>>34004811
OP you're cooming constantly and wondering where you can focus energy and that pursuing relationships don't make sense.

Sex and Breeding is the ultimate motivation for any animal, you're spaffing off and wondering why you have no drive, to your body you just had sex, thus no need to pursue a relationship if you're already cooming.

Anyway check out some mammal biology and shit, base desires are the same.

Stop cooming, tell yourself after being creative and shit you can start looking for a girl, then you can coom in her. anyway stop jacking off so much.

>>34004837
I don’t think porn is causing my issues, I find sex itself uncomfortable and it makes me squeamish. I don’t like body fluids, or body odors. I don’t like being expected to perform a certain way. It’s overstimulating and my brain shuts down 5 minutes in. I’ve been in two long term relationships where I have sex early on to make the girl happy but it doesn’t do anything for me, no sensory feelings, no pleasure, other than being happy I can make her happy. Over time I can’t keep up that facade, and I tell her that sex isn’t fun for me but I will do it when she wants it. It eventually leads to fighting and a breakup.
If anything porn works for me because it’s all at a distance on my own pace. There’s no messy cleanup, no smells, no awkward conversations, no expectations

I have tried going without porn, my longest was 22 days. And then I tried having sex with my gf and I was just as overwhelmed and disassociated as before

>>34004866
Interesting, 22 days in to your no porn, was this no cooming also?

If so there might be something wrong but im not a doctor, millions of years of evolution mean that the longer you dont cum the more you want to cum.

Porn is a destructive thing that is pushed on to the masses for easier control, sure you might think im crazy.

Why is so much porn free? Advertising alone? nope.

>>34004945
Yes that was no coom no porn. In those times I tried to have sex with my gf or at least rubbing grinding etc. there was no oral during this time.
There is a point in the beginning in which I get urges to look at porn or of habit but once that passes I stop thinking about it.
My biggest vice is just being at my computer. On weekends where I’m away from home or with someone else, I have no urges to look at porn. I need to find ways of quarantining off all porn from my computer because I use it for all my hobbies so I’m at it very often

I got my T level checked and it was 520 (I’m 33) which is in normal range. Maybe it’s just that no girl I’ve never ever dated I’ve been truly attracted to. I don’t really know. My gf has asked me if I’m gay but the idea of a penis doesn’t turn my on, neither does anal sex Which I don’t like doing currently either

>>34004985
Have you ever felt attracted to someone physically

>>34004985
>>34004811
>this SAME thread
Why the fuck won't any of you people get a hobby or a purpose

>>34005046
>Why the fuck won't any of you people get a hobby or a purpose

There are more than 3 people on the planet retardicus. Saying get a hobby for what reason, where in this thread did anyone mention hobbies.

Stupid cunt who thinks he's smart.

>>34005082
>There are more than 3 people on the planet retardicus.
and each one of them feels the need to spam /adv/ with yet another "wah wah wat do with myself if no gf???/ :((((" thread

>>34005092
Really living up to the name there Retardicus because that isn't what this thread is about.

The fact I share the same air as you is criminal.

>>34005092
Did you read my original post? That’s not what this is about at all. I have a gf right now. I have had gf in the past, but it’s not working out.
>>34005023
There are women I’ve seen in life where I’ve thought wow she’s pretty! And I get a little nervous talking to them. There are some actresses that I find pretty.
The only reason I’ve found myself in relationships is because the women made the first moves and showed an interest me before I even knew they liked me. No relationship I’ve been in has started from me approaching a girl and telling her I liked her and wanted to go out with her. Maybe I just have a massive self confidence issue

>>34005229
I find women hot and fuckable but yet I don't want to hang around them or be in a relationship with them, it's not like i can't but i just don't feel like spending that energy on that sort of thing when i can focus on more important shit

>>34005245
If I think back to my encounters with women, I find that I enjoy the initial phases but after that it starts to consume a lot of my time. In my case its not even just a pump and dump thing since I dont seek out women for sex. I dont feel like i need to have a woman around in my life , i'm pretty self sufficent and live in a way that works for me. My current gf often fights with me because she feels "unneeded" in the relationship, and maybe shes right after all.

For a long time I thought I needed to get married and have kids, but lately I dont know anymore if thats really what's best for me.

>>34004866
>>34004985
>>34005229
>he expected years of damage to be undone in three weeks
You broke your streak for some reason man. Addiction can take a lot of forms. Alcoholics that stop drinking for a month then go on a three day bender are still alcoholics. Try going 3 months no porn no cooming no touching your penis at all.

If it’s not porn, I highly suspect you were diddled as a kid and you just don’t remember. Feelings of discomfort and awkwardness during sex usually stem from molestation. You’d be surprised at the amount of pervert parents out there that diddle their kids as infants under the guise of “playing”

>>34006378
I broke the streak because I felt dejected that abstaining from porn and fapping for that long had no effect on how I felt about sex with my gf.
I do notice when I'm depressed I have no desire to even look at porn at all. And if I stay away from it for a while, when I do look at it again, it doesnt get me turned on for a bit until I tell my brain its okay to enjoy it. Maybe I can use that to my advantage next time.

I doubt I was molested. When I was a kid in school I used to be very extroverted, teasing girls, and having friends. When we moved to a new state when I was 10, that really messed me up. I felt alienated and unable to connect with anyone. I got seriously ill a year later and was stricken with digestive problems that made me even more uneasy to be around anyone. The idea of love, dates, and flirting with women made me uncomfortable, i hated when my dad would talk to me about girls at school. I wanted to hide those feelings from everyone. and i dont mean that I was secretly gay, its just i felt embarassed about myself and didnt feel confident around women.
I didnt get my first gf until I was 17 and we broke up 4 months later. I didnt date at all during college and didnt get another gf until I was 23, which is when i had 'sex' for the first time. aka I stuck my penis in a vagina. I didnt cum from it, and have never been able to ever. Whenever my gf wanted to have sex I would go through the motions to get her off, but never feel the pleasure for myself. I cant let myself be vunerable, and as I said early sex and foreplay is overstimulating for me. all i do is think about where i need to touch/kiss/lick next and how long to do each thing and when to move to a new area. basically sex to me is very mechanical and not emotional.

>>34006532
Repressed memory bullshit is just boogeyman tier red herring

Anyway rather than moving schools, it's more a puberty/coming-of-age/growing up/kid-to-adult/sexualisation-of-everything type thing.

You compartmentalized sex and pleasure into this secret, shameful private porn world to be hidden and not associated with the real you in the real world/IRL, just a temporary pleasurable escape from being you and IRL

Anyway it seems you just don't like your gf's all that much, you weren't that emotionally close to them, so the sex was shit and boring/a hassle. You don't feel like you can be yourself, you can't be sincere, with your gf's, as you say the end result are fights and breaking off, so you're inhibiting yourself. You don't feel all that joyful to service or please your gf's, you say it makes you happy to make them happy, rather than their happiness making you happy. You're happy you're MAKING them happy, you're not happy that they ARE happy. You feel like you are supposed to MAKE them happy, like some sort of forced chore. Answer is to find a different gf you can actually be sincere with and both happy still

>>34006583
oh hey its you. we talked months ago, looks like things havent changed much. I've gone to two therapists now trying to help me figure it out with me and my gf, but i think its just not meant to be. the lack of sex causes her to short circuit and pick fights with me 4-5x a week, or she will accuse me of cheating on her or e-sexing someone since according to her i must be getting sex from somewhere else since im not getting it from her.
anyway thanks for your continued help

>>34006672
People think sex is just dirty animal lust thing but empathy plays a huge component in it which can make or break it.

Anyway I see, I think I rmbr and your gf is quite the BPD/narc style person and I think it's best if you do find someone better/more mentally sound

>34006718
I wish I could enjoy sex in the ways other people do. When I hear people say things like "i love the way her hands feel in mine, the smell of her hair, and feeling whole and complete as we embrace" none of that registers with me, like my emotional senses are numbed.

yeah shes like that. either bipolar or bpd, very narcissitic, and derives her happiness from how much others praise her and spoil her. since im not giving her enough of that she lashes out at me and becomes angry because im denying her basic needs as a woman.

how have you been?

>>34008399
Realized I didn’t reply to you properly. My bad

>>34009589
I was gonna leave the board but I'll reply (+give you a bump), because you operate in good faith

This other thread has an example of a woman experiencing similar things to you

>>34008117
Anon says
>She's either is/is dealing with:
>Schizoid or schizoid-like traits (detached from the entire domain of intimate feelings)

Notice the language. You can say she is schizoid, or you can say she is dealing with schizoid-like traits. Discard the first way of approaching the topic, and never use it ever again. From now on, never hand-wave somebody as schizoid/insert-whatever-mental-disorder-etc. She has schizoid-like traits. That's it. She's not a schizoid. Or an autist. She doesn't have BPD. She has a borderline personality. Just like how some people have a warm personality. They are not warmth. Fuck off with the diagnose-y "pathologized" "approach" of "mental health", fuck the entire system, fuck it all up

Other anon asks
>do you think those traits can change, or no? are they inborn?

The answer is emphatically, yes.

Nobody is born with all the knowledge/experience/wisdom. They develop and hone it overtime, learning through living a varied life, noticing patterns, adding to their mental database, updating patterns when things contradict

>>34008399
You wish you could feel what others feel, the joy they feel when XYZ happens. You can (you have the capability) feel all those, but you are too self conscious, and so you cannot notice your surroundings, observe them, feeling the satisfying sensations of a warm and small tug of pressure on your hand, or maybe the feeling of warming up a cold and needy hand. You cannot notice the pleasant fragrance of her shampoo. Or maybe you do notice, but you feel too stressed or defeated to enjoy it's fruity imprint.

>>34010852
You think you are "supposed" to feel "whole and complete" upon embracing, so when you do not, you feel stressed that you are not feeling what you are "supposed" to feel, and you cannot feel "whole and complete" as a result. You try to fake it, but the feeling is just two bodies mashing together, there is no deeper fulfilment achieved, no feeling of complete and utter surrender to a feeling of eternal safety. It's just a front, it's not a guarantee of security, it's just pretend.

Other people put these moments on the pedestal. But all they are doing is living a pretend life. Ignoring what's around them. In favour of the fake feeling of being the king of the world, the king of someone else's world, some person they put on the pedestal, some person who isn't even reliable. They indulge in this feeling, addicted to feeling safe and secure, when in actuality, safety and security is not guaranteed. So when the bubble shatters, and one day that safety and security is taken from them, and the person no longer "loves" them, what were all those hugs and kisses all for in the end? Hollow. Meaningless. Useless.

Learn how to differentiate fake from real.

A hug and a kiss should be compelled because somebody wants to show another that they cherish them. It shouldn't be to larp as "human", or to feel "wanted" or whatever, or to show someone they are "wanted" or "desired" or something. It should simply be to show gratitude, appreciation, a response to an event to reaffirm that you are still with them and will always be there for them.

(That's why I do more of that to cats... But with humans, I can use words, to be more specific and convey more accurate weightings. Since I have higher expectations for humans...)