Hello /adv/, I would like to preface this post by saying that I invite anyone who can prove me wrong to do so because I seriously hope I am wrong. And also, I may elaborate further in this post in the future but idkI am suicidal because I don't believe I will ever find love and true intimacy at any point in my life. I'm a retarded, socially inept loser who can't articulate anything, has no friends, can't look anyone in the eye, is a khhv and my life is passing me by. I have given up at life because of this and I believe that I have subconsciously known this since my early teen years and that's why my grades fell and never recovered. My mother did die during this time but my grades never recovered even a few years after this. I have spent half my life on social media, wasting my life away because I wanted to escape from reality.Yh idk where I was going with this but I'm tired and I need to sleep. If this post makes no sense it's because I'm a retarded who needs kill himself and sure I'll elaborate on this post further in the future
>>32567334You can write alright. That’s important.>how to sudoku Let me count the ways.
>>32567334The sad part is that you can recover from that and you are not really retarded, but you are so convinced that you are that that you wont change.life is hard and i dont give a shit about you
>>32567334Don't give up anon.I know it sounds stupid, and I don't know how you might feel, but there's a tomorrow. You will wake up and make decisions, and that's what really defind you. Life is hard man. Don't worry for feeling that. But you gotta be harder. Stay safe.
>>32567334before you kill yourself I want you to do as many pushups as possible, until you can't anymore, then go ahead and do whatever you had planned.
>>32567334Honestly I was convinced of the same. Pretty hopeless, bad or absent friends, shitty family. I found my husband playing vidya. I challenge you to get more involved with a hobby you care about anon. You'll meet people.
>>32567600Yea play vidyaYou will definetely find a gf playing vidya.Woman logic
>>32567334go to the geek / nerd store in your town and say that you want to play dnd or any other rpg or board game
>>32567334>am suicidal because I don't believe I will ever find love and true intimacy at any point in my life. I'm a retarded, socially inept loser who can't articulate anything, has no friends, can't look anyone in the eye, is a khhvsame, what's your discord?Life is only as good as you make it.Staying inside all day, being a NEET, beating off 12 times per day, isn't pitying yourself isn't going to make your life better. It will only make it worse.Countless other people have gone through similar stuff, countless other people have felt the same way "im such a retard, nothing to live for, already fucked up in life", but guess what.A lot of those people either do some fake it till you make it shit or they just stop caring about how much of a loser they are and live an average normal life where they eventually make it to a point where they are happy.The ones who don't make it are doing the same stuff you are doing, self pity, NEET, no hope, ready to give up, tells self that they are retarded all day
>>32567334I would make some assumptions about you from your post and situation. I assume you lacked solid, foundational, healthy role models when you were young; maybe you didn't have a father, maybe he wasn't the man you needed him to be, maybe nobody else was around that could fill that essential gap. The effects of this come in the form of insecurity, low self-esteem, lack of sense of place in the world, lack of confidence or boldness, an aversion to risk-taking, and so many more things that, internally, leave you feeling lacking, like less of a man, or incapable of striving for something. I would also assume that, on top of a lack of real role models, you suffered some measure of trauma in your youth. One you already are aware of likely is your mother's passing. Maybe you downplay the lasting effects that kind of loss can have, but it has shaped you, and, without a real role model or support network to help you process the grief, maybe you never really overcame it. Other things probably happened as well, and again, you weren't able to process those things in a manner that resulted in overcoming and growing from those experiences, instead they hang around your neck like an albatross, as constant reminders of your pain that you look back to. Wanting to escape from pain that you don't really understand is understable, but the escape is ultimately what is keeping you in pain. Pain is a motivator. Allow yourself to feel it, understand it, process it, and use that pain as fuel to make changes that help alleviate or eliminate that pain. At this point, I imagine the pain has become a self-repeating cycle, a sustained vortex of emotion that you feel trapped within, and so doing all of this on your own may not be healthy. Seek professional help. They won't fix you, but they will help you to see things more clearly, and offer perspective that you're incapable of from inside the vortex. You are not broken. You are the way you were raised to be, and you can change.
I don't know if you're retarded or not, because I don't know you. Maybe you have a "condition" like autism you haven't revealed here that would make you a total lost cause. Or maybe you don't. But what I do know with certainty from your post are 4 things 1. You aren't really suicidal 2. You're hurting inside3. You mistakenly believe romance will fix your pain, which it unequivocally will not do and will in fact only create more4. That you have tried nothing and you're all out of options. So you have to ask yourself if you really want to fix your life, or whether you're just moping for attention. If the latter, no one here can help you. If the former, and I hope it is, then there are decisive steps for you to take that will put you on the path towards turning your life around 1. Get a psychologist, see them regularly. Talk through with them your feelings around the death of your mum, romance, self esteem, etc. They will help walk you through your emotional obstacles and baby step you down the right path 2. Delete your social media presence. All of it. Don't deactivate, delete it. Stay off social media. 3. Get a job. You're going to start at the very bottom doing a shit job with tasks no one wants to do, and little to no respect. Everyone starts there. Suck it up and prove yourself worthy of better. 4. Find some social hobbies that interest you and get involved. You may need to try some different things until you find something you actually enjoy. Maybe it's a spott. Maybe it's a conservation group, maybe it's a band, maybe it's table top games, maybe it's something else. Explore your interests and find ways to make them social. 5. Make friends with others who enjoy the same social hobbies you finally decide you like. Friends, not acquaintances. That means you meet at the hobby, you build some rapport at the hobby, and then you branch off into doing other activities /events together in order to build a deeper relationship. Start there.
>>32567334Ok then but why rekt yourself and not shift perspective in any way.Watch that futurama episode>free will huntingWhy not search for the unknown missing part like bender did?
>>32567334Before you go bumo this thread so that everyone xan learn the truth>>>/pol/493739699
If i was in your shoes id blow my last saving and even fucking debtmaxx in order to whore it up somewhere, preferably in asia.If youre gonna end it anyways might aswell fuck tight seanigger pussy for a couple bucks
>>32567606NTA but at least you'll make friends
>>32568221Nta but I have never made friends when I used to play video games (I don't find them fun anymore, but I wish I did). Well I guess the guys who used to t-bag my corpse after I died whilst spinning in circles made me laugh at least lol.
>>32568181this
