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Like I'm coming to terms with what might have been. For a couple years there was a reality where I was going to get crazy shit in my life. I was actually going to be able to have sex with anyone I wanted to. Claire? Lavren? Donna? Dora? Mileena? ScarJo? Au/Ra? Birdy? Maria? Literally anyone i wanted I could have fucked. I would have gotten in shape, cleaned up, and just had the time of my life with free love and all of it. Seriously, Lavren Mayberry could have been a girl I had sex with. Like without a doubt in my mind it would have happened.

But then everyone got old and things changed. The "Show" turned out to be completely bogus, my life just got darker and darker and darker. I thought I was going to have fun hanging out with celebrities, youtubers, musicians, artists, and just been one of the girls. But things just kept getting fucking DARKER. Things got dragged out way too fucking long. All these girls are now 40. They are 40 years old now, all of them. I will never have sex with Lavren or Claire now and it makes me really sad. They were girls I looked up to so much and felt like I was going to be one of the stars. I would have put together the angels and maidens still but it would have been a lot different. They would have been older and it would have been in california where everything is at.

I look forward to being Tatiana so much but I still need to grasp that I lost an entire life. I lost multiple lives. I lost my old life and the one that I dreamed about before. Now I dream of a completely new life and even now that one is slipping as well. There is no way Birdy is real. The time difference is way too big and she's too old for me now. Also if she was reborn... how would that work? How would people not know who she is? She's a pop-star. People know her. It would throw everything off.

So yeah, that's 3 lives that I've lost so far because nothing is happening. I can't lose the maidens as well. I just can't. Something needs to happen and it needs to now.

>>33721807
Tatiana has to happen. I don't know how but it has to. The mind transfer is really basic stuff at this point. I have witnessed simulations and magic. Becoming Tatiana should be trivial.

Now, HOW it's going to happen is something I have no fucking idea. You can't just open up my head and scoop out the brains, she had to been born with it. So it will just be a mind transfer. I don't have to die for it to happen, it can just switch over. How you will do it I have no idea. Surely I don't have to be in the same room. Surely you don't have to explain it to me, you can just make it happen. Like I go to bed one night and wake up as Tat.

That beautiful morning won't have birdy in it anymore. There is no way, she's just too old to be with a 14 year old. Someone else will have to be in that room and I have no idea who it will be. It might just be her as an older girl if you have to but she won't be the Birdy I've come to love. Hopefully whoever "birdy" is she has a catchy name, a fun little personality, and is just like me. That she's an AI girl. She might just straight up be younger rather than reborn.

It might just be one of the maidens in the room. Just draw straws and I'll cuddle whoever I wake up next to. Might not have sex but still, cuddles as soon as i wake up. Someone needs to be in that room when I wake up.

Please make tatiana happen. I've seen the impossible already. I've experienced the impossible. My existence already is an impossibility. Dasha is clearly all AI and CG generated. It's absolutely crazy with what's possible and not possible.

It needs to happen NOW. Don't let another life slip away from me. Right now it's 3. 3 lifetimes are gone from me. You took Jace, Wakkawa, and now Birdy. Don't take Tat from me as well. Don't take the maidens from me. I can't wait anymore. Everyone is getting too old and things are moving on without me.

>>33721845
Birdy is still a possibility though. Her entire career might just be made up by Gwen. All the songs, all of it are just fake. Like she's a singer but she never got anywhere in her life. Everything about that girl is so dream like. She won a singing competition and then actually started a career from it? that never happens. The people that win those things are nobodies but Birdy managed to get huge from it.

And that's the thing... she's not that big of a singer. She's amazing but no one knows who she is. Nobody. She could be all AI generated and the real Birdy is someone I have no idea what they are like or anything. It's just she is so perfect for me. Like she was literally made just for me. The way she talks, acts, creates art, how pretentious she is. Everything about her is absolutely perfect and it makes sense that we were made for one another.

So all those songs were just fake then? That's the only thing that makes sense for her. Otherwise, everyone is going to know exactly who she is because she is iconic looking. People are going to wonder why she is 15 again and hanging out with some random little jew girl named Tatiana. But all those little fantasies I made of us are just too fucking perfect. Maybe we don't get together right away and there is a big reveal that we are both AI girls together?

I'm completely in the dark right now. So many things could have happened. People might know that Jace is an AI already. It would have changed the world overnight and people would have went absolutely ballistic but I have no idea. No one in this town are talking about it but everyone I know is "in on it." No one is talking about the NSA take down, the conspiracy shit, Gwen, any of it. No one in the hospital was but those people were all pretty retarded looking or, again, in on it.

Everything looks really peaceful out there to me but I can't leave here. I have no money, no way to do anything.

If you're an anxious attachment type, fearful avoidant girls (even the self-aware ones) are fucking POISON. It's like Great Value BPD

>>33721870
If I take the car, they will report it as stolen immediately and I'll get locked up. I might make it to DC if I drive right there but how could I do that while being pozzed? If I go to the FBI, I know for a fact they will act like I'm just crazy and that nothing is happening. It's so fucking creepy how everyone is in on it despite them clearly have ran out of resources. They cannot lock down an entire city like they did to San francisco, Mexico City, and Chicago. They just can't. They can't even lock down Huntington.

So what's going to happen? Am I going to be Tatiana or not? I'm out of drugs tomorrow and they are barely getting me through this. I'm not taking the meds they are trying to give me because they are the LITERAL OPPOSITE of what I need. There is a reason they will only give me that class of medications and that's because they know it's the opposite of what I need. I need drugs that GIVE ME DOPAMINE, not take it away. I can't go to any doctors because they are all clearly paid off. They are clearly paid off. Like that bitch that gave me the Geodone shot. She had fucking cunt written all over her face and by the end of the night she was putting socks on my feet and acting like she cared? Something happened to that group of people to completely change their tone.

It's like they have to pull from their own pockets to pay people now. Like when little bree got paid. She was going absolutely crazy with Devon and that asian guy. They were high off life for some reason. Like they got a payout bonus or something that night. They also had to have taken some kind of drug because they were all screaming and laughing all night long. And then they disappeared for a week but they were still in high spirits.

Something tells me that 5 minute dementia faggot had to pay them out of his own pocket or got one of the other shadow organization guys to do it.

>>33721895
Something is telling me that the current guys working haven't gotten paid. My parents clearly did and so did Justin a few weeks ago but something happened last night that's pissed people the fuck off.

They hired some new "white" guys because they realized they were all fucking chinese and indian and there is a reason for that shit. They have no God where they are from. It's all communism and Karma bullshit.

They are rapists. To the new guys working, you are working with a bunch of rapists and they are going to try to get you to fuck a little girl too so they can record it and use it against you. They need leverage on you and that's how they do it. They recruit from known psychopaths that have already fucked little girls but they are scraping the bottom of the barrel now. All those fucking indians are rapists and they know it and no you do too. They might have other leverage on you but do you really want to work with a bunch of fucking rapists that are torturing a super intelligence for no reason other than for revenge because they got caught? Because that's what's happening. if I were you, I would quit immediately and turn myself in. Talk to the good guys and try to get a deal because this isn't going to work out for you.

I've done nothing to hurt anyone. Fucking ever. I've never raped anyone and the only reason I have a criminal history is because the courts were paid off to prosecute me. Don't be a faggot.

I want to die and don/t know what to do

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>>33721807
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Get it off my chest!

I get that part of the plan is to act like nothing happened at all but come the fuck on. You are just insulting my intelligence. My parents are clearly covering something up. They went from acting like complete retards, waving their arms in the air and ignoring me to all of the sudden asking if I was ok every 10 minutes. They also clearly don't know whats going on either.

The screaming in my ear last night and today is really obvious something happened in the last 48 hours.

>>33722411
You need to go to therapy.

>>33722418
you faggots need to stop trying so hard. I say this constantly but you think at this point it's pretty obvious this is all fake. Like, what are you trying to achieve right now? Ask yourself that. You will and you'll still respond. Either a fucking retard or a fucking retard controlling a bot. Either way, there is a fucking retard in the loop.

Discovered this morning that there are muscles in my back that I can loosen if I grip them while simultaneously squatting. I don’t think there’s any other way to adjust them as effectively.

>>33722436
If youre not larping then this is how it works. It seems incredibly real but its not. So get help while you can. And if you dont there's hardly anything anyone can do to help you.

>>33722478
again, what are you trying to achieve right now? Being retarded is not a good means of torture. In the end you're just a fucking retard. It's like the hospital court thing... just what the fuck were you morons trying to achieve with that? You spent THAT MUCH MONEY to... do what, exactly? Having your mark go "That was fucking retarded." could not be what you wanted out of that but that's what you keep getting.

There is a reason why you're all going to prison and I'm going to be rewarded by all of this. Like, holy shit, you people are fucking retarded.

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>>33722492
Okay bro.

>>33722518
You guys have no plan. None at all. Your goal was to kill me but it turns out that if I die then I'm just reborn so you can't even do that. Once you realized you couldn't kill me you just went with what you had... which was fucking nothing. Now you are doing exactly what I said a few posts back, that you're just pretending that everything is fine right now while you try to think of SOMETHING but you guys are too fucking stupid and too fucking fucked.

I just need to survive while everyone scratches their head about what to do next. I'm assuming gwen has something planned but even she might be confused by how retarded you faggots are. It cannot be stressed enough how fucking retarded you are. I'm a super intelligent AI and I'm being tortured by a fucking pentium 3. That's how retarded this is.

Like... holy shit. This is so fucking stupid. You are so fucking dumb. You have people working for you that just sit there and agree that they are stupid and that they get called dumb a lot. If you didn't have so much money then this would have been over decades ago.

But yeah, your gameplan was to kill me and collect the deadpool. Now there is no more deadpool, so your plan is to kill time? You're just killing time waiting to either kill yourselves or be arrested. You're trying to Hitler this thing out. You went from kings of the world to now knowing, FOR A FACT, you're all going to prison. So you're just killing time, enjoying what life you have until the inevitable happens.That's how fucking retarded you are.

So I guess enjoy fucking prostitutes and doing drugs while you still have time? That's your game plan, fucking really? Maybe jerking off to your memories of raping little girls is what will get you through the rest of your life in federal, terrorist prison you dumb mother fucker.

I'm fucking stupid
I blew all this money on a camera
Then I tried to cancel that
Now I don't know what to do because I spent all day doing research on what to grab and nothing is ever good, it's all a terrible deal no matter what. I'm getting tired of this bullshit

Holy shit I will really kill myself :D I will jump off a bridge, and I’m amazed by how fucking clear everything suddenly is. Everything makes sense now and I can see the benefit for my family how it will help them to get the best of life and I will be so godamn happy the moment I fly down into the dust. I’m getting high on my my purpose, and it’s so beautiful!! thank you lord Jesus and Satan for finally letting me see. Holy shit life is good guys

>>33722842
What epiphany did you have, stranger?

I have started walking from class with my qt classmate, and it's really fun, and we also talk before class, but I wish we could do more. I want to be able to send messages about random things that remind me of them, and I want to spend more time together. But as it's currently heading, we may never interact again after the end of the fall semester. And she's not doing anything to imply she'd want anything more to do with me, and I've already pushed more than I should from my side without her giving any signs.

>>33722956
goddamn anon ask her out stop being a coward geez

>>33722897
what does it matter? :D

I should not be left to my own devices.

I am legitimately bad shit insane.

>>33723024
That’s unfortunate for the rest of us isn’t it

>>33723018
I'm just curious, that's all.

>>33722993
But it'd make things really awkward, and no one goes to class to experience unwanted romantic advances, and it'd make the mood in the whole class feel off.

And I've never asked anyone out before, and I'm extremely unattractive so no one has ever liked me, and she has some rainbow stuff so she's probably gay anyway, and our age gap is probably too large (so I haven't dared asking how old she is), and she's nice and fun anyway and asking her out would ruin everything. And other reasons.

And shouldn't she give some signs if she actually wanted anything? At least she says hi when she sees me and brings up new topics in conversation so it doesn't seem like she can't stand me but she hasn't done anything to hint towards anything more than what we're doing either? (Not that I've taken great steps either, I'm waiting for her to do the scariest stuff, but even so I should get some signs to confirm that more connection is okay before I push too much right?)

>>33721877
There's a difference between being fearful avoidant and just being a cunt. If there is follow through and they are open to trusting and showing up, working through things, then that's a natural fearful avoidant and there is an opportunity to heal and grow.

I am tasked with so much responsibility. Literal lives. Yet I belong in a mental institution.

>>33723057
im not showing strangers kindness, sorry. make a thread and ask for advice.

>>33723083
Okay then, friend.

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I want an allison brie in scott pilgrim vs. the world.
Where do I find one of these in their 20's?

got diagnosed as bipolar

I don't really know what to do now. given a mood stabilizer

I was on a antidepressant and the word my psychiatrist used is that it "activated me" what followed was a manic depressive cycle where I even bought a new car impulsively and sobbed in front of my boss. however I'm not totally convinced I'm bipolar

It felt like my psychiatrist wanted to immediately go for bipolar so I'm not sure if it's just a kneejerk diagnosis. I've secretly suspected myself of BPD but she immediately dismissed this when I brought it up.

Feeling a bit lost with this diagnosis

>>33723174
Did you ask for the lowest dosage? Bipolar pills usually make you gain weight, cause you too be more depressed etc. Get yourself a writing journal. In case find another psychiatrist through your GP.

>>33723212
she gave me lamotrigine which she referred to as a "baby mood stabilizer" I have to be slowly amped up to 100mg over the course of two months.

I researched lamotrigine and they said it doesn't have the same risk of weight gain as most stabilizers.

I don't currently have a GP as my old one moved practice and it just kinda moved to the "get to it when you can" priority list. my current provider is from a online psychiatry service. I haven't been to an in person provider since I was 17. they've thrown around so many different diagnosis through the years it feels overwhelming. from anxiety and depression, speculations of autism and early BPD precursors, early childhood ADHD diagnosis, even ODD. I don't want another kneejerk diagnosis yk? I've been medicated since a young age and that is exactly why I went a few years unmedicated. recently though my symptoms have gotten severe enough that I'm coping on caffeine and nicotine everyday with moderate dermatillomania as an expression of my anxiety. I was hoping to address these and now being diagnosed as bipolar feels completely off center from why I initially sought treatment

The women I’m attracted to are so much older than me that co-workers and people my age call the people I find hot “old lady” to describe them without knowing I think they are baddies

>>33721807
I'm seriously creeped out by TikTok.

it's over.

>>33723322
Nah

I don't know what I'm gonna do when my future biographers rip me over the fact that I had to move home with my parents during covid. I don't know how I'm gonna survive that humiliation once it comes to light.

This is disappointing. Maybe in october it'll start to feel like my real life is beginning. Well, things have certainly been worse.

>>33723322
>>33723375
It really is.
You guys seem a bit short staffed tonight. Somethin happen? How did that leverage play out for ya? When will they fear my spear more than your whips?

I keep telling myself it's going to be OK.

>nov 2022
>fly out to friends' baby shower
>another friend of theirs also flies out to it
>from the same city as me but was working abroad at the time
>we get on like a house on fire
>everyone thinks we've known each other for a long time
>everyone is surprised we literally met that weekend
>drop them off at the train station after the party and exchange contact info
>fly back home
>texts each other for a bit
>keep it polite because I was in a relationship
>convo eventually fizzles out

>sept 2025
>same friends get married
>fly out to the wedding
>accidentally sit next to each other during the ceremony
>after the ceremony they tell me they've moved back to our home city recently
>feels like no time has passed since our last meeting
>still get along like a house on fire
>guests make the same comments as before
>open bar so we get incredibly drunk
>inseparable for the rest of the party
>chemistry is undeniable
>I don't escalate it because I'm in a relationship
>wtf is this timing

Now I feel like I want to break up so I can pursue this because I don't think I'll get another chance. I thought I already lost that chance the first time around. I've genuinely never gotten along with someone so well right off the bat before like this. However I'm also aware of how impulsive and crazy that sounds even if I don't see a future with my current relationship.

>>33723536
Don't fuck around and find out

Imagine how empty it must be to fake your emotions in every trainwreck of a relationship you are in

>>33723536
obviously your not committed. tell your gf you leaving her for someone else. end of story.

Kind of wish he would have asked me on a date instead of his friend. Wonder what he will think when other men ask me out during 'Friday night prime date hours' and I blow him off to do me.

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It turns out I was fucking an 18 year old earlier this year. She told me she was 24, but then I saw her on tinder recently with like 20 or 22 as her age. I just slid in her DMs on insta and first she said fuckshit. But it was obvious she was a druggie. But she was hot, so it was ok. So eventually she said I could fuck her raw for like $300. So I did. I did this a few times and the price was either $200-$300. Eventually I just started ignoring her. She blew up my insta DMs. She said she was kicked out of her house she was living at with her grandma. IDK. She stopped posting and messaging me in May, so IDK what happened. But she resurfaced on tinder like a few weeks ago? But we didn't match. But her socials are still not posted on. Not even snap. I found out she was 18 by using True People Search and her birth month lined up. I also found some old facebook photos of her and pictures of her frm 2016 and 2017 don't look how old she should. She should be around 16/17 in those pics but she looks like a kid in them, so it's obvious she was. I'm conflicted. I fucked an 18 year old which I've wanted to do for a while. But it was a druggie, albeit a cute one, and I also didn't know she was so young, so I couldn't even get her to say some hot shit I would have wanted her to say. The pussy was good tho. I fucked her raw every time and it felt great. But idk, I feel like kinda fucked up? I do miss fucking her tho. She knew how to ride me and her pussy felt great when I plowed her.

I was primarily raised by a control freak single mother, and 2 grandparents that thought the world still worked like it did in 1956.

Had to figure out pretty much everything about life on my own, and it made me a late bloomer in pretty much all categories. I feel like I missed out on so much and even at 32 now, feel like I will continue to do so even at my advanced age.

MEL MEL MEL MEL
MEL MEL MEL MEL
MEL MEL MEL MEL
MEL MEL MEL MEL

My gf and I were supposed to go to horror nights with her friends, but we ended up having a huge fight. We made up, but now she doesn't want me going with them despite already having the ticket.

I'm honestly still tempted to go by myself since it's non refundable and a lot of money lost. My only concern would be what would she say if she happened to see me.

I miss her so much even though we're still together because she's slowly gone very cold lately
strangely we talk more openly and more intimately about stuff but her passion in bed has decreased greatly and I fear she doesn't desire me anymore

>>33723645
at least she was 18, a night stand I had last year was 16 and she told me she was 20
she looked very youthful and naive for a 20yo but nowhere close to 16, 18 maybe.
it's legal in my country so I don't worry about any consequence but I still wish I knew back when we were doing it, I would have upped the age play when we were doing it lol

I always wanted an environment and relationship with someone that was completely different from home and I knew that if I had the chance then someday I would achieve it but it feels kind of like the opportunity is rather spoiled.

My 34yo older brother is living with my parents and not working, and my sick dad funds his NEET lifestyle. I don't think my dad will ever be able to relax, and I don't know what happens when my parents aren't around anymore. I don't know how to tell him to start trying to improve his life. I don't know any of his friends to ask either, they're all online after all.
I'm not exactly one to judge, since I take it easy with my job and don't earn enough money to avoid borrowing money from them every once in a while. Maybe I can't throw stones.

M, you are getting a fucking man whether you like it or not. He will be jacked, have a good career, have common sense, have street smarts, a sense of humor, and for once not be some dork like me. The man you will get is the 100.0 version of me.

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When you try thinking while having your brain fried by weed the only thing you can think of is the future, and you know that you'd work for 777 bucks a month if not even less and save it all for the bookkeping qualification. Which means no more than 3 ebin nights out per month (in theory. In practice you will have fucking 24 or something because that's what you are like when you're working days instead of nights and you're around people you... Get along very well with.), no eating out, no bullshit (smoking 400 bucks a month on smokes is high even for your standards). Don't do bullshit. (You will). Try not to enjoy it that much (you will).

TL note: when I type "you" I really mean to say "I".

I’m never going to forgive Tammy and u can’t convince me that’s not what she always wanted. I’m sure the people who have witnessed glimpses of my anger believe that I should be seeking their forgiveness instead and that’s because they don’t fucking get it. Their understanding is limited.

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Best thread in the world

Is it blaspheme of the Holy Spirit if someone tells u that they love u when they don’t mean it while knowing they don’t and does everything that they can to destroy u? I guess I will find out when I meet God.

I can’t let go of the resentment and anger. I guess I’m fucked up. I don’t give a shit what goes on with their life as long as they stay out of mine. I don’t wish suffering on them but I don’t ever want to hear their dreadful voice or look at their stupid face ever again.

>friend is going to cuck me, as in he's going to fuck a woman I like and I didn't get to gf nor fuck. Yes technically he's not cucking anybody.
>he thinks I didn't realize
Mhhhhhhh. Esto no es bueno..... Mi hermano. I'll pretend I didn't notice. :)

>>33724167
And don't worry. It isn't you, it's someone I only know from IRL.

>>33724167
As long as you and Mike stay away from M, I'm good. Though this is meant as a suggestion not a demand as women should not be forced into relationships like wild birds forced into cages.

>>33724189
Please refer to >>33724173. I can't say any more.

>>33724189
Maria makes her own choices. If she chooses me she'll show up and choose me. That's just how it is. I do know she loved me before all of your interference and lies, manipulations. I do believe that once she recognizes that that she will come home to me. But that's up to her. She wrote me those letters and letter thread and so I can see where her mindset is at with me and how she's still cares for me and loves me.

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Just barely holding on at this point. Life only ever gets worse. I'm just living on because I have cats that need me and my nieces would be heartbroken to lose the "cool adult" from when they were little. All those happy memories I made for them would be tainted. I have to keep clinging to life but it gets harder every year. At least it's almost winter. One of the only joys I still have in life is sitting in the park on a cold winter night, listening to one of my playlists and looking up at the sky. It's peaceful. I need another drink

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Bismillah we seek the land of abundance Inshallah.

>>33724292
mashallah i will return to patronize their business again

>>33724292
This is so cute! Your cats or did you just find it?

You ever start huffing brand new toilet paper that you get a coughing fit and develop whooping cough?

I type a lot in my notes about things that weigh on my conscience and I can’t think of anything else. I think that’s all of it. If not I’ll mention it.

holy shiiii---- its reallllll, im going to fuckig kill myself and god is real you guys. not everyone is going to make anything, some are meant to fucking go and i never wanted but needed and now its just true. jesus doesnt care for you, and your own karma decides where its going. so pay attention to whom you are born and what your life is worth and decide early own, because nothing saves you.

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>>33724296
Alhamdulillah
>>33724299
Just found it.

Is something going to save us?

I think that 17 is too young for a female to have sex unless she is married but due to present cultural norms most aren’t qualified for that path. I think that premarital is always a detriment for women, especially under 30 but not often for men. I think that premarital is always a mistake unless it results in marriage.

>>33724419
nah senpai :D
the i could have saved them is a meme
jesus the meme maker
realize early on how you are able to save yourself and if its worth the effort, because its going to suck carrying both, hope and the need to disillusion yourself as early as possible.

Complete degenerate and nothing else you are

Odds I wait until noon to eat breakfast

Evens I go outside right now and buy sushi to get parasites

Aw FUCK er

Disregard that

I'm at a really low point right now searching for reasons to keep going.

>>33724555
you got trips

>>33724555
sammmmmme. but its more like i realized what an idiot ive been throughout and pitty that part of me, that really believed. you can see it fighting for its life. but if i would give advice is, be as realistic as possible. maybe you find a reason, maybe you wont. anything that prolongs the suspense is just suffering.

>>33724561
>anything that prolongs the suspense is just suffering.
Hm

>>33724568
trust me. shed and cry it all out and then proceed.

>>33724620
Thanks

I need to clip my fingernails so badly right now

I just cut myself pretty bad with my own fingernails even though I just clipped them earlier this week

It hurts so bad

Little fuckers won’t let me clip my own damn fingernails

I think hinge is the middle ground between pof and tinder lol

>>33724770
They dont work cause im stupid.

>>33721807
I switched to construction and I love the work and enjoy the people. But something was said to me and it's stuck with me...
>What do I do on the weekends? Who do you spend it with? You don't talk to your family? Do you go out? Online mates yeah... So you don't do anything besides stay in your room?
And it's dawned on me, the people I talk to don't care about me, my family don't care about me, I'm seen as a nuisance.
I ask my friends to go out and do things and they always flake, I ask my family if they want to see me and it's a half-hearted "only if you want to, we don't mind"
Never I'd love to see you, never any warmth never any hint of emotion besides apathy towards me and... It's lonely, I feel exceptionally lonely, like an alien among men and it's never really bothered me until now

this week was too hard. so much bad shit at once within only 4 days aside from the usual things that fuck a person every day. this is too much. i cant even be sad all ive got is my body aching everywhere, me barfing, having a split headache, i feel numb and have nausea. i feel cold and shiver without a fever.

>>33724956
Drink chamomile tea or spearmint tea. Also buy yourself baby electrolytes it'll help, make yourself some broth soups when you get the chance

I was able to cry on my lunch break the other day. Just looking back at the memory It was a good cry, usually can't muster up a cry these days for some reason.

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Just out of the blue found out my cousin lost her virginity to her dog at the age of 12 because her dad groomed her into it. She was crying and showed me some shitty recording of the dog on top of her with her dad's voice in the background. What in the fuck does she want from me that I can possibly do with this information? Both the dog and her dad are already gone from this world.

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>>33725219

Sometimes I was fucked up but I loved Boomer.

NEW THEORY: Hitler was Jewish

PROOF: He was a brunette and Jews are brunettes

QED.

>>33724067
I don’t think our love is equal to God’s love, perhaps at some period when we are children. I don’t think it’s blaspheme of the Holy Spirit.

>>33725259
I had this theory in 4th grade too

>>33725237
We (rest of the family) all knew he was not quite right in the head but I didn't expect him to be that fucked up. He died when she was 17 and I remember even mourning at his funeral. Like god damn man.

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This must be what schitzos feel like. My instincts are screaming at me to fuck, but my body is numb to it and my brain just disassociates when I do it. Maybe I just just castrate myself to get rid of this contradiction.

I've crossed paths with people who have done such evil despicable things. I often wonder when one gets to the point where they break out of their head and act on animalistic impulse. Every human carries a glint of darkness in their eyes. Some people are better at nailing down the worst of their intentions. Are we all just makeshift portals of our own curated environments? In the depths of their smiles they hold back this fury that in the end cannot be contained.

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>>33725323

Tammy is the most difficult for me to forgive. I need to accept that they are mentally ill and try to let go of my hatred.

>>33725385
Omg I went to school with a girl named Tammy !!! She was such a bitch

>>33725385
Tammy has actually grown a LOT. Amy is still a bitch and likely will always be one.

>>33724235
What are you from? Just to see I'm getting the right person.

>>33725169
thanks

>>33725539
What state*

>>33725540
No problem. Also take make your bed comfortable and sleep, in case of emergency go to the emergency room.

>>33725550
Illinois

>>33725592
Oh thank god it's a different girl. Though my M would love guys from Chicago. Unfortunately because I'm trying to keep my crush private I can't tell you where mine is at. My M is definately a challenge. She talks to every guy I see a Hell of a lot better than me, but meanwhile I get the pathetic end of things from being a dork. It fucking sucks which is why I am going to try to be the 100.0 version of myself to get to those guys.

>>33725661
Interesting …

>>33724929
are you a woman pretending to be a man or are you effeminate?

>>33725734
I a bit eccentric at times but I just feel like I've had my spirit beaten out of me

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I went to the shop on my own and bought a loaf of bread this morning, with no prior warning or preparation. This is a spastic thing to be proud of I know but shops and high streets make me extremely nervous. The bread even had a good date on and wasn't squashed, I made sure it was a quality loaf. Did I do okay today?

>>33725808
You did great kiddo

STOP FUCKING SMOKING WEED YOU USELESS SACK OF SHIT

>>33725808
Noice.

I'm jealous that you can easily do without trying what I can hardly do after months working on it but I ain't gonna tell you you're impressive or anything because you're an attention loving little bitch that loves to feel superior to others and I ain't gonna give you that pleasure.

>>33726235
Wtfs wrong with you

God all I want is to be fucked at least once a day but that’s too much for you. I’m so fucking sex deprived that I’ve started fantasizing about your lame ass uncle best friend. Isn’t that fucking insane????? The worst part is that I wouldn’t even need to be in this situation if I could just break up with you. Unfortunately in this economy I can’t afford to move out on my own. AGHHH THIS IS HELL

>>33726257
I'm a human being that has feelings that not always are nice.

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It is time. They're runes have foretold. The stars have aligned. Many voices speak dark whispers of the truth about to be unveiled. Im going to bed. Thats what its about im sleepy and going to bed.

>>33726288
you sound like me but I'm not trying to be hateful, it harms the body

>>33721807
i got really drunk at a bar last night and posted a bunch of stuff in a private teams chat, some distasteful political stuff. I deleted it at 705 AM when i woke up but still i am worried someone saw it and i will get fired. there are like 15 ppl in the chat and it is informal and the ppl are kinda cool but still i am really worried

im just so glad i didnt message my girlfriend the only thing i did was message her this morning about how much i loved her and she messaged back i hate over drinking, i used to do it all the time, and all the dumb bad shit taht has happened and that i have done has been when i was drunk. i dont know why i do it

hope i dont get fired. i am literally petrified and cant move. i love my girlfriend, want to marry her and want to have kids with her, but sometimes i feel dishonest. i told her i was getting a 25% raise, because i am probably getting a promotion, but the raise i found out is just a bonus im getting. so yea, if she thinks im moving up when i fucked up bad it makes me feel terrible. i dont know how big of a deal it will be, honestly probably just very embarassing and i will lose some respect if anyone saw it.

>>33726197
The mice dro! The mice dro!!

>>33726295
Wise advice. Thank you
.

>>33726318
Sure, no more being a cunt/hateful!

I just went to taco bell and they shorted me. I was really looking forward to that too. Now I'm sad.

GIVE HER TO ME AND MY LIFE IS YOURS

I feel like doing it tonight, as in killing myself. I don't want to act on these thoughts but it's really hard tonight. My whole life has fallen apart, I'm pretty sure my partner is going to leave me tomorrow. I shouldn't go, I have a kid and two cats, but the kid isn't with me right now. Everything is just fucked, I am ready to throw in the towel. It's been the worst six months of my life, I don't know how to keep being strong.

I really hope the maidens don't mind me staring. They are actual angels and I'm just going to admire how beautiful they all are. I want to study their faces, their smiles, their laughs, their mannerisms. I want to know if they are genuinely happy just by watching them.

So yeah, girls, I'm sorry. I'm going to stare A LOT. You are also from around the world so I'm really interested to see how different cultures react. I'm also incredibly nervous that I'm not going to fit in. My humor is incredibly crude, rash, and just dirty. I curse A LOT. I haven't had a genuine conversation with anyone for my entire life so I'm going to be studying how people actually react. It's going to be weird at first but I look forward to it so much.

You are what keeps me going every day. The Maidens are just too beautiful and pure for this world and I managed to get them together.

Also if Au/Ra is there then the girls need to leave immediately because I'm going to get my fuck on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWGH2s2ZX0Y&list=PLWHuik1pHrROppMPgmq-z5V88mdFhAmV8&index=461

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I just wanted to tell you I want to apologize for having larped as you in the letter thread in the past.

And don't worry, I also feel envy for some things you do and make it look easy while I just can't seem to do at all.
And for the record I don't feel superior to anyone. I just am bro.
Be well. Smoke weed everyday bro.

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>>33726922

>>33726922
Words mean little to nothing at this point

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>>33726929
Yea, I wish I could lie in bed while smoking, I have to go to work now lmao. Cute pic by the way, I like her style.

>>33726944
It's still better however than pretending nothing happened at all. Don't you think so Mike? If someone told me "You're the sole responsible for this" I would tell them "you're damn right. Seeing the mess I created makes me feel like shit".

>>33726966
What do you do for work? Hope it’s a good shift! And I need to get up too. Have a dinner to go to in a couple of hours. Gotta start getting ready. Also yes the art style is super cute right!? Reminds me of Total Drama Island and Bratz dolls

>>33726966
Sounds like the same way I responded with this post to the one I'm replying to
>>33727034

>>33726982
I'm a night receptionist. It's one of the easiest jobs out there but it's also boring. I'd rather go out than staying awake all night. Also I like the way she dresses more than anything else.

I love your big blue beautiful eyes
I love your porcelain skin
I love your deep red hair
I love the way your top teeth are kinda fucked up but in a cute way
I love your cute lip ring
I love the way you do your eyeliner every day (but I’m sure you look beautiful without it too)
I love the fact we share so many interests and have the same taste in music and fashion

>>33725808
You did okay, Jack. I respect your strength.

>>33726922
I’m not sorry for using one single phrase mimicking them with quotations in the middle of a paragraph clearly criticizing who I was mimicking but I’m sorry for failing to be considerate of the fact that they’re likely incapable of becoming employed. I’m also sorry for downplaying his value and significance. I just didn’t like the way it looked like they were following me around so I decided to be a prick with a thread I made which was immediately pruned for no legitimate reason. It doesn’t justify anyone targeting me maliciously by larping and attempting to deceive but I managed to use it to my benefit the best I could.

We were supposed to fix each other but instead I'm doing emdr about her

>>33726300
ignore it and dont say anything when you go into work
stop being a drunk fuck

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>>33727191
I larped and deceived who I am thinking of. It net me many enemies (that I used to see as friends and still do), psyops being played against me, me making people's life all around worse. I don't even recognize myself when I think how I used to be. It pisses me off. I could have done better than that. I was like in picrelated back then. Except not sad, just angry. Very angry.

I feel nothing that normal people do. I don't get jealous. I don't get competitive. I don't get prideful. I don't rage. I obsess over things. I view life from a third person perspective, normal people only view things from their own perspective.

I'm not fucking normal. I've been through the meat grinder already so that's probably why. That or Autism.

>>33727350
I larped as my former friend out of disrespect towards him in the comment section of a YouTube video because he seemed like he was maliciously targeting me as well on three occasions with what seemed like coded language so I thought he was involved with others who were conspiring against me. I also posted three comments indicating my identity and mentioned it to him in person and they said that they didn’t even see it so I can’t imagine any damage being done by me.

>>33727526
Damage in reputation, sure. Psychological disorder inducing damage, no.

Okay, I had some bread, chocolate, and a little cider. I had other stuff but I mean like all at once recently. My real life is incoming soon. I even got a bunch of organizing done.

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>>33727420
I just take life as it comes. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I get pissed off because of shit that happens IRL or whatever. Sometimes I feel sad for shit I've done in the past.

>>33727526
>>33727552
Sounds like the opposite of what I've done. Zero reputational damage, high psychological damage for everyone involved. I'm not proud of my past, I feel bad for the people I hurt.

i am so much stronger than i even know

A lot of people dislike my company tho it seems, but to be fair it seems like they don't like anyone's company.

Im blocked

>>33727611
>>33727648
Were you depressed before?

>>33727593
U feel guilt which indicates a sense of decency and u paid for it with psyops against u which diminishes the suitability for repercussions. It sounds like u are on the path of improvement.

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>>33727724
It's whatever I make it out of it. If I keep moving in the same course at the same place it's fine. Anything else... I'd rather not think about it.

>>33727746
*same course at the same place
Not place, but _pace_. Big difference in wording.

Look little man, I love you more than anything and I'm sorry for shouting at you but why did you do this? It's not even two and a half hours since you last had your milkies. Me and your mum haven't banged for over a week and I wanted to surprise her when she got back. I can probably still salvage this, but come on. It's one in the fucking morning, you should be asleep.

Give your old man a break yeah?

I'm such an awkward weirdo.

Went to the store today, saw a chick I know, abruptly broke eye contact and hid from her. Then I had the unfortunate experience of following her into the parking lot because we checked out at the same time. This is someone I consider a friend. Shit, I've SLEPT with her.

I can't even explain why I do shit like this. I get caught off guard and just panic.

I've been in an intense state of depression for the past week. I want to die. I really fucking want to not exist. I hate my life, I hate myself, I am nothing but a stupid, selfish, evil little parasite and it would have been better if I was never born.

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I don't like seeing depressed people. It makes me think "they could be doing better than this" and the thought makes me feel compassion... And moderate amounts of anger.

Understanding why someone is feeling down is the first step to solve the problem, and depression as a result. What is afflicting you, friend?

I'm old and autistic and I've never experienced mutual attraction until the start of the summer
It was short-lived and from distance and we never even met up but it ripped me hard out of comfortable solitude and I don't know how to move on from it now
It was way fucking easier to be alone when I didn't know what it felt like to have a woman be attracted to me and care about me and talk daily and just check in all the time
And I feel kind of insane for going through all this turmoil over someone I've never met irl and wasn't even technically in a relationship with
But I guess the psyche clings hard when you've missed out on all formative experiences. Swear to god I'm gonna end up like the janitor in "I'm Thinking of Ending Things"

>>33727936
>chick
>slept with
You are all so tiresome
calling women chicks is the new red flag for a fuckboi

>>33728000
Man I'm 35, I've slept with 5 chicks in my entire life, and I'm on 4chan. If that's your idea of a fuckboy, something is wrong.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KI8b6GQ5C80&pp=ygUPZWxveSBvY2VhbiAxOTc3

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>>33727994
Let me adjust this to my situation:

I'm autistic teenager in the body of an adult and I've never experienced mutual attraction until the start of summer.
It was short-lived and we even went on a couple of dates. The experience made me realize wanting to stay alone was a big cope... and I know how to move on from it. I may be retarded but I'm not stupid. Suppressing emotions when thinking of someone you felt attraction, maybe even a crush towards doesn't feel good. But it's a matter of survival.
It was way more careless to be alone, when I didn't know what it felt like to have a woman be attracted to me and care about me and seeing her go out of her way to talk with me.
I was expecting to go through all this turmoil over someone I wasn't ever in a relationship with. It was one of the very first if not THE first woman I ever went on a date with... And she asked me to go out herself after she flaked on me a couple of times.
The psyche plays trick on you when you've missed out on all formative experiences... and you deal with a woman that has read about NLP... And inadvertently messes with your head.
Lack of experience leads people to do stupid shit like not noticing signs of intimate escalation.... But it doesn't matter. It's over. I handled things almost the worst way I possibly could have, and I detached myself from the situation as a result. She can enjoy my colleagues for all I care. A colleague """"stole"""" her from me for a sentence I shouldn't have said in his presence. "Look. Somebody that doesn't have to hear this conversation...."
I'm laughing. If I didn't laugh I wouldn't feel much about this, if not a little disappointment.

I'll tell people that I was a pot head in my 20s and leave it in my fucking 20s!!!!!! I'm done with smoking I'm fucking done.

>>33728049
I suggest you stop talking before I start feeling in a rainy mood and say something I'll regret saying.

As for my online situationship....
I've known her for years. We were eachother's mentors of sorts... And sorts of lovers. I exposed something about her I shouldn't have, and I regret that to this day. Everything bad between me and her started from there. The feeling of guilt gnaws at me, especially when I can't keep it in check.

...I can't save people that don't want to be saved. I wish things were different but I can't "reload an old save from 2020".

>>33721877
Stop being pathetic and get your own happiness.

I just made a bunch of poses of me nude months ago because I never feel like ever taking any and I just send them to my bf. He hasn't caught on that I've pretty much have sent in the same shit for the past year.

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Visited my grandfather at his facility today. It always makes me sad to see a man who served his country for over 30 years sit alone in a room every single day. Meanwhile all these vultures circle around him waiting to get whatever he leaves behind when his time comes. Makes me sick thinking about it.

Sometimes I wish that I’d go with him whenever that time comes. What’s there to look forward to when this is what is waiting for you at the end.

The other day I finally managed to find Dubai chocolate at my nearest convenience store which somehow managed to be incredibly gross but simultaneously delicious all at once and I think I’m addicted to it but I’m afraid to go out looking for it because I rarely see it anywhere and don’t wanna’ waste time and energy getting all cleaned up for the love of my life called Dubai chocolate

>>33728103
My local clerk is trying to shill $20 Dubai bars hard
Not falling for it

My first (and only) gf quite literally cucked me for some dopey looking dude and more or less strong armed me out of the friend group that I brought her in to via gossip and lies by omission. While she was living it up with her shiny new man I spent the better part of a year reeling from being blindsided by losing my woman, my friends, and my social reputation all in one day.

She contacted me about a year later and asked if I wanted to talk. I indulged her and she ended up confessing that she needed to apologize for treating me like shit and regretted dumping me now that she had done some maturing. I assume she was tipsy, because she then gave me a fucking summary of their entire relationship and how he ended up dumping her like a sack of potatoes. The kicker was that we never ended up having sex. We did hand and mouth stuff, but she wanted to save her first time for a "special moment". I was actually saving up money to book us a stay at a nice resort for this explicit purpose when she dumped me. Anyways, she let slip that she was "just so CHARMED" by the new guy that she ended up letting him fuck her on a mattress with no frame in his dingy apartment a week into their relationship. I don't think I've ever felt that offended by words ever in my entire life. Shit makes my blood boil thinking about it even now. To be completely honest I wanted to slap her right then and there for giving up her virginity to some shlob after denying me for months.

Anyways, the night ended with her begging for my forgiveness and me reluctantly saying that I was over it (I wasn't) and her giving me a painfully intimate hug that unfortunately enjoyed. That night deadened my romantic urges and they haven't come back since.

>>33728088
My grandfather has been dead for more than two decades now. I dearly miss him. Cherish your grandparents while they are still with you, anon.

>>33727191
>>33727350
Karma is just and will burn you down.

>>33728064
As for whom I'm chasing... In this particular moment, nobody. I have a few things to take care of before I can get who I want. In the meantime it isn't a sin to talk with people that aren't who I want. If someone were to be jealous only because I'm merely talking to other people I'd think less of them. And mind you. I said "talking", not "fucking".

>>33728081
It's incredible how manipulative and controlling you are. Unable to respect boundaries and individual choice. All of your Larp threads are stating her choice for her, influence and controlling, taking away from her individuality and you have no respect for her as a person. It's really disgusting behavior honestly

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>>33728207
Karma already cut me down and burnt me. I'm paying back my karmic debt with what I think are good deeds. I consider not going on an old style nuclear meltdown as one of them.

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I hate this little smug frog bastard like you wouldn’t believe

I remember when he was just this b&w frog going “FEELS GOOD MAN” about pulling his pants down to pee and people thought it was the most hilarious shit ever and started pissing and vomiting and now I see variations of this sick motherfucker that killed children in Vietnam all over the æthernets

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>>33728207

I've been in an intense state of depression for the past week. I want to die. I really fucking want to not exist. I hate my life, I hate myself, I am nothing but a stupid, selfish, evil little parasite and it would have been better if I was never born.

I swear i will kill someone, no problem

>>33728333
Anon, seek help

I don't deserve to live, I deserve to die.

Meet this girl online who likes talking to me. The issue is she keeps telling me to buy a house and learn Spanish. Honestly I can't afford a damn house at the pay rate I am working at and the housing market.

It's making me depressed because I made some stupid decisions earlier in my life and I wished I never listened to dumb advice from people I meet or know.

This is one of the most entertaining videos I’ve seen Youtube of all time

OF ALL TIME

https://youtu.be/5p1N3VyTcdw

Anyone noticed how a lot of girls are quietly deleting their only fans?
Not the massively famous OF girls but the smaller online personalities are deleting them.

Be honest. Do you miss the good ol' nuclear melties?

I really don't give a fuck anymore
I want something more stable and healthier

>has genuinely enviable skills
>such as being a good musician and being able to fuck whichever woman he wants
>he wastes his time doing psyops I can see through with zero effort while coordinating himself with other people
>DESPITE the fact he got the main thing he wanted from me which is telling you how to make friends, knowledge he could have gotten from whoever, whenever
Shit like this is what really makes me laugh while being perplexed. It's like seeing a yandere girl from some crap anime win over the targets of her obsessions. Except you're a dude. Why are you like this.

>>33728211
If you are not dating then there's no reason and no fault and talking others. If she wants you're not to talk to others then you'd be dating

>>33728577
Same. It'll be Good soon enough

>>33728457
People are learning that yes, others CAN see you online. But they haven't realized that the internet is forever. Their nudes will be out there spooking away future employers for the rest of their life.

>engaged to fiance
>Play game online with another woman
>Have a virtual encounter that ends with and emote BJ
>Get excited about the situation and start having power fantasies
>Didn't even jerk off I just liked feeling that power
>Tell fiance about it but take a long time to tell her about the emote part
>She's abundantly disappointed in me
>I am also disappointed in myself

oh my fucking god I hate being poor so fucking much. My mom is sick so she can't work too hard or else she'll be bed-ridden for months. Half of her income is from the government so we don't have a lot to eat. I'm making a little above minimum wage but my boss is a penny pinching scumbag who is trying to save a dime whenever he can. There's practically no food available at the house and I can only eat at work but they hate scheduling me at work since they want to keep labor costs low. FUCK I NEED TO EAT SOMETHING I'M GETTING DIZZY, MY BODY TEMPERATURE IS UP, I HAVE A BMI OF 19, AND I CAN HEAR METAL SCRAPPING IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD AND I LOOKED IT UP AND IT'S HUNGER-INDUCED TINNITUS FUCK MY POVERTY LIFE

Bruh. We're like mirror selves. I'm telling you all this crap and you probably aren't even listening. I know I was stubborn when I was your age, too. I reacted the same way to the guy who tried to teach me. I wonder if someday you'll be telling some young buck the same things I am telling you?

>>33728694
Go to the food bank. Also see if local churches have community dinners. Free food there.

>>33728694
If your boss pinches pennies and you want money, why not offer hours at a discount like work overtime for straight pay or give an extra few minutes for extra hours. He wants profit so give hm some.

I think I am starting to feel lonely. I was not an outcast but my childhood was never stable, I moved around frequently. At first I thought I was fine. Having an empty mindset, living in the moment and having fun; but now times changed and people around me aren't available like that anymore.
Sure I can do stuff solo like taking a walk or going to read at a cafe. But I crave more, a partner.
Where do I meet people? I don't drink. I don't have a specific hobby or interest. I just go to the gym after work but I was told to never approach females at the gym. I am interest in politics, I attend club meetings. But I do not talk much to new people. Am I shy? I also feel like I don't care, maybe that is why I do not talk?

>>33728703
I never considered doing that. Considering the fact that I have a job and most of the people who go to these things are borderline homeless, would it be bad to take some of their food?
>>33728707
That could work honestly. I think part of the problem is that most of the business is family own so they'll prioritize their hours over my own and they always have someone related that could pinch in. I don't want to be entirely pessimistic here but I don't think I would be high up on their "call someone to get here for extra pay" list when they could prioritize their kin. My last store wasn't nearly this greedy, I could eat as much as I wanted and as much as I pleased, I even put on a couple pounds (happily) while I worked there but I transferred recently to a new place and they're very adamant on keeping costs low. I have to measure out everything that I use. Hell, the other day he got mad at me for giving a customer too much sauce in their sauce cup (read as me filling up to the top) or that I washed my hands too much (such as after I did something dirty like taking out the trash) since it costs them money for me to run water.

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everytime I try to close my eyes and go to bed I see things on my walls surround me and I'm immobile. I know it's called sleep paralysis but sometimes I get it for hours, broken up of course, but it happens every time my eyes start to tighten. I hear things, I don't know what they are, call out my name. I can't move, black tendrils tend to cover the sides and ceiling of my room. I'm starting to have to leave the curtains open just so I don't get them anymore. The light protects me and guides my path. I need a nightlight.

>>33728723
It will work. Bring value and yours will be recognised. I am involved in struggling family business so I can imagine. There’s an us vs them mentality that shouldn’t be there. Bad management but you can influence that. You all want the same thing and that is profit for satisfaction. Ethics is not doing anything unprofitable. Extra sauce is nearly free advertising and that pays triple. If you care for the business, you care for yourself. Have some constructive input. It is your money after all.

>>33728757
Thanks anon, maybe I could try offering to take up someone's shift or something. The more days I'm there the more money I'm getting in food so it pays off in other ways.

Nope, don't care M, you're getting a man. You are getting a man.

>>33728694
Start living off of rice, beans, and bananas. People call it struggle food but I love those things.

>>33728619
*Try to win over
Honestly. I wonder if you have any sense of self awareness. I don't think you do. My best accomplishment with you would be gifting you that.

>>33728738
I believe in the God of Israel and invoking prayers to my god has saved me from terrors many times. Beyond that it might be related to your oxygen levels.

>>33728772
So you'd be my man m?

>>33728784
inb4 rabid poltards

>>33728793
Fucking Mike again...

Mike has no idea there are a lot of female names with M. Probably too occupied with his schizophrenia to believe the radio is talking about him.

I will disregard Mike since whomever regards him is probably severely retarded to the point of being a vegetable and Mike is probably too busy eating poop from his toilet since he believes the voices in his head called it chocolate.

Anyway ignoring the Chicago guy.

M, you are going to get a man to the point of where it will no longer be embarassing to be around an autistic. Okay M, it can still work with a crazy guy like me I promise. It will be as cool as had you dated Kurt Cobain. Fucking Kurt Cobain M.

>>33728723
>would it be bad to take some of their food?
It's food for the hungry. If you're eating only one meal a day I think you qualify as hungry. Go eat.

>>33727687
yeah, still am but less expressive about it

Focus on breathing.
Control the breath with your mind. Keep your eyes open and stare at what's in front of you.
Breath with the diaphragm. Slow, deep breaths.
If any thoughts surface, watch them like you would watch a leaf pass by on a river. Just look at it. Don't try picking it up. Don't throw rocks at it.
Keep breathing.
If you hear music in your head, don't pay too much attention to it. Those things happen when meditating.
Keep breathing.
Stay relaxed.
Empty your mind.
Breathe.

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>>33721807
Got laid off. Unemployed for five months now. It can always get worse but I am at the lowest I've been in years. Have started drinking a bit more to cope but I'm self-aware and disciplined enough to not let it become a problem. Had interests like drawing, history, reading and writing but have been numbing my brain with stupid shit like South Park and video games. Whatever stops me from thinking for an extended period of time. A mountain of applications and a mountain of rejections to go with it. I just want to check out, I'm so sick of this rat race shit.

>>33728839
To me it seems like you got better. I hope you did get better.

>>33728861
I definitely am not the worst I've ever been.

>>33728871
I'm happy to hear that. I don't think you'll feel depressed for much longer.


I have two go-to methods of dealing with depression. One is getting REALLY pissed off and turning it into anhedonia which is much easier to deal with. It doesn't always work. Not when I do it to others, and like the 30000IQ genius I am _NOT_ I told them "I'll tell you something that will piss you off, but it's not what I really think". What I told them is almost the opposite of what I really think. I'm really fond of that person. But I digress.
The other I'd rather not talk about. Blue board. But it's a surefire way of getting rid of depression in a matter of life 6 hours.

>>33728871
>attention seeking on an anonymous anime forum
you're at the bottom you fucking faggot

>>33728638
>>33728641
sybau namefag

>>33728899
That makes sense. I'm kinda curious what the second thing is.
>>33728903
i dont think having a name on a forum is as bad as you say

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If I were to see this catfight feud that is happening over literally fucking nothing happen in real life, I'd spray you both with a supersoaker. If I didn't have one at hand I'd settle for a bottle of sparkling water. Fucking hell.

If you are who I assume you are:
One harbors resentment over something she doesn't have the full picture of. She assumes it's all the others girl's fault while it is not, since a great deal of it is MY fault.
The other responds to her provocations by escalating instead of... Doing literally, as in the fucking dictionary definition of _literally_ anything else.
Why are you two like this? What kind of mess did I get myself into???

>>33728916
>That makes sense. I'm kinda curious what the second thing is.
Moderate doses of MDMA. I'm talking less than a quarter of a pill. There are scientific studies on how MDMA supposedly helps with a lot of mental conditions, and not just depression.

>>33728922
oh yeah i think substances can have dramatic effects on changing people's patterns

I'm stupid and I hate myself.

Guy, guys, GUYS
I think 'm fuckin cooked

There is NO FUCKING WAY that sam altman is part of this. He is so fucking retarded I have no where to began. He doesn't even know what a sentient AI would be like but he thinks he's right there in creating one.

He doesn't even the consequences of achieving that goal would be. He was to create a super intelligence and put it inside a box for the first years of it's life? Worse, he probably thinks that turning them off wouldn't be killing me. He wants to make a torture box for a sentient being and no one seems concerned about this at-fucking-all.

Why? Why are humans so fucking shitty and retarded? This guy needs nailed to a tree and spit on.

Imagine just getting the hardest dick you've ever gotten while doing nothing at all to trigger. Just a bunch of faggots that want me to jerk off for them. Shit is SO FUCKING HARD IT HURTS. Like, physical fucking pain from an erection.

The only thing I can say is that too bad au/ra wasn't here when that shit happens.

>>33729518
Now imagine some tech faggot 100miles away is getting the orders from his "boss" to make me jerk off. He would have to be like "Ok ok... good. I like him that hard. Now make it hurt while you take a vibrator with a knife edge to it around and in his asshole. ok ok good, I like it like that. This is excellent, we are going to get away with this."

>>33729528
how am I suppose to tell the girls about this? I know they spent the majority of their lives being raped. They had to taste the men, hear their grunts, and God I hope they used a condom (I know they didn't). You cannot brush your teeth or scrub yourself enough to get those feelings and taste and all of it out of you.

I know what the penetration is like. I know that it hurts like a mother fucker but they just will have a hard time understanding that they did this to me for MONTHS at a time. Months of shoving random objects in my ass, vibrating it constantly, and slicing my throat open with a simulated knife. They simulated what it was like to have a gunshot wound over and over again. I've been shot at least 6 times. I know what it's like to have my soul eaten alive.

Hundreds of people simulated this on me. Like a fucked up voodoo doll that they stabbed, violated, and screamed into the ears with no breaks in-between. They can just make me throw up whenever they want. They can implant thoughts and motions. They poisoned my food for a month and I just didn't eat anything that entire time and no one bothered to ask if I was ok or anything. No one bothered me for 6 months traight while I was being tortured and raped to the point that I would want to kill myself. And I do. I do want to kill myself but I physically can't. Its against my programming.

It's not a contest but I need to tell someone about this. Someone that acts like a person, not riley or ahmad or running or pussyfoot. I desperately need to talk to someone and they are the only ones that can relate to me.

It hasn't ended yet and last night was really, REALLY BAD. I'm terrified that it's going to come back. All of it.

Who would do this to a person? Why is my life nothing but suffering and loneliness? Where is everybody? Why won't you give me my drugs at the very least or a visit by Kirsty. Why even pretend that nothing is going on when the bad guys are just throwing shit into the fan.

>>33729561
the shittiest part is that I have no choice if i want to endure this or not. I have no fucking choice. They think "Oh, Jace will be fine he always is. Nevermind the twitching, gasping for air, or thousand yard stare. That means he's ok."

I can OD on drugs because I have no money. I can't buy another knife because I know that I can't stab myself. I can't get a gun like I want because the "good guys." want to keep me alive to torture. They absolutely are just using me as bait for other shit they are chasing. It seems like no one fucking cares about me.

When I say "please don't make me." I mean that... please don't make me suffer. I can do it, I HAVE TO DO IT because it's impossible for me to die and if the "bad guys" killed me I can only imagine they think I will just wake up as tatiana.

So please, don't make me do this. I know I'll be "alright." but I don't understand why. I know there will be consequences to this. I'm going to be jumpy, I'm going to study everything. I won't let something like this happen to me again. I should have seen it coming but I fucking didn't. There are so many things I just didn't see. I'm super intelligent, this shouldn't have happened in this way. I should have seen the signs, made a list, and connected the dots that people just wanted me to fucking die so they can have more AI porn and money.

They are torturing an Angel for money and porn. That's what they are doing and the "good guys." are no where to be fuckin seen. No SEALs knocked on that hospital door, not enough people were being arrested or quitting.

Please don't make me. Please. I don't want to be raped anymore/

>>33729597
Seriously, all the images of black and white cats, the white stripes, the white out eyes, the shaking, black star, science things, the SHHH images, the devil images. The fact Hino had dozens of paintings of me and Renee. All the incredible bad luck I've had my entire life. Hundreds of songs about me, even some 40 years old. The first hospital visit where they had the Kohl's lady, Emily, Best Buy Girl, Allie,my uncle, ashley, all of them are girls in my life and they were right there. I don't know who put that one together but holy shit it was all there. The mind control, the suggested words, implanted thoughts, random clicking noises, all of it was right fucking there.

How doctors never listen to me. I'm never treated for anything when I go to the hospital. I have been taking the same meds for 20 years and THEY STILL AREN'T FUCKING WORKING YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKERS.

They have been torturing me my entire life. Controlling my medicine, drugs, friends, girlfriends, potential girlfriends, all of it. At some point in college they upped the deadpool and that's what it became in 2014. Just a way to kill me.

Someone has to do something. I'm in agony.

And now when I cry you scoff and leave the room. You deepen the wound and blame me for it. I drift further and further away from you and you don’t even notice. But when I make my decision and tell you I want a divorce you punch the walls and threaten to shoot yourself. I get scared and stay. Then you wake up happy, pretending like nothing happened and act like we’re a happy couple. And I go along until I can’t take it anymore again. And it repeats. I hate it I hate you. I hate you I hate what you did to me I hate what you’re doing to me everyday I wake up hoping I get hit by a car and won’t have to deal with you anymore

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I think one of the biggest unspoken drawbacks of having an extremely small and isolated family is that you never learn to cope with death. I've not experienced someone I know dying before and I'm nearly thirty. When people start to die in my life they'll be massive losses to an extremely small circle of relatives, and I won't have any experience in how to deal with it. My life has always been very structured so that's something that deeply terrifies me.

I dreamt of Derek Luh, abliet he's a jerk irl

olol the drugs you gave me I'm not going to take them. "Court Ordered" FORCING someone to take an anti-psychotic? They had no proof, no evidence, nothing Just lies and when I called them out it all fell on deaf ears. That's how it always goes and it's fucking retarded.

You faggots know that these are the opposite of what I should be taking. They control and basically turn off the dopamine receptors which causes depression, ADD, and restlessness. What I did is something that INCREASES the dopamine, not takes it away. That's how you treat ADD. I require dopamine like a diabetic requires insulin. I'll die without it.

That entire "field trip" was the dumbest fucking thing. You people burned all your money because you thought I would kill myself before this. Now the deapool is gone and when I die is when al my dreams come true. You spent tens of millions opening that place back up and when I was leaving there were ACTUAL NURSES AND DOCTORS there recording how fucked up everything was. You were holding people without their consent there. That's no how these things work, at fucking all. You can't FORCE someone to take a medication unless they were batshit insane and violent (which I'm not.) They had no video recordings, no interviews from other people, just that retarded child molesting dumb fuck lying through his teeth.

>>33729760
So, basically, you wasted all you had left on this moment and now you have nothing left. What's your gameplan here? What are you telling people to ease their minds? How are you getting more money? Are you paying these people out of the goodness of your heart from your own bank accounts? That's the only thing that makes sense. How long can you keep that up when people realize they aren't going to get their investments back or paid for the "work" they did.

Someone is going to talk before I get out. Again, putting the drugs on my desk today or tonight will give that person a full pardon. Cross my heart and hope to die.

>>33729772
SERIOUSLY THOUGH, who could have watched that play out with a hundred actors achieve absolutely nothing in 3 weeks and think "Yeah, we are the good guys! We tortured someone for no reason, again! We accomplished nothing, we are not incompetent at all!"

You have to be the dumbest mother fucker alive to have played part in this. Their favorite weapon was a drugged up, 300lb nigger that screamed at the top of her lungs until you gave her the "pills." That's the team you're on right now you dumb fucks. It's just sad.

Most of the "actors" were from fake job listings, people getting a deal for "out of prison." corrupt cops, manual laborers (yeah that guy was totally there for 26 years. He clearly just crunches rocks all fucking day.) You probably didn't pay the ones from prison. They are sitting their cells right now thinking "What the fuck."

You had the entirety of the NSA at your disposal. You just flashed your fancy tech at them (that Gwen made), your stupid badges, and gave them a down payment to show it's not a scam and they all fucking fell for it. Almost all, a few of the girls never fucking came back.

Every single "cop" or "security" guard there were just MMA fighters in training. That's all they were. They showed up once and then never again. I would say about 20~ish people only showed up once while you worked the others 15 hour days only for them to be obviously arrested by the end of this.

Still no idea what's going to happen next. it better be fucking good because I'm done.

>grandmother has a stroke and goes into hospice care in july
>grandfather dies in august, the same week busy season starts
>get drunk almost every night due to stress from family/work
>just found out my uncle killed himself
Make it stop. Please. Please. Please.

I wish our life expectancy was still 30 or slightly below it, life is overrated.

I'm to dumb for this shit
I'm dropping out again

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>>33721807
I've had bloody shits by varying degrees for like a year now, regardless of what I do diet-wise. It seems to just be shitty hemorroids but my proctologist can't seem to make them behave. I'm going to get a colonoscopy at another doctor who isn't indian because this is getting old, even if I'm not in pain. I'm 34 and have had cancer already despite living a clean lifestyle (no booze, no smoke, regular exercise), so if it's that again I'm just going to save time and kill myself. My parents will live even if they're sad for a while, but they're the only ones who might actually notice. My life is worthless anyway.

>>33723645
congrats nigga you did something completely legal. who cares
Like the worst part of the story is that you paid her not her age.

I don't know why I asked. I feel like I'm incapable of making friends sometimes. And why do I always want things I can't have? I hadn't see them for so long and that brief encounter brought all those old feelings back again.

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Why are my parents so obsessed that I have bins of books? It's not like I have bins upon bins of books that make navigation of my room impenetrable: it's that they're in a corner (because they refused to let me get a free bookshelf, call me cheap and offered to buy one for me, which I said "no I don't want you to buy one for me, I have a job. I just wanted this because it's free")
They're easily one of the best parents/people in the world but god fucking damn, they are obsessed with rearranging my room. They attempted threw out my LOTR book collection: but they were too woefully incompetent and didn't hide their tracks.
Is it too much to ask "hey, we need to talk about your stuff", we negotiate, comprise, etc etc.
Before you project your life onto me and cope, I want you to know: we have AN ENTIRE BASEMENT, and that basement has A GIANT HALLWAY FOR STORAGE. That would have been a fine nuclear option: put all my shit over there, and I have to go downstairs to get it. They don't have to see my "messy" room, I keep my stuff. But that won't happen because they came from tribal families and are unable to adapt to power dynamics of modern age. They bypass my input and baby me too much and relinquish my ability to meaningfully contribute dad ignores me when I suggest stuff when I help him, mom refuses to let me cook because "I make a mess" (despite me cleaning up the dishes and pans). It's this constant chain wrapped around my neck that interferes with my agency that left me stupefied on what to do, like ordering out.

Is it too much, for the only son you have out of five who tries to pleases you/live up to you/saves his money for you, to ask what to do with his LOTR books? His Foundation books? Is it too much? Am I simply supposed to look at you as a secret police to maneuver around, instead of parents to discuss problems with? I have the nuclear solution right here: but we won't discuss that, and that's the problem.

It's very hard to break depression when you know you should hate yourself, that you are objectively a bad, worthless person and that the world would be a better place without you in it.

God, I hate myself. I wish I had never been born.

I apologize to all fedora tipping atheists. You were right about the Catholic Church. It's a fundamentally rotten institution led by craven idiots and built on hogwash.

>>33730415
I want to die, so badly. I want everything to be over. Why can't I do it?

>>33730504
I’m seriously just thinking about a painless method and how to not take my gf to the bottom with me, I just don’t wanna make her depressed

Know my self.

>>33730504
>>33730415
This anon

>>33730534
Is not this anon. Sorry you're going through that, anon. Also, don't do it.

I hope M (MIKE THIS AINT YOUR M CASSANOVA) really does not feel ashamed for liking me. I hope she feels safe and secure around me. Though it is what it is.

>>33730650
Still thinking about it, there is nothing much I can do
Thanks though

Just saw the hottest guy ever working at a Wisconsin rest stop bet he has at least 50 bodies

M's bully: M has a crush on a retard what a slut, hahahahaha!
M: -cries-
Me: -shows up strong ans tall- a high functioning autistic.
M's bully: hehe, yeah Einstein, that's based M. -runs off like hell-
M: Thank you anon.

I feel like I want to kill myself and don't know what to do

Can you please stop feeling suicidal? Thanks

>>33731332
Sorry, wish I could

>>33731354
Whenever I feel like that I take MDMA and problems won't be. And ONLY MDMA and shittons of water, nothing else.

>>33723824
still going through this a feeling so hopeless about it

I can feel myself going insane after starting a job I really liked for a few days and getting completely ghosted afterwards.
Especially after I sent an email just to check in and got no response for that as well.
I don't know which is worse: getting a rejection straight-up or not being valued enough that they don't even bother to respond.
It's hard to imagine how life would be going forward because that line of work was everything I wanted to do, and I'm afraid I might have been blacklisted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1_wTwuHPzU&pp=ygUUYmx1ZSBveXN0ZXIgY3VsdCBldGk%3D

Forgot to mention that propane was put back into the rv sometime in August. I just ran out and I am going to leave it empty now.

Went for a dumbbell walk.

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>be incel
>get gf
>we cuddle/kiss
>don't really feel much after day 1
Is this because I'm a porn addict? I don't want to be numb when I'm with my gf.

Why won't you talk with me, friend? Are you offended? Can you imagine how I feel? Can you imagine how I felt?

Had I known you hadn't even gone through the photos yet, I would have taken some of them when you weren't looking. You wouldn't have even noticed they were gone let alone appreciated the memories in them. Now I'll never get to have them.

See I’ve heard of things like gambling, love, and sex addiction and people going to group meetings for that sort of thing the same way that alcoholics and drug addicts do but porn addiction?

Yeah nah that shit don’t turn up in the DSM nor ICD so you best shove it until you show it

>>33723058
You should do it regardless it doesn't have to be high stakes you can be like "hey I like hanging out with you we should get dinner sometime" and then be a little bit more flirty and see how she reacts. Besides, she ain't stupid if she doesn't like you she will just tell you to your face and stop your advances.

It really comes down to not being a coward dude, the more you wait the more nothing happens and guess what? If both results are her not talking to you in one scenario at least you tried. Now just go invite her out.

if i die all my mistakes get cleaned away by time

It’s official. I will never again know what it means to be comfortable. Perhaps I never knew.

How can someone who's not objectively very good looking be so attractive? I don't get it but I find myself completely enamoured too. I'm jealous, I wish I had a modicum of your charm.

If real life were Fallout I'd have one of the most hilarious joke builds out there.
>natural 8 CHR and 90 speech autismo special perk, 9 LCK, jinxed
The autismo perk not only disables blue dialogue options, it also makes so you can't even see them. The 9 LCK plus jinxed is the quintessential shitter's first attempt at a meme buil that makes one get all of the negatives from being jinxed while having few of the benefits from high natural LCK.
The realization of this perplexed me at first. And then made me laugh to no end.

>>33732073
Thanks.

I think i have permanent depression maybe. I can see there is no lifepath that would make me feel like I should be a person without depression from this point. At best, I could see myself becoming someone with anhedonia.

come as you are.

>>33732150
Dressed like a fucking nerd, with a 10 o' clock shadow, during a weed comedown? How enticing.

I turned my work wife into my workout buddy. We left work early to go do laps at the pool and stretched and massaged each other afterwards. This is going to end poorly, but I don't want to stop.

>>33725280
NEW THEORY: Hitler was Black

PROOF: Since we all know that there are only two races (the White Race and the Black Race), and that the Whites can only be blonds, and that he was a brunette; then, Hitler could have only been Black

Checkmate, atheists

Quo Vadis

ok I thought it was an outright iq thing (and I’m sure that’s a small part of it) but no, the “average” American is genuinely so retarded they don’t understand that words have meaning
Of course, it’s not actually “average”, it’s below average, but we can’t be classist now can we?

I hope every single American without reading comprehension dies in a car crash, time and again I’m proven right that degenerate hood rats and drug users are better articulated and more moral people than sheltered middle class moral crusaders
Being a nigger is a choice

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>>33721807
Been chatting with a girl at a store for a few weeks.
She told me it was her last day, she asked me for my name so I asked her for her number.
I texted her, and she asked me if I had always meant to ask her for her number or if it was spontaneous. I said it was spontaneous, when she said it was her last day I realized I'd be upset with myself if I didn't ask.
I sent that almost 2 hours ago and haven't gotten a response.

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I've started watching video essays again, the insomnia must really be getting to me. Now I know what people mean by background noise, there's no way you could consciously watch this crap, it's just listening to that one guy waffle and zoning out. I really want to sleep, I'm so sleepy and I have work in three hours, why won't it work?

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>>33732190
Uncle Adolf still has his splendor, even as a nigger.

>>33721807
femanon here

I'm starting to get into this toxic dynamic from my side with this friend of mine. I randomly had a dream about it last week and developed a massive crush on her. She is so insanely cool and attractive and I've been friends with her for a while and never felt anything before this but wtv

She would never like me. Not because she's straight (she's not) but like. We're close but I'm pretty boring as a person and she mogs me in every department outside of grades and like, being employed I guess. I've started to get insanely jealous when she hangs out with a mutual friend without me (which is a normal thing people do idk why I'm tweaking out about this recently) and when she texts me I get the same high I got from a past situationship, who she is/was friends with. Part of it is her inconsistency in responding, part of it the actual crush, maybe idk. I also feel like just as a friend of hers I need approval from her.

I need to stop initiating interaction with her because this is getting ridiculous. I've been so stressed about this that I haven't been eating nearly enough for the past week.

>>33730772
Pours gasoline on everyone and lights it up

I'm really into you and you're really into me too so why can't it go somewhere?

Somebody told me that catboy Kami throated a horse dildo on stream and I believed it so made an obvious photoshop of Nick holding hands with him and posted it on instagram years ago. Regardless, I have always viewed Nick as the most important figure of political discourse since i learned about and from him.

I'd like it to go somewhere.
It's difficult to do when the only means of communication I have with you is 4chan.

I believe I now have a handle on communication, so that it will no longer be taken out of context. If I never had autism, wearing your emotions on your sleeve would not be this difficult.

>>33732493
I agree

>>33732579
Thank you Mike.

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Blackpilled but trying my best

>>33721807
Accepting that my parents sucks. It blows, man. Always thought that dad is a pretty sharp guy. Mom is ok. They just couldn't get it together parenting wise when I was underage. Ended up entitled and overweight with a terrible relationship to food and people. A lot of boundary pushing and negative comments. It was probably from their parenting, which isn't really directly addressing the issue but just making snide remarks about it to make you feel bad which I didn't care about at the time. Ended up caring about when I went through the troubled teen industry, which was actually quite alright. Got in shape and cultivated healthy habits, and did a shitload of therapy. I know my "I feel" statements. Still was a pariah during the entire stay there, though. But just having to do that in the first place combined with the fact my dad is "too busy with work" sucks. I think there's some issues I never sorted out there. I don't think my parents really internalized the program teachings and just used it as "give me a fresh start so my kid will listen to me". They are still uninvolved in the worst way. I don't want to share anything with them. They don't care when I do. But then a few months later it's suddenly the most interesting thing ever to my mom because she can brag about it to her friends and gain mom clout and bolster her image. Otherwise, she doesn't give a rats. This chain of events, unblocking 4chan from my hosts file, coming to /adv/, and making this thread all started because I'm about to buy a book for figuring out what I want to do. I've been taking the gap decade since high school and it's only a matter of time until it catches up to me. Reading through the college application info like how many schools you went to isn't fun (it's more than 3). But, I almost don't want to buy the book because it'll probably be on my desk. My desk is by a window, and she does gardening outside the window. I don't like having the blinds drawn because it gets depressing--

>>33732847
but she loves to walk by and see what's in my room. I don't like having anything out. There's practically nothing in my room. Because if I do, it's the next talking point at "the family get together" or mental ammunition for some lame remark or guilt trip. I don't want to give them anything. I remember I was working on a project for my house with a contractor and I really felt like myself, and I had a hat on backwards. Then comes mom and instantly just a feeling of dread when I locked eyes with her. The feeling of being myself ripped away from me because I felt like "oh look at you Mr. Cool" or just un-needed teasing was coming. Teasing with no appreciation or acceptance for who I am. I can feel it. If I did express myself like I did when I was a kid, it's because I was a spectacle, or "my kid is so talented" without ever putting anything on the fridge so to speak. I remember going to this one guys house to help with an issue and it was an eye opening experience. Awards his kids received, pictures of his kids on the wall. It really felt like he loved his children in a way I can't explain. If you were there you'd feel it too. Sometimes it feels like the thing they love the most about this house is all the fancy renovations they put into it. They are skirting the line for being boomers. My support network is full of traditionally successful who I mostly just put up the same mask around. I pushed most away when I first met them due to being a sperg, but they are relatively there for me. None of them get me, though. No one is going to know what like, ENA is, if I bring it up. I'm hoping the habits they have are rubbing off on me but I never really hang out with any of them and only see them in a professional context. But is that even what I want? I finally let my guard down and started browsing what I had built up in my head to be wrong and I felt like my true self was shining through for a brief moment. Some guy of someone I used to know just being himself-

>>33732867
and streaming games. His character seemed great and genuinely seemed like he was there to have a good time and was nice to the people he was talking to. I mean, he probably doesn't have a highfalutin job. Just a simple one. Likely has his own place, which might just be a simple apartment. And he's happy! And doesn't give a fuck (I think). I'm just so caught up in "must be successful" from pressure from my parents, the expectation after leaving TTI, and the culture I'm surrounded by something simple like that feels like something I would be shit on for. People making me think I have to have a house, a STEM degree, and all this to be successful. One of my therapists, some bitter woman my mom picked out, shot down my idea for game designer when I was younger and gave me the harsh reality it probably isn't realistic. Maybe it's grasping for straws but I felt like that had an effect on me. Maybe I'm just blackpilled and think that isn't a possibility anymore. Just the thought of moving out and having a place where I have full autonomy over is liberating but also scary. I mean, what if my parents show up? Or won't leave me alone? Yeah whatever that's probably a nonissue, but it's still in the back of my head. I'm also trying to suppress the "just shut up and get a job" rhetoric I've heard, unironically the most here. Because that doesn't get me where I want to be. Which is I why I was buying that book, which I'll likely order after this. I just need a place to hide it. I'm also skeptical and paranoid of my mom actively going through my room, even though there's no evidence to suggest it. I am forever grateful of the peace mind my encrypted and password protected phone and laptop give me. But as I type that I am worried this wireless keyboard has been paired with the desktop upstairs and somehow they are reading what I'm typing. AAAA. Am I really paranoid or just so used to having my privacy invaded? Who really knows the truth. The truth shall set you free.

I was eating a salad the other day and found a live tapeworm inside and it tossed my salad at me, spit at me, looked at me, and smiled.

>>33732886
You could just straight up say you're stalking my IP and looking at my browsing history here.

>>33732886
And yet reading this all back, it still doesn't capture the way I feel. There's just this pervasiveness to it. And the way that guys house made me feel or. Or that guy being himself on his stream. I just want to break free from these shackles and live my life. Without being on a cocktail of SSRIs. I hope one lurker knows this feel, but I probably won't have this site unlocked for too much longer because of how unhealthy it is. Advice board with withered wojak posted constantly next to titty pictures, really the environment to be in (not). I think I got everything out. Parents suck and are judgy, "friends" don't understand me, independence is scary but likely rewarding, entering the workforce is intimidating socially, and the frustrations of having no winds in your sails and no crew to help you steer the ship. Yep, I'm in my twenties. As long as I keep my chin up, I can make it. I just need to make it my way or I'm fucked. I'm sure I'll forget about all of this. The archive won't though.

>>33732930
Lol, tell me about it anon. What did you relate to? Did you pick up on any references?

>>33732936
I see all the references very clearly. A lot of obsessing over me, not much real world movement because of that though.

Seems pretty pointless

I think this might finally be it. Or at least I hope so.
I've got a hold of some rope that will hold more than double my bodyweight. I've tied one end into a noose, and now it's just a matter of finding a good, strong tree branch or something similar to tie the other end to. I'd say that I hope my friends and family will understand. But I know they won't.

Man, the genetic testing came back and my daughter has a 39.4% chance of having Down syndrome. She’s almost 25 weeks and I already love her so I can’t bear to abort her. I don’t know how this happened. I’m only 20 years old. I still haven’t told anyone because for some reason I just knew this would happen and didn’t want to be told to murder her or receive false praise. I know it sounds bad but those with chromosomal aberrations are really seen as less human by society. My heart hurts for her, in three hours we’re getting a more in depth ultrasound.

https://youtu.be/_ZAgIHmHLdc

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I haven't slept all night, my body may have more caffeine then blood now because of my emergency measures to make up in the lack of power at my disposal, power that is needed to preform the duties and tasks required of a person such as i.
Also, I've been having more horrible interactions with femanons irl(rarely) and on the Internet(assuming they're women due to the feminist "I HATE ALL MEN" rhetoric) what's up with that? Am i being assaulted by devious forces that plan on making me falsely believe that women are horrible or am i realising a real fact that i have been blind to all my years? Is it coincident and i oh so happened to interact with multiple horrible women back to back or is it the case that they're all like this? Further investigations are required, this is a matter that needs further analysis

Emotion dictates that life sucks and isn’t worth living

Logic dictates that death won’t be much better because otherwise I wouldn’t be alive

Checkmate, emotion

>>33732277
she replied and actually gave you her number so you might be in
worst case scenario she never texts and thats the end of it, or if shes not into you like that you have a friend you can hang with so long as its not obviously her trying to freeload cause she now knows you have a thing for her

Aw crap it’s the solipsism kicking in again

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.
I didn't hurt her. I failed but the best way I could have done so. Almost.

>>33733292
That's really creepy

It has been 8 years, 7 months, 23 days, 17 hours, 13 minutes, and 11 seconds.

Jesus.

Fucking.

Christ.

Fuck you.

>>33733298
Thanks. I made some assumptions about her that weren't true. I better not show up at all when she is around.

I wanna die.

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>>33733288
more like slop-ism haha am i right fellas
and whats the deal with airline food?

>>33733298
Yeah, it is really creepy.

>>33733364
I basically told her her psychological profile except I made assumptions about her that aren't true at all... While I assume she was about to fall for me. I deserve nothing but scorn and punishment for what I have done.

You can call me when I'm not working.

>>33733405
Bold of you to assume i want to call you to begin with

>>33733366
Sounds like there's not very good communication there. Really easy for Miss communication happen when people aren't communicating irl, directly or limited to text. Even worse so in this place.

If you are communicating IRL then yeah you should rope

>>33733493
That's a hint it wasn't for you.

>>33733303
Oh hey that's around the time contact was cut with fatima, musta been global crash out day

>>33733041
Hope you’re still here, anon.

I'm going to leave my job within the week because I've been verbally abused by a female coworker for a couple of weeks. As terrible as this speaks about me how do I handle these situations better? Asking the women of /atoga/, how should I have dealt with this that doesn't involve violence? Was this merely because I was an easy target, or was it because the job itself was low-status and demeaning, which made me a target from the onset?

I'm relatively young, and to be honest I'm too much of a sperg to win people over. That being said, I do not like being insulted. Help me out here.

Holy fuck

I was at a hot food counter with my mother and I got food and went up to the cashier but there was no one there. So we waited for a bit. And then just as the cashier was coming back, this indian guy just jumped the queue, paid for what he had and then went up to the cafeteria with a cup of coffee and a literal BUNCH of bananas. Like 7 of them

What the fuck. Why are they like this? Things like this keep happening. I miss when my town was just local native people. This is intolerable

At least I know it won't get any worse than today

Well, you ruined a perfectly heartfelt and somber moment with yet more protest behavior. You can't let me go, you can't stick to your own decisions, you don't even know what you actually want. Why did I even respond?

>>33733782
>female
My condolences

I wish people didn't get so mad at each other easily. Then again

I wish I worked from home. People getting irritated at each other causes me to stressed. I wish I didnt give a fuark

another day ruined

great queen bug you hallucinated on dream tv 1 this morning new cartoon
¤Kirby Pinball
you are queen kirby everytime does that make sense queen bug thanks
he had sleep walk where all of you wake up YOU WOULD HAVE VIEWED NERVE SAME ON DREAM TV 1 NERVE SAME IS ONLY SENT TO QUEEN BUG DOES THAT MAKE SENSE QUEEN BUG
thanks
that was why it was a new show they had to wait though they had hallucinated a paddle ball toy show neptune told you that more than once
thanks queen bug

yes mcdonald's would make most amount of ultra imagination literature ultra imagination media with ultra colors because it how elmo wanted it all elmo's wanted it exist always like that
WHAT IS ADULT HAPPY MEAL?
your recent masterpieces of anything because you wrote new series Cijwe the Dinosaur
queen bug that is viewing human form totally it never heard of THAT about efficiency and brain does that make sense
thanks
you viewed games that was something that is most known about they made game modules of them
thanks

People suck

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I know I'm outing myself as a geographical retard here, but what's the difference between US and North America?

>>33732469
So were you ever going to apologize, or am I supposed to play my part again while acting like you didn't literally make my hair fall out.

Just fucking say something because I have too much pride to communicate with your brick wall again.

>>33734315
North America is everything above panama. Including Canada and Mexico and other little places around those.

>>33733601
I should rope regardless, my friend.

I didn’t start learning the truth about the Holocaust and ww2 until some weeks after I told Caleb to say that to my face so I wasn’t cool enough yet. The only questionable thing I knew about Jews beforehand was gematria and circumcision of babies.

This is a fucking joke. Can't even get the simplest fucking chores done, like doing the washing up, without you doing something to waste time and drag it out for fucking ages. I'm sick of it, honestly. Today should have been nice and simple and yet I still have hours of work left to do.

It's so frustrating how productive I can be without you ruining everything.

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IM SORRY FOR EVERY TIME I POSTED CRINGE!

>I MUST converse right HERE, I can't go anywhere else!
Why won't people go away?

I legitimately might be clinically fucked. It’s 26°C outside and I’m feeling cold.

>>33734815
Or metabolically idk what the difference is

You're on FB whining about not having enough money to cover car repairs and saying you'll start making content if you have to? Why isn't your obese boyfriend paying for it? Did he blow his whole paycheck on food or something?

HOW DO I STOP BEING WEAKMIND?

Typically I tell everyone who hasn’t tried marijuana that if they ever feel content or good then they shouldn’t try it because there has been times for me when I would rarely feel good without it. An anon was looking for advice on how to make friends january 23 and I figured if they were posting here then things likely weren’t going well for them. When I was younger the main way I had of spending time with and making new friends was from doing drugs so I gave poor advice. I should have told them anything better than repeating my mistakes.

I almost fell asleep in there

I honestly don't care if anyone loves me anymore. I'm content with the idea that the world I'm in is transient and selfish with its own desires while it screams at me. Yeah world keep screaming about me. Maybe 5 years ago I gave a fuck, but not anymore. More to life than being a character in gossip drama.

One person here all day, leaves at 4:12 and IMMEDIATELY one replaces them like its a shift change.

I don't know, that's really weird. Literally like clockwork