I feel like I do so much already. I am the sole breadwinner, we easily have plenty of spending with enough saved aside each month, and I don't want her to just get a job just for extra cash "for the household" (if it's for her education or for her own want of money that's fine by me). I let her make nearly every purchase in the house. I don't EXPECT her to do chores but she does them anyway.Despite this she recently has told me she doesn't feel appreciated. I'm not sure how bringing in all the money and letting her make all the purchase discussions is not appreciation enough. I want to buy her nice things but the problem is we keep going a little over budget every month so I just have spent less and less, not just on her but for myself.Perhaps her pregnancy is part of her thinking, and I'm not blind to the toll it takes on a woman's body, but I'm not going to risk overpulling from the budget if we already can't balance it every month. How do I tell her that I want X amount of money set aside a month solely to spend on her?>inb4 just tell her!!Yes obviously but most of the time when talk about money she gets incredibly distressed and feels as if I'm threatening her agency when I just want to have a cool understanding of what to do with our cash rather than reactively spending money to make ourselves feel better. Surely there's a specific way to go about it.
How about you pay me 1500 bucks and I let you beat me in a fight in front of her
>>32335650>Perhaps her pregnancy is part of her thinkingI think that's the key here. Right now she's got a lotta weird hormones and shit messing with her, so don't take this as something personal.Also, as someone who worked while also doing all the household chores with two useless roommates, those chores can take up a lot of time and effort. Especially if you may, perhaps, leave messes around without realizing it. Some of that is my own bias, but it's something to think about. Was she also working before the pregnancy?
>>32335650Finances and the household order were things that should have been solidified long before getting married. However, spending time together and completing activities as a couple are also very important. Your did not say a single thing about how much time you spend bonding with each other and participating in each others' lives. As to money, I manage all of the finances in my household. Though, my wife understands the importance of being frugal which is why we are on the same page with me fully funding her Roth IRA despite her not making that much. She does sometimes pick-up shifts on my schedule which helps prevent her feeling as isolated due to being aligned with work hours. I also make it a point to get her flowers regularly and treat her when I can. That said, my wife appreciates anything that she is provided and works hard on meeting my needs as I am working full-time while also in grad school.You REALLY need to communicate with each other, bro. Defensiveness from her is not a good look.
>>32336157Frankly, this. The entire OP was just money money money. Sounds like she senses the relationship is getting transactional. Like she's more of a maid than a wife. When's the last time you went on an ice cream date? Pregnant women love ice cream for some reason. Or hang out on the couch and watch a movie. Perhaps decorate around the house together. Or cook a meal together. Simple 'together' stuff.
>only work 25 hrs a week >Barely get by >She doesn't get anything expensive >But I cook special meals for her, write love notes and we hike together >She keeps saying how much she appreciates meIt's about the small stuff that shows you're thinking of her
it is normal if you are only in your 20s as you get older you get your sht together
>>32335650Tell her. Say it out loud, in words.
>>32335742She was working, but it wasn't for the purpose of income. It was experience for her education track. Needless to say she stopped working (at my urging) once she was farther along in pregnancy, and stopped working full-time (again at my urging) once she restarted full time schooling.>>32336157Finances are the only thing we fight over. In fact, her not being appreciated is my fault because I do not think we have enough to cover bills at the end of the month. I understand that I have to make leeway and just buy shit sometimes but I struggle with the possibility of being a brokie from overspending.We had a whole thing where we cleaned up our debts and only then did I propose to her. We both point and laugh at people, especially couples, who appear to have no kind of discussion around finances (re: Caleb Hammer guests). At my core though I am afraid of becoming one of them. My thought processes around money are very binary and it's partly informed of past financial mishaps.>>32336929We do a lot of these kind of activities together already, but they rarely take any kind of financial investment outside of food. We do dinner dates a few times a month, we'll go to see movies, and plenty of times we just sit at home and watch stuff together.But I understand that even doing all of this I act frugal.>>32336981Some things I have not done since we moved in together is write letters, or get flowers delivered. There are a couple other things that I have not done as frequently since we dated. I think I need to reintroduce some of these activities.>>32336983I suppose so, we are both in our late 20s.
>>32339378>Finances are the only thing we fight over. In fact, her not being appreciated is my fault because I do not think we have enough to cover bills at the end of the month. If you are the one that is most keenly aware and knowledgeable about the finances then you should have been the one that handles them. If the role was delegated and you are second guessing your wife all the time about how they are handled, what exactly do you expect?My wife and I share a single bank account, but I am the one who makes the decisions. I will ask for her input, but we are on the same page with our financial goals and aspirations. I pay our "future selves" first by loading up our Roth IRAs, my 403(b), and our shared taxable accounts automatically with every paycheck. I make sure we put some into an emergency fund and some into a sinking fund for shared goals (e.g., vacation, new vehicle, holiday gifts, etc.). Importantly, I make sure that we have enough so that we can treat one another and that the money that is discretionary is truly discretionary and not simply something that will get earmarked into some other savings or bill.Inflation has taken a bite out of everything lately, but I adapted to that situation by shaving a few % off our investment rate while also eliminating expenses which were less necessary. >I understand that I have to make leeway and just buy shit sometimes but I struggle with the possibility of being a brokie from overspending.Make a new budget. It isn't a one time thing. Money is a means to an end, not the end itself. Defend yourself against your own neuroticism by creating a liquid emergency fund that covers 3-6 months of total expenses. >We had a whole thing where we cleaned up our debts and only then did I propose to her.I honestly won't criticize you on this. Finances are important. That said, you cornered yourself because you will only be happy if you can take the reins on managing the finances of the family.
