File: Ohiosakaa.jpg (177 KB, 600x552)

177 KB JPG

i wanna do a million things at once, but I don't wanna do anything, my head is too loud, this is why I used to drink everyday but I can't do that because it's bad for me, but when I do anything that I should do I stop within 5 minutes and go back to some general malaise of lying on bed or mindlessly scrolling and then regretting that i've wasted my time on doing nothing, I've been diagnosed with autism since a young age, and I'm in the process of being diagnosed for ADHD, what do I do? I really feel like I'm reaching my wit's end and any moment now I'm going to just collapse and begin drinking again to cope. But I don't want to drink because that's bad for me and if i start drinking like I used to I'll die early, I'm only 23, I have a job and girlfriend but I fucking hate that I can't do anything when I'm alone. Nothing sticks, I can't do things I enjoy, can't pick up a book, can't edit video, can't play vidya, can't practice my guitar (i bought it and dropped it instantly because I can't do it), I'm feel frozen, like my head is simultaneously full of thoughts, but at the same time my head is empty and nothing is going on, I don't know what to do, and it's honestly making my fucking hate my life. I wish I had someone who could order me around 24/7, tell me what to do and why, but I have to rely on myself, but I can't impose structure on myself, it's NEVER worked. I just want to function normally, I want to do things, learn things, get good at things, the only hope on the horizon is that in summer a friend said he will drag me to the gym, I wish I had that but for everything I need to do and want to do. The fact that I get up every morning, shower, brush my teeth, put on clean clothes, is genuinely amazing to me, if I didn't do it already I'd never be able to start. I don't want to live like this