I'm a 25M diagnosed with AuDHD. I've tried my entire adult life to be an independent person, but every time I've tried, I crash and burn. At this point, I think I just need to accept that my worst fears are all true; that I will never live on my own without support. I'm certainly going to live with my parents on government assistance for the rest of my life, and I'm going to die alone.But I just cant get myself to come to terms with that. All I want is to be capable. I want to be normal, and I can't have that. I can't get myself to accept who I am. Every time I think about it I become intensely suicidal and fearful.Does anybody have experience with this? How did you come to terms with reality and accept yourself for who you are? I'm so tired of trying and failing. I just want to be at peace.
>I'm a diagnosedAt what age were you diagnosed?
>>34533584I was diagnosed at 13. There's no doubt that it was a correct diagnosis. I have every symptom to show for it.
Do you have a job at moment?
I'm AuDHD and am in my early 30s, and my situation is pretty fucked too. I've managed to fix my sleep schedule lately though, at leastSome posts you might find helpful, or that you may even be able to give me some of your own input on it:>>34523944>>34531004
>>34533609I do, I work at most 5 hours per week. I used to work 20, then 20 became 15, then 10, then I went on medical leave for a few weeks and that didn't help, now I can barely manage to work for an hour a day. I don't know why; I spend most of my time at home staring at the ceiling or into space. I can't get myself to do much of anything anymore. I burnt myself out too much this time. This past year was my biggest attempt ever at becoming normal. I was working more than ever, I started going to church where I made a bunch of friends who I hung out with all the time, I started to get more hobbies, and I couldn't handle it. I crashed and burned like I always do.
>>34533620My sleep schedule is good at least. I can't manage to shower or brush my teeth however, it's too much effort. The only reason my sleep is good is because the only thing I look forward to is ending the day.
>>34533625Ask a psychiatrist to get you Ritalin
>>34533652I've tried every single medication under the sun, none of them have worked. This is just who I am, no pill can change that.
>>34533659Have you taken it before?
It's about accepting you are human and you make mistakes OP. If you demand too much out of yourself, you're always gonna be miserable. You got to understand that things are meant to be done in steps, not instantly. You'll get there some day, but it'll take time.
>>34533673I did as a child. Maybe I could try it again, but I'd have to get off the vyvanse first. Also I can't change my meds too much because I'm currently in the middle of switching my anti-depressants to a mood stabilizer after the past four medications I've tried have done nothing.
>>34533688>You'll get there some day,I don't think that's true anymore. Every time I make progress I fall all the way back to the start. I'm clearly not able to handle life as an independent adult. It would be better if I could just learn to accept my role in life, but I don't know how to do that. I feel so much shame and embarrassment over my life.
>>34533740I'm 31 and was diagnose with autism at the age of 6. I have worked two damn jobs so far in my life. You can get there too. It'll just take some work. You could end up like me where you just outright accept you are human and that things are fine the way they are, because living is a blessing.
>>34533740I work full time too anon, you can make it.
You will get there Anon. Be easy on yourself. Don't worry about being normal - this is completely subjective. Being able to support yourself isn't, so this is a much better goal to have.Start again step by step. You said you struggle with basic hygiene, so focus on doing this each day for the next few weeks. Just focus on this for now, but do it consistently. Church is also not a bad idea to keep up with as it puts you in a safe and compassionate social setting each week.Once your meds stabilize, focus on work. You don't need to take on more than you can chew, just find something consistent.What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? How do you spend your days? Not what you feel you should be doing, but what you actually like doing.
>>34533947>What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?I like hiking,and fishing, and going to church. But I cant get myself to do any of that recently, even though I like doing it. I cant explain why. I spend most of my time staring at the ceiling these days. Anything else is too much effort. I think of going fishing but I have to drive all the way there and set everything up and I decide that it's easier to lie in bed. I feel like I've given up on life entirely.Ive no hope of my meds stabilizing. Ive tried so many of them and none of them have any effect on me. They cant change my circumstances; they're not magic.
>>34533969You need to work out why in order to be able to fix it. Do you actually enjoy doing these things, or like the idea of it? What do you actually do all day. I know you say lay in bed, but I don't believe you literally stare at a wall 12 hours a day. Do you post on your phone or look at stuff online.I have a similiar issue and goal to you, but for me the issue is anxiety and a constant flight response to situations that don't require it. I am starting medication again to assist with this. In order to address my issue though, I need to understand what drives my isolating behaviour.
>>34534007I watch YouTube or listen to music for a bit, then I get bored and sit with my mind for a while, then go back to being on my phone again. I used to like things, now I dont really like anything. I think that's probably why I find it so hard to do anything. I just have no motivation or will to do them. Or at least not enough. I think what drives mine is shame. I'm incredibly ashamed of myself and I hate myself more than I love anything. I'm super insecure around other people which is why I stopped contacting my friends, they're all better than me and none of them would understand my struggles.
>>34534037I see. Phones are really bad in this regard. You should try break this cycle. Make your bedroom only for sleep and nothing else. This will force you to get moving and doing something, and then you got to work out what that something is. Showering is a good start.You sound somewhat depressed, but that is natural given your situation. If your are cycling around serotonin medications (like SSRIs) it is also expected that you might feel a bit apathetic towards your interests in the short term. Breaking the cycle mentioned above will slowly assist with this.
>>34534037Also, don't be ashamed. Life is a journey. You would have heard the saying comparison is the theif of joy, and it's very true. If you recognise mistakes you have made or things you want to change, try to learn from this going forward. Don't be ashamed about the past though. What is done is done.
>>34533576Get out on your own anyway. Don't accept your fate. You'll still need help, especially when you first make the big move into your own place, but you can do more than be a basement dweller all your life.And you know there's some 25F autistic chick out there in the same boat who'd love to have some company she can relate with.You'll never be normal, and you'll always need more help than normal people do, but you can have your own life. The hardest part is letting your family know that you're going for it... they're not going to believe you're capable of it and will resist. If they won't get on board and help... well, just do it anyway.Working with autism is all about motive. Trying to hold down a job just for dignity's sake while basement dwelling? That ain't gonna work. Doing a job to earn and maintain your independence? That makes it worth the pain.
>>34533576OP, I would really love to be an NFL quarterback, but I just do not have the physical ability to do it. So I realistically measure my limitations and work hard at achieving the best I can within them
>>34534245And that’s why no one will remember your name
>>34534579I'll never be an NFL quarterback, but I have taught hundreds of students in my field, written books and appeared on TV. There are other routes to being remembered.
>>34533576I don't have autism but I have ADHD. Here is what I did to get my shit together.>1.Start working out. If you are unfit you will get severe "brain fog." There are no real studies on what it is but you probably know what I'm talking about. It's that feeling of severe lethargy to do anything. Working out will give you confidence because you can see feedback from the effort you give. You will have trouble being consistent because you need to get out of bed but that's the hardest part. When this happens, I recommend reminding yourself how much you hate yourself and want to escape mediocrity. If you are really ADHD, you will love exercise. It is in your nature. >2. No electronics. No alcohol. No junk food. No distractions. If you have a phone throw it away. If you need one get a dumb phone. Take your PC and hide it outside your room. You must have no distractions that prevent you from getting out of bed.>3. Take risks. You need to start doing things to get out of your comfort zone. I hated my parents so I ran away and became homeless for a month. I had to go back eventually. But I still benefited from that decision because I made an independent choice. I started being an adult and being responsible for my life. If you don't have a job, find one immediately. You need to be proactive. Apply to your local supermarket and then send an email or call them a few days after.
>>34533641Have you considered getting a waterproof bluetooth speaker you can put in the shower so you can listen to stuff while you're showering?I bought one recently and it's helped me be able to shower more consistently
>>34535255My executive dysfunction is too bad to work out. I've tried it so many times and I never manage it. I've tried getting rid of the electronics and I can't do it. I tried being independent by going camping and I was rocking back and forth panicking for hours because I was too scared to be all alone and I couldn't get back to my car before dark. I'm so pathetic. I've tried and failed and I'm done trying. There's no point in trying anymore, I know what the result will be.
