I had a friend that embodied the exact person I wanted to be and I wanted to be exactly like them in every way. I've spent most of my teen years trying to emulate what I liked about them but to no avail.We stopped talking when I was in my mid-teens but last night I found their Twitter account. They're still the same but it truly made me realise after so long that I've failed to change myself to be like them. My personality is naturally very different, and objectively much worse, but as much as I tried to change and 'fake it 'til I made it', I couldn't change such a core part of myself. Both our upbringings were different and I hate that I didn't grow up with the same interests and life experiences, and on a physical level, they are much better looking than me.I honestly really, really wanted to change and be just like them, but I am who I am even if 'me' is a bit of a sad loser. Despite knowing this, I still harbour immense regret and sadness over my 'failure'. It feels like a waste of my potential as a human being.How can I overcome this?
>>32623542Feelings of failure are quite common, but fortunately it's been researched and explored enough that there's help in the form of books, therapy, self-help courses, etc. What efforts have you tried so far? How did it go? What specific parts did you find difficult? What are you willing to try again, maybe with a different approach?
>>32623661>What efforts have you tried so far? How did it go?Starting from my early teen years I started taking note of what qualities I liked in them and tried to change who I was to become like them. I read many guides and started off by trying to fake it until it eventually became who I was, and when that didn't work out I tried to take little steps in changing myself, which also failed.>What specific parts did you find difficult?It felt like playing a role no matter what way I tried. I felt so constricted and fake, and honestly a little embarassed that people were seeing me as this vastly different act I was putting on rather than the real me. I don't have a strong personality but I have a fairly defined sense of self and am quite self-aware which makes things harder.>What are you willing to try again, maybe with a different approach?The idea of giving up on this 'ideal' personality I've been chasing for a decade now is painful, and I still feel regret whenever I see something that reminds me of them now that I'm getting ready to give up, but if I've failed to make a change in almost ten years then maybe that's telling me something. I'd be willing to try but by now I'm very tired and everything seems to be telling me to stay true to who I am even if I'm not the best.
>>32623542
>>32623542> I couldn't change such a core part of myself. Both our upbringings were different and I hate that I didn't grow up with the same interests and life experiencesGod I felt this, there are so many things I had to learn so late. Seeing what others were able to do, with knowledge I didnt have until decades after them makes my stomach and head ache. Two things that makes this hurt a little less is knowing there are certainly things I’ve learned that others havent, and that it is not just about what you know and what you have. It is how you use them of course. Anyways. I what aspects of your personality do you feel are unchangeable? No matter what you think, there is potential in you.
>>32625260>knowing there are certainly things I’ve learned that others havent, and that it is not just about what you know and what you have. It is how you use them of course.Definitely. Thank you.>what aspects of your personality do you feel are unchangeable? No matter what you think, there is potential in you.I think naturally I'm quite lazy, childish, scrappy and generally not very serious about my life which aren't bad traits per se but not who I want to be, The person I look up to isn't a typical role model, in the nicest way possible they're a bit of a loser too, but they are completely different in personality in style. I can elaborate if you want, just want to keep my replies as concise as I can.
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