femanon here. ive been in a relationship for a year and some months. lately my trust for my boyfriend has gone down the drain again (there have been other instances, such as him flirting with other people and often mentioning threesomes and such even after I told him i don't want any of that shit.) after finding out he was using onlyfans. he deleted it, but if i hadn't seen it myself i probably would've never known. after that, i gave him an ultimatum. the next time he fucks up, it's over. but he's somewhat sad and cannot grasp the fact that, even though it's been month since the last "betrayal", i still feel as if anything could still happen. i honestly think it is a fair point, though. either way, i love him and i do feel like his guilt and his sadness are real; he comes from a few fucked up relationship, where this sort of deal wasn't an issue because the other people straight up didn't give a fuck about him and preferred chasing other people instead of actually putting effort in the relationship. i ain't like that; im only getting upset and calling shit out because i do care and i do want this to last. so, do you think it is possible for this to get fixed? i was somewhat fine before the last accident, but now it's down to like 30%. has anyone been in the same situation, and if so, how did you figure it out?thanks.
>>33781013He sounds like a normal ass dude. Being good looking with some charm always attracts flirting but for most of us it's just respectful to flirt back. We all jerk off, relationship or not. Some of us more than others. He likes the variety OnlyFans offers. I'm not supporting a whore mill though. I can wank it to a Walmart bra catalog or just photographic memory. Would you be okay with him jerking it 4 times a day without you knowing? As long as it isn't OnlyFans right? Because he most certainly is
>>33781013No, he has shown repeatedly that he does not want to be monogamous. You probably shouldn't trust him (which means break up)
>>33781041>Anonymous>"always attracts flirting" if you're smart enough and in a relationship you deem as the "perfect one", you wouldn't take the chance of flirting back, unless you're an attention whore, which i guess it's the point because most people thrive on the attention of others, cause it makes them feel special. but there's other ways to get attention that do not revolve around potentially losing what you worked so hard to gain.i do not care about my boyfriend jerking off. i don't like sending nudes and i don't have time to do that. he can go on twitter, pornhub, whatever. the fact that you're willing to spend the little money you have for other whores, however, it's unacceptable in my eyes. these are just my boundaries, and since i know he would also freak out if i flirted with someone or bought content of some dude with a giant cock, it's only fair that we both respect these boundaries. other couples can do whatever they want and have a great relationship; if these are our limits, no one can change em.
>>33781065the monogamous part was, ironically enough, an actual issue at some point. he changed his mind about it upon realising it was one of the old habits that came with his old relationships, though. he was with people who wanted to be open just because they could fuck whoever, but still have that stable part in their life. i do think that if you're traumatised or have issues, there is a chance you might screw up again because i am also mentally ill, and ive relapsed many times. yet, it's all about how you manage it. things are going somewhat well now, so i guess ill see how it evolves. but yeah, the end is somewhat near.
>>33781069Maybe you should start watching porn and asking about a 2 male threesome in return for his 2 female threesome. If his eyes light up and say he's down for you to get fucked by another male, he's going to/is cheating on you. If he throws a fucking fit and stops, then he loves you. I've been in this conundrim and realized I want going to lose the woman that's held me down l, the woman I love, all for pushing a petty sexual fantasy. Take him up on the 3 way offer but you want another male to join first. Remember your not being serious. Gauge the results.Simple as
>>33781096ive asked that before and yeah, he wasn't into that. he used the old excuse of "who knows who the father is if you end up getting pregnant.", but kept it up once i got on birth control. he hasn't talked about this in a long time.
>>33781128It's time to leave then sweetie. You are only delaying the inevitable
>>33781013nope, once a cheater always a cheater.Repairing broken trust is impossible.Move on.
>>33781192i have a feeling that's what ive been doing, yeah. but i can't deny i still love this person, i have feelings for him. what if i leave him, and he becomes the perfect person and i can't go back? or what if i was truly wrong?
>>33781493you unironically deserve the heartbreak.Go fuck yourself, hole.
I think it's very graceful of you to be so empathetic about the fact that people in his past ended up "ruining" him. You ultimately must decide if your distrust of him is worth ending the future you want to pursue with him.Evaluate the relationship on paper. Is he going to be a good husband and later a good father? Will he outgrow this stuff?I recently made a mistake where I flirted with some girl in an MMO. I got really excited. Later that day I felt remorse and it took an hour of me being vague about it and trying to rationalize my behavior to finally be open about what happened. She was mad but eventually things calmed down. I, like your bf, regretted my behavior and resolved to change it. I liked the attention and feeling of power I had, but now I've course corrected to where I feel like a monk half the time and can't even look at porn without feeling somewhat repulsed. That's progress. Give him as many chances as you decide you want to give him. No one can dictate what the correct number is. But if you still see a future with him that's plenty reason enough.
>>33781521woah, hit a nerve there buddy? care to explain why i deserve it, when i gave this man nothing but several chances, while i sat there and was hurting due to his mistakes? ive been nothing but kind and understanding. i don't see you telling the one that wanted to "marry me" while giving his few coins to random whores to just go be a manwhore and hit the streets. did some girl recently told you they didn't like you, or something?
>>33781534i can understand why being flirted with and receiving attention can feel addictive. its an easy trap. what matters is, as you said, that you come clean about it and that you realise that once you've done is wrong once the "magical" feeling has faded. my boyfriend has apologised profusely; what i said about his past isn't to excuse his behaviour and delude myself into thinking he's right. i had people in my life that were completely ruined by past relationships, especially the abusive kinds, so ive seen the effect on em. those people make mistakes, too. it's like finally leaving your childhood home and realising that the things they taught you growing up were a bunch of bullshit; it takes time to detach and become a better person. porn is fine by me; i am not the type of person to engage in nudes and sex talk if not irl. you can do whatever you want to get off, there are times in which i am not in the mood and we're not always around eachother since we're busy, so it's good for him to have an outlet to let that out. there are places made for that purpose and i don't mind. but, as i mentioned prior, onlyfans is different cause you are supporting these girl's career. showing them that you care; it's not like an actual porn in which all you look for it's a specific scene, this is all about these girls in particular, and it's weird for me.i don't know if i want kids with him, but he's kind. he's wonderful and talented. he's patient with me, when many people would've left by now he has always been here. he got me out of a dark time, and he always make sure we can see eachother since the situation at home for me it's exhausting. i love him, i truly do. if i didn't, i wouldn't be putting the effort and trying again. i know he isn't dumb, i know mistakes happen. but, also, i know my worth and i have respect in myself. that's why i am giving this one last chance, and in case something happens again in the future, it's truly over.
>>33781128kind of romantic if the guys are best friends
>>33781013>I want to castrate my bfMaybe you should fucking keep his balls empty instead of wanting to cut them off.
>>33781547because you're fucking dumb, he's a cheater
>>33781013The 'betrayals' in question, to be clear, are:>he talked to another woman and was comfortable doing so>he mentioned he might like to have a threesome (the most common sexual fantasy in the world)>He watches pornBetween the meladrama, deliberate lack of capitalization and desire for real punishment in exchange for perceived slights, I'd probably say BPD.>so, do you think it is possible for this to get fixed?Medicated, sure. Medical science isn't really at the stage of 'fixing' this kind of thing, yet.My sincerest sympathies for your partner.
>>33781069>That's not his money it's your moneyI hope he dumps you
>>33781065THIS. In person where there is no room for something to be mistaken, these are hard facts. He has shown his true characters to enough times, it's over.
>>33781128He has a cuck fetish. >>33781096This is the most retarded advice. Literally pushing the things that are the problems that OP is saying that she doesn't want, having a threesome is essentially cheating and opening the door to constant cheating. One of the biggest things is the only fans content and buying shit like that. That's straight up cheating
>>33781591I feel like the asshat is LARPing responses in here trying to push you to the threesome and staying with him making responses with this. Really manipulative
>>33781724And he makes threats like this to try to convince you >>33771988
>>33781622Yes, women are really like this. Her bf opened up to her intentionally a little, and unintentionally a little (via her snooping), and in return she wants to cut him out of her life. Behold, moids, you show any vulnerability to your woman, at all, ever, and she gets the ick and wants to leave you.They really have no self-reflection at all. More than likely she makes his life hell in all manner of ways and he just accepts it as the way things are instead of demanding she change or trying to control her behavior and issue ultimatums. Modern women are looney.
>>33781739They aren't all like this, man.With practice, you can learn to identify them a mile off.The biggest and most consistent tell I've found is the previously noted refusal to use capital letters, as well as the number of different piercings they possess. Any number above 3 starts to become suspicious, with 5 or more being akin to professional diagnosis.Fishnets outside of specifically sexual scenarios are also a strong risk factor, as are high-top Doc Martens, brothel creepers or other platforms.It's just a shame that one of the symptoms of BPD is perceptive manipulation. They know what men want more intuitively than any normal women do. Tale as old as time.
>>33781591where did i say that? i am not some sort of asexual freak. me and my boyfriend fuck a bunch. i just feel uncomfortable if he pays actual cyber whores to get off. what's the issue here? would you be comfortable if your girlfriend paid dudes to jerk off?
>>33781648can you please explain where i said that? if i gotta hear someone complain about their lack of money and then finding out they're spending it on cheap whores, i have every right to poke fun at it.
>>33781622>he didn't just talk to her. there were talks of her potentially being the one for said threesome in his fantasies, him calling her sexual petnames and such. i am comfortable with him talking to other women if he behaves like a normal human being.>i also have fantasies, and ironically enough i do not mention them 24/7 and bring em up about people we just met. that's an obsession.>y'all aren't understanding the issue here; WATCHING PORN is alright for me. PAYING FOR WOMEN, CHOOSING SAID WOMEN TO SPEND THE MONEY YOU DON'T HAVE CAUSE YOU'RE ESSENTIALLY GOING BROKE it's quite different.i do not have BPD. ironically enough, he does. if anyone needs sympathies, it should be me with all the shit i gotta put up with.
>>33781719people seem to not understand that the onlyfans shit is the issue here, apparently. thought i explained myself pretty well after the 10th time.
>>33781782>talks of her potentially being the one for said threesome in his fantasies, him calling her sexual petnames>mention them 24/7 and bring em up about people we just met>PAYING FOR WOMEN, CHOOSING SAID WOMEN TO SPEND THE MONEY YOU DON'T HAVEThe plot thickens, and at such a fortuitous time, too!>if anyone needs sympathies, it should be meUh-huh
>>33781784I will grant that incessantly harping on specific acquaintances as potential sex partners is a bad trait truly.Furthermore, I admit paying for porn is weird and a gigantic waste of money. You, of course, are the picture of fiscal responsibility, and do not deal in frivolities. Your devotion to abject utility in pecuniary matters is a beacon for us all. You never buy junkfood, do not buy junkfood, never buy coffees, don't treat yourself to new fits or accesories. You have no subscription services, you do not pay for cable or internet, you keep the thermostat at an uncomfortable temperature to minmax your utility bills. Never once do you buy unnecessary luxuries like make-up or cute shoes, and of course you mostly just walk everywhere or ride the bus. How we all wish we could be as financially prudent and wise as you yourself.Also you better not have any sex toys or masturbate.
>>33782018.. so you're telling me that buying onlyfans subscriptions is like "treating yourself", if you're already in a relationship?i don't think you understand how it works, then.
>>33781576>i don't know if i want kids with himDo you want kids but aren't sure with him, or not sure of kids at all?
>>33782256kids are a big deal. i like them, and im good with them. but both of us have a few mental illnesses. i don't know about him, but i don't want to possibly pass my OCD down onto a kid, since i know firsthand how hard it is. i recently dug into my psyche and realise that most of the times when i think about having and growing a child, it is because i had a rough upbringing myself and id use it as a "hah, look at me. i can handle this better than you and leave this child with no traumas!" to my own mother. kids aren't toys, or trophies. i guess ill have to think about this one when im older and ive settled down.
>>33782230I conceded that it is weird and a waste of money. You, being the apex of savings and financial triaging, have already stripped your life down to the bare essentials, and waste nary a cent while accusing him of squandering your meager monies.
>>33781013I think youre a selfish bitchso what if he looks at naked women? hes not cheating so why does it matterwhat are you joseph stalin? stfu cunt
>>33781013>so, do you think it is possible for this to get fixed?No. He may conceivably fix his behaviour, but you will never trust him even if he does, and your lack of trust will destroy the relationship. Break up now and move on.
>>33781784Yeah, I heard you. Text isn't always easy to interpret but you were pretty clear
>>33784058there goes another one that has completely missed the point.
>>33781013Betrayal? Your looking to be betrayed, no?What are these betrayals you speak of? Real or imaginary online stuff. Him wanking to online nudey pictures is a not big deal paying for an onlyfans is crossing the line as they are building an actual relationship via texting and other energies. More to the point why aren't you jerking his spud, when your in a relationship the other person is learning to take care of there needs, why haven't you? More so if you expect him to not jerk off to prono do to envy and jealousy. Your not? Then why are you wasting everyones time.
