Essentially, I have a coworker who is my work crush. We have been friends since we joined the company at the same time two years ago. We often hang out in a social setting with our other coworkers, but not together individually. I have no interest, however, in actually pursuing a relationship with her even though I find her very attractive. This is because I really like my job and wonder if dating a coworker could impact my prospects for further promotions. Lately, she has been acting a little strange. She has not been saying hello to me when she sees me in the hallways at work sometimes and then avoids eye contact. And otherwise, she gives me kind of confused and strange looks. The flip side to this is that she has been texting me, asking me how I’m doing, etc. we text pretty often but I’ve started dialing back my texts due to being worried about her behavior. she just texted me happy birthday after ignoring me at work all day yesterday. We had a work party where she completely ignored me but introduced her new boyfriend. Did I do something? Do I ask her? Does it have to do with the boyfriend?
>>32587157To be clear, she has been texting me a lot more than usual.
>>32587157She was into you but you blew your chance. Maybe next time you'll have a spine and ask her out.
>>32587157Hmm. Maybe just maybe the change in behavior has something to do with the new boyfriend.
Why do people get in these retarded ass situations?You feel a crush. Three options.1. You pursue it. In this case, act.2. You judge it as not worth pursuing. In this case, abandon the feelings.3. You keep onto the feelings and don't act, thus simultaneously building up sunk cost fallacy AND fear of missing out at the exact same time, and stress yourself out with the potential backlash of your massively inflated feelings being shut down, to the point where you just double down further and make it even more painful for yourself when you either A. Get rejected for being too needy, or B. Hold onto not just your unrequited affection but also self-judgemental regretLike, do you people have literally 0 foresight? Pick option one or option two, retards.
>>32587157>impact my prospects for further promotionsThis isn't a thing anymore. Promotions are acalled getting a new job
>>32587157best guess is she feels guilty about engaging with you in person, but less so over text. she might be attracted to you, or just likes to create chaos in her relationships. either way i think you should try not to respond to her texts, it's a messy situation and nothing good will come from being involved
>>32587157Anon, the "don't shit were you eat" thing is a myth. Humans used to date coworkers for thousands of years. You have a higher chance of being is a long and happy relationship with her. She is low risk, you are aware of her financial situation, she tells you everything so no suprises, she is cute.Why be a dumbass? If it doesn't work out so what? I have a buddy who dated a coworker, it didn't workout and nothing happened. She pops into his apartment from time to time for sex. He doesn't say no because he's a guy. For some reason he complains though.
>>32587412Did I do anything wrong?
>>32587769NTA but you didn't do anything wrong based on what you've said. I would try and stop thinking about it. People do strange things for reasons we can never understand
>>32587769Yeah but it wasn't a horrible mistake. Like this anon said >>32587643 if you like someone you should have either asked her out or moved on. Torturing yourself over your work crush and working it up to be a much bigger deal in your head is a bad move.If you ask somebody out when you're just starting to be interested in each other, it's a much lower stakes risk. You haven't been building her up in your own head. If she says no, it's a far less crushing blow than if you'd been crushing on her for months. If she says yes, it's easier to date her without all that built up baggage. >Lately, she has been acting a little strange. She has not been saying hello to me when she sees me in the hallways at work sometimes and then avoids eye contact. And otherwise, she gives me kind of confused and strange looks.She clearly liked you, was waiting for you to make a move, then felt very disappointed when you never did. That's why she feels awkward around you. The right thing to do, to avoid hurt feelings and awkwardness, would have been to either ask her out sooner or just treat her like a normal co-worker. >I have no interest, however, in actually pursuing a relationship with her even though I find her very attractive. This is because I really like my job and wonder if dating a coworker could impact my prospects for further promotions. Ask yourself how true that ACTUALLY is. Rejection fucking sucks and lots of men will make up "sour grapes" excuses to avoid the risk of painful rejection. Be honest with yourself. If you really want to you might be able to salvage the situation. You *could* be honest and real with her and say it's your fault for not moving faster but you really care about her and if she's not already super attached to her new BF maybe she could drop him and give you a chance. Or wish her well and offer to get coffee with her if she ever breaks up with him. Or just ignore her and move on.
Let’s consider an alternate theory: Maybe she thinks I’m super creepy. Would she still have wished me happy birthday?
>>32588094>The flip side to this is that she has been texting me, asking me how I’m doing, etc. we text pretty oftenShe wouldn't do this to any guy she thought was creepy
I have no interest in asking this woman out.
>>32588228Then why talk to her? Will you bitch and moan if Chad took her rn and the texts stopped?
Bump
Now I’m paranoid. Is she going to read this thread?
>>32588397If she meant nothing to you and you truly didn't want to date her, you wouldn't be so paranoid.
>>32588519It’s only because I care about my job, a lot.
>>32588567Okay if she reads this thread should it matter?She will get upset abd stop talking to you and that's it. Is she gonna tell her boss she browses 4chan?
>>32587157Pretty sure this is a larp. But let's pretend you really are this socially inept (because I'm sure someone reading this will be). If you get along with her on a personal level and talk regularly, but have no intention of pursuing anything romantic with her...that's a platonic work friendship. Notice how framing that how things actually are removed any artificial complexity from your post? Treat her like the artificial work friend she is. As for why she's being weird. You are a male friend. She has a new boyfriend. New, as in boundaries haven't been properly established in their relationship. So she's being cautious and doesn't want to give anyone the wrong impression about you and her. But she still wants to be your friend. Do you still want to be hers? If yes, text her like normal. If she ignores you at work, just say hi to her anyway. If, then there's nothing to worry about. Just do your job and don't think about her.
>>32587157Don't get involved with retards.
To clarify, I want to be friends with her still. Today she was super weird again, maybe a case of the Mondays? Didn’t smile at me at all but asked me how my weekend was, how the families been.
