doesn't address the underlying issue thought I don't think. The fact that procrastination just makes things worse is a lesson I've been well aware of recently, but that hasn't helped me a great deal in getting over it when I am so anxious.>>32335555I was thinking the other day I need to try and "practice" doing this thing, like exposure therapy I guess. I don't know if it's more the underlying beliefs or just the fear that is more important to overcome. I clearly need to actually learn how to do it to the point I become comfortable with it. But I also need to learn more generally to be willing to stick up for myself, which is hard when I have such a poor view of myself.
>>32335389The same thing happens to me, in general it is impossible for me to talk on the phone unless it is life or death. I would never admit that I have crippling anxiety to anyone but I do and I want you to know that I feel shit too. The anon above gave you some good advice and I'll try to follow through on it too.
>>32335389fwiw, A LOT of people hate making phone calls. My dad even confessed this to me when he was on me about looking for a job. I did not actually call a lot of people, but i did get a job.And, i had to make at least one phone call to do it...(I applied, interviewed, passed, did a proficiency test, ... did not do well, nothing, so I called them, and they said I can arrange to do it again, I did, passed, got the job, love it)[before I called them to follow up, I asked a girl out, sort of as a confidence booster. If I can ask a girl out, I can call and ask for a job. {She said yes, but I ghosted her because she said she was seeing someone}]A tip: imagine a mind body separation. It's easier to call people if you are acting on behalf of someone else. Detach your feelings from yourself. You can act even when you dont feel like it. Additionally, remember, that things rarely go as bad as you think they will. Normally, people on the receiving end are there to help you, and work with you, and things go better than you thought. take some notes if youre concerned about not knowing what to say, but also, dont let that stop you. You CANT know what to say because you dont know what they will tell you until they do. So just let it happen
Car stuff sucks.Helps to know: these people are just doing their job, want to do their job, etc. Why not also simplify your life and just go to one place to get it running?
I feel that. I used to be like you, OP. Then came a day, I really can't even remember it, but I know it happened because I'm like a different person, because on that day I just decided to fucking just DO it.
Its so hard because your brain is designed to focus on the times it hurt rather than the times it went fineFrom experience i can warn you that the pain of regret is worseI found that a calendar made me dread things that were too far away, but a whiteboard with days of the week is just right.Important dates and a shopping list on one side and things that need to be done on the days you should do them.Informed is armed but specialists like mechanics are always going to fuck you at least a little
OP hereThanks for the replies. Some good ideas I'll note down and think about.I know it's like heaps of people are scared of making phone calls and this kind of thing. What's the worst that could happen? I embarrass myself? Make them angry? Get ripped off? Not the end of the world. I'll be able to deal with it and I'll feel heaps better once its done. But still the fear is there.>>32335738>A tip: imagine a mind body separation. It's easier to call people if you are acting on behalf of someone else. Detach your feelings from yourself. You can act even when you dont feel like it.That's an interesting idea. Perhaps you can even pretend to be calling on behalf of yourself on the phone. Hah. I wonder how that would go. You're right, it's easier when it's not your problem.I will have to find opportunities to practice and to expose myself to these things. And I need to teach myself that I have every right to look out for my own best interest and that no one else is going to do it for me. Well, that will be a challenge but gotta start somewhere. I'll try call again tomorrow and I'll find some solution.
