GF moved a few months ago for grad school she's now in AZ I'm still in Nor Cal. We've been together 8 months, but I told her I want to break up. She said she doesn't want to and asked me to think about it. We'll see each other again in a little less than two weeks from now. First the good: >Conservative >Blond, Blue eyes (I'm recessive for both so there's a good chance we'd have some blonde haired blue eyed kids.) >Wants kids>Could earn more money than I do if she gets a job on the east coast with the defense industry after her PhD.>Easily makes friends with whoever she's surrounded by>Has said she loves me>Parents are still married>Active and likes to rock climb>Will watch anime I show her>Is very smart
>>32597749The bad:>We always spend at least an hour on the phone every day when she tells me about her day. This is very annoying when I feel I have things to do. I am not great at tuning out, so I absorb all the information despite not wanting or needing most of it. (I fear this is all women and will disregard this point if you all say it's the case)>She is probably a 5-6 out of ten. (I'd conservatively rate myself an 8)>Boobs are smaller and sag a bit. neither property on it's own would be hard for me to get past, but together they are disheartening.>slight gut from being fed a rural Pennsylvania diet growing up. She has lost a good deal of weight since high school (I've seen pictures of her from then), from fat to a waist now narrower than her hips, but still has a little gut and I'm afraid she'll never really get over her sugar addiction even though she tries.>On some sort of amphetamine for mental stuff. I'd rather not be with someone who needs pharma to have a working brain. (though I hear it's most women these days)>I suspect one of the main reasons she likes being with me is because of my looks. Often compliments my looks. Not sure if this is good because I'll get old eventually and then I won't look as good lack of relationship security.
>>32597753>Into video games while I am not. She often hints she wants to play some of them with me, but I don't really want to. She doesn't push the matter with me and I'm concerned she doesn't push things because she doesn't want to strain the relationship.>As per point above, I think she sees herself as the less desired person in the relationship (this is probably true) and therefore treads lightly on anything she thinks I won't like. I'd rather have a more equal relationship with someone who isn't afraid to speak their mind a bit more to me about things in our relationship instead of just her opinions on her friend's drama.I've felt like breaking up with her since before she moved, but didn't because it's not easy finding conservative girls in college towns who aren't retards, but now I'm thinking I should have broken things off when she was first moving. What do you think. Am I throwing away something I'll regret loosing later. One of the biggest things I know I'll regret if I stay with her is when she compliments my looks. It always makes me think "If I look good it, why don't I go look for a better looking woman?" I hate this thought, but I can't keep from thinking it whenever I hear a compliment from her.
>>32597749>You said you wanted to break up>She said she didn't want toI fundamentally do not understand this behavior. When someone makes a decision to end a relationship, it's final as far as I'm concerned. We're not friends anymore. I don't want to think about you.
>>32597788Yeah, probably should avoid the 'stay friends' thing too. One thing I'd like to gauge from people on here is weather I should stick with it longer. I honestly don't think I want to stay with her long term, but Staying with her now is tolerable and nice enough when we see each other in person. I just feel like I'm wasting both our time if I don't think it's going to work out down the road.
Where in AZ is she?
>>32597806I agree that the "staying friends" things is cope. That is unless you were not emotionally invested in the relationship, but in which case why would you be together in the first place?That being said, if you feel that this person is not right for you, you are indeed wasting both parties time as you both could find something more satisfying. She will not have any trouble as she is in college. I trust you are able to judge whether you have better prospects available or are capable of developing them.
>>32597749I'm not going to read your blog post. Luckily all the information necessary to advise your situation is in the first few sentences. >> 8 months>> moved away I don't know how far your locations are from each other but this is pretty simple. If she is close enough that you can still see each other at least once every 7 days (maybe upto a fortnight at the most but that'd be a stretch) for a long enough time to spend quality time together for the duration that she's away, and you can still both attend each others special occasions, parties, etc. then it's ok to stay together if you want to. If she's too far away to see her regularly, and she'll be away longer than 26 weeks, then the relationship has no chance of lasting and it should end now on good terms.
>>32597851Greater Phoenix area
>>32597852>That is unless you were not emotionally invested in the relationship,Can you explain why that is? Curious. Also maybe it's autism or just me being dumb, but I'm not sure how to qualify emotional investment. Is there a good way for me to figure that out?>>32597863Thanks for the advice, can you explain your reasoning/why you say that stretch of time??
>>32597890Thought she'd be more north. She'll be alright if she's faithful and cares about you. But I'd still be a bit wary given it a large part of town with a "drinking and party" scene.
>>32597902Firstly, long distance relationships do not work. People have emotional and physical needs. Yes, sure sex but that's not really what I'm talking about. The ability to hold your partner, to be physically present with them to share experiences, to go places with them, introduce them to your friends, do things. Be around each other and have common ground of a shared day. Longer than 12 weeks without these things and relationships start to break down because the differences and emptiness is starting to become apparent. Longer than 26 weeks and the gulf between you with experiences the other wasn't involved in, that you both can't look back on as memories or relate, that's become so large that it can never be overcome. It will always be a distance between you that will undermine trust and destroy the relationship. You become irrelevant to each others day to day lives and drift apart. You need to physically be in the presence of someone at least once a week to really continue bonding with them. They need to be close by enough that if you get invited to a party or an event , or they need your help, or they have an achievement that their spouse can be present. These things are essential for a relationship. The more of these things that happen and you're not there, the more destroyed the relationship is and the more resentful/jealous both of you become. You've only been together for 8 months. This means you do not have the strong foundation yet either and are still very much in the critical bonding phase of a relationship. Check the studies on long distance relationships, they'll concur everything I've said.
>>32597940Thanks for the info. I'll take your word for it on the studies as it makes sense to me. The more time has gone on since she moved, the more I've felt like the relationship isn't real.
jesus. why would you stay with her when youre not attracted to her? whats the point of having a based girlfriend if shes not a girlfriend to you, just a means to having blue eyed babies? you seem horribly autistic
>>32597953>> The more time has gone on since she moved, the more I've felt like the relationship isn't real.Exactly. I think you both know that if she really wanted the relationship with you to work and saw that as her future she either wouldn't have moved so far away, or would have spent several months planning with you on how the relationship was going to work so you would realistically see each other regularly. She didn't do that because she might want the relationship but she doesn't yet see it as her future with full commitment. She sees her education as her future though. You can't run a relationship from a distance on that premise.
