im 23, i feel like all of my peers are always doing such exciting things and living their best lives. many of them are also managing/have managed to do so during college despite their studies.i have no clue how they have the money, time, or schedule management to do this stuff. I'm talking frequent international or cross country travel, going to events and festivals, all while affording their own place while going to college and working? how the fuck do they do this?outside of my peers i constantly see posts and reels of young people my age travelling, or living in a major city, or making connections and doing awesome shit. how are they making money? why dont i have any opportunities or connections like they do?sometimes it feels like everyone else lives a much more authentic life, like the experiences i have are less meaningful and profound, and this only adds to that. is it cause im <5'7 and ugly as a man?
>>32561075Their lives are meaningless just like yours, the only difference is that they show off on social media, it's fake
>>32561089FPBPIt's all for show. Also maybe they have parents paying for everything just to enable it. Who knows, who cares. Enjoy what you do and don't pay any attention to what others are showing off.
>>32561089perhaps the idea that their experiences are more meaningful is fake, but they're still able to do all this shit i want to do somehow.how is a 20 year old college student travelling to iceland and south africa, or living in NYC/LA while im waging away in a small town trying to survive?
>>32561075They have rich parents
I fucked up a good chunk of the best part of my life by becoming a sort of hermit after a person I loved passed away. I 'literally' shat away 6 years. I went from being a popular dude with loads of friends and hobbies (some of them involving groups which did not meet at all; an outgoing, physically fit nerd, if you will) to someone who didn't do shit save spend money on his house hobbies and loiter about the house devoid of any concerns because I inherited a load of money and the family's businesses.What made me return to what I was before my cowardice defeated me was the day my best friend became a dad. I was with him at the hospital. When his kid was born, I was at the same happy and...depressed and a tad angry. I remember the exact moment I asked and said to myself: what the fuck are you angry and sad about? your best friend's best day ever saddens you? what kind of sick cunt are you?that's it. 6 months after, i was back to meeting people, having fun, and so on. I'm about to become a father. But I could've been so 10 years ago.you're 23. when I fucked up, I was 25. Add 6 years. i'm now nearer 40 than 30! Yes!don't fuck up! don't waste time!move that ass!i know people who have wasted the best years of their life and appear unable to return. their sadness is crippling, believe me.23? you're still young.do something now!!! now!pardon the !! and all that. I just wish I had someone to punch me in the fucking face to drag me out of the sorry life I embraced (best friend almost did so, but i guess my then solitude was too persuasive).btw, the soon-to-be mother of my child was introduced to me by my best friend's wife.
>>32561109rich parents or credit card debt
>>32561189thank you for your story and input. its very inspiring to hear it. i relate heavily to the feeling you had in the hospital room with your friend. its how i feel whenever i see... well anyone's success or happiness really. i should be happy for my friends and family that are successful and instead im bitter and pissed with a chip on my shoulder because im not.how did you develop all those friendships and manage the hobbies with a schedule? how did you pick it up again so easily later? i have friends across 2 friend groups, but i made them when i was in high school. i feel like i lost the ability to connect with people and assume they think the worst of me.
>>32561075I didn't start living an exciting life until I was 26. If you want to slot in a fuckton of activities in your life, you need good time management, which is a skill like any other. Add one activity, organize your schedule around it so as to waste the least time possible, then go back to step one until you gather enough activities.Also, social media only really gives you the highlights of someone's life - the creme de la creme of their existence.
>>325612321 of the first things I did was get in touch with those who stopped talking to me because the only thing I said do them was "no, thank you very much for the invitation". people got sick of my no's and forgot about me. that's it, really.Don't worry about what others think about you. Trust me, they might have an opinion, but they won't say no to you returning, unless they're not around. Some of my mates moved far away; some had kids; some have shitty jobs who consume too much of their time. You can't return to what you had! You see, I was okay with my solitude. I became acostumed to it. I embraced it. I was never bored at home. I was sort of happy. But my routine was a crime against myself: i slept from 11 in the morning to 6 or 7pm, for example.i had about 6 good friends with whom I did loads of stuff with. i managed to keep two throughout my years of seclusion (my seclusion: i only left my house to buy stuff and participate in my family's business meetings, check the boxes, sign documents, keep an eye on the general picture).the first "going-out" thing I did was return to watching my football team live. I had a season ticket since I was a kid, used to go with my dad, then I stopped.next, I asked my best friend to invite me the next time he had a dinner with his wife's friends. i started to go the gym (one the outside hobbies I abandoned; i have a pseudo-gym at home).it was a team effort: my need of re-acquiring a social life coupled with my friends' willingness to allow me join their social activities.but you have to want to change.i was an extrovert dude, yet I barely met anyone new in that period of my life. we're talking about years where I must have only had fewer than 10 plus 1 hour chats with other people!don't allow solitude to cling on to you.again: you're young! i cannot properly describe to you much I now resent the years I wasted. I am not constantly being chased by the sorrow of not being at least 5 years younger.
I don't understand it either. It's like everyone else is a normal human being and I'm some defective subhuman. Completely isolated and lost
>>32561189>i know people who have wasted the best years of their life and appear unable to return. their sadness is crippling, believe me.me35 and I have to turn it around NOW or ropemaxxtrying to think of the years of failure as a purgatory of sorts
>>32561342This is the exact feeling. I'm sorry you experience it too. I do believe with directed effort we can get out of it, or else I wouldn't even be asking the questions I am.
>>32561075>how the fuck do they do this?their parents pay for it all
>>32561075I know a few people with very nice houses and flash cars etc, a handfull are well off but the others that have finance and loans taken out is shocking. I'm not going try to keep up with The Jones, rather be humble than hood rich>i constantly see posts and reels of young people my age travelling, or living in a major city, or making connections and doing awesome shitGet off socials, it's supposed to throw awesome shit at you. I stopped giving a shit and dropped mine, its feels fucking fantastic.
>>32561358I don't know, I think it's too late for me. I'm in my 30s and I'm so fucked to be honest. I don't see myself ever having a social life at this point
>>32561932Why not try? At least if you fail you can say you did all you could. You could bust your ass for the next 10 years and then give up when you hit 40 if it never works out. That would at least rule out the possibility of it being a self-fulfilling prophecy. As in, if you believe you can't improve your situation then of course you wont. But the reality is neither of us have any clue over whether its actually possible, so why not give it a go? You've nothing to lose.Also, there are literal fent/meth/crack addict junkie felons who have turned their life around and scraped together reasonably fulfilling lives. If they can, I'd like to imagine we could do.
>>32561932Why'd you make this thread then
>>32562007He's not the OP, I am. The one responding to him.
>>32561953At some point you just lose hope and the will to keep going. I've already failed for over 15 years to get anywhere. Professional help never worked for me. Things are just getting worse and I feel more hopeless each day
>>32562018I apologize
>>32563421What do you feel like the reasons are? Childhood? Attractiveness/Lookism? Actual mental illness not caused by something you can fix?Not trying to be your therapist, just wonder if there really is nothing you can do to fix the issues plaguing you.
>>32561109It's not that expensive if you plan it like a year in advance, but basically rich parents
Patty is queen
Been asking this myself so bump. I'm 22 and I see my peers say they're traveling across the world, going to parties and stuff but I keep asking myself "how are they making the time and energy to do all of this?" Hell, I work two jobs and I don't go anywhere after work cause I'm too tired. Bump
>>32565565Something I notice about myself is simply that I have worse time management and place more emphasis on decompression and doing nothing.These people I envy don't sit around and watch youtube, play games, or do anything other than do or plan fun shit, or work on an actual hobby or skill.This would completely exhaust me, even though I want to and enjoy doing all these things they are inherently draining. I've heard this is the primary difference between introverts and extroverts. Its not that one is more socially capable than the other, but rather that for introverts social/outside of comfort zone activities are draining while extroverts find them energizing. Not sure how to get around it. I wish I was an extrovert.
>>32561075By being good looking and having rich parents
>>32566638>am supposedly the former>had the latter>yet i'm feeling sorry for myself in this thread at age 25having those things doesn't 100% guarantee success if you have the personality of a wet noodle
>>32561075rich parents. i've seen it a million times, and it's always rich parents and clout chasing. they're highborn, but you? you're a lowborn.there are some cool lowborn ways to live an exciting life. drifting is a popular one. personally, my best stories usually start with taking a bus to the major city, walking around until i see an interesting looking homeless dude, hand him a $20 and follow him around to see what he does. another good way to start a good time is to look for the trashiest dive bar you can find and frequent it. something's bound to happen.in a way, the bored ass lowborn life is more authentic than the all expenses paid yuppy life you seem to be yearning for. it's all about making your own fun, and not letting the marketing superpowers of the corporate world and its slaves tell you what an authentic life should look like.
>>32561075>i have no clue how they have the moneyDebt, parents, crime, etc.
>>32566974if thats the case then one thing is true1. you arent actually attractive enough. not that you arent potentially attractive, just not enough to have life hand you good fortune and opportunity.2. your parents are retarded assholes that dont use their riches to give you opportunity and experiences in life3. you actually do have both and the only reason you fail is because you dont even try in the slightest to utilize either or actually try anything
>>32567058>it's all about making your own fun, and not letting the marketing superpowers of the corporate world and its slaves tell you what an authentic life should look like.NTA but Thank you for this. You're right. I gotta find a way to make my own fun.
>>32561273Can you give a few examples of "activities"? Everyone always says "you need to touch grass and interact with the world" but I literally don't know what I'm supposed to be doing outside of work and college.
>>32568083literally whatever you want to do. don't ever do activities because its what you "should" be doing or what is attractive or most conducive to getting pussy or something. be authentic. if you don't know what you want to do, go try some shit.
>>32568108Everything that interests me is online, and I have a hard time relating to normies. At a certain point I'm the outlier, and I should be into things more people can relate to.>don't ever do activities because its what you "should" be doing or what is attractive or most conducive to getting pussy or somethingIt's not about "pussy." I'm a virgin and I'm content to remain so as I am a Christian.>if you don't know what you want to do, go try some shit.I'm really not trying to sound retarded but this advice feels very vague. Am I supposed to just go up to random events happening in my area and participate as if I know what I'm doing?
>>32568319>Everything that interests me is online, and I have a hard time relating to normies. At a certain point I'm the outlier, and I should be into things more people can relate to.Do you actually want to do those normie things? Or do you just want to fit in. If so, why do you want to fit in? What is the actual need that is unmet by liking your online nerd shit?>It's not about "pussy." I'm a virgin and I'm content to remain so as I am a Christian.using pussy was another way to say chasing validation from others, which is usually based in what women find attractive. if you're a christian who is remaining a virgin you should be going to church. church is literally the only way youll meet a woman who may share your moral sensibilities.>i'm really not trying to sound retarded but this advice feels very vague. Am I supposed to just go up to random events happening in my area and participate as if I know what I'm doing?it is vague because i dont know shit about you or what you may be interested in. and yes you just go participate. its not like participating in an activity is skill based unless you plan on going white water rafting or some shit. even then you can learn on your own, watch videos, or use it as a way to force yourself to ask someone for help.activities could be as simple as, running, lifting, going to concerts, going to the bar, hiking, painting, drawing. it could be kayaking, climbing, martial arts, an instrument, skydiving, riding motorcycles. it could be thrifting, travel, even just fucking reading or collectiong vinyls or some shit. theres social clubs for all these things, both in person and online. even for your nerd shit theres probably a social club for it somewhere. i like magic the gathering, warhammer, and tabletop games. your local game store has open play nights, tournaments, and groups for this shit.you dont need to give a fuck about what others think of you. you dont need anybodys approval or permission to do any of this shit.
>>32561075I'd guess they are using their parents money/credit cards as well as "working". they probably don't save a single cent nor know how to do it>>32561189>I went from being a popular dude with loads of friends and hobbies (some of them involving groups which did not meet at all; an outgoing, physically fit nerd, if you will)I could have been this, but... my life has been shit for decades, I was born poor in a shit family, I had health issues and almost died, and I'm forever sad. I tried being normal... but couldn't>someone who didn't do shit save spend money on his house hobbies and loiter about the houseand therefore I am this. at almost 40.>don't fuck up! don't waste time!how do i do this? I've tried meeting people. i made 1 friend and I've visited old friends, but... being "social" requires effort and feels so draining.
>>32566625>I have worse time managementhey man, if I may help you, try this:install Joplin and Tasks (from tasks.org). just google "Joplin"/"Tasks" + app. Joplin will help you organize and keep notes and stuff, and Tasks will help you organize your time. Joplin can be synchronized between devices, and Tasks lets you export your list of tasks (if you ever need that). both also have reminders with alarms (which you can configure to have sound), though only Tasks supports multiple alarms (which is nice)
>>32561075make frens with them and find outI fell into a friend group like that at my local gymconstantly working, driving, quickly attending school, gym, helping frens/family, partying, and travelingmeanwhile I (neet) still played vidya, read, enjoyed chores, chilled, and only went out with them like once a month at mostthey'd usually split the cost and share resources for hosting and travel stuff (only use 1-2 cars for the group and sleep pile in the same hotel room, etc.)which made things happen frequently as they'd get invited by other frens and reach out to whomever (me) if they candesu some of it has to do with chad/stacy genes but being generally constructive helps a lot
>>32568779id love a life like that i think. the issue im realizing is that this life of constant adventure and excitement that im chasing is completely incompatible with everything about my current life. i like aspects about my life right now too. i like the comfort and the vidya and the discord calls with my friends playing video games. im very tied to my friend group (they are irl) but they are like me in that they dont do much and are tied geographically around this area.it feels like i have to abandon all of this if i really want to start living the life i want, and its a hard thing to do.
>>32561075They either have scholarships or were born into a rich family.
>>32561075do things, brother, just do things, don't think, live outside in the real world, shut off the computer
>>32567058America doesn't operate on a class system like the third world nation you're from.
>>32561075You need to move to a tourist city where there is stuff to do. Hawaii ect
>>32561075>all while affording their own place while going to college and working?DebtThe exciting things: Get in touch with your desires, or that which makes you human. You will naturally gravitate towards certain things.
>>32567058If you do all this, you too can have "exciting" experiences to vaguely hint about on an advice board for losers.
>>32561075You're high inhibition. They're low inhibition. That's really all there is to it.
>>32570771wrong, so wrong. they want you to believe theres no class system, and its certainly a little bit under the woodwork, but its there. its mostly expressed in the opportunities that the children of the wealthy and well connected have. they grow up to be better in just about every single metric, and have an intuition to sniffing out and excluding those beneath them.i dont necessarily think its "upper, middle, lower class" or that economics is the sole factor, but theres definitely an underclass of society.
>>32570777>move to hawaiii agree but you chose just about the worst example ever. fuck that place.
>>32570905this, so this. ive noticed this acutely about myself. i used to think "people dont like me and im not afforded opportunity because im short and ugly" yet i see 5 foot 2 puerto ricans having parties and living their best lives lol. the difference is they are low inhib and do whatever the fuck their instincts tell themis there any way to permanently lower my inhibitions with becoming an alcoholic? or is it just going to be a constant struggle to ignore my thoughts?
>>32571343I don't care about your stupid Commie opinion . You're probably hired by China to say dumb shit like you just wrote
>>32571536its not a commie take to know theres a class system, its a commie take to believe class systems and hierarchies are unnatural and inherently bad, and that we can create a classless society somehow (revolutions that devastate the nation and kill large portions of the populace)obviously i dont believe that. its kinda funny that both commies and rightoids are denying human nature in the same way, but for different reasons.
>>32568083I do calligraphy, fencing(HEMA) and Arnis/MMA. You can also do dance(dont be a tango sleazelord though), charity events, political parties, yoga, cooking classes, art, cocktail nights, concerts(whether big names or local bands),...I see from further replies that you do online activities. What attracted me to fencing initially was the fact that I'd do all that for honor and warframe shit in real life. Perhaps you should ponder about it like that as well? Either way, there's a fuckton of things to do. Try out the stuff you don't think you'd like. Perhaps you might find it helpful or fun. It's what happened to me and calligraphy. You are in charge of your own entertainment, never forget that. Make a facebook account and look for events/pages near you. Make friends with people wherever you go. There's bound to be at least one near-terminally online nerd like you who'd love to co-op the new space marine game with you or whatever.
>>32570771>>32571536ahahahahahaha. americans are such NPCs LMAO
>>32561075Stop comparing yourself to people with rich parents and thinking highlight reels of their vacations they post on social media are their day to day reality.Just think OP, if you set aside a little time and money maybe you'll be able to take a cool trip or two this year yourself, then you can post them online and some other OP for some future thread will be in here seething because he thinks YOU live a life of non-stop fun and luxury as well. Honestly, this is what I want for you. To not just have a bit of fun for its own sake, but more importantly to gain some perspective from it.
The world is a garden for the rich, watered by the blood of the poor.
>>32566974Ok, well if you have the personality of a wet noodle I fail to see how that would not be your fault, so I don't know what you're in here complaining about.Especially if you have good looks and money as you claim. For your personality to cancel that out, it must be pretty bad.
>>32570771>America doesn't operate on a class system like the third world nation you're from.Officially, at least...
>>32561109International travel can be done of a budget easily if you're good at planning and open to bargain destinations. Iceland for example deliberately makes it very cheap to fly there to encourage tourism
>>32568006>3. you actually do have both and the only reason you fail is because you dont even try in the slightest to utilize either or actually try anythingthis is the one. you could argue that my parents were too easy on me, but at the end of the day it was up to me. they would have supported me with doing almost anything. but it was more comfortable and less anxiety-provoking to bedrot on the internet, play video games, and get fucked up all day, so here we are, with 0 hobbies or real passions.
>>32572408>so I don't know what you're in here complaining about.gotta vent about it somewhere. i guess there's also a masochistic pleasure in making it clear to people just how pathetic i am>For your personality to cancel that out, it must be pretty bad.it is. i only leave the house to get necessities
>>32572602that is the easiest one to solve though, since you have the other two, you dont even need to be particularly good at socializing or doing anything, you just need to get put in front of other people.
>>32572619sure, but i get nervous sweats when talking to strangers for longer than thirty seconds. also, i've always had issues with people just kind of ignoring me, a lot of the times not even maliciously and me not having the courage to speak up and overcome that. i just seem to be a very boring person>practice makes perfecti know and i hate that. i need results now
>>32572387This is like the fat smelly girl making fun of the blonde cheerleader.
>>32572615>it is. i only leave the house to get necessitiesWell that's certainly something within your power to change, is it not?>>32572642Based on this post, I don't think your issue is that you're "boring". It's that your neurotic.You have to know what you're up against and what your actual problems are in order to be able to fix them.
>>32572750>look at me I'm superior to youI bet you've never left your flyover shithole and shower once a week, you fatty
