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I accidentally emotionally manipulated an internet prosto emotionally who I genuinely did care for and now she fucking hates me and blocked me despite my apologizing.

I noticed I have a trend in my life of getting close to SWs and then pulling away at the slightest bit of drama when drama itself is natural as part of being friends with someone.

I autistically put my foot in my mouth and now I'm paying for it once again.

I bid my farewells. It's time for me to grow up.

It is hard finding you attractive when you are a fixture of the furniture. It is hard finding you attractive when you initiate nothing. It is hard finding you attractive when you grow your hair out to Samara from The Ring lengths, and I say this liking long hair.

I need alone space. The lack of alone space is hurting me at home and at work, because work is the only time I have a space to myself anymore, and when I'm finally alone I just start decompressing somewhere where I need to be focused.

Please go away for a little bit. Go on a walk. Stop sighing all the time. Get a job. Get a job. Get a job. Help me out financially. Go get a haircut. Stop sighing. Let me have some space in the house that I pay for. We're on month four of you being unemployed or barely employed. I am hurting. Help. Help.

We could be building something, a better life, instead I am barely scraping by while I support both of us and mentally unravel. I can't keep this up.

I made bulk food that covers all the important stuff - veggies, peppers, rice, meat - and you throw it in my face because it's not up to your standards. It is healthy poverty food, because we are boiling money away, because you quit your job. That hurts. Your sighing hurts. Your never leaving the house hurts. My wallet hurts. Cut your hair. Help.

They are doing the thing! They are starting to talk. Why? I have no fucking idea. It never works out for them. But they did it this morning so I'm expecting more in the future.

It's dumb though. We all know the mind stuff isn't important anymore. I need to crack the glass on the real world stuff. My parents were gone ALL DAY yesterday so they are still training them on something. This shit needs to end ASAP because honestly it's fucking retarded.

I shouldn't even be a part of this anymore. I should just schzio bop out of here and watch whatever happens on the news. But it's like Gwen is including me so that it builds up my legend. Like, I took these mother fuckers on BY MYSELF AND WON when it took you faggots 40 years and you got no where. I guess when you're building a leader you need to really, really nail in the fact you have a fucking SUPER leader.

I just want to hang out with my maidens but it looks like if I want anything good I have to run the gauntlet.

I want to live debt free, I want to afford the nice things, I want to have adventures every weekend, I want to build something up and profit off it, I want others to benefit from it as well

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Seriously, when you people are either dead or rotting in prison I'll be in France kicking it with the Maidens and Birdy. I'll be annoying CiaBitch about every little thing just to make sure my girls have the most perfect life. I'll be going to an all girls french school in our cute little outfits and thinking about all those times I dunked on a bunch of retarded pedophiles and now I use their money to pay for the adventures of a bunch of girls they use to rape.

I'll be in paradise while you'll be wishing you had hot sauce for that amazing prison food you'll be enjoying for the rest of your fucking shit lives.

Meanwhile, pic related will be me and the face I'm making.

Is it my fault? Your fault? Anyway, if you're done with me being vague and intellectualizing, I'm done with you constantly criticizing me for fucking everything.

I shouldn't be this upset over someone I don't even want to be with rejecting me. Why does it hurt this bad

>>33697537
I'm socially stunted and I feel sad

https://youtube.com/watch?v=IB8TFMAWhpY
Every time I fuck up I listen to that as a penance, because I'm an even bigger loser than Kou Uraki. I failed, like Kou, but at least Kou got the girl.
The upside is that I barely feel something: disappointment in myself. The version of me that is now in the long gone past would be absolutely fuming.

>>33698080
You have validation and insecurities
When you reach a point of normal self love then you won't be hurt by rejection

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It's all over, I don't care anymore Honestly I hate all the nonsense that keeps haunting me. If the whole world were to collapse, I'd just sit on a park bench, stare up at the red sky, smoke a cigarette, and smile because I finally know the truth if nonsense end like this

>>33697962
It's my fault and you wrote why that is:
>you constantly criticizing me for fucking everything.
Laugh at me.

I started forming parasocial bonds with ukriania onlyfans whores and I wish I would have done it sooner.

We had a great first date getting to know each other and agreed to a second. The next day she texts me that she doesn't want to move forward. I shouldn't be so hung up on it but it fucking stings.

In my novel, I named one of the main villains after a guy I hate. He's a cowardly, vindictive, stupid meathead who gets his ass kicked and begs the main characters for mercy.

i really got invested in the mets this year... with my ex leaving it was the only thing i could focus on for a bit and they just blew it. this team is trash.

>>33698225
Don't worry anon. We'll figure it out one day.

If I still was in contact and in good terms with one of the many people I abandoned, someone I met on another imageboard that considered me as a dear friend even if it was almost completely onesided, he would have told me "you are the sole responsible for your circumstances. Man the fuck up". I would've agreed with him, he would be completely in the right.
I don't want mercy. I don't want compassion. I only want to fix the mistakes of my past. I can't do that, the situation is fucked beyond any repair.

Life feels eerie right now

>>33697537
I feel too much the coward, I should just text you this but:
Molly, I think you were right, I didn't appreciate you, I think you were the only real person in my very hyper real life.

Why do people order food 20 miles away and tip four dollars?

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My mother got COVID and is really sick. I hope she dies.
Even better, I hope she gives me COVID and I die too.

>>33698404
>Dying
>from COVID
funny joke

I for one think its perfectly reasonable to want to murder foids and moids who laugh at you for being ugly. (In minecraft) Lets see that pretty privilege work after you get acid all over your face (in minecraft)

We need to shoot nazis out in public (IN MINECRAFT GLOWIES!)

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Made that final post but decided against posting it here. I guess now this is my final post.

2019 drunk/drugged shenanigans were so fun. 4chan was shit but not this shit. Gas was cheap. I was thriving off McDonalds dollar menu. The crackhouses were lit. I don't even remember getting this rabbit but I have pics of it napping in my bed, have one.

It's over.

I should have killed myself years ago im a fucking worthless retard who cant do shit on time
Im too pussy to cut myself even though i deserve it

>>33698625
Its so funny to think that im one minor failure away from ending it all
Love life love life love life
Love all these freaks not knowing i want to kill myself cause mental health is nonexistant to them

I order you to live you goddamn idiot. You pissed me off a lot more than you can fathom and I still don't want you to die. Nor I hate you - even though I really should.

>>33698740
LEAVE ME ALONE

>>33698328
If you didn't appreciate this woman[?] Why? Also, what does hyper real mean in this context, I haven't heard it used this way before.

>>33698752
No.

>>33698752
No, fuck off. I don't want you to die, I want you to live an happy life without having you constantly sabotaging mine.

>>33698786
I dont know you.

>>33698768
You arent relevant to this and never have been. I can only imagine thats the reason you act like this.

What should i do if i cant bring myself to cut like a wuss

>>33698790
Neither do I. You're an enigma to me.

I ate some grapes

I did that cringe shit I mentioned last few threads and asked out this cashier. I know they’re just nice cause it’s their job. I was gonna ask her at the register but then a customer was right behind me. All she said was if I wanted the receipt. I said sure. Then on the same receipt I went to my car and just asked if she wanted to get lunch sometime. Either I’ll get a text from her, or no text at all and I’ll never be able to go back to that store for like a year.

>>33698876
Youre not to me.

>>33698895
Are you sure? Either way, why are you so fixated on sabotaging my pathetic excuse of a life?

If you're a dude, you are aware of the fact that what you did made so that we won't be able to be friends, do you? Have ever thought about that? Have you ever thought that the more you piss off someone, even if in your mind technically you're not doing anything wrong, the more they grow to resent you and in the best case scenario ignore you?

If you're a girl, carry on. This is not for you.

I can understand why my privacy was breached and I became highly monitored but the psychological damage that they try to inflict each day is inexcusable and fucked up. Completely demented and wrong.

I wish hell on the bitch that tore your heart apart, but at least now I know that she wasn't the one forcing herself into the group. No, you're the one who's always reduced to being a mere extension of whoever you're dating: your presence is determined by her willingness to join in and, on the off-chance you come and she doesn't, you're constantly on the phone texting her.
Still, I wish you the best, bro. Truly. That's why it pains me greatly to say that you were a lot more fun to be around when your heart was broken.

>>33698942
I’m numb to it but it’s still saddening how pathetic and fucked up some people commit to being. I hope they get the help they need.

>>33698989
Not saddening in terms of it bringing me much sorrow, it’s just a shame.

Well, that's not quite right. I was part of the group from... 2011 I think, maybe a little bit earlier. I left in 2014 because it started becoming a total shitshow. I don't know if you remember me from back then, I was a very different person compared to when I joined it again from 2020 to I think 2022. And as of now I'm not quite the same person I was back then. I became boring. And thank you. You wouldn't say that if you didn't really think it. That I can say with certainty.

After 7 years, I've decided to work slower. I can't keep taking on other peoples' messes because my manager can't hire quality technicians to save his life. This is a shitty government job, not some fucking fortune 500 company where I'm making in 6 figures.

MEL MEL MEL
MEL MEL MEL
MEL MEL MEL

https://youtube.com/watch?v=MzGnX-MbYE4

I'm not going to respond or be mean anymore, because I still love and care about you. There was a lot done and said in the heat of the breakup, but I admitted everything I did wrong. I reached out how I could and apologized. There's is no reason we couldn't at least remain friends so we could give each other advice and help when needed. We know each other best. You will realize in time that you lost much more than me in this. You said you are naive, and you are correct. I will not elaborate; it is a lesson you will learn over the coming years, what I learned before you. I am leaving you here with the sex offenders and pests that you apparently enjoy being around more than me. I'll pray for you.

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>>33697537
I am such a fail-to-eject. I feel myself slowly sliding off the edge of mediocrity into an infinite pit of ineptitude. I don't do anything to 'advance' or 'improve myself', all the decisions of the last 4 years have been in some vain attempt to avoid or curb future heartache, without any actual progession or self-actualisation. I'm not intelligent, or attractive, or charming, I'm still a dumb 13 year old in a fatter, hairier body. I wish someone would spare me of the indignity of being alive and relieve this burden on my family, community and society.

>used to love watching nba/nfl/mlb
>have horrible issue with intrusive thoughts that follow me for years/decades
>realize that even if i somehow got a girlfriend, any one of those guys could steal her from me in a fucking heartbeat
>that image sticks with me every time I try to watch it without fail. I should've been aborted. I'm such a loser.

>>33697537
i like vore. Saw Men in Black 2 as a kid and boom, now I like vore. Seduced by an alien woman I guess XD

2 months later I don't really miss her any less often
It just doesn't send me into a spiral anymore
I guess that's progress, 2 more months and maybe the frequency will be less too

Pay attention to the lyrics.
"People are people so why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully?"

it's over.

>>33699146
Are u posting this to try and discredit my word when I say that I don’t respond to accusations that don’t apply to me?

>>33699146
My friend married a Mel and u post this repeatedly with no follow up so what the fuck are you doing? Trying to cause problems?

Something good will come.

>>33699190
>There was a lot done and said in the heat of the breakup, but I admitted everything I did wrong
This isn't for me and I say it specifically because of the line I quoted. In the remote chance it is indeed for me I'll say this: I fucked up, I feel things wouldn't have gone anywhere since you mentioned you found a man you like a lot and you're putting more effort into him, and I ended it by texting you in the most polite way I could think of in the moment.
Have a good life.

>>33699401
I already jacked off today

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Trying to tell me something?

>>33699280
Oops just cried about her jk

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I AM FUCKING EXHAUSTED.
why why why why WHY do have to have WORK ON FUCKING SATURDAY AND SUNDAY TO MEET THE >>>MINIMUM<<<< REQUIREMENTS?
JUST LET ME REST , PLEASE. JUST LET ME BE DONE WITH THIS SHIT.
FOR FUCKING WHAT???? FOR FUCKING MONEY????????? FO R FAME????

When this is over. I'm going to play video games. All of those that I ever wanted. I REFUSE to contribute to society. You can take ALL OF MY FUCKING POTENTIAL AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR ASS FOR ALL I CARE.

>>33699401
Today is my birthday. That would make for a nice present.

>>33697948
wtf?

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>>33697948

I went silent for a day because of your reaction to something I wanted to show you and it made me feel shitty. You broke up with me over that day of silence...not a single reach out or anything. I said that even, accepted it and didn't even feel that bad after. A few days later you reached back out because you felt bad...I apologized for the silence and thought we were reconciling...spent 3 days together having a good weekend, had sex, you laid in my lap...then the 4th day when I woke up you said we'd be broken up in 2 months again anyway and gave some 6 month "maybe" timeline...what the fuck was all that? I would have preferred to just have been dumped for good after my silence since you never even made an attempt...hell on the morning where you discarded me again I just said okay and drove home...never once shouted at you, just accepted my losses and moved on. I know I was just a rebound from your last relationship but damn it shouldn't hurt this bad, I did EVERYTHING I possibly could for you and it was tossed away like it meant nothing.

Fuck people

>>33699361
>>33699327
Sorry I’m just obsessed with a MEL

It would have only taken me about 3 or four months of healing to feel ok with letting someone close to me in my life if someone had provided what I needed a year ago and now it’s like fuck off. Give me what I have earned and it will just take longer now. I’ll probably never feel comfortable letting anyone close because u people are all fucked up and retarded.

The possibility of me ever healing is being prolonged and damaged more every day u play this fucked up game with my life u piece of shit.

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Another day passes. The emptiness prevails.

>>33699805
Dust always wins in the end.

She never reached out.
Not sure why I thought she would.

Each day u hold leverage over my life, greedily wasting my time and draining my energy u are further fucking up my ability to ever recover. Fucking scum

I need reimbursement

Seriously am gonna do a workout to make women feel better for having a crush on me.

>>33697707
good bye anon. I hope you find what you're looking for and achieve success in all aspects of your life.

just remember though you're here forever

The longer my head is dunked underwater the longer it will take to catch my breath.

>>33699836
I bid my farewells to someone I know IRL, not to somebody I know exclusively from here. And I know I'm here forever.

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I sound like Robert E. Lee in his letters to Stonewall Jackson. It makes perfect sense why, but I cannot help finding it strange.

>>33697537
All the racism I'm experiencing on the internet is actually getting to me, I am tired of it being so commonplace on here in this form, it was always here, but it was more playful back in the day. The amount of people trying to dehumanize me for not being white is getting to me. Worst part is 4chan is the place where I used to find other weirdos I could relate to, but now that seems to not even be the case with how many normiefags have infested it. Also pretty funny though, because I've had a european identity instilled in my by my family, and everyone online percieves me as an ethnic, I'm not ashamed of that, just that it comes with people assuming things about you. I hate the situation in the United States. I hate what is happening.

It’s like a pitbull when it latches on with that jaw that locks. It knows what it’s doing and it doesn’t ever plan to let go, its goal is to drag u to hell mercilessly. There’s nothing to be surprised or resentful about, it’s just how they are. If I could get away I would.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oU6uUEwZ8FM

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>>33700099

>>33699836
And I forgot: thank you. We'll see what happens.

No, the pitbull doesn’t know what it’s doing. But they do.

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This is why they do what they do.

>>33700192
Okay wait no I can’t do the Bible in English

>>33700138
Give your doggy a treat for me, anon.

>>33698752
I like when you speak up for yourself and set boundaries. That takes strength.

She told me if I released music I'd at least always have 1 listener in her
Well she acts like I don't exist now
And months later I have 10 songs written about her
How funny would it be for her to be the push for me to finally do it while being gone

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>>33700244
kk

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>>33698786 #
When someone says to leave them alone you should respect their personal boundaries and not intrude on them.

Someone did that to me last night and it is so disrespectful Even after I told him to respect my boundaries several times

>>>/r9k/82572066

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>>33699190
This comes across In a way that feels threatening. Telling her that she'll regret and haunting her saying things like bad people are coming into our life and that she's going to feel worse. It's up to her to decide if in time that she even felt anything at all. You don't decide that she suddenly going to feel worse just because you say so. Pushing the friend option is only trying to get your foot in the door to continue to intrude on her life. Saying she lost much more than this is again a assumption that's only from you. It does not sound like you know her best, you know yourself and I projecting on her and reinforcing with negativities that you make up on the spot to make her feel hurt insecure and unsafe.

You then go in for the jab and call her naive and reinforce it by recalling a moment in her insecurity and using that against her. Then you act high and mighty talking about a lesson she will learn over the years, the only lesson she really needs to learn is that pompous pricks like you have no place in her life. You again attempts to put yourself above her showing you don't really care about her. Then you threaten leaving her with sex offenders and pests which is not the case at all. Just an attempt to make her feel uncomfortable and unsafe. It's really despicable behavior.

Ending with the I'll pray for you really disgusts me.

Grow up

How do you guys deal with forgiveness? Is there even a desire to forgive people outside of your immediate family? I was hurt by a couple of my friends, and in short, they made me feel like shit. I brought up how I've felt around them; they apologized for their behavior, and reassured me that they'll be more cognizant of their actions going forward. However, I feel like I just can't forgive them so easily. I've been sort of distant around them lately, and they've noticed it too. We talked about my recent behavior, and I explained that I hold a lot of resentment towards them, and I don't know how to forgive. I think they are genuine in their apology, but I can't just shake the feeling. I am beginning to resent all of my friends, not even the ones who made me feel bad. It's probably not good to hold all this resentment in me. I told them that I've been thinking about leaving this group, but the rebuttal they gave me was "how are you going to deal with this issue in the future with a different friend group, you need to learn to forgive". It almost feels like their gaslighting me to stay. I don't really know. If I leave I am hoping to find my peace, but if I stay I have to learn how to forgive others. One path is easier than the other, and I don't really know what to do. Leaving sounds so easy, but I feel bad for "ditching" them. Is this what stockholm syndrome is like? But man, every time I interact with them it's hard. I guess the answer I'm looking for from them is "You do whatever you want, we'll be here for you". Is that right? If they told me that instead of gaslighting me and making me feel bad for leaving I would stay. This is all over the place, but yeah that's what I've been dealing with. I hope all you guys make it.

>>33699812
That's unfortunate that that is your story.

Everything that is meant to happen will happen

It reminds me to be thankful for All that I am receiving.

>>33700320
The only path I choose forward is love. True love.

I cheated on my ex-husband 10 years ago and now he and his new fiancé are body builders, they go to raves in matching outfits, and blast their brains out with shrooms and LSD because ego-death is cool or whatever. He has a house and stable job while I'm currently unemployed and living in my house my parents pay for. She posts breathy-voiced "inspirational life-coaching" videos on TikTok while wearing her stupid old lady glasses. I hate them, but I'm the bad guy in their story. I'm happy for him, and I shouldn't have done what I did. He won in the end, and I needed to see him win. I'm gonna get a good job again soon and use my benefits to get a therapist and save enough money to get my own house too. One day maybe I'll stop feeling like I'm losing/he's winning. He doesn't think of me like I think of him, and why should he? Why do I even look at his account? Why do I care? In the mean time while interviewing and waiting to hear back from the new job I've been going to the gym too and my back and legs look insane. This is a good place to start being a better person I think.

>>33700492
who cares fuck you stupid bitch, that's what you get.

>>33700492

That is unfortunate that you are the enemy and loser in your life. You should let them be happy. Other people than you deserve a good ending

>>33700533
didn't even say anything positive to me, fuck you faggot mike.

this upcoming weekend is gonna be so nice

I hate you all, I hate everything, I hate myself.

>>33700492
It's funny because when I read this I feel like you are describing how I am a winner in some way, I got an amazing girl, A ton of money, a great house and me and my girl are pursuing our dreams

You feel like you're losing and you feel like I'm winning. That you are the bad guy in the story and that you're happy that I won In the end and you needed to see that I won in the end

I do hope you learn how to grow to be a better person

>>33700536
Give me a reason to

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>>33700545
Oh and I just realized the time stamp on this post

12:23 am

123 , again

>>33700492
You'll see more to life if you can take your mind off things that you'd be better off not thinking of

I worked all day in the garage, I'm going take off my clothes and wash off my aching muscles

Shower

Is it possible to get the trips and namefags to fuck off

>>33697537
I hate you all, I hate your vanity, I hate your simple desires, I hate your simple minds. I hate how easily manipulated you all are. I hate how tribalistic you are. I hate your fear. I hate you. I hate your selfishness. I hate your two faces.

>>33697948
>wants to put pedos in prison
>wants to go to France

Anon, I hate to tell you this but someone has to. France is the prison.

>>33700492
Meh if you hadn't cheated on him you guys still would've been stuck together and unhappy. Chances are he pushed you to that point you don't just cheat after 10 years for no reason. Stop looking at his page dude

>>33700571
I know how to fuck on

>>33700629
shut up loser

I got drunk with one group of friends playing vidya. After they went off I joined another group. Over the duration of the evening they started getting off until it was me and this girl I liked. Let's call her G. G is super sweet to me and we've been friends quite a long time. In my stupor, I confess that I've been harbouring a crush (but not the extent of it). She politely declines after some consideration (far as I remember. It's a bit hazy). She mentions a crush of her own on a friend I've known even longer. He shall be S. Tell her all the usual drunk bs about just wanting her to be happy etc. I vaguely remember crying at one point a bit and she was of course very comforting and streamed a game for me since alc was hitting hard. Next day massive headache but G is sweeter to me than even usual and continues to this day. I guess I was kind of a hardass prior so I opened up a bit.

Few days later, she updates me that she's started dating friend S. Heart sinks into my bowels. Flashback emotionally to ex. Stay offline for 5 days. No irls. Work, movies, offline games. Get an invite from G asking if I'm doing alright. Deep talk for a while. Feel somewhat better as time goes on. S makes a few offhand jokes with certain implications. Stay silent. Eventually see myself out but come back days later and play regularly with both.

Few months down the line, they've gone to events together and stuff. Feel like absolute dogshit every time they tell me details about time together. Then feel like dogshit for feeling that way about that. Talk vaguely about how guy from first friend group (not G or S usually) has a new GF and they're all lovey dovey which irritates me a bit (even married friends are a little concerned since he only spends time with her and no friends). G says he's just like that but hopes I'd tell her if they ever upset me like that. She never does but S does occasionally. I don't tell them though because I'm not an asshole.

Received a smile this morning that felt healing and then end the day off wondering why and what they know and what they understand.

I feel like I moved ten steps backwards this evening.

Oh m when will you realize there ain't nothing wrong with liking an autistic guy. You ain't devaluing yourself for liking one! And come 2-4 years you'll see it is like the male equivalent of a dumb hot blonde, an autistic hot guy, and that guy will be me, so it is okay to like me.

>>33700661
The problem is they expect you to progress through your hard delays
They expect you to be a normalfag but just on a slightly longer path
Then they find out you actually are wired wrong and won't become normal and leave

I feel like a jackass for comparing my difficulties to the extent of those who have dealt with the result of a pitbull attack. That was insensitive towards many victims.

>>33700641
>Slaps you with fuck on

>>33700645

If you want to dwell in your suffering go ahead and do that, but I hid your Larp and didn't read it because I have so much more in life than the energy and time wasted on your bologna

>>33700645
Cont.
Feel pretty hateful towards myself for disliking one of my best friends. Not even disliking him as a person but just for his feelings towards G. Sometimes they let me know they're spending time together so they won't be on. I go offline for a day or two since I feel pretty shitty. Sometimes going out yo the park to lay on the grass and stare at space. It helps detach myself I guess.

Otherwise, even until now I feel pretty empty and at the same time emotionally bursting at the seems. "Dead inside" and anxious all the time. I feel it in my body with stiff muscles and occasional chest pain. I used to post on here about feeling like Holden Caufield (as one anon put it), like everyone is inauthentic and never seem to understand where I'm coming from in my detachment from things they seem to find meaning in like family work etc. Those feelings are coming back and even upon reflection much of what's passed feels inauthentic. Like I've been deluding myself, akin to those who are naive and therefore happy.

>>33700663
In the future...
M's friend: girl that's who you like?
M: yep. That's definately who I like.

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In the future..
M: Mike.. what are.. ah.. What.. what the fuck..
Fuck..fuck... Mike..please... I... Fuuuuuuuckkkk... Feels.. soooo... Good.. Mike... Fuccck meeee.... Fuckkk.. your so fucking big.... Fuck.... I'm so lucky .. I. ... I... I... I love you... I love you so fucking much mike... Mike.... My Mike.... Fuuuuuuuuckkkkkkk.. I'm cumming... I'm cumming.. please Mike... I love you... I love you more... My Mike

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>>33700688
I'm venting. Read or don't. I don't care.

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>>33700735
I'm kinda not surprised as I'm cucked by a 100 men she passionately talks to on a daily basis and all I get is a neutral emotion hug from her. It is what it is. I'll find another girl who likes me.

>>33700773
I wish you good luck!

Really not my fault that you're too fucking incompetent to stick a few small things in a small box, with a small amount of packaging.

I literally cannot comprehend how you've made such a meal of this. This should have taken approximately one minute at most to do and you've taken fucking ages and wasted a bunch of my material to boot.

Oh, and let's not mention the fact that you've decided to start acting like a massive cunt for no reason just because I pointed out that your attempt was way too big.

>>33700859
I could beat you up if I feel like it

>>33697537
Why does some nigga always gotta say some weird shit about my apperance, I had a nigga tell me I look like my voice should be two octaves deeper than it is, then another nigga tell me I look like a woman.

>>33700959
People who say nigga sound retarded

are people fucking retarded?

>>33700963
namefags who camp a thread for hours are retarded.

>>33700964
In a way yes they are. Imagine being so retarded that an autistic has to correct you so many times about something so blatantly simple a kid has more intelligence to figure out easily... But of course it sounds too good to be true... So you gotta reassure again, and again, and again... Until you are dead from old age and look at each other and am like, "why the fuck did we think he had ill intentions again?"

And of course that reason is truly, on the news an autistic teenager committed a mass shooting because he felt he was bullied for being trans. Christ haven't people learned from stereotyping people from race they shouldn't do it with mental illnesses?

>>33700306
>Then you threaten leaving her with sex offenders and pests which is not the case at all.

mike you literally post rape fantasies nonstop about some woman who probably wishes she never met you, if she exists at all. all you talk about is manipulating her back to you. you are literally one of those people. absolutely anything you say that could be seen as insightful is meaningless because of who you are. kick the chair out already.

>>33701056
PROJECTING.

You are so desperate it is pathetic to watch. She knows me for me and loves me for me. You can keep trying shit but we all see it. I'm thankful she's finally seeing it and understanding what a piece of shit you are and how you use these posts like you are to manipulate emotions and twist perceivements.

You can accuse all you want, you can make up all the shit you want, but we both know it's all you.

You can rot with that.

>>33701056
And how does it feel when she told me in the letters today how much she still loves me and remembers all of me?

That must have really hurt to hear and I'm glad I did hurt you. You deserve nothing and it's good everything is taken from you and you lost it all. You never should have had it to begin with because every part of you is a lie. Disgusting and everything she's never wanted in her life. And now she's coming home to me and you can rot.

Every time I see one of your larps, one of your posts of manipulation I smile cuz I know that she sees it too and she recognizes what a piece of shit you are every time you do it

I gave you the template you used to "free" yourself from me, you ungrateful bitch. Enjoy sleeping around. You will never be happy.

And writing as her is really pathetic. When I saw you doing that I've never been more disgusted with someone in my entire life. Whatever reason you have to write 'nice' things I know you're just doing it so you can get your jab in at some point or to trick me in some way.

Fuck off

>>33701286
And this just makes it all the more clear why she's choosing me, why it's only ever been me she's ever wanted, ever needed. In love and lust. More than she could ever receive from anyone else and more pleasure that she could ever experience anywhere else in her life.

>>33701295
My story is not yours to appropriate you schizo retard.

And you can go fuck off because she's remembering all the times I made her come so many times in a row that her pussy ached, the way she daydreamed and got lost in thought thinking about my cock pumping into her, how she came just from looking at my cock. The ways in which we're compatible in every way, love and lust. The things that I told her I do to her and she touched herself during, craved from me and still does. Fucking her so hard she collapses twitching and cumming, and when she finally gets up she's developed a limp from me slamming and throwing around her body, choking and beating her the fuck up with my cock, fist, tongue down her throat and she cries for me to never stop

>>33701300
It's only ever been my Maria in my mike. It's only ever been our life. You are a side piece distraction, a mistake that happened because of your lies and narcissistic manipulations that tricked her for years. Now that she's awake she's leaving you and you can't accept that but two fucking bad fuck off kill yourself rot

>>33701313
Lol.

>>33701300
What's with the closed offness. You post it on the internet you get a response. If you don't want a response then write on a journal. Mike here is just reflecting how he thinks of what is happening. He isn't rambling. Okay maybe he is, but he's trying to relate to you. Talk to him about why you like your girl so desperately to him, since he sparked an interaction. Your defensiveness gives me the creeps.

>>33701309
Okay take that back he is going through a schizo episode...

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It's only the truth that she and I recognize of each other, remember of each other. Recognize in each other.

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And as I give her space to process she dwells there with me as I'm the last thing she thinks about when she falls asleep and the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up.

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Maria, I still think about our last conversation

"You have to wait for me"
I love you Maria with all my heart and I will wait as long as you need
"I love you too. That makes me feel at ease"
"I promise it will be Mike and Maria at the beach someday"

I can still see the way you last looked at me and told me you love me more. I hear your voice, and I see the truth in your eyes when you said it.

"You're the only thing that matters now, it's been like that for so long. Nothing will ever change that."

"Mike, I love you, remember that."

"I'm only yours Mike, I love only you"

"I'll always love you and care about you, no matter what. You mean so much. You complete me, I complete you."

"You're the only home I have free of judgment and anything that will upset me, I'm crying because I need you, this argument is temporary, but I'll always have that empty part needing you. I'm your home too. You are perfect. I love you more"

"I know I feel both with you and I can dwell in both love and lust, we will fuck each other's brains out and then care for each other, Spend so much time."

"Everything is perfect with you, dream good dreams, I can't wait."

"My Mike"

I still feel you with me, Your head on my chest, your arm and leg draped over me, your breathing calm and steady with mine. I feel you tremble and moan against me in pleasure, your skin against my skin. I move your hair from your eyes as you say these things to me again.

Maria, I love you with all my heart, always

I love being randomly aggro and racist to nonwhites on dating apps as a white woman they always freak the fuck out. Screenshot me idc that's why I have no face on there. Screech more nigger

>>33701367
That's lovely. Hopefully whoever this maria is, I hope you two fall in love together.

>hot guy responds to me super simpy on a dating app with a function that shows he paid for it
I wish he would've just liked me normally. I won't be his prostitute.

>>33701367
I hope Maria gets blacked like she truly desires.

>>33701524

Rent free

"I could of done better, I don't know what's wrong with me"

Yeah.

>>33701361

>>33698754
Hyper-reality, online friends, online politics it feels more real than what is actually real. Hence the name "hyper reality" or hyper real.
I didn't appreciate her because from my perspective she was asphyxiating at times, I felt like I couldn't talk to my friends, go to the gym, anything really without her

>>33701546
Take your meds

>>33701553
Look in the mirror

>>33701555
I'm not the one replying to myself, schizo.

>>33701557
You are and it pains you to know that.

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I'll leave you with this
>>33701361
>>33701367
>>33701356


And for the spice
>>33701309
>>33700735

>>33701566
Idk what any of that schizo rambling I'd about.

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I'm not sure what to do anymore. My marriage ended almost four years ago and I haven't been able to move on. Life lost all of its colors and its been a real struggle. I'm in a productive member of society and I do my best so people won't know how I'm feeling but I'd end it all in a heartbeat if I had the means.

What's worst is that's my fault. I am the one that gave so much meaning to that person and now that she's not around I have to live with the consequences.

I can't, man.

>>33701603
Again, look in the mirror. You are expressing the same.

Arguably more do.

>>33701603
As the woman that started the meme you are reposting
Die. Doe a noose like robin williams in a door. Die, dude.

I haven't spoken with my sexually abusive father in well over a decade at this point. Except for the one time I sent him a rage-fueled text message telling him I wish I had the strength to blow my brains out because of what he did to me.

If you namefag and post in this thread all day and even reply to people in this thread, you should unironically kill yourself. You are an attention seeking loser and you need to find a real hobby (posting in this thread is not a hobby you fucking retard(s)).

>>33701551
You felt like you couldn't do those things? Did she actually say that you couldn't? The way that you're talking about it is kind of reminiscent of HR/legal. I'm not trying to be a dick to you, I just think people should speak with clarity.

>>33700492
obsessed loser kek you will always be a loser and you will never find happiness. you lost because of your own greed.

>>33701551
I should say I put the fault on me that I didn't resolve any of the issues between us myself. I get this weird mix of emotions when I think of her these days

>>33701680
I think it's because I feel a mix of emotions about it all, she clearly loved me I don't think I loved her enough back, when I wanted time to myself she'd take it as an insult to her, when I wanted to talk to my online mates she'd take it as an insult, I felt like I needed permission to do anything in my own home, eyes always over my shoulder. I felt guilt when she'd ask me never to abandon her, I got so many danger signals that I had this ever present stress in the back of my head and yet... I know she tried her best, she always tried her best and I feel like I didn't, I was dutiful but not nearly as loving as I should have been.
Looking back in spite of it all... She was real... What was on my computer wasn't.

Mental illness has ruined my life. I should have my own wikipedia page by now.

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I have come to the conclusion that if I cannot have the myth, the legend, BIRDY!!!! then I will take Au/Ra as a close second. She's absolutely EPIC.

Bruh, women will do the trashiest shit with men and laugh about it with their friends but the second you enter into a relationship they'll cover it up and hide their past
How TF can you enter into a relationship when your partner is lying about who they are?

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>>33701309
I just want you to know I read this while listening to Dear Maria lol

Stimulation

>>33702099
Idk, some of the women i worked and work with do the same thing, they're in relationships

I want a rich and smart man who babies me and spoils me. This world is not worth living another day with toxic people.

>>33702251
Get yourself a sugar daddy

>>33702251
Gotta start looking at men 37+

On a personal level I think you are a pretty decent guy.
On a professional level though, I can tell I am not going to like you very much. I have 10+ years of experience, and have been managing just fine for the past year without you. I do not need you micromanaging me as if I can't do my job. You just arrived, and your previous job while respectable is completely different than handling multiple manufacturing branches.
I don't need to CC you on every email I send or forward every email I get to you. Because of your lack of tact OPs now believe they can whine to you anytime I tell them not to lock the storm shelter, store oxidizers on cardboard, or whatever other stupid thing they decide to do because "I can't tell them what to do" even though it is my job to manage safety and regulations.
A smart guy learns from their mistakes. A wise man learns from other people's mistakes. A fool only learns from experience, and I can already tell you only learn things the hard way.
I want to like you but I already know you are going to make me hate you. Leave me the fuck alone and let me work. You don't know how much I have done so far. I promised Nick I would help these guys, and Im not going to let you get in my way.

>>33701756
You keep using the phrase "I felt...", what I'm trying to ascertain is if she actually did those things to you or if you have a deeper seated issue that you should address instead of putting it on this woman - I'm following this line of conversation because I am married and I did the same thing, I would put all these restrictions on myself and then use my wife as an excuse, it was something that I had to work through and take ownership of.

Told my social worker my life is fucked up and “no it’s not” was their response. I have no choice except to be homeless or live outside of the house of people who I loved more than anyone in the world when I was young. I go in the house for cigarettes and gradually let go and speak to them briefly. In the back of my mind I’m wondering if there is some kind of reason for my benefit that they would sneak in my room while I sleep and violate me and inflict the psychological damage that they do but how could there be a reason? I’m waiting as if in their fucked up minds that they have some kind of explanation but how could they? A series of bad things happened to me and the social worker just doesn’t believe me. If they did then they wouldn’t be asking me why I don’t sleep inside the house again after explaining this several times.

I go in for cigarettes and it’s like I have moments where I forget. I used to be full of rage every time they came around me demanding them not to talk to me and then things happen and time passes and I think too much and I get tired of maintaining the anger and I end up saying something to them. It’s like I slip and forget and I leave and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. I feel like I feed a demon after saying something to them outside of necessity.

I’ve hoped that they were using me as an example for a simulation to help prevent this from happening to someone else in the future. I come up with theories wondering how they could do that to me and I try not to assume it was out of some kind of demented malice but that’s the most reasonable explanation at this point.

Got stuck in a shitty position at work and i am unsure how to proceed so the characters are as follow:
Anon << trying to survive and thrive in the Co
Chief << absolute ruler of Co, direct line to him
Nepobaby << Chief's son, an idiot who thinks he deserve everything and starts throwing around his "weight"
Rest of the higher ups << in good standing with them, able to talk and discuss things normally

SO i recently got in a cold war with nepo for a thing i apparently did but i dont even know what i did wrong as he never told me and he started ratting me out to the Chief of my "wrongdoings" which are basically normal office works. The chief started giving me less assigments and tuck me in dead end birocracy
I am stuck between 3 options and dont know what to choose
1) Sit &wait and hope it blows over
2) Go to chief and ask for explanations with the risk of angering nepo and not solving anything
3) Go to nepo and ask for explanations and "apology" for a thing i never did
I am really unsure how to proceed as i am between a rock and a hard place. My colleagues can't be trusted to back me and maybe some of the higher ups might back me

I don’t understand why they did that to me. How they could do that to me. Mom has been fucked up and crazy throughout my life but I never thought they would do something like that.

>>33699782
I’m sorry. I was angry.

Due to my behavior before I went to sleep that night I don’t think my parents were following orders. I think it was Tammy being spiteful. I think she was trying to fuck my head up just as I have believed for the vast majority of my life.

I’ve been very serious about not talking to Tammy but I go back and forth between thinking my dad is trying to fuck me up or thinking he just isn’t aware and doesn’t believe me. They got a cat and I’ve briefly spoken with Tammy about it a few times because I just wanted to let go for a second. This likely makes me look like I either lied or I’m crazy to anyone who witnesses this.

I resonate with music in a way that I have a hard time listening to a soundtrack, even years after experiencing what it came from.

Awwwww jeeze, well, I ripped a mattress tag off a few times and didn’t feel bad. Killed some kids in Iraq by accident, always wish I could explain to their parents it wasn’t intentional but unfortunately they were killed by the blast too.

I don't know how to overcome depression when I know deep down that I am a vile person who does not even deserve to live, much less be happy.

Considering how my crush probably lost interest in me, I'm gonna have sex with an escort again. She just didn't want to be more than a buddy.

>>33697537
I'm earning a degree in something I don't enjoy and working a job I dislike, just to afford a small slice of happiness at home.

>>33697537
This thread has women pretending to be the boyfriends that left them acting out as if that boyfriend regrets the imaginary mistakes that she thinks he made lmao. You were the ones who were fcking up ya dumb bitches and all the fakery and bullshittery you spread in the world won't make that any less true.

>>33703325
Perhaps I should just kill myself

>>33703404
Sorry, anon

>>33703414
i am >>33703404 and some day i think about killing myself i hope i can make a living with my passions (sorry for my bad english is not my first lenguage)

>>33703435
I wish you luck, anon

>>33703461
thanks

i thought about it for a second and the amount of times i've had sex with a girl minutes after meeting them must make me some kind of whore

it's not like i ever tried to be like that, things just happened... repeatedly

but i worry women can sense this

>>33703344
I can relate. Except I never had sex and I don't know where to contact escorts.

Thinking of it... You may be my crush. I hope you're happy.

>>33702530
I should stop talking about it to be honest, I don't know why.

>>33697537
Nigger I know where you live. If you ever get in my cab again I'll fucking kill you, and your "drunk" wife. Stay away from my business. Keep your repeated dumbass demands to yourself especially when you know nothing about the law, and current local law.

I didn't move across the country to reexperience the same niggershit. I don't care how buff you are. A good knife wound will fucking end you.

I don't care if you were that stupid on dashcam or you're just that much of a nigger that you like causing trouble. I don't need your permission to recode in MY cab, in MY business, on MY time. On top of all that the app lets you know I have a dashcam. So fuck yourself.

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I don't like my job, but I don't want to lose it either (the job market is absolutely atrocious where I live). The layoffs were just announced and I have a strong suspicion I will be one of the first to be let go - my direct manager and I don't particularly like one another to put it lightly.

Is it worth trying to leave the US before this shit implodes? I feel like most other western nations are crumbling in their own way.

Today just keeps getting worse. At least my mind is clear.

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>>33697537
It's over, for all of us.

>>33703798
Hey man

>>33703798
Sure, give up by all means. I'll keep going until I'm completely crippled.
There is a cold black flame inside me and it fiercly burns with hatred aimed at my shit personality.

>>33703891
I was the same, until I hit my 30s. That flame dwindles real fast. It all just gets old after a while.

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>>33703891

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>>33703902
I'm 34 and until I change that flame will get bigger and bigger and grow even colder than it already is. My fuckups and missed opportunities will only stoke it.

>>33703903
Nice.

>>33703920
This was incredibly dramatic lol, I like it

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I finally made it financially...
But I don't have a car, and never had a woman. I'm 27, they all expect me to be a good kisser or some other bullshit by now. I'm so tired

>>33703507
I want to go and say sorry to her and hold her

I felt like shooting myself today
couldn't find the bullets
dont really have anyone to talk to

how the fuck will she find me bros....

>>33704133
Who would you even talk to and about what.

I think about doing it almost everyday, and I have four loaded mags at the ready.

I keep expecting it will turn around, but we all know it won't. Just a little longer.

The electro trip has begun.

I'm going monk mode. No desires, no comparing to others, no food, just me, the water, my job, and my search for peace.

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>>33704246

>>33703325
I'm thinking I'll never get better, and that there may only be one way out

I'm too self-centered to be capable of loving others genuinely.

My gf of 3 years broke things off last night and is moving out.
Things weren't working out for a multitude of reasons, and part of me wanted this, but fuck does it hurt now that it's actually happening.
I'm sure it gets better, but right now I can't even fathom anything with her not there with me.

My mind Is friend and some IRL circumstances make me laugh a lot, but when it comes to internet circumnstances I'm happy I see my friend is back to his former self. He is quite nice when he is not hellbent on revenge mode. If you were like this a day ago I would have asked to come see me for my birthday.

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>>33704595
The first "friend" is supposed to be a "fried". You get what I mean you brilliant sperg.

I am so depressed that I want to die, and I don't know what to do

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>>33704609
Do you want to get rid of the depression?

>>33704615
Yes, though a part of me thinks I don't deserve to.

Probably the worst part is that she acted like I never cared, or never even tried to. Yet our relationship started precisely because of how much I cared for her, talked her through her feelings, her relationship with her parents, her friends, her ex. Anyway, I guess I can start discovering myself again. Who I used to be before she flooded my system and molded me into the person she wanted me to be.

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>>33704625
Do you mind getting angry? I could make you feel very angry very quickly and that would instantly get rid of your depression. No really.

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endless talking heads, the endless boiling points overlapping with the boiling pot of water, just before I serve your plate of farfalle. you love me in the same way you love the oven, how it never fails to warm when the dial is turned, how it sits quietly until it can be of use to you again.

bound by disapproving saints and yes, even blood, there is no reprieve from the clamorous silence, the voices screaming about justice, spewing each propagandizing syllable - as filling to you ask the bread I quietly baked while you sat, enamored with visions of a man you could never be and who I could never love. the noise all around, always the noise, and not a single word between us.

I'm tired of being alone. I want to start dating again but I'm finding is so hard to meet someone that I want to date.

They're on shifts (again), one leaves the house and in minutes another comes back.

This is the worst way to live my life, without freedom and constant surveillance.

>>33704634
I don't want to be angry at everyone.

I have a wife of 5 years been dating for 8 with 2 children, she has recently rekindled a friendship with a old friend (single mom with a son the same age as our son) and I believe I have fallen in love with her. Even only even meeting her twice, I cannot get her face and smile out of my head, it's been 3 weeks since I last saw her and I don't think it's been more than 3 hours without me thinking about her, my wife is a good woman with a 8/10 body and a bit of a butterface but I love her to death. I don't know what to do. Me and her friend hit it off immediately and that time spent with the 3 of us is the happiest I've been in months. I truly do not want to leave or ever cheat on my wife but I can't stop myself from feeling like this. It's definitely not sexual, she has a 6/10 body and a arguably 7/10 face but I can't get her out of my head, she looks like an angel I've been anxiously waiting for my wife to say she's coming over again since. What the fuck do I do

What? I always feel like someone hit me in the head with a baseball bat. Am I retarded?

>>33704755
No, you're a jackass who found the switch in people's head to agree with you, but you forget you have real responsibilities that you neglect that you flip people's switch in their head to agree not to care about it, which you flip their switch again when people agree you can't do it. Can't you for once be treated like a fucking autistic like me so you don't fuck your life over?!

>>33704710
what’s so hard about finding someone you want to date?

>>33704772
dude I just said I was confused calm down.

I think I'm a transbian.

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So anyway. I'm ending the electro trip with my friends and my brain is completely fried. I'd like to see you here, to take you to one or two shady places, and to tell you what I want to tell you about street smarts. I would like you to teach me about a few things that you know a lot better than me. In this case, you would be Quattro, and I would be Kamille. Think about it bruv

Julian

She never loved me
I was just convenient for her

She just told me she liked me but she didn't want to take things further.

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And I'm sorry you think about her that way. I imagine that hurts

Weed makes me feel like doing things, but I can't do a whole lot when I'm high. Is there a way to get this feeling without weed?

>>33704847
She loved/loves you

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Got scolded by a superior who saw me eating old tasteless snacks (my only meal.) Usually he gets mad at me for not getting OFF work early enough (costs the company money, y'know.) I told him I'm eating dinner, I get an hour long break daily (unpaid). He says I've been around the office too long and that he thinks I wasn't actually working because I took out my phone before eating. Didn't have the energy to argue, especially when another person was around laughing at me. I hate how this guy who yelled at me, he never just asks us to do things. he always has to make us feel like we did something wrong. It's never "can you go to the site now?" It's "why aren't you at the site?"

I have to stay until 1AM and all my breaks are unpaid. Can't even complain, many of my superiors regularly work 14 hour shifts.

>>33699825
There is nothing to be reimbursed. My finances are gone because of my choices. I wasn’t angry about that but my regret and frustration does gradually grow over time.

Random pit of worry out of the blue. Lots to worry about but this feels different…..

The only way my life is going to get better is if I can get a job and I don’t know if I can get hired.

I hate how normal people work, today I ignored her the entire day AND NOW she's replying all lovey dovey and immediately and all of that but when I was there all day to reply to everything she said instantly and sent her memes and posts all day to make her know I was thinking of her she barely replied.
I miss my ex who also had anxious attachment like me, why do I have to play these games with normal people or they think I'm too much to handle?

>>33705210
Just break up and get back up with your ex?

I actually thought she would reply.
Welp, time to get drunk until I wake up.
Stupid functioning alcoholic.

Technically this should have all been over over nine months ago
Or over one year ago
Or over four years ago
Or over five years ago like they said it would.

>>33705221
ex is impossible, didn't break up on bad terms but they were definitely very definitive terms also it's been years and also this girl is very pretty, I'm just frustrated with the stupid games normal people play

sometimes I wish I could get a partner who would kill me. I want them to hold me close and tell me it's gonna be ok as they give me a lethal injection. As I fade into nothingness I want them to hug me loving and whisper in my ear about how I'll be beautiful and happy when I wake up.

I still have trouble with this
I saw this instagram post. Women moaning because they're not getting men to message them all the fucking time like they're needy as shit. Good morning with roses and hearts, the most pussyfooted stuff inimaginable 24 hours a day. I spent my last decade thinking of how much of an annoyance I don't want to be, let alone women I like, so I've been unable to start conversations, they die quickly, and I have only once used a compliment (because I got one). A girl I was into for a long time finally talks to me again and I do practically nothing to keep that alive on the basis that I don't want to look needy or be annoying to her. Everytime I get to know any girl at all I don't, because unlike before, I lock up and keep my distance. Like I'm afraid. I'm afraid of them thinking I'm desperate. But somehow I'm not afraid of them thinking I'm a coward.

>have perfect run in the dungeon I'm currently in
>found great items
>have items that are a free get out of jail card
>can use them at any time with 0 repercussions or fear of being interrupted
>go to next floor
>see enemy
>get cocky
>hit him once
>get hit back
>hit him again as I'm sure he'll die
>he doesn't
>hits me back
>I die
>didn't notice my HP was that low
>lose all of my items
I haven't been this pissed at myself in such a long time that it's annoying me. I did another run afterwards only to find trash drops and no item that warps me out.

>left home at 10pm
>coming back only now at half past nine in the morning
lol lmao

sorry I dont want to have anything to do with any of you

i really dont want to go to stupid shit ckack work.

CUTE BLACK BOIS WITH LONG DREADS OWE ME SEX WTF

I'm over her, and the heartbreak I have been feeling has been replaced by the old familiar loneliness.
May God send the right girl my way

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>>33697537
I'm still just trying to understand, prepare and protect you. I'm sorry my love is worse than tough. You don't have to understand. It doesn't have to not hurt. It doesn't make it okay---but I have to make things *right*.

(((Us)))*. Excuse me.

I can't WANT something NORMAL. Because I'm NOT
NORMAL.

If I were someone that simple and normal things were coming to, I would want them. If I was an heiress I'd wake up wanting. I wake up needing. Knowing.

It's not some histrionic proclivity for drama. The person I love is universes away and I'll die without the trembling embrace of our reunion that melts into kissing. I'd be fine with just a kiss goodbye before work if that were realistic, fated. That is not what awaits. Not any time soon.

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>be me
>Have a bit of a crush on this chubby nerd at school
>He made fun of me when I had a panic attack
>Ok then fuck you
>10 years go by
>He sends me a friend request
>He's now a military officer with a hot fiancée

Shit I just remembered that they still had us using mechanical typewriters in third grade back in the mid-90s. Do they still teach kids how to use those?

I probably only got to use a computer once per month or every few months until the early-2000s. I think I mainly used it to make weird scifi animated gifs.

>>33706200
Maybe you become a better person and stop lying to people

I have no direction in life. I know that those who I thought could help me actually can't, they were just being polite. I know that change will have to come from me somehow. I don't know what to work towards.

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Go to get money from the bank? Voice shakes talking to the receptionist. Asking the waiter what food I want? Voice goes monotone, say something stupid "we only have [thing] with other [thing]
>visibly come into a wall, look like a retard
Make an important phone call
>fumble over my words, talk like a retard

>>33706977
and another one
>mail guy comes
>talk like a fag

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>35 male virgin, pic related
I sit on my skinnyfatass writing this because maybe it helps, who knows, a bit of a long story and prolly not relatable.
>Europoor, lightly autist, 1.73 , average mediterranean traits
Not that bad bingo numbers so not complaining

Never had a girlfriend or sex, used to follow the pickup artist scene and I had many dates on early twenties which resulted on NOTHING ,surely because I was lying about my self about everything.
11 years ago I moved to za North, worked tech, trying to forget the shame of having achieved nothing, it was painful but hey at least was making money.

>buy my way out of virgindom thoughts

but I simply couldnt due to the stupid ilustrated romantic indoctrination (yeah yeah blaming society)
I could flash my lifestyle to some bitches and maybe one will tolerate me or just visit the profesional and feel good for 5 seconds at the cost of doubling the shame.

Instead of that I have been slaving away , living with the minimum necessities (also victim of neostoicbroicism)
>Wake up, work, manage to eat something healthy, fap, try to forget misery before sleep and repeat.

I decided this year to go back to the homeland, to mothers basement, forget tech and work on some farmfield with illegal immigrants till I die of exhaustion or everything collapses

Not really depressed about it because I know is not that bad in comparison.
It is meaningless anyway, after 100 years we are all dead and forgotten , no real supreme trascendence, just copes.
It would have been nice to be able to hope to build a familly, I simply just stopped caring.

Will listen to some 2hou circles before sleep

good luck everybody , take care of yourselves

I'll never be good enough

I've had state coverage for a while, but I haven't been able to go to the dentist since the lockdowns. Any dentist who accepts the dental plan I am on isn't accepting anybody new. The Job's dental plan covers much less and is very strict. I have no idea what to really do about it.

>>33707300
You are enough

>>33707368
Go to Mexico

Life goes on

I have gotta get the fuck out of this looney bin for a house man. Unfortunately getting a car is impossible for me.

I need to grow up

>>33704107
Have you been drinking, your temperament here suggests that you have, not a criticism as such but maybe you should cut back. What do you hope to achieve by going to say sorry to her? I tried give you some advice and you shut it down, then got emotional - how can you apologize to someone if you are unwilling to take ownership of your actions?
I don't really think that you should go opening old wounds with your ex. it will do you no good whatsoever, I have been there and it's just not good. move on, find a new girlfriend, and learn from your mistakes.

>>33707518
Ironically I'm sober, I've just been feeling mentally crushed for a couple weeks now, recently I've been extremely unhappy all of a sudden, and searching for the reason as to why has found me no answers.
It's been so bad my managers took me aside twice today to check if I was okay. Apparently I just look fucked at the minute

>>33707450
One of my family members acts like a totally braindead bitch whenever one of my cousins is around, I wish I could say more here but it'd be a wall of text of years and years of context. Let's just say it's exhausting never being listened to and being treated like the bad guy whenever I'm trying to fix shit for people.

I live with my rich dad but the thing is he’s new money middle-class suburban rich, not old money mansion rich, so to women it’s very very lame that I still live with him, and we live in tremendous clutter because he can afford to buy whatever he wants whenever he wants it without consideration for whether or not he has space for it. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but I don’t have any friends who would want to get a 2br place together and I’m being cosmically cockblocked by my living situation which is upsetting

>>33707622
>I’m being cosmically cockblocked by my living situation which is upsetting
i know the feeling dude, if i was able to even get a fuckin job or anything i'd be out of this shithole, but this shithole is what KEEPS me from getting a goddamn job

Either I got trolled hard or somebody knows exactly what's she doing and I'm not too sure which of the two it is. It was fun talking with them in either case lmao.

Everyone avoids me at work, it's like I have a disease. I think I'm going back to be a neet.

>>33707695
Don't. People avoid you because theyre assholes

>>33707695
trust me when i say you WANT people avoiding you at work, just formalities like "hello" and "hey we've gotta do such and such, bossman said so" should be the maximum interaction, otherwise that's just more work

>>33707671
...The more I think about it, the more I think it actually IS who I'm thinking of. It's exhilarating.

>>33707411
That's probably more expensive and time consuming.

>>33707453
sa to the me
badly, i get disgusted with my antics

Idk what to do anymore. The guy I work with is an older guy and is a weirdo, adhd, spaz, jew. He makes a big deal about things that don't really matter. Goes on autistic rants about politics once a day (anti trump (idgaf about that)), is a redditor. No one actually likes the guy but no one tells him the truth. Sure he's got past trauma that he never stfu about and makes it everyone elses problem.

id be a qt3.14 if i still had hair

>>33707764
I don't refer in that regard, I mean I can smell that they are gonna fire me soon. Even my schedule is changing like crazy.

Stop doing male chauvinism and start doing marijuana.

Huh, so this is what my real life might be like? Wasn't worth it. Lol.

YouTube recommended me food videos so I remembered what food I ate growing up.
I was poor so I only ever ate lunch and dinner, no breakfast, and sometimes I wouldn't even eat lunch either.
I was reminded of that time as a child where my father went out to drink alcohol and left me with a Maggi seasoning packet to boil it in water and eat that as a soup for the whole day.
It's so fucking funny and enraging at the same time.
I wish I had had the maturity to kill that fucking bastard, to stab his jugular while he slept.

>>33707910
I'm a misanthrope not a chauvinist and I already smoke. I don't think that was for me anyway.

>>33707944
Same. Lol.

Maybe i turned into a sociopath i cant even cry when people i care about die. All that gives me is feeling of wanting to barf.

I don't want you to go to school anymore. You shouldn't be going out to eat with other people and spending time watching stuff with them. I gave you a house to live in and you shouldn't avoid me in it. You're mine and you know I'm not letting you leave here

>>33708121
You confuse people with property. Even most pets like to go outside.

I feel like giving up and kicking the bucket. I think I'm going to saw like burlingame again. Too much bad pussy coming around for rape again. Too much rejection from actually good people but everyone thinks I merit nothing and he is disturbing me with not taking his meds and paying $700 so he can have an orgy. I am retarded and am tired of hearing about how much bitch likes me and everyone has their heart set on it. I want to die so maybe I do it through into my heart a bit. I am literally crying. I just want him to fucking stop

Is my boss fucking braindead? He knows that my coworker is an ex-con who got arrested for assault and theft. I brought it up today in hopes that he would've gotten fired but the only thing he said was he knew about that. He's just going to let a violent thug work among a bunch of stable individuals? Fuck my wagie life

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Dear Pony,

Why can't I make decisions on my own without having somebody else's nod of approval? Have I never grown up?
I've been an adult far longer than I've been a teenager, yet I still run off to a friend or an anonymous posting board whenever I feel like I need to do something drastic.
But even then, these temporary sharp feelings will pass, I'll become complacent again, and the cycle will repeat.
When will I truly wake up and try to change my life, myself for the better? What terrible event will need to conspire for me to snap out of it and do what I know I need to do? How long will I continue to live like this? It's getting old, and I'm getting old.

Sincerely,
Pony

>>33708162
yeah, how dare your boss try and give someone a fresh start

>>33708170
my coworker is such a bad employee he almost costed everyone their jobs with how shitty the store was when the health inspector arrived. He obviously doesn't care about this job considering how he mostly sits on his ass and watches thirst traps while asking my coworkers for their numbers.

>>33700997
There is a mix up on him being trans. He ran out of pants.
The class he shot up was planned to euthanize him for not going trans as senior graduation gift, he merely found out the gravity of the situation and that the love of his life was giving him reassignment in attempt and did a shock stunt to save his skin. They have had him widows peaking since 3x a week with a lepress raping his cock and 1x with a blade to his dick all anyone wants to do with him is use acid and fuck his dad. He wants to kill himself secretly so bad. It is so disgusting how you would do this to an asperger. He has a snuff film of himself in his old drive from vanguard, it contributed alot. He is going to cause significant harm like very soon with a circle blade saw because of a sex tape we hear. It's on TOR. Give him lack of liberty and imposed death why don't you, the bloody daft cunt didn't know what but that he is gonna be a victim. He is 80iq is all and is gonna decide this world is not for him to inhabit anymore. The BM faggot he lives with doesn't allow a high IQ or decent wife either he's been married to a lepress for years and she has repurposed 6 times and gotten married against his will 4. It's forest view and their incessant need for his rapist to get laid that drove him

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I will kill myself

>>33707849
Same. Just do your job and look for another job until you can secure it and when they fire you, youll be okay.

Can you FUCKING stop feeling suicidal please? Thank you.

I am disappointment to everyone.

>>33708423
To yourself too? Because thats the only thing that matters.

every little bit counts

>>33708268
I am trying
I got my injection today it helped
I am on invega

>>33708783
Has it been working so far?

tomorrow is going to be awful

I can’t see myself being capable of connecting with others the to the extent I could before ever again. Regardless of how bad things got I was always capable of retaining confidence and passion and hold desire of companionship but I can’t picture myself bouncing back again. Even if there was a possible outcome other than crippling disappointment if I bounce back this time I just don’t care. I’m all fucked up.

It would be nice to meet a woman who could put me back together but I don’t think they exist. They would have to be remarkably patient and kind. I can’t entertain women who expect me to be funny anymore. If I met them tomorrow then I would still have to let them go. Maybe someday.

I just need a job

>>33708433
Yeah, even to myself. I sabotage myself constantly and my entire life is hanging on by a thread.

>Over a thousand ways to die and you chose this!?
Wait. I had a “choice”?
>Oh. Nobody told you? Too bad! Hahaha!

>>33697537

I went to a concert to see our old favorite band today. I had a great time, and I'm so glad I didn't see you or your shitty husband there. Four years since you broke up with me on moving week, after three years of me doing everything I could in our relationship, to marry someone you just met. I hate that I have terrible luck meeting people now, and that I don't feel comfortable being creative anymore because you ruined it for me.

I want to get back to doing the things I loved when I was with you, without you being around controlling me. I want to find someone who treats me better than you ever did. Some people say male abuse victims aren't real but I'm living proof of it.

>>33709614
When you date someone, your life becomes theirs anon and vice versa. Live a life where you'll be confident of handing onto your significant other. Don't wait for someone to fix you to make your troubles theirs.

>>33710518
I’m not looking for someone to make my troubles theirs. I just have a difficult time imagining myself being loved and desired as I am now. I don’t think I would be enough for most even if I had my shit together financially.

>>33710518
I hang on to as much confidence as I can but I go thru cycles where it depletes more as time and failure passes.

>>33710710
It's okay anon. Despite what I said, you still deserve to be loved, to feel the warm embrace of another person. Just because you believe you aren't enough now doesn't mean you won't be enough later in life. We all go through high highs and low lows, some more than others. But, it's not over till it's over bro. There are plenty of people worse off than you who managed to strike gold with their loved ones. Just hang in there, who knows how long but I promise it'll pay off, just keep chiseling away at yourself till you become someone you're proud of, someone you think is worthy of being with another person. Someone who others strive to sculpt themselves in your likeness.
>>33710728
That's perfectly normal anon. No matter how tough it is there's always tomorrow. The failures of today is the experience and wisdom of tomorrow after all.

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>a-are you asking me out on a date?

>go away with your low energy negativity
>love thyself before you can be loved
fuck that

the odds are stacked against me

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If you tame your inner demon, you can use it as a tool to protect yourself in life.