I've been thinking about killing myself on and off for the last 5 years or so. I've had some pretty low points and even tried doing it once and I think if I hit a low enough point I'd maybe go through with it. It's not so much that I'm unbearably sad because of some traumatic event that happened. It's more like I don't find fulfillment or joy in anything, have nothing I'm really living for, have no meaningful connections with others, and generally live an empty life. I can enjoy my hobbies at ties, and I can find a little fulfillment in my job and in the gym, and I have amicable relationships with my acquaintances and coworkers, but it's all shallow and fleeting. When I'm alone and I don't have anything distracting me, it feels meaningless. The only people who really care about me are my parents, but we've been getting more distant every year so it's hard to remember that sometimes. I'll bust my ass at work and feel accomplished until I get home and then when I spend the rest of the day in front of the computer with the lights off I'll wonder what the hell it was even for. On its own I don't think this would be enough to make me want to end my life but the way I think about myself, influenced by the way my relationships went in the past, makes me see myself as a burden on other people and a cause of trouble, which in turn makes me want to always be useful to people or avoid them completely so I don't bother them. Everything I do in life is reflected through this lens. I know it's dysfunctional and that I'm probably not literally a burden on everyone I've ever known but knowing that in the academic sense and internalizing it are two different things. When I have those undistracted moments alone I'll end up reflecting on every way I caused trouble for someone else in my life and then I'll think that maybe the best thing I could do for people in the future is to shut myself away from them, maybe permanently. I'm 24. Can I change? Is this fixable?
>>32606384https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yC-G0cho-1I&pp=ygUeQWFvbiBjbGFyZXkgYmVmb3JlIHlvdSBjOW1taXR0
>>32606384I don't think you should kill yourself. Yes, you can still find value in life. It's not like we have concrete proof of what's after so what's it matter anyways? At least you can do stuff.
>>32606384If you work, you are contributing to welfare kids and boomer retirement accounts and hopefully making profit for your employer. That is not bad for 24. It wont always be the same. You do present a pretty convincing argument tho.
>>32606384Well shit I deeply relate to this
>>32606384>I'm 24. Can I change? Is this fixable?Yes and yes. First step is do not personalise it. So this right here:>Can I change?Swap the ‘I’ for the word ‘it’. and this:>Is this fixable?Ask instead: ‘Is this doable?’Because if you identify as unfixable, you identify as broken. And if you identify as broken, then naturally, you will not be likely to believe that things will get better. Because things that are broken explicitly imply you’re unfixable. That is obstacle #1. Do not personalise our perceived failures. You can be a man who fails, or has had failed. But don’t ever identify as a failure. That’s the road to Hell. And if you’re already on that road, that’s okay – crazy as it sounds – the way out is to turn back. That means to go backwards, not forwards. That means practicing the opposite beliefs on purpose. So instead of identifying as a failure, don’t identify with failure. You slowly move backwards and you can climb out of that pitfall. Do not personalise success either. Just in the same manner as before. It is tempting but remember, you would be just a man who succeeded, but it does not make one a ‘success’. Because I know, you know, everyone knows the ‘success’ can and will turn to failure. And if you’re already identifying with ‘success’, when you fail, you will automatically identify as a failure. So, just a man who fails. A man who succeeds. A man, just a man. That is the trick. Once you’ve practiced this mindset enough, you’ll know exactly what you need and want, because it is (you), OP, who holds the key to your own cage. No-one else. So trust yourself, even if you may currently hate yourself, do it anyway. Trust is a choice. Don’t focus on the good feelings or bad feelings. Forget how it feels, and focus on the actions of yourself. Focus on perspective. Allow yourself to become a paradox; give to yourself when you fail. Whether that’s trust, respect, or peace.
>>32607499>Cont.Oh and P.S. OP, by ‘don’t focus on the good feelings’. Don’t fall for the rookie mistake I and many other young men make - it does not mean “Do not feel those feelings/If you are currently feeling them then you lose.”It means, let the feelings happen, just as you let rain or thunder happen. That’s okay. But do not let it eclipse your focus, your perspective. Keep that clean as a whistle. If it gets eclipsed, that’s okay, just rinse it with reason and wisdom, try again lol.For example:Reading my post OP, does it make you feel better? Does it make you feel like it’s all ‘fixed’ and hooray celebration time cut to black, end credits happy ending? No, nor should it lmao. That is okay. Feel whatever way, thats okay, thats not the focus. The focus is reading what I say, and despite how it makes you feel (or not at all), consciously acknowledge it and then choose to believe it. Regardless of how you feel. Even if your feeling runs complete opposite, believe it anyway.
>>32606485Precisely. There's no afterlife, there's nothing after this life, so why should we just throw it to waste? Do something crazy, it doesn't matter, we're all going to end up as space dust in the end.
>>32610121>>32606485I'm sure you guys mean well but the whole "just go do crazy shit if you feel depressed" thing never resonated with me. Part of my problem is that the fleeting nature of pleasurable or enjoyable activities leaves me unfulfilled regardless of how much I indulge in them. I don't want to turn this into one of those threads where the OP just finds reasons why he can't follow anyone's advice because he actually just wants his feelings validated but like... if I did find lasting fulfillment in my hobbies or in pleasures, I don't think I would be where I am now.
