He claimed it’s over but recently I found out that he was still occasionally watching it even during our marriage.I feel betrayed and Idk what to do about it, he hurt me very much.
>>32603028Your husband is currently processing his grief. Give him some time.
>>32603028>He claimed it’s over but recently I found out that he was still occasionally watching it even during our marriage.I’m a guy who fights the addiction too. I believe him when he says it’s over, even though he still occasionally relapses. In his eyes, the addiction is over. In your eyes, clearly it isn’t. Reason I believe his personal experience is because to an addict, going from >Every single day, multiple times a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year of porn usageto>Relapsing every other month for a few days whenever life gets really stressfulgenuinely feels like it’s over, relative to how the addict had once been way worse. It’s important for your husband to tell this to himself and for him to believe that too, so it does not go back to old rates of consumption.That said, how you feel isn’t crazy or deluded either. You feel hurt because it is hurtful. What might be worth considering though is it’s not his intent to hurt you. Addicts typically don’t make it their goal to hurt anyone, even if they indirectly do without realising. He will also tell you he loves you and is only attracted to you and you only, while seeming like a hypocrite or a liar because he jerked to porn that featured other women. As crazy as it sounds, he’ll genuinely believe himself when he tells you this. For all intents and purposes, he means it. This is because to a porn addict, there is real attraction (to their partner) and then there is cheap lust. A compulsive non-rational urge for dopamine as a stress response, using sexual energy as the way to deliver it. So to the porn addict, the women aren’t really women, or people. Just symbols, visual aids, mental props to push the self pleasure of jerking off along. Just pure fantasy, but disrespectfully expressed using a shit method, pornography. In other words, it’s not about the other women. It’s merely about himself and soothing his own stressor or anxiety using porn.
>>32603028"Occasionally" does not sound like an addiction.
>>32603050I don’t know if I can forgive him for getting sexual pleasure from anyone else than myself. He vowed to me and now I feel he cheated on me. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t see them as people. Still it’s awful thing to do. Would you do that if you’re married? Surely wouldn’t.
>>32603095Then talk to him like a sensible adult. There will be reasoning behind why he does it, albeit on a lesser basis. Addiction isn't fixed instantly.
>>32603095>I don’t know if I can forgive him for getting sexual pleasure from anyone else than myself.Forgiveness is a choice. Whether you make that choice or not is entirely your call. If you don’t forgive him, it’s not good. But it’s not bad either. It’s just a matter of you either do or you don’t.>He vowed to me and now I feel he cheated on me.In his mind, he did yeah. In his actions, he didn’t. It’s a weird thing to reconcile. He did not actually have sex with or speak to or engage with another woman. To him, it’s just imagery on a screen. The fantasy however is still one where you aren’t in it. So yes, you’ll rightly feel cheated. >It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t see them as people.You’re not wrong. But it’s still important to keep his PoV in mind if you want some sense of security to hold onto. Because it can show you that he isn’t planning or wanting to throw you away for some other woman in real life. >Still it’s an awful thing to doYep. He knows it too, he’s ashamed of it. That’s why he hides it. Men will hide what we feel ashamed of. Yet we keep repeating it because when we hide it, we have to fight it alone. And often times, we lose the fight.>Would you do that if you’re married? Surely you wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to, no. But temptation and addiction does not care what I want. I have in the past failed exactly like your husband has and felt self hatred for it.
>>32603117And how did your SO react to it? Did she forgive you? When you opened your porn site, did you have a single thought about her that would prevent you from doing it but you decided to ignore it anyway?
>>32603028Have you tried sucking his dick and riding him?
>>32603126>And how did your SO react to it? Did she forgive you?She never reacted, because she never found it out. I was able to win against my addiction and kill it off as things got serious between us. But there were times when I had used porn while dating her, early on. So no she did not forgive me because she didn’t know. I don’t feel good about this either. But I don’t see the wisdom in telling her now, it would only needlessly hurt her for no reason other than satisfying my guilt. Especially since I no longer use it now.>When you opened your porn site, did you have a single thought about her that would prevent you from doing it but you decided to ignore it anyway?Tricky to say. The thought process is a blur, it’s semi-dissociative, like going on autopilot. It’s rather mindless. So I had no thoughts about her during porn usage, and part of me avoided those thoughts too, because it would mean confronting shame. Shame feels like shit. And the reason I ran to porn in the first place was to escape bad feelings or thoughts from other stressors from life.So the porn had nothing to do with my SO at all. That was the point. And this is how I knew it did not mean I stopped loving her or stopped being attracted. It had nothing to do with her, and was not her fault. It was a separate mental world I indulged in. And when I’d get out of that addiction stupor, I remained loving her as if nothing changed. That’s why I could easily know if I had an opportunity to actually have an affair with the women on the computer screen, I’d gladly refuse it, because in reality, my love for her is more important.
>>32603141So what would you suggest? And please, look at things from my point of view, not only his. I know you relate but I am asking for advice for myself, not him.
is there any way you could just chill out maybe?
It's really hard to beat addiction, specially when you do it alone in a hypersexualized world like ours. But I still get it that you're (rightfully) angry and feel betrayed.But >>32603050 already said enough about it.So, given the situation, you have some choices to make:1 - Forgive him and try to help him beat the addiction.2 - Don't forgive him and make your marriage a living hell for BOTH of you.3 - Divorce already and forget about him.Now, I've never been married nor in a relationship, but I honestly believe in the catholic church teachings about matrimony, so if I were in your shoes, I would AT LEAST try to forgive him, BUT would make an effort to help him get rid of it, specially by talking, going to the church (if you guys aren't catholic, try it, it's really good), maybe installing some app to block porn in all his devices.Of course, HE also should try to beat it, by being more open about his sexual needs with you, and you not shaming him because of it.Example:He gets aroused and you're not in the mood:>"Hey honey, sorry, I'm not in the mood, but what about we go out to x place? Have dinner out? Do some exercise? maybe let's try to talk until you forget about it?"Instead of>"Again? you only think about sex!"(I'm not saying you do this, just an example)If you decide to follow this route,I would suggest to watch people like Matt Fradd and his discussion about porn.
>>32603157>So what would you suggest? And please, look at things from my point of view, not only his. I know you relate but I am asking for advice for myself, not him.My advice from your point of view would be:Tell him how much it hurt you, to his face. You let him know that even if he finds it shameful or is sorry or it’s a struggle for him, it does not erase the hurt that you feel and that you want him to acknowledge that. I would avoid ultimatums at all costs. So telling him “If this continues, we need to break up” will only make the addiction worse. (You can still break up, if that is your wish. But only mention it to him when you actually intend to breakup on that same day. Avoid using it as a way to brute force the addiction out of him).So telling him exactly how you feel. Hold nothing back. Because how you feel is just as important.
>>32603169Would the advice look the same if that would be your woman asking? I mean, if she would find out, would you want her to do the exact same thing?I wish it would be that simple with my husband. I have already a low self esteem but this thing made it worse. I can’t unsee him getting pleasure from someone else while married.
>>32603175>Would the advice look the same if that would be your woman asking? I mean, if she would find out, would you want her to do the exact same thing?Probably not no, because I’d shit myself lol. Absolutely not, my advice would most likely involve me trying to cover my ass to avoid her wrath and/or to avoid her abruptly dumping my ass. Because I wouldn’t want to lose her at all. As selfish as it sounds, I would want her to forgive me, to acknowledge I still love her, to be merciful, and to not count my repetition of falling to porn, but instead, to count the repetitive amount of times I fought against it, to acknowledge that struggle and to validate it and encourage my continuing fight against it. That’s what I’d truly want more than anything. For her to know just as many times I failed, there’s as many times I fought it, for her, because I love her.But reality is reality. And if I disconnect my emotions, I’d want her to stand up for her own needs and to rightfully kick my ass emotionally. So, it doesn’t matter what I want. It matters what she wants, since it would be she who had been hurt.Our problem as men, is we’re very prideful. So prideful that we will want to hide all of our inner battles from sight, especially from the people we admire and love, for fear they’d see us as ugly or weak. So we hide it and try to fight it all alone, and then unsurprisingly, it actually gets worse. And if we turn to the people we have failed, we fear we’ll lose them. So we keep it all bottled. So no matter what you say or do, just keep the convo going about it with hubby. So he doesnt bottle it again
>>32603028I suggest you look at the book Atomic habits. It explains in an understandable way how to gain good habits and get rid of bad ones over time. You can read it yourself and give advice, or you can give it to him as a gift to read. It will make him feel good.
>>32603028>was still occasionally watching itThat is NOT an addiction
>>32603095>I don’t know if I can forgive him for getting sexual pleasure from anyone else than myself.if you don't want your husband jerkin it to porn then maybe you should make yourself more willing and available for him to fuck you insecure, icy cunt
>>32603197The truth is that you decided to hide it from your partner because you know deep down that it would be the end of your relationship. And I feel the same right now. I can’t trust him and think of us as exclusive anymore. I don’t know if I am able to forgive.
>>32603450>The truth is that you decided to hide it from your partner because you know deep down that it would be the end of your relationship.I don’t know that deep down, no. I did have a fear it might’ve been possible, but that wasn’t the main reason. The main reason was I didn’t want to see her hurt, I didn’t want to see her cry or break her heart and mutilate her self-esteem over my stupidity, that’s why. Which I know sounds paradoxical and ass backwards, if I care so much about her, then why even risk things to look at porn? It’s because addiction does not care. Doesn’t care what I want, what my loved ones want, nothing is sacred to an addiction. And believe me, addicts hate it and themselves for that. I don’t know what else to tell you.I’ll tell you what though, since we’re being honest in these posts. I’d hate to think she’d choose to break up with me over a sickness like addiction. I’d hate for it to be possible that a woman who I had been there for, not shaming her for her bulimia or when destroyed her own body with compulsive skin and hair picking, could find it in her to show no mercy when it’s my vulnerabilities causing her to feel hurt. I’d think that’d be a fucked up turn of events. That all it took for her devotion to disappear was for her self esteem to take a hit from my own failure. Especially since I went and already fought my own battle and won it, I handled my shit. My own woman has yet to handle hers. That’s okay. I don’t sit there though and contemplate burning the whole thing down just because she has a struggle. I give her all of my patience and support. If you actually love the guy, then find it in you to give him that once things cooled down. If not, then try counselling.
>>32603543You don’t choose sickness. But you choose porn as your addiction. It’s stupid to compare one with another. And if what you said about your woman is true, then it’s even more awful that you choose porn over her. I can’t even imagine why would you do that if you’re in a relationship. You want sex? Why you won’t get it from her?
>>32603095Up the ante and become sexier, berate him for being a bad boy and fuck him like a pornstar would
>>32603028get the fuck off this website you whore. this is not a place for women
>>32603573>But you choose porn as your addiction.A choice I had made when I was a 14 year old kid, yeah. Once you are addicted to something, you’re addicted to something. Choice takes a backseat until recovery happens. So fastforward 5 years, 10, 15, porn addict man meets a girl, he’ll still be cradling that addiction. Your husband most likely did not choose that after meeting you. He’s most likely had it long before you ever met him.>And if what you said about your woman is true, then it’s even more awful that you choose porn over her.Is it? Because I don’t shame her or hold the relationship hostage over her faults. Why would it make it okay for her to do that to me when it’s my failure?>You want sex? Why you won’t get it from her?You’ll hear this a lot from men when they speak on their issues in relationships or marriage:I ask for it, try to initiate. She refuses, and refuses, and refuses. It gets humiliating, and I stop bothering her with it. As men are often told, too. Can’t force it, don’t shame her, her body her choice. Cool cool. I don’t want to force her to like it either. I leave her be. So no sex, I get my natural urges on top of addiction biting my ass, I bottle it all up, then I fail by succumbing to porn. Then I feel like shit. Rinse and repeat cycle, too. And remember - it’s wrong to make the woman feel bad for not fucking the man enough, right? So no shit, myself and men like me just keep it quiet and struggle. We’re screwed either way. If we fail, we get lynched emotionally lol. The woman would rather see a man die on his horse than fall off of it. So she’d rather see him suffer quiet and stay ‘strong’ than to dare fail. From the male PoV, it’s fucking tough, hard as shit, and I’m glad I put my addiction down. But boy do I really resent the fact I had to do it alone and no support, because ‘happy wife happy life’ + a consequence of having my heart torn out for the crime of struggling as a man.
get over yourself or suck his dick more. hes a man he has urges if u don’t want to fuck all the time please explain why he shouldn’t get these urges out. ? also a woman with a husband on 4chan? definitely a tranny. id jerk of to if my only pussy was a shit covered mockery of nature. its just not right what’s happening
>>32603651I thought you said that you beat the addiction before things get serious between you and her? And that she doesn’t even know about it? Why in that case do you expect her participation and support? It doesn’t add up. If I would be you I would rather try to find a reason for her resentment than succumb to such degrading and disrespectful habit.
>>32603677>I thought you said that you beat the addiction before things get serious between you and her? And that she doesn’t even know about it? Why in that case do you expect her participation and support? It doesn’t add up.Because of the high possibility of reactions much like the one OP. It’s not support men expect from women, it’s typically shame and tears and pain and nursing the woman’s self esteem + possibility of getting labelled a ‘cheater’ and then dumped/divorced.I did beat the addiction before things got serious yes, like a year in. >If I would be you I would rather try to find a reason for her resentment than succumb to such degrading and disrespectful habit.The reason is simple, its because the woman feels hurt, unattractive, and feels scared her man doesn’t want her anymore and/or will cheat. And typically what follows is what I said before, a big blow up and possible break up. So put yourself in a man’s shoes:- You got addicted to porn- Porn soothes stress, so you try to avoid stress- But you hate porn but keep going back to it, like a bad habit- You know if your partner ever finds out about your struggle, you’re done, you’re dumped. You do not get support, you get consequences.- You dont want to lose them, you love them a lot- they also dont have sex often with you if at allSo what do you do? Spill the beans and the truth hurt the shit out of your partner + you lose the entire relationship, sinking you further into misery and making the addiction x10 worse.OrLie/hide/suppress the truth and fight it alone and pray to every power that is out there you can beat the addiction?The third option is “tell the truth, come clean, receive mercy and support from GF” doesnt exist in this example (rarely does when men get stuck here). So what do you do?
>>32603705> The reason is simple, it’s because the woman feels hurt, unattractive, and feels scared her man doesn’t want her anymore and/or will cheat.I was talking about finding out why she doesn’t have sex with you. I would want to know why rather than look at porn.
>>32603726>I would want to know why rather than look at porn.headaches, anxiety, PMS, body image issues, low self esteem, ‘too tired’, ‘just not feeling it babe’. Believe me, it remains a mystery even to her. What about you, how is your sex life with hubby? Do you have sex often?
>>32603736No wonder you jerk off anon, youre not a fucking monk
>>32603736We have a decent sex life, I would say. But his sex drive is higher than mine and he resents me for that. It’s basically my fault for him to use porn.
>>32603758>It’s basically my fault for him to use pornNo, femanon, wrong perspective. It’s not your fault. It’s not his fault. Throwing ‘fault’ around is what fucks everything up, especially with addiction. If you want to do the absolute divine never before seen strategy, maybe try giving to your husband what I couldn’t get. Support and understanding and help him beat this thing together as a couple. If your man is out there getting torn the fuck up by an inner demon, like porn addiction, then go and help him. If you can’t or won’t, then just pray that he can win the fight on his own, alone. He’s probably secretly trying to fight it alone anyway. As men we’re expected to do that anyway. If we don’t then we’re weak or whatever. Best of luck to you both though, genuinely. You’re married so. The vow was ‘in sickness and in health’. Addiction is a sickness. Do what you wish with that reminder, and I’m sorry this happened to you.
>>32603781You picture your woman bad now. “Do for him what I didn’t get: support, understanding”. Like your woman could do that before you got together or without any knowledge about the addiction.
>>32603758no, he resents your insane and illogical judgment of him using porn. you're basically telling him "no, i won't fuck you and no, you cant just masterbate because im insecure and it makes me feel bad"basically you're telling him HE has to be miserable for the sake of YOUR feelings and if he uses porn because he would rather jerk his dick than give up his marriage you're going to hate and shame him for not caring about YOUR feelings. sounds like you're just a selfish cunt
>>32603808Oh no, she made that clear in conversations early on. She told me what she thinks of porn, porn addicts, and what she would do if she ever found out her man looked at porn. She’d read stories of other women with bfs or hubbys struggling with the addiction on tiktok or insta. Comments filled to the brim with other women spamming “throw the whole man away girl, he aint good 4 u queen xxx” and she’d be on complete agreement lol. Sad dramatic billie eilish music playing throughout the social media propaganda and all that. I’m sure you know how it goes.So yeah nah, no way I’d confide in that as a man.
>>32603028Just support him, he's obviously trying. >>32603050Also this.
>>32603852Why did you lie to her early on and pretend you’re not one of them? She wouldn’t continue the relationship so you basically tricked her into one.
>>32603930>Why did you lie to her early on and pretend you’re not one of them? She wouldn’t continue the relationship so you basically tricked her into one.Because I really liked her and I wanted to have the courage to dare to try and be a better man to be worthy of her. And also, when recovering from addiction, it is vital to not identify as an addict in order to beat addiction. Addiction recovery is a process, a slow one that involves a lot of failing and trying again. That’s not lying to her. Didn’t trick her into shit. She also didn’t tell me about her own issues upfront either. Didn’t tell me she’ll vomit out everything down the toilet on command to serve her body image issues. She kept that quiet. She trick me into a relationship? Or did the both of us do the human thing and hide our imperfections out of fear of judgement, as most people do?
>>32603945Clearly you’re not comparing a serious mental issue with inability to have a healthy masturbation?
>>32603968Why can’t both be serious mental issues? Because lemme tell you, they are. Addiction is a mental issue. And a serious one too, look at how it kneecapped your marriage and brought your emotional connection to your hubby down to its knees.
>>32603980Even when we agree on that, there is other thing. Her issue is harming only herself, yours target both of you. Did you do anything to help her btw?
>>32603998>Her issue is harming only herself, yours target both of you. Not true. Do you think I enjoy the sound and sight of it? To listen to the girl I deeply love wretch snd vomit while crying into a toilet bowl? Watching someone I deeply care for mentally anguish to the point of making herself sick? Wanna guess what what makes me feel on the inside every time? Pain. Helplessness, and complete despair. It fucking sucks. But I keep a strong head, wear a stone like attitude and I suppress my initial feelings and instead give sober minded support and be her rock, which again, that’s our job as men, what we’re expected to do, thanklessly at that. >Did you do anything to help her btw?Yes, wiped lots of tears away, cuddled her anxiety away, fought her fears away, reassured her and told her I’m still proud of her for trying to get better. I still do that to this day. I can’t do anything else, as she is an adult who needs to want to help herself through the rest of it.
>>32603028How often do you have sex with him?
>>32603028>no fun allowed!>stop liking what i don't like!The failure of your marriage is purely your fault and you are one who betrayed your husband.No wonder your husband doesn't respect you.
>>32603095You sound like actual narcissist or severely insecure incel.
>>32603028why dont you suck him dry huh? never crossed your mind?
>>32604070How a skin picker and bulimic can help herself? Asking out of curiosity.
>>32604376idk, read books on how to help themselves or therapy to help them understand how their coping mechanic started in their life and how it works, understanding their own pathology. It’s what I had to do to beat porn addiction.
Your husband likes watching women be exploited and is a bad person. Of course it hurts. You can either stay and psyop up yourself into accepting it or stick by your morals and leave which is hard but won't kill your soul
>>32604460>go ahead, break your marital vow>do it femanon cmon. husband is a sinner, shame on him for not being sinless, shame on him for being a human and not God>break the vow, go on break the vowyou realise you doing the devil’s work right?
>>32603044Kek
>>32604470>you realise you doing the devil’s work right?NTA. But sexual immorality is grounds for divorce anon. Christ himself said so.
>>32605359>bachelor tells married people to break up he lives today through /adv/!
>>32605359>NTA. But sexual immorality is grounds for divorce anon. Christ himself said so.Chapter and Verse. And I’ll assume you’ll bring up Matthew 5:28>But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.He says that when a man looks at another woman with lust, it means the man has already committed adultery with her in his heart.Is Jesus wrong? Absolutely not. He is, as always, correct. And some people, as always, misapply His words. Typically protestants. He is reminding men not to look at other women sexually if they got a wife. He is not saying they have committed adultery. He is saying they have set their hearts on adultery. Bit of a difference there. And I can demonstrate it too.I look at your post and I see someone I’d wanna smack with a giant fish. I have committed fish assault in my heart. Have I actually assaulted you with a fish? No. In fact, adultery of the heart and adultery are considered two separate things. Adultery of the heart is almost never recognised as appropriate grounds for divorce in Christianity. This doesn’t mean it’s a good thing for a husband to do, it isn’t. Porn has no place in a marriage. But to tell others to divorce over it is insanity.
>>32603095That's a discussion to have before you start fucking each-other, for you two to agree upon.
there is no woman that would ever attempt to survive building a homestead with me in the rocky mountains in the winterwomen would never trust my skills plus her own work to keep her alive, even when together we'd have what it takesand that's sad
>>32603028Do you even /hm/ and /y/?You can look at porn too.
>>32603117>>32605489Best posts ITT.I'd just add that, while porn isn't cheating per se, it's still wrong, as >>32605489 says. I wouldn't argue for divorce as I would if he had cheated on OP, but it's still a perfectly reasonable boundary for OP to have, so I wouldn't argue against it, either. A marriage isn't something to end lightly, but she doesn't have to put up with intolerable behavior. I'm leaning towards the recommendation that she communicate to her husband and try to work through his issue for good.
Men are not that complicated. We are wired different than you. The most effective way to get what you want is:>Ask him for a chat>Tell him it bothers you and why in less then 10 sentences. >Propose for every day he does not watch porn you will fuck the shit out of him. If he has a kink, maybe try to do this too. In one month this will no longer be an issue.
>>32605489>And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman bcommits adulteryTo clarify, I wouldn't advocate for divorce due to a single instance of pornography use, but if it's continuous, and they refuse to change?Let me ask you this: what would you do if your wife was consistently masturbating to other men?
>>32605489Adultery is adultery. If you’re trying to make your porn usage less severe to save your relationship, you’re just an asshole to your woman, and a coward. Respect her or leave her alone.
>>32606682>but if it's continuous, and they refuse to change?If they refuse to change then divorce is a viable recourse. Single instance/continuous use isn’t the crux of the issue however. Because even in continuous usage, we can’t be certain if it’s continuous due to refusal to change. It could be, and often is with porn addicts, a continuous struggle of relapses. That’s realistic. Because when it comes to addiction and bad habits, it takes time and effort to get rid of them. >what would you do if your wife was consistently masturbating to other men?I’d be as angry as OP is and feel absolutely horrible. What I would do is demand she stops it. What I wouldn’t do is divorce over it, unless it becomes clear she does not care to try to change or acknowledge her problem. If it becomes clear she was actually cheating, in contact with another man, then it’s over.>>32607074>Adultery is adulteryOr you could read the verse and discern it better.Adultery of the heart means lust. Are all acts of infidelity lustful? Yes. Are all lustful violations infidelity? No. Are both things wrong? Yes. Is watching pornography the same as having sex with another woman who isn’t your wife? No, and that should be obvious to you. Is it then adultery? Yes, in the heart - heart meaning, mental/spiritual. Is it full-on completed adultery where the man has fornicated with the other woman? No. To just say ‘adultery is adultery’ is lazy and not even what Christ has said. Notice Christ makes a very specific proclamation, He doesn’t say ‘Adultery is adultery’, He specifies “committed adultery with her in his heart.”Notice how He didn’t say ‘Adultery is adultery’? >If you’re trying to make your porn usage less severe to save your relationship, you’re just an asshole to your woman, and a cowardYou’re being absurd.>You are an asshole for trying to sin less to try to honour the relationship.That’s what you imply. Are you insane?
>>32607182Are you, anon? Are you really trying not to sin against your woman? If you know how she feels about it and you still do that, then you are not honouring her wishes for having a man who doesn’t watch porn. She told you what she thinks about porn and you should assume she demands you to not use it as well. But you do. It makes you a hypocrite because you would demand her to stop but she did that in non direct way and you didn’t give a shit.
>>32607275Again, you’re larping as an antichrist lol. Look at you whispering demoralising doubt and discord around, acting as God almighty and in your pride you try to interpret the intentions of others in their relationships not only to their spouse, but to God. You wanna talk sin, let’s talk about your one that you make right this second.>It makes you a hypocrite because you would demand her to stop but she did that in non direct way and you didn’t give a shit.It would only make someone a hypocrite if they say X is right for themselves, but not of their spouse. I am saying X is wrong for both. X = porn in that equation.A hypocrite does not want to change or seek to change or make efforts to change, hypocrites also don’t acknowledge their actions as wrong either. They certainly don’t pretend to be sinless and convince married couples to break their vow like you do.Read Matthew 7:22 - 23 and have a long hard think on it.
>>32607362But seriously without any religious context. You know that your woman doesn’t approve porn and wouldn’t want to date a porn addict. You marry her and continue the usage. Then you say if she would use porn, you would demand her to stop and if she wouldn’t, she would be in a trouble for that. Do you see how unfair is that? The only solution here is for you to completely give it up and never look at it again. No relapses.
>>32607465>You know that your woman doesn’t approve porn and wouldn’t want to date a porn addict.Yes>You marry her and continue the usage.Acknowledged >Then you say if she would use porn, you would demand her to stop.That’s right>She would be in trouble for that.No she would not. I would not seek to punish her for succumbing to something like addiction. I would be offended, I would be upset, I would demand it stop. But I would not attach punishment, there at that point I would encourage, support and work with her to get her out of that mental and emotional sinkhole. That’s the difference. >Do you see how unfair that is?If I was someone who punishes the person I’m supposed to love, yes that would be unfair. But I make it a point not to do that.>”This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”1 John, Ch. 4, Verses 17 - 18.Fear has to do with punishment. Punishment has no place in love, because it just makes the person you claim to love afraid of you. That means they are less likely to confide and recover from things like porn addiction. >The only solution here is for you to completely give it up and never look at it again.Agreed>No relapses.Unless I am Christ Jesus, this isn’t a guarantee. If I pretend to you or myself that there will be no relapses 100%, I would become a liar. Because I am not perfect, I will fail as any other man or woman. All I can do is try, and try hard, and keep trying.
>>32607738May I ask how many times did you relapse during your relationship?
>>32607767I didn’t keep count. I was too intoxicated with shame after each time to dwell on it. But I’ll probably guess close to 100 times or more. Higher frequency at the start of the process of ending the addiction. So 10 relapses in one week. Then 8 in another, and then 7, then 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, addiction goes dead. In that sort of process.
>>32607784If she would find out, you would be fucked. Relationship over. Few times? Maybe she would forgive. But over 100? No woman should put up with such shit.
>>32607799>If she would find out, you would be fucked. Relationship over.>Maybe she would forgive>MaybeNow put yourself in the following scenario:You are a man, with a girlfriend or wife. You are either told by her she will ruthlessly dissolve the entire relationship or marriage if you look at porn even once.You fail, either through addiction or just a moment of impulse, you jerk off to porn. So now, you feel shame and vow to yourself or to God to try and never do that again. But you cannot tell your girlfriend or wife. Because if you do, you lose everything you have with her. So things like going to her for support, not possible. Encouragement or working together to fix the issue? Not possible. You’re on your own.So, what would that make you? A dirty liar who deliberately kept the secret from the woman, or, a man who failed and is being deprived of something called ‘forgiveness’ and ‘mercy’? What would you do in that situation, if it were you?
i'm not going to feel bad for posting ecchi on 4chan just becos there's some gooner in recovery around here if you're serious about quitting pornography to the point where you are quartering yourself with your marriage, your savior, and 4chan.org you need to leave this presence of casual sexuality, and i'm saying this as the guy who wants everyone to stay and play with me foreveri'm being so sincere and serious that i abstained from attaching a lust provoking image just this once
>>32603095Have you ever considered not everything is about you? Yeah I'm sure your feelings are hurt but get over yourself man. He's obviously improving. You can't relate to him at all and have no bad habits you needed to break? Dude is clearly trying his best. Have some grace.
>>32607831Fucking amen to that.Stop whining about the addiction and get rid of it once and for all if you respect your woman and want to be with her. She explicitly said “no porn”. Respect that!
>>32607831> you need to leave this presence of casual sexualityI appreciate your self-admitting post and thank you for your restraint. Can you tell me what you mean though? ‘leave this presence of casual sexuality?’ I’m afraid I don’t quite understand.
>>32607857people talk about ficki ficki and post lewd images on this board constantly, trying to leave porn behind but browsing 4chan is like being a recovering alcoholic at a wine tasting
>>32607870That’s true. And I understand the logic. For me it’s a bit worse than that. My addiction never quits even when I’m off the internet. My mind bombards me with lustful imagery, non-stop, and I’m not sure whether this is normal or not, but I have no control over my thoughts. They rapidly flash into my head non-stop. Not all of the thoughts are lewd or sexual, most are nonsense or boring. But regardless, temptation for lust never leaves me. It’s a non-stop fight. Been that way since as long as I can remember, to tell you the truth. Even as a kid.
>>32607857He tells you to get off this site and focus on your relationship, idiot
>>32607891Then you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you’re woman is one of those kind and relics creatures easy to hurt with your actions. Don’t do that to her and let her go. She will find someone who will respect her.
>>32607904*delicate creatures you stupid autocorrect
>>32607891That’s actually pretty fucked up. Are you happy in that relationship?
>>32607904I get that, but I do not want a woman who is like me. I don’t want to be stuck in this degenerate mindset, I don’t want to be that type of man, I want to be a better one. I used to be with a girl who encouraged my porn use greatly, who enabled it and then spit on my face (not literally) when I told her I don’t want to live like that anymore. She fucked off and cheated the minute I found faith in God.So tell me, what are we suggesting here? Either you are a good saintly man, or a bad and degenerate man? And if you are something in between, you neither should be with the good woman, but do not go back to an impure woman either. I don’t get it.
>>32607891You stimulate your brain with internet. No wonder it projects shit when you’re off. Go on a detox from 4chan and degenerate shit and you should get better mate. Do that for her if you really love her.
>>32607924>That’s actually pretty fucked up. Are you happy in that relationship?Yes, that’s what gives the shame of relapse its bite. Because it betrays the happiness she gives me.>>32607934Yeah, I’ll see to that now.
>>32603028Why do so many women say men aren't owed sex even in a relationship but expect or demand money and get mad when men turn to porn? These women don't want the responsibility of taking care of their own men (or themselves, see all the fat people), they have their own porn or toys or backup men or men they fantasize about while in relationships, but men aren't allowed to take care of themselves using porn. It's just ridiculous.
>>32607948Good good, man. Leave that place for a bit and do something else. Play games, read books, spend some time quality time with your woman. BOND with her. Lust for her instead of porn degeneracy. You’ll notice soon that explicit images are not there anymore and you are free.
