My father is a difficult person. He is nearly 80 years old, so not even that old yet. I think he could naturally become 90 or a bit more in relatively good health if he wanted to. But his life is miserable because he wants it to be like that and he is actively working against his physical and mental health and well-being, and the mental health and well-being of everyone who cares about him. It is impossible for me to not care about him. But it is also impossible to achieve anything that would help him, because he usually sabotages and nullifies every effort to do so.I don't even know what advice I am looking for, because as far as I can see everything seems impossible. Every attempt to help backfires.I won't describe any situations, attempts, possibilities in detail now, because I'm fucking tired, and I just need to go to sleep, and tomorrow I'll try the impossible again. And maybe then I can come back to this thread and tell more details. But I just want to send this now to get it off my chest for the moment, because I know I need help. And maybe tomorrow I come back to this thread and explain more and ask for more concrete advice, or maybe not, because usually I don't even see it as a possibility that someone could give reasonably helpful advice here.But feel free to ask in the meantime if you are interested. I would appreciate helpful question that could help me clarify my problems with my father.Good night!
>>32608552Get some sleep, then come back and give more detail
бaмп
I don't think you can really. What people do can be out of our control. Someone may tell you to push through the odds and do what feels right make him proud, but reality sucks and it can't be changed. The best I can say is enjoy your time with him while it lasts.
>>32608552your father is a narcissist. you will never please him.
>>32609671>... make him proud>enjoy your time with him while it lastsYeah, not really what i'm looking for anyway, because: >>32610012 that seems true.It's not really about pleasing him.I don't really know what it is about. But >>32609671>push through the odds and do what feels rightBut yeah, that's more what it's about. Difficulty is that nothing ever really _feels_ right, but still trying to see what _is_ right, so as to later at least being able to feel better for having really tried.I will try to do what's right again and tell about how that went later. Will probably take a day.Current situation is: It's fucking cold in his house because he let his gas tank run empty. Or close to empty and has therefore already almost stopped using it completely. It's freezing outside. He's been doing that for years. Last filling was three years ago. He has just been so frugal and irrationally stingy, only using it to the bare minimum, that it lasted until now. His house is moldy. He lives in a rural, rather humid area in the countryside and his house is old, in disrepair and not well-isolated. Essentially a ruin now.It's not that he couldn't afford living in comfort. He has money and a good pension. But he has let everything go to ruin, because he needs the self-pity for some perverted reason. Or that's how I'm explaining it to myself and trying to make sense of it.I've already ordered new gas. But they still need some certificates about checks on the gas tank that have been done or not done at this or that point in time. And it could take another week or even two after they finally have those. I've asked his previous gas supplier to send me their copies, because my father surely will not know if or where he has them.I want to try and visit him today, although I don't really know what for. There is not much for me to do there. I will be locked into hours of self-pitying storytelling and any attempt at doing something useful ... (too long -> next post)
>>32611070 continued... (like looking for those certificates to not have to wait for the copies to be sent over) will most likely, as usual, only lead to him blocking everythng and more long self-pitying stories at how "everything is too late now anyway... maybe one year ago... five years ago... ten years ago... one could have done something", senseless false blame subtly inserted here and there or thrown around.But I don't to go too far ahead of myself. Who knows how it will go this time.Another thing I wanted to do was to buy an electro-piano and try to bring it into his new flat, and try to convince him to maybe go there and check together how things work there. How the tv works, the kitchen stuff, the remote-controlled window blinds, and this and that stuff which he isn't used to... to familiarize him with things there and try to get him a little bit more comfortable with the thought of possibly settling over there little by little whenever he wants.I just can't help but feel that it will all be in vain again. And will have to try it anyway.
>>32608552Did he lose your mother in the last 3 years
>>32611073So you're saying that you want to help your dad, but what you really want to do is dictate how he spends his own hard-earned money (of which you just assume he has a lot, or have you personally seen his bank statements?) and force him to move out of his lifelong home, probably so you can move into it or so you can keep "helping" him more conveniently for you at his new location. Of course, after all this hard "helping" work you're doing, you're going to ask the old man for a "reasonable monetary compensation", aren't you?If you want to actually help your dad, check his house for tripping hazards, and give him a space heater and some thick socks.At any rate, don't make any plans that depend on his continued survival: at that age, people tend to just die.
>>32611127No. She ran off, came back, ran off, came back, ran off, came back, and then ran off again about 37 or 38 years ago for the final time. They produced four children together in quick succession during that period. I am the second and am 41 years old now. I have one older brother and two younger sisters.I can't really blame my mother for separating from my father. They are incompatible. Both have their flaws. She is a bit stupid and he is an ill-tempered psycho. If she made a mistake then it was to pursue him and retry and retry and retry in the first place. But since that is also what resulted in my birth, and my siblings' birth I won't blame her for that either.My father has been very emotionally abusive to me and my siblings while we were growing up (we've been seeing him regularly, staying 50% of weekends and school holidays with him), and continuing to this day but more withdrawn now and generally milder due to distance. But he never understood this. After doing terrible things he immediately forgets the chain of events and it was the other's fault. So it's fruitless and counterproductive to ever even try and challenge that. Now somehow "justified" by his onsetting dementia, but essentially it's the same as it ever was. He has never grown up. That's how his 88-year-old sister put it when I visited her last year, after not seeing her for 25 years. (I had hoped for some possible positive influence from her, or just someone to talk to, but she was also quite withdrawn and bitter, reserved and disinterested in further contact. Quite disappointing.)Anyway, the latter part was a less relevant tangent now I think. It's fucking cold outside. I need to find my giro-card, go buy that e-piano and then drive to my father in the next few hours.
>>32611214fuck you, stop projecting and drink rat poison, you callous faggot subhuman (nohomo - i.e. nothing against homos actually).
