girl im talking to has a big BDSM and rape fetish is this a red flag bros?im the most vanilla guy out
>>32569246>BDSM Okay and fun.>Rape playDon't. I am a firm believer that is just a trauma response and not an actual fetish and I've always refused to entertain CNC solely due to just the concept of larping as that is wrong.
>>32569246yeah the rape part is a red flag. also in this climate probably best to just avoid, in case things you wrong and you're stuck with accusations that will follow you the rest of your life. just tell her you're not comfortable with it
"rape" for foids is you just aggressively humping them with her mewling "nooooo~~" in pleasure.It's relatively vanilla.
>>32569246>girl im talking to has a big BDSM and rape fetish>is this a red flag bros?For most guys it would not be. For you, it is. The two of you simply aren't sexually compatible.
>>32569419>>32569647Most men completely fail to understand what so-called rape fantasies actually are. There are usually two kinds:1) A devastatingly attractive man is so overwhelmingly attracted to her that he physically can't control himself (essentially a narcissistic fantasy).2) A devastatingly attractive man has rough sex with her in such a way that (within the fantasy) she doesn't have to take responsibility for it happening (essentially a submissive fantasy).Note that in both cases she DESPERATELY wants to have sex with the guy! So neither one is actually "rape" in any remotely meaningful sense. Describing these fantasies as "rape fantasies" is a label that *men* put on them, and they then fail to understand their own label.
>>32569246No, sex with woman that like it rough at night and cuddle at morning is wife material.Women are bipolar creatures, 99% of the problem they cause is because they don't get good dicking and to stupid to realize it.I heard this advice here about 4 years ago, after I started a thread considering divorce of my then two years wife.A based anon, told me to just fuck her when she give me attitude, and you know what?Life never been so good>"Honey, can you bring me beer">"I'm not your maid">One hard dicking later>"Baby, do you want chips with the beer"I swear she started doing it on purpose now.
>>32569246>is this a red flag bros?Yes and yes. Two red flags in one. >BDSMNot rare, not common either. People into BDSM aren’t always insane or crazy, but you can bet your sweet ass they’ll see the relationship as a power dynamic and transactional. They enjoy BDSM because it recreates dysfunction in upbringing, dealing with either a smothering parent or a domineering parent. So high % chance they’ll recreate that out of the bedroom and will either smother or domineer you.>Rape fetishHigh % chance of crazy. Odds are she’s trying to normalise an actual rape she went through or witnessed, mentally disturbed, expect personality disorders. Also after breakup, don’t be surprised if you get a false rape accusation.Remember OP, if someone is in the cycle of recreating trauma sexually, it means they’re still in the cycle. Step to close and you get sucked in.
>>32570353yet it never ends up that way
>>32570513This is incel thinking.
>>32570513The claims about BDSM and rape fetishes are oversimplified and stigmatizing. BDSM often involves trust, consent, and communication, and studies show it's not inherently linked to trauma or unhealthy relationships. The idea that BDSM always reflects a dysfunctional upbringing is outdated and unsupported by evidence.As for rape fantasies, they're not uncommon and don’t necessarily indicate trauma or instability. Fantasies are distinct from real-life behavior, and assuming someone with such interests is dangerous or untrustworthy perpetuates harmful stereotypes.Finally, labeling these preferences as “cycles of trauma” ignores individual agency and the healthy coping mechanisms many develop. Relationships should be judged on mutual respect and communication, not reductive assumptions about sexuality.
>>32570824There is no respect in hitting or degrading someone you claim to love. Consensual or not, the reality is someone is still taking verbal abuse or physical abuse. Consent does not change the fact it is abuse in the bedroom. The only thing that changes is the consent makes it where neither party are abusing the other, but they just abuse themselves mutually.That's how abused people behave, they seek ways to normalize abuse by reliving it and recreating it. The only thing Bdsm and rape play has going for it is the consent barrier, it's the least of the worst ways to recreate and normalize fucked up shit. But that doesn't magically change the fact it's fucked up shit, anon. The way to handle trauma is to confront it and accept it and push through it, to admit it's a bad thing that you had happen to you, not to numb yourself to it and replay it over and over. Also the stereotypes aren't harmful, no one is saying bdsm and rape play people are evil, no one is demanding a witch hunt or to punish them. All that's being said is it might be worthwhile not getting into relationships with them if you don't want that sort of lifestyle. If that is 'harmful' then idk what to tell you.
>>32569419>I am a firm believer that is just a trauma response and not an actual fetish and I've always refused to entertain CNC solely due to just the concept of larping as that is wrong.youre not wrong. im pretty sure im into cnc because i was raped. ive never actually asked a guy to entertain it though>>32569246bdsm is fun, i love getting punched and slapped and choked and more
>>32570519>yet it never ends up that wayIf by "never" you mean "absolutely always", yes.
>>32569246It's a MASSIVE red flag. Mental issues that are very deep set and require years of therapy. You should also never sleep with someone you're not fully compatible with sexually, as it will only lead to at least one of you feeling forever unfulfilled
>>32569246>BDSM1/2" cotton rope is fun. Learn knots and how to not cut off circulation. Fortunately for me I learned knots in Boy Scouts as a kid so it's like a muscle memory at this point.>rape fetishIf she NEEDS it, red flag. If she just wants 'no = yes' sex on a rare occasion, that's ok.
>>32570935>love getting punched and slapped and choked and moreSpankings and hair pulling and pinching the corotid artery (no asphyxiation, never) I understand. But punching, really?
>>32569246Every woman has a BDSM fetish and rape fantasy. Every single one. They don't actually want to be raped, they just want to be dominated by a real, masculine, dominant man.
>>32573000Incel
>>32572901yes, in the gut is great. i sometimes punch myself but its not the same
>>32573935Noooo. That can't be good :/Plz don't do that. Still better than self cutting I guess, which my ex used to do... not good.
>>32573985oh i self cut too. my arms are fucked lol
>>32573988Please don't :,(
>>32574000ive nearly gone a month without! but im secretly planning to slice my whole arm open soon, im sorry
>>32574010Why?! That's horrible.
>>32574012self hate mainly. i look at my disgusting body and need to punish it
>>32574031>need to punish itWhy not punish it with lifting weights? It's technically self harm since you're destroying muscle fibers.
>>32573000>They don't actually want to be rapedThis is the only true thing in your post.
>>32573988>oh i self cut too.Why?
>>32570879Anon, it's OK to have your opinion, but your worldview isn't flawless.What if they're both college wrestlers in their respective leagues- that's how they met.And they decide they'll have some *fun* and introduce their shared sport to the bedroom.There is a struggle there many could call CNC, something that could even spawn something of a "rape fetish", and yet I don't think it meets any of your assumptions about what that sort of thing entails, is caused by, or would result in.Do you?
>>32574093>CNCFails the safe-sane-consensual test.
>>32574036i actually used to work out 5 times a week for really long times. i even got my bench up to 70kg. but i think its just not my style.>>32574043as above its like a punishment thing. it also makes me feel valid and a lot of other warped feelings. seeing others cut too also makes it feel like a shared suffering or something
>>32574113Anon if you don't properly explain yourself I'll just correctly identify you as a shitposter and tell you your mother failed the safe-sane-consensual test.Is that what you want?Are you using me to satisfy some sick fantasy right now??
>>32569246I've been in this situation, and I have a few opinions. First, yeah it might be a red flag, but it depends. If you're decoupling it from other baggage then yeah, it's probably not a great sign. Could just be a preference.On the other hand, it could also be a lot of fun. If you're anything like me, you'll probably be too scared that you'll hurt her at first. If I could do it over, I'd say establish some groundrules for what you're both comfortable with and then try to engage with the fantasy a bit. Don't take yourself too seriously: get comfortable with pantomiming and being a bit silly. Having a lot of self-control and being straight-laced is fine, but if you're not playful and you just throw a wet towel on the stupid shit she throws at you, she'll eventually stop trying and move on.It's an opportunity to expand your own interests too. Learning to show a little sexual aggression when it's appropriate is a good thing for you as a man. Women only appreciate your gentleness once you've demonstrated your strength.
>>32574124What's to explain? Do you not know what CNC is, or SSC?
>>32574198pretend I don'tor if you'd prefer, pretend I think YOU don't
>>32574287Preface : yes, I take BDSM far to seriously.CNC = consensual non-consensual. That is you pretend that the top is deciding everything and that you are living out 50 Shades or A.N.Roquelauresque fantasy relationship. Basically BDSM without a safe word.SSC = Safe-sane-consensual. A non-exhaustive test to see if a given sexual practice is OK or squick. The practice has to meet all three elements to be considered OK.Safe - CNC fails this one. Your top could be putting you in a situation that could create permanent trauma. You can't safe word, you can't back out. You top decides, you do. >BUT MY TOP WOULD NEVER DO THATThen you aren't really in a CNC relationship. You are topping from the bottom or you already have strict boundaries that won't be crossed. Which doesn't count as CNCSane - CNC fails this one. What sane person completely gives up their free will?Consensual - CNC fails this. I mean non-consensual is in the very name.Now I get that, like kink vs fetish, most people use CNC to mean "I want my top to surprise me" or "I don't want to negotiate with my bottom each time we do a scene" or even "I miss mommy taking care of me and don't want to be an adult." Which is fair enough, but please don't call that CNC.
>>32574410nta but i always thought cnc just meant rape play. which is something i like (prentending im getting raped)
