>carnival maxxing editioneveryone is welcome updates will be posted here periodically.
Yo TF, good to see you doing well bud
>>21452304hello australia gm or gn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWMB9Qg_4i0
>>21452400Night mate
i wasnt asked to come into work today unfortunately. hopefully they get another big job soon. im not sure im ready for full time again yet. maybe not ever if i cant get better. i think i do recognize when im falling into darkness but at that point how do you care enough about yourself to find the way out?so what are you doing today, tribe?
im still waiting on the heating element for the kiln.im not feeling very good today honestly.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JITpFPAWPaE
Bitty general is so boring right now what's going on in here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8Ug1Q41QVU
>>21452987ive heard it be called schizophrenia
i dont think thats entirely true im not sold yet at least. probably not well socialized.
like a bad dog
>>21453014>like a bad dogYes you were a very bad TF the other day that was completely uncalled for...looks like you're feeling better let's hope it stays that way and no more meltdowns
i need to be loved and reminded that i can be and that im not a monster who deserves to be put down
i wish i could share my life with someone one day without fear of being myself or attractive enough or having delusions and meltdowns and ruining everything
its not that i want a 'do everything for me' mommy gf but i probably need some fair amount of tard wrangling before i can actually become normal.i do think most men need a woman in their life to help make anything out of them.without that most of us are lost for spark and purpose. without someone to guide and center us we very easily fall to darkness.there are some men who stand on their own, i know a few. but they seem to generally had very strong protective parent figures.of course there is always outliers but i dont think i am one of them. it doesnt seem that way.
imo a key to a good man is recognizing how the woman empowers him to become his best and not abandon or mistreat her after she has
i think most women probably want a man who is already made though and not really interested in that journey with someone.
all fields
thats not very nice
its odd how the universe and every person in it was so intent on making sure we couldnt even be friends
even we were both guilty of it really
The ladies at the corner store are sweet to me but if they are wearing a burka i think that means they are already married right? I need to be loved like i need air to breathe atp
When are you checking in to a mental asylum?
idk its never really accomplished anything but making me go without a cigarette
what's your thinking behind never directly responding to people>>21455761^ like this?
>>21455891very ethereal selfie TF.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjiZb3goshMmirror reupload to protect my guide from you know who
>>21455891me? it's hard to know who you're talking to when you refuse to follow the conventions of communication hereif you do mean me, what do you think my delusions are?
i quote ppl all the time silly
>>21455901ty
>>21455901
>>21455916okay, I was being hyperbolic, I'll reword:>what's your thinking behind sometimes not directly responding to people?
my thinking is theres likely no one else viewing or posting itt and quoting makes it seem like i think my thread is more popular than it really is?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeCLLNNR2bQ
>>21455963okay, I get that - is it also sort of like "what's the point, when there's not enough people here to justify it"?both of those make sense, but it's still really confusing and hard to follow for me, maybe as an autistic thing, like *you* know who you're responding to, but other people don't necessarilyI'm glad to hear you're not doing it to be rude or something like that, it seemed rude at first - or maybe not 'rude', but 'inconsiderate' at leastanyway, how're you holding up?seems like you've had a rough few days - I've still not forgotten that you randomly called me a piece of shit, but I get you were going through the wars, so I forgive youdid the EMS ever show up? it's kinda bad if it didn't
i really am a parasite the only interest ppl have in me is because of her
>>21455986well i generally dont trust anyone from the community is sincere atp and no EMS never showed up.i dont know that they could actually help me. none of this stuff has ever worked before its just ingrained in who i am the culture and class of people i come from.
>>21456001I get what you're saying, I'm not sure psychiatrists really know how to help with a lot of conditions; humanity's understanding is still pretty basicit does kinda seem like you're doing better from your posts, at least, but they could at least stop you from doing something rash if things got really bad again, so it still seems bad they didn't bother to showit just doesn't work like that over here even though our medical system is collapsing - the ambulance always show up, even if it takes hours to get thereand you're right not to trust anyone here; lots of bad people, lots of trolls, impossible to tell what people's intentions are, and you can never really know the true essence of the person on the other side of the screenbut you shouldn't let that stop you from engaging with people - just keep them at arm's length, and don't let them into your innermost spacethere are people who like you, and who don't have bad intentions towards other people, as well as the really damaged ones who seem to want to hurt you for their own amusement
its messed up that particular small group of ppl keep telling me her cop boyfriend made her do it. they know that tiny bit of reassurance that she cared was enough to turn my whole world around and their natural instinct is to try and take that away from me. they know i really love her but they dont care they would rather see me dead.
>>21456035thank you
>>21456041yeah, that's exactly what they're doingbut I don't think they think about it in those terms; they're just really adept at knowing which buttons to push with people, but I don't believe it involves thought as such - it's more like they just have an instinct on how best to hurt peoplefor a lot of people, they can say the most hurtful things, and from their perspective, the words just flow out of their mouths directly from their subconscious mind, bypassing thought entirelyI know this because they've told me afterwards
>>21453008i think maybe its not schizophrenia but maybe more just OCD type thing?
>>21455891This shot is pretty kino ngl tf
>>21456949thanks youmy camera isnt very good and makes stuff look hazy and ugly and i look insane so it works well together
gnhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTmoxSigEyU
>>21452923How are you supposed to smoke out of this?
gm>>21457308its not for smoking its just to be pretty
.
if she married summer i think i could be happy but no boys or normie girls
i think i understand why i do it now
its like if i fall for someone and they arent interested i will act out and do things to make us argue or fight and they push me away then i channel that into hate and resentment to make me stop loving them. this is how its gone in the past and it was the improper way. obviously i never improved because i avoided the real pain and healing process for a low vibrational cop out emotions.for whatever reason its not working this time too. maybe that is my karma payment for choosing hate and taking the easy way out every time.there could be more to this but thats my thoughts for now.
i really dont want to walk through this fire im a coward im going to take a nap
>>21459788gn
i fix the aspect ratios and reuploaded.i really need a life. im gonna drive to town. gbhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMbnKWVLBpU
>>21462033Have a good day
Treefaggots should join that nigger that blew his brains out over a Daenerys AI recently
First hit off a cone got wizard powers ngl
Stop hating because im cute
I have a funny story about how i learned to drive ill tell u in a minute
got new incense i am happy for this.
so when i was a freshman no one had started teaching me how to drive yet because my family was all checked out on drugs really bad. i use to walk to my aunt's restaurant in town after school to wait for someone to take me home and my aunt was getting mad that i was there one day because it was suppose to be like a kinda fancy place for teachers and boomers to dine at and i am trashy and she felt i made the place look bad i guess by being there. so my cousins boyfriend stops by to drop her off to work and my aunt asks him if he can take me home and they get into a little spat about how my parents should do that stuff but eventually he agrees but hes pissed. so he immediately starts grilling me about why cant i drive yet and says hes going to teach me today.first thing he has me do is take him by the gas station and he buys a bluntwrap and begins rolling it in the seat next to me while giving me instructions on how to drive.then we get on the highway and its literally my first time ever driving on one. he makes me smoke the blunt with him on the 30 minute ride home with me going all off the road and line of cars behind us.he told me learning to drive like this will be very useful for me one day or something like that. i didnt understand at the time because i didnt realize where my life was headed but he was right.had a flat tire when we got to my house.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77pY-ts4-_o
i kept my promise today
>>21463318Could you explain what this is saying TFers?
>>21464043this king of cups and queen of wands is not in their strength right now. they could be looking at a community and/or contemplating long-term decisions and where they might take them.on the left path we see 7 of wands reverse, indicating treachory or lack of conviction. in this picture a man is defending himself, in reverse this could be unsuccessfully or for the wrong reasons. this path seems to lead to hopelessness, depression, hardship, and away from the divine. ultimately this road seems to lead to darkness.on the right we see 3 of wands. a man waits patiently and contemplates his decisions. he is optimistic about the future and new experiences. we see this could be a path that leads to this 6 of swords. moving to calmer waters, a transition from old into the new.ending with 6 of cups on this queen of wands reverse. happy memories, reaching out, sharing.every read is different and how i place them and read them is mostly followed by intuition in the energy. i wont explain the readings too often here since this is not a safe place many bad actors are always lurking. these reads could contain hidden messages and be the only way to communicate.
>>21464494I understand. I appreciate the explanation though. Thank you TF. Hope you're doing well buddy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsccjsW8bSY
one of the seethers was dming me pretending to be nice but now he sends stuff to insult me about her then deletes it really fast. not sure whats wrong with him desu.
i have met so many ppl who pretend to me nice and pick my brain just so they can leak my dms or try to manipulate me. very strange community
>>21464545>very strange communityI should say so. There's just something very "off" you know? Re-reading old archived posts with "fresh eyes" really elucidates the issue.
grim
ive been a drug addict since 16 my parents started giving me a drug allowance so id stop stealing them from them and breaking into family member houses
>>21464551>There's just something very "off"Why you feeling this way All of a sudden bio?
>bnat when they see this 60yo narcissistic retard hasn't checked in to an asylum yet
my last experience getting baker act they brought me there with open wounds covered in broken windshield glass i couldnt clean off put me in a room with someone twice my size alone the mattress was covered in leather so it was too hot to sleep on so i layed on the concrete floor with just a bed sheet that had scabies on it and didnt eat the entire time i was there. periodically a nurse would come in and tell me i wasnt allowed to sleep on the floor so i would stand up until she would leave.some chad came in at one point with pussies and naked women tattoo'd all over him to give me a brochure for a rehab program.the end
>>21464678i had tried to OD on my medications
she never gonna talk to me anyways desu
>>21464682Time to finish the job. It will never get any better for you. You're past the point of furthering your bloodline, you already failed the main directive of being a man. No matter how much glass you make or how many card reads you do, it won't change the fact that Ariel is getting fucked into oblivion the last few days by some hardcore Aryan. Time to embrace the deep sleep or keep prolonging your suffering by still thinking about Ariel and doing nothing about her taking huge cocks with other men.
>>21464729thanks i will take this into consideration
i want to get some face paint for halloween so i can do a black metal fire breathing photoshoot but idk if ill go thru with it
i need to find something to do today https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5EH8-h-mWg
>>21464883What kind booze you drink
>>21464963i can drink pmuch anything just dont really like rum i guess but im not a habitual drinker its never really been my thing but i do it occasionally.i can see how someone could become addicted to it though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZNp_tQAGHY
>>21464621No idea. I liken it to working on a puzzle? It's like i'm almost done putting it together and then suddenly near the end, things aren't lining up and you question if you did it right at all. That's me atm.
>>21466362you getting schizo on me lol
>>21466664lol there’s a method to the madness I assure you.
i hate reading old stuff i wrote so i never go back
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPF0VoxKj0Y
dear mr 3rd party,there is no beef between me and jr. he said he loved me and hopes i get better. this was the other big thing to calm me down besides betty saying she was calling ems.we might argue but its like brothers. you guys are weird hateful stalkers and you really need a hobby or something and to practice doing some good in your life. the world has enough people projecting hate and darkness into it.sincerely,treefingers
>>21467946Ignore them TF that guy you're talking to has been making accounts left & right on twitter to try & fuck with Betty
the lady at the store let me have $2 candles for $1 each because they didnt have stickers.this is a good sign
>>21468304maybe you can deal some cards that undo that that absolute shit show meltdown you had the other day and betty just forgets or doesnt care any more good fucking luck
>>21468332not neccesary she loves me and wants me to get better thats top tier loving me reserved only by my closest friends and family.
bitty likes me
i think she loves me more than any girl ever has honestly. its really a matter of perspective.
>>21468400maybe not romantically but with a compassion that is set apart from what i am use to.
bitty risked a lot putting the tip in..but because she likes me so much she did it anyway... i wish she never did...because i like her too and seen all the hisatria it caused and mental breakdoowns... it might have contributed to your breakdown as well...so for that i apolgize....but i wont apolgize for me liking bitty and her liking me too
>>21468422you think i dont know you are a double agent but you must forgot the gifts i possess
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLGl-pG6O5U
i am going to sleep and hoping to see her in my dreams gn
>>21464494Thank you. I hope things get better.
good morninghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLXTpXrm4cc
tfg is dead nowadays so much for tf being entertaining
>>21471335its true the only attention i ever got was just from her stalkers
>>21471364today is day 1 of 30 - no DMs no post in /bbg/
congrats man, you'll get through this
>>21471375i want to show her im sorry for being mentally ill and that i am trying to practice self control.i had a realization that i am a worse vibe killer than the seethers. at least they probably make her laugh. i just make everyone uncomfortable or drag them into darkness with me.
>>21471388if i knew how to navigate social services or really explain to the doctors whats wrong with me i would. it just feels like a labrynth of endless money sink and experimental medications that always lead me nowhere.
>>21471388thats the thing about mental illness you yourself arent aware of it, big steps you're taking which is good im glad to see some progress in a positive way
>>21471072thank you :)
>>21471584i guess its progress but it doesnt feel like it. it just feels tragic overall really. thank you though
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFJPeprO10g
might have the kiln working again tonighthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0Q_JwOqko4
try to get picture of the pretty sunset but its hard normies judge me in the parking lot
im not posting in /bbg/ so dont even try.
ugh what should i do with this
