>>20898758
I left a roasting tin on top of the hob

it was a new induction one and I didn't realise it was actually superheating the tin and more importantly the poultry fat within

fortunately a damp tea towel was enough to extinguish the inferno but I was shitting myself like a r*ddit user for a while there. had to repaint the ceiling as there was smoke damage and everything.

only made that mistake once

dropped an open package of rice once

accidentally crammed so much I had to go to the hospital

dropped a jar of anchovies over the built in stove and a whole bunch of oil and anchovies when down a small crevice.
Luckily I was sub leasing so I moved out a coupla weeks later.

>>20898758
I bought a used pressure cooker.
Loaded it up.
~25 minutes later
kAchabaBoOm!

Kitchen covered in braised pork.
Refrigerator door skewered by part of the shrapnel.
Tiles cracked, and wall peppered with shrapnel, too.

Lessons learned.

>>20899754
I am legit afraid of pressure cookers. When I use mine I don't like to be in the same room and opening it almost gives me a panic attack every time.

>>20898758
Cracked the oven door pouring water into a pan for steam. Lesson learned, put a towel over the glass.

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>move into tiny apartment
>buy bag of potatos as part of big shop
>store potatos in weird cupboard
>years go by of constant fly infestation problems
>I remember the cupboard, left unopened for literal years
>baking tray i put potatos in now filled with black sludge that smelled like death and the mother of all fly infestations finally destroyed.
moved out like 5 months after that so it sucked not remembering about my cupboard potatoes sooner

>>20898758
Burned a wooden cutting board on a burner. Still works fine, didn't catch fire or anything. Burns and cuts, obviously.

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>>20899854
between the flies and mice i think i might have damaged my mental health all over a bag of fucking potatoes

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>>20898758
I let a frozen pizza burn when I was a clueless 18 year old and I misread the directions. We had those smoke detectors that automatically alerted the fire department, and I could hear the siren halfway across town slowly getting closer, so I had to run out to the fire truck that it was a false alarm and I burned a pizza

>>20899754
>>20899756
Is there an advantage to using pressure cookers in this day and age over a crockpot or something?

>>20898758
My sister surprise hugged me from behind while I was chopping celery and I cut my index finger halfway off
It's fine now but there's a big scar on the inside and it's a bit stiff

>>20899906
How did she react

>>20898758
I was baking bread and forgot to put on a timer. Hours later I remember the bread in the oven. Mad dash to the kitchen to find my loaves are now 2 black masses with a red glow.

>>20899756
Modern ones are fine. Just don't use old ones or made in China crap.

>>20899876
>pressure cookers in this day
The advantage is the same as it always was - higher pressure means higher heat means lower cooking times.

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>>20898758
I just accidentally poured plant fertilizer water into my coffee pot and the stupid design has the water tank completely sealed so except a tiny hole, at least i realized my mistake before running it. i had to fill and siphon it out about 20 times then i ran it a bout 10 more times before i felt comfortable with drinking anything from it

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>>20899876
>We had those smoke detectors that automatically alerted the fire department
what the fuck lol

I was working at Little Caesar's when the grease trap for the sink overflowed all over the floor because the owners had never had it emptied. Sticky sweet/shit smelling black sludge everywhere. I had to open the next morning and it didn't get cleaned up until noon, customers were complaining about the raw sewage smell
>>20899854
Kek surprised you couldn't smell it, rotting potatoes or bell peppers are vile

new girl thought a stock pot of soup was hot and dropped it on instinct but the pot was room temp. it was the giant pot 36 gallon one. took 2 hours after closing to clean up

>>20898758
When i was a kid we were going on vacation to florida and i wanted a pizza bagel before we left. Oven at 450 and pizza bagel in the oven. Then i got rushed out of the house forgetting the pizza bagel in there. We get home a week later and my dad goes oh shit you left the oven on don't tell your mom. There was just carbon discs on a tray in the oven that was on at 450 for 7 straight days. Oven didn't break smoke alarms didn't go off and nothing smelled anymore. Essentially nothing happened at all but i got really lucky.

Dumping boiling hot water and grease from a deepfryer that was just drained on my foot or losing my eyesight in my right eye while making gnocci because i was shot in the face with a bb gun on Halloween

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>>20898758
grease fire, making fries, cheap oil got too hot & caught fire, my arm & leg got burned

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>>20898758
When I was like 8 my dad asked me to make him a can of tomato soup. So I put a can of condensed Campbell's soup in a pot and started heating it up. I had a really bad cold and runny nose, and while I was standing over the pot of soup a big wad of snot dripped down into the pot. I faced a choice, throw out the soup and admit to my abusive father what had happened and let him blow up at me, or pretend nothing had happened and serve him the soup.

I served him the soup.

Around the same age I didnt know how microwaves worked, but I wanted to heat up some left over food. So I threw a whole metal pot with lid into the microwave. I set it for like 3 mins. It started sparking and flashing, and gave off the worst smell ever. My dad came running into the kitchen saw what was happening and chewed me a new asshole.

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>>20900071
Goddamn anon God was on your side that week

>>20899854
>black sludge that smelled like death and the mother of all fly infestations
This nigga knows. Every vile aroma has its own particular character. Rotting animals... rotting fish... feces... old, concentrated urine... vomit... bacterial infection pus... women... the new Krabby Patty Kollab from Wendy's...

But still, it's actually surprising how something as small and humble as a potato can produce such an odor (after it is flyblown, maggoty, rotting and dissolving into primordial ooze). Even after you have power-washed the cabinets... even after you have exterminated all the insects... then you will discover the final surprise, that the smell has become permanently infused into your wooden cabinetry. You can lessen the smell over time, you can use all the bleach and ozone you want, but the ghost of the stench will always be there. So yes, your picrel is correct. Kill it with fire.

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>Working at a Latin place despite not being Mexican or anything myself, enjoy the atmosphere and relaxed nature of the management
>As I'm starting to close up I notice an odd smell near the edge of the kitchen. Don't think much of it.
>Finishing up in the kitchen. The disher has literally one load left. He loads the last one, me and my co workers crack open beers and start to chat for a moment.
>I hear a soft gurgling sound. I'm facing away from it, but I see the guys opposite me put on these horrified expressions
>There's a gentle sloshing at my heel. I turn to look ponderously.
>There's a thick red slurry oozing past my foot.
>The fucking floor is covered with it and it's spreading like the blob
>The panel beneath the washing machine is burbling, with thick red shit oozing out of the seams like a horror movie
>We scatter and start to do what we can to repair the damage, squeeging it back when we can
>We have to keep squeeging it back in to the point that we are peeling paint from the floor in long strips.
>Owner arrives after a half hour of us doing damage control and tries to help, it eventually stops vomiting up last weeks barbacoa soup
>We have another beer and go home two hours late
>Next day the entire place is closed, and my boss takes me to another restaurant in a nearby town. Spend my entire shift being stared at by the teenage waitresses and listen to them gossiping about me in Spanish while I work.

>>20898758
My mom would take my brother and I when we were kids on the metra train down to chicago to visit my grandma. one day we boarded with subway and those half gallon sodas they were slanging back in the day. Through completely avoidable events, we both spilled them into the aisle..on the upper deck of the train. People had to lift their feet for an hour as the tide of sprite and coke sloshed back and forth. worse was when we slowed for a stop it waterfalled dow the steps. It even started leaking onto passengers below. eventually we managed to mop it up with toilet paper and our own sweatshirts and somehow werent kicked off or euthenized.

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>>20899756
Just make sure whatever you use has an emergency overpressure valve. If it doesn't have one of those and the petcock malfunctions or can't release pressure fast enough, that's when you have a bomb.

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>>20898758
My most recent disaster was trying to make French fries at home (t. Ameri-lard) and I forgot to take the lid off the fry daddy. The plastic lid heated up, and melted into the oil while I was cutting up the potatoes. Throw in the potatoes and let them go until they are l were golden brown. I pull the little wire basket out and there's this chemical smelling black sludge all over the fries... "What the fuck is that shit?" Girlfriend says "I dunno... I've never seen that before. Wait... Did you take the lid off?”. I told her of course I did, is right over... Hey where is the lid? After searching, I realized I can't find the lid because it's melted into the oil and that's the melted black plastic substance all over our fries :(

>>20898758
Lacerated my finger opening a can of peas

>>20900058
female moment #234925

>>20900071
>leave something in an enclosed and entirely fireproof box
>phew that was close!
Am I missing something here? Kitchen fires begin on the stove.

>>20900108
You sound weak.

>>20898758
made a pizza while blackout drunk and woke up next morning to find the kitchen in reasonable shape aside from tiny splashes of tomato sauce in completely random areas around the house. there was even sauce on the basement stairs which made me wonder what the fuck i was doing at that point.

>>20898758
Dropped a gallon of oil on the floor of an airb&b and had to run from store to store looking for supplies to clean it before I had to leave. Fucking stressful. Fuck gravity, man.

>>20899756
Is it a good way to "accidentally" yourself?

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>>20898758
came home drunk as fuck with the lads late at night
we decided to cook a feast
i tripped with a kitchen knife in my hand, it slid right into my mate's back, about two inches
we take him to the hospital, they call the cops, they don't believe our story
and when we get home the oven was still on, the gas bill was fucked and we had to buy a new one

>15 years old
>Get into cooking
>None of my siblings ever cared about it or tried so my mom's happy
>Finally get to the point where I can make dinner alone without fear from my parents
>Make pan fried chicken cutlets, asparagus, and diced red potatoes
>Parents love it and my picky sister actually eats it
>Clean up time
>Mom offers to do it but I say I'll help
>Cleaning a knife and talking to my mom
>She's giving me all sorts of praise and I don't notice the knife I'm drying has the blade towards me
>Slice my thumb open pretty deep
>There's blood everywhere
>Mom is screaming and dad is running to the first aid kit
>I'm in shock and not really doing anything but running my bloody thumb under the sink
>Try to bandage it up but it won't stop bleeding
>Off to the ER for 3 stitches
I didn't cook for a year after that. Felt like it was a sign, but I quickly got back into it when that year was up.

>>20900294
Ovens aren't meant to run that hot for that long, the oven itself could have started a fire, or the fumes from combustion could have set the smoke alarms off constantly for days.

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>About 10 years back
>Making an espresso encrusted steak with a red wine shallot sauce
>This is me really trying to up my cooking game, so I am laser focused
>Steak has finished cooking, going to transfer it to my cutting board to let it rest
>With my other hand, I grab some garbage to throw out
>Walk over to the garbage can
>Throw the steak out instead of the garbage

It was not salvageable. I cried.

>>20900404
You earned your stripe, Anon

>>20898758
>use immersion blender to make mashed potatoes
>comes out with the texture of nacho cheese
>knew better but lazy and thought it would be ok if I didn't overdo it
oops

My dad was making beef stock, he told me to throw out the bones from the pot but I misunderstood and dumped the whole thing outside

>>20900443
If it makes you feel better, it's common. Or people that go to strain their stock but just dump it into a sink through a sieve

>>20900445
>Or people that go to strain their stock but just dump it into a sink through a sieve
KEK
why the FUCK does that happen??

>>20900446
They get too focused on straining it that they forget to put anything there to catch the actual stock.

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oops indeed

>>20899906
So it's not fine then.

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>>20898758
i made prawn dumplings but I used puff pastry for the wrappings then tried to steam them

>>20900463
What happened? Did the pastry just melt into glue?

>>20900081
Who shot you?

>>20900081
You can't just leave us without more information, you motherfucker

>>20900298
t. abusive dad

>>20900477
t. abused by his dad (for being weak)

>>20898758
Kinda like the pic. I'd made a huge batch of tomato sauce to freeze and it was on the counter in a giant plastic mixing bowl to cook before portioning for the freezer. One of my cats was a kitten at the time and decided to leap up into the counter, into the bowl. I'm just glad it was warm and not hot but that bowl went flying and shattered when it hit the ground. I have a tiny galley apartment kitchen. Holy crap, there was sauce from floor to ceiling and on a black cat who went dashing through the rest of the apartment.

I sat on the kitchen floor, took a pic, sent it to my bf, took a deep breath and then it hit me and I started crying. That only lasted a minute. I am still finding tiny drips of tomato sauce and it's been 8 years. Last one I found was behind the kitchen light's switch plate when I replaced the switch a few months ago.

The cat (different one) and flour incident was a lot less dramatic and had no tears though Joos looked like he had been snorting cocaine.

>>20900467
yeh just sloppy pastry that defrosted and didn't stick and the dumplings fell apart. the prawns didn't really steam. was fucking disgusting.

>>20900018
>surprised you couldn't smell it
I could, people stopped visiting. Family always made excuses barely hiding their disgust even at the idea of it when I'd invite them in for coffee when they were visiting.

Also I noticed people always had that "what is that smell" face on them when I was around them, (I think my skin/clothes absorbed the smell of rotten potatoes). I just gradually became more depressed over time and stopped talking to anyone. ended up talking to/having full blown arguments with the mice / myself that were infesting my apartment. Full volume. I bet the neighbors were happy when I left.

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>>20900127
This post made me laugh, for your trouble here's a humorous picture.

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>>20900454
>£2,048
Fuck me.
I would try and sift out the shards of glass or something

>>20900058
how tf did she pick up a container with 300lb of soup in it?

>>20898758
i made a hungarian chicken goulash
worst smell i have smelled in my life.
nothing spilled it was just the worst smell ever
and it STUCK in the kitchen for weeks.
i dont know what i did wrong, i followed a recipe
but, something about that dish is cursed idk.

>>20900916
it wasn't 36 gallons of soup
it was soup in a 36 gallon pot
retard

>>20898758
After finishing refilling my glass olive oil bottle, I accidentally knocked it over on my hard countertop. The bottle exploded into glass shards and splinters which were then swept away by the 1L of oil that flowed down my counter, into drawers and cabinets, and behind some outlet covers.

Placed an empty 13x9 Pyrex dish on a hob and didn't realize it was still hot. With a loud pop, the dish exploded into hundreds of pieces, scaring the shit out of me.

>>20900379
A demon summoning, anon. Have you found anything fishy in the basement? What did you have for drinks?

>>20898758
one of the line cooks OD'd in the walk in and puked everywhere. we had to open late because everything had to be thrown out, the walk in deep cleaned, and someone sent out to costco to buy stuff so we could open at all that day. fuck you amanda.

>>20899854
Lol I got a tin of different chocolates and because I dont eat candy it sat in a cabinet. Had a really bad moth infestation at the time too. A visitor went to open the tin and the entire inside was just completely filled with webbing the moths had created as they ate the chocolate. It was like opening a crypt filled with cobweb.

>>20901559
You didn't close the tin?

>>20901576
It was closed. Have no idea how they got in.

>>20899754
someone post the Pic of pot lid wedged in the roof

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>>20901649
this one or the dulce de leche disaster?

>>20900269
>can't find the lid because it's melted into the oil and that's the melted black plastic substance all over our fries :(
Can't be worse than your typical corn syrup. How were the fries?

>>20901649
>>20901655
Holy fuck what happened here?
How many people die every year of pressure cooker attacks?

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>>20901671
enough that im still trying to figure out which pic he is talking about

>>20901655
>>20901679
>kitchen gore

>>20901655
this is the one I was thinking of but I know the other one too

>>20899876
yea they're great for beans and other stuborn to hydrate foods

>>20899906
Did she smell nice

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its an epidemic

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>>20900269
>the fry daddy
i had to look this up, how hard is heating up oil on the stove? anyways, this you?

>>20898758
I accidentally tipped a fryer onto a coworker. They ended up being airlifted and didn’t make it

>>20902579
clumsy asshole. killed some poor fella bc you are too retarded. shouldve been you

>>20898758
Slammed down a mostly filled 20oz bottle of ketchup and the plastic broke.

>>20902595
I know, it haunts my every waking moment

>>20898758
One time I made Italian beef and I left my dutch oven on the burner. I am not sure what happened since I swore I turned off the stove and my ex at the time saw it, but my apartment filled with smoke and the juice that was left got fucking torched because it was on high somehow. Not sure how, but kinad torched my dutch oven. Feels bad.

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>>20901679
I got you senpai

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>>20898758
In 1999 I dropped a 5 gallon bucket of blue cheese dressing on the floor of the walk-in just as I was about to clock out and it exploded up onto the ceiling and rained down on me and I had to stay another 30 min to clean it up while my buddies waited outside with our case of beer.

Worst I've seen that wasn't my fault was a couple years later these dudes were cleaning out the fryer and emptied the molten lard into a pickle bucket. It was almost full when the bottom melted enough for the liquid lard to stream out all over dude's shoes and everywhere.

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>>20900269
You absolute retard.

>>20900269
What the fuck is a fry daddy and why would it have a plastic lid that melts into the oil it's supposed to fry with?

>>20902683
Perhaps people who need to fry foods at home are also too dumb to understand that every piece of the equipment doesn't need to be involved with the food preparation.
Maybe the factory needs to put a big sign on the lid reminding people that plastic melts and that you would NEVER put a LID on something that's actively frying food. WTF???
You don't pressure-fry potatoes. Are they conflating this with a chicken broaster with the fucking submarine hatch wheel you close? LOL

I can't believe there are people ITT who don't have common sense enough to laugh at this story.

>>20900474
All our posts are coming to him on the right so he cant see us :(

>>20902700
>and that you would NEVER put a LID on something that's actively frying food. WTF???
I do this all the time. It's not a problem because the lids are metal.

>>20902710
Why do you want steam to collect and drip back into the oil? You just don't know any better I guess. Frying is a dry heat method. Oil and water don't mix. Enjoy your imminent explosion. In the meantime enjoy less crispy fried stuff that didn't cook any faster. I don't even know why you WOULD cover frying, but I'm sure you think you have your reasons.
Still wrong. Ask anyone.

>>20902721
>Why do you want steam to collect and drip back into the oil? You just don't know any better I guess.
>steam
Sounds like you're the one who doesn't know how to fry.

>>20902737
Yes, the moisture WITHIN the food reacts with the oil and is released. That's why you DON'T cover the pot, you want that steam to LEAVE the oil. With a lid it forms droplets which drip back in and cause the surface to react, cooling the oil and slowing you down as well as splattering - oh, is that why you use a lid?
Fucking moron.

>>20900071
Damn

>>20902745
Kek. He's like the people that doesn't understand why their pot of oil catches flames when they throw a deep frozen turkey into a vat of hot oil. All that splashing evaporation of colder water causing droplets of oil into the air which have a way lower flashpoint than liquid oil that ignites and just creates a ball of fire. That'd be the worst case scenario, best case it just ruins the temperature levels and make the quality drop. It's almost like people have known for thousands of years that water and oil doesn't mix and let the water evaporate.

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>>20902871
People are retarded. They say things like "boiling oil". They don't understand how anything works and yet are confident in their responses. Let them ruin their fries.
At least these people are attempting to cook at home instead of just eating from drive-throughs I guess. But they need to pick up a fucking book sometimes.

blump

>>20898758
Never dropped a huge pot of something or anything like that but I did once stick my hand in boiling honey.
What wasn't much fun. Actually caused me to curse right in front of my head chef's elderly mother, which I usually absolutely wouldn't She forgave me, considering the circumstances.

One time I slipped on a banana peel and fell on my wife’s dildo, went right up my poopchute. What are the odds?

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>>20900494

>>20900429
Similar outcome of when I spent all day making a chicken stock, then strained it without remembering to put a pot under the colander. Dumped the whole fucking thing down the sink.

>>20900091
>cheap oil
it's not the oil's fault that you're retarded

>>20899854
How the fuck can you forget about a cupboard?

I accidently circumsized my self with cheese one time at work trying to make nachos. It was sharp cheddar you fucking fools!

>>20898758
remember not to make jeets bleed, anons
they're like xenomorphs, but instead their blood is liquid poop, not acid

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>>20898758
I smoked 2 whole chickens without brining them and with white smoke when I first got my offset smoker. I had to throw them away because they were bitter as fuck from the smoke and tough as leather because I didn't brine them.

Then after practice I was smoking chickens and turkeys with no problem by brining them overnight first with salt, vinegar, garlic, onions, and herbs. And I got the blue smoke down.

Another time I sat my cast iron dutch oven down on a poly rug outside after cooking with it on my grill. I did it because I didn't want to stain my cement. But then it melted plastic all over the bottom of it. So I put fresh lump charcoal on the grill and blasted it with a leaf blower and burned off all the plastic until the dutchie glowed red hot. Then I reseasoned it.

I have a few.
Got shit faced drunk, put a pizza in the oven, fell asleep. Next thing I know firefighters are yelling at me waking me up. They had to break down my door. Nothing was on fire but i guess my upstairs neighbors freaked out from the smoke smell and called 911.

this other time. I was making chicken wings. I learned a trick where if you boil your wings before you fry them it makes them super crispy. Anyway.....made the mistake of heating up the oil in a pan right next to the boiling water. I walk into the kitchen and the oil is a friggin blazing fire. I freak out and grab a jacket to grab it and try to make it to my sliding balcony door to throw it out. My jacket almost instantly catches fire and ask im running it starts melting and gets all over my face/body/hands. burnt some of my carpet and the place i rented from totally had to re-do my small kitchen. I cant believe i wasnt evicted for that.
the healing sucked, i looked like a literal crack head with all these dot burn marks all over my face/body.

>>20899876
>I let a frozen pizza burn when I was a clueless 18 year old and I misread the directions. We had those smoke detectors that automatically alerted the fire department, and I could hear the siren halfway across town slowly getting closer, so I had to run out to the fire truck that it was a false alarm and I burned a pizza
I burned probably 3 pizzas into charcoal back before I quit drinking.

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>>20899754
>>20899756
>>20900393
>>20900172
>>20899944
Real shit pay attention to what I say.

I work in a law firm in one of the large cities in the US. We have a huge case against Crockpot. Not afraid to share those details because a lot of firms have Crockpot cases so saying that will not dox me.

Anyways, these Crockpot pressure cookers literally fucking explode. I have literally had to read thousands of pages of depositions from previous cases in preparation for a deposition in our case for our client. Based off the evidence this is what I gathered.

The Crockpot is literally some Chinese Alibaba garbage that they took from some chink company in China. The American company then sends the Chinese company a list of "safety tests" to perform, of course they let the Chinese do it all in China without any supervision from any employee of the American companies. So, the Chinese just tell them that the machine passed all the tests. Whether they lied about it passing I can't prove, but thats the gist of it.

Now, why these things explode? Two reasons;
1) the pressure release valve gets clogged very easily and enormous pressure just grows inside those things, they pretty much become pipe bombs.
2) the interlock mechanism is made of Chinesium plastic garbage, it can easily be overcome. For example, youre not supposed to be able to open it under pressure, but you can easily just go and open it while its under pressure because the safety lock is shit. In fact, under enough pressure, the lid will just blow. Actually I found out that the Chinese made it only resistant to the "strength of a woman" lol.

Oh and they fucking KNEW that these were issues before they released it to the market, and when claims of burn victims started pouring in, instead of recalling the product, they just added improvements to strengthen the interlock mechanism and started rolling them out without even notifying anyone. They were hoping to just unload their last batch of defective products.

>>20904288
Adding to this, if you're curious, i'm talking about the Crockpot that came out in 2017. Yup, and you better believe there are a ton of Chinesium shit products with just as obvious safety issues.

Whats even funnier is that when the lead engineer was deposed, she was some DEI hire from fucking Venezuala, literally no degree from the US, she couldn't even name one safety test that SHE sent to the Chinese. She literally could not care less that this product was fucking people up.

>>20904264
I burned 3 pizzas or more when I was drinking to blackout every night. One time I couldn't find the pizza and knew I never ate it because I was hungry. I eventually found it in the microwave just sitting on the built in plate. I passed out making hash browns and ruined a pan a different time. Fire alarms never went off for any of this though. Eventually I was smart enough to not cook when drunk and would just drink cold soup out of cans. I stopped drinking maybe 9mos ago and I still kind of miss the mystery of trying to figure out what I did the night before. Now I just drink too much coffee and vape. Sleeping is so easy when you don't drink. I just fall asleep when I decide to and don't have to try to measure the alcohol. I don't have to plan trips around it either or have anxiety constantly.

>>20900071
Sometimes I'm thankful I don't have kids jesus christ

>>20900912
I suspect there was more to this than potatoes.

>>20898758
I was working at the most cramped, shit show of a restaurant that shared a kitchen with another restaurant and a bakery(same owner) and one day I was informed right before leaving I had to double what I had prepped for the night crew. I was not very happy about this. But whatever, I get to it because realistically I can get it done in an hour, not having to cook lunch at the same time anymore. I was also given the green light to hand off the responsibility of transferring everything to the walk in to the night guys. nice, I'm not that mad anymore.

Halfway through I have to go back upstairs and help another AM cook, I don't want to but figure whatever by the time I come back this pan I just put oil in will be hot. I have done this actually thousands of times, after so many years any decent cook or chef develops a near atomically accurate internal clock.

FIVE MINUTES later I come back downstairs to see one of the chefs from the other restaurant with a scowl on his face and figure "here we go, another you're using MY stove/cutting board/bowl/prep space chewing out". No, it seems that pan with oil had caught fire and it almost got out of control.

And I just sat there in an extreme state of embarrassment, rage and shock because I took great pride in not having a SINGLE fuck up in almost an entire decade of working 6 days a week. Not one. Much less a dangerous fuck up that put other people in danger. I finished up after I got myself back together and just racked my brain for the entire train ride home.
>How?
>I couldn't get a pan with oil in it to catch fire in 5 minutes even on the hottest burner in the entire restaurant
>Was it sabotage?

Next day, same thing happens. I'm told right as I'm walking out, I have to double what I prepped. So I get to it. I'm still trying to figure out what happened yesterday at this point and as I go to repeat the process with the same pan and same bottle of oil I notice something
>Cont'd

I'm waiting

>>20904376
>"man that is the cheapest, clearest bottle of evoo I've ever seen"
>the top is off...
>how long has it been off?
>it was on yesterday though...
>are you fucking kidding me? there's air bubbles in the fuckin oil
>these fuckin goobers from the other restaurant are so shit at cooking, they lose the tops all the time, don't they?
>"welp one way to find out"

as soon as that oil got up to temp, it started popping and crackling. the fuckin f-troop goobers left the top off that bottle so long water from the air got in the bottle. To this day, it still pisses me off, my eye started twitching while typing this out.

>>20904414
it was not only the most shit quality "evoo" I had ever seen, there was so much water in it, when it got up to temp it sounded like I put ice cubes in a fryer. the one fuckin time I relied on the shit restaurant, it literally blew up in my face.

So if you didn't know, aspiring cooklets...keep the lids on your oils and if you see bubbles in it, throw it away.

>>20898758
I hosed down my kitchen one time. And my Mom, don't judge her, but she did hit me

>>20904441
I hesitate to even delve into your samefagging fantasy narrative here, but how big was the bottle? Because surely a commercial kitchen using EVOO would consume more than a few liters per day. If there was a problem, it wasn't from the air, it was from the manager buying twice-recycled gutter oil.

>>20901255
How the fuck would she even pick up 3 gallons of soup? I've worked with females in a kitchen capacity, they're pathetic

>>20904441

Sounds like quality control was lacking, I wouldn't blame you entirely for the situation

>>20904441
wow what an interesting story anon, thank you for typing out that story across 3 posts

>>20904866
Are you drunk? He never specified an amount of soup, it presumably was a normal amount of soup a female could lift that was cooking inside a big pot. Stop asking dumb questions

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>>20904822
>but how big was the bottle? Because surely a commercial kitchen using EVOO would consume more than a few liters per day.
well first off it wasn't a commercial kitchen, it was a professional kitchen in a major city on the east coast of America. There were 3 separate street level businesses on the corner of a 20+ story building. Think of an L. The restaurant I worked at was facing a side street, the bakery was at the corner and the shit brasserie was facing the main street. All three places shared a prep kitchen with ranges, prep tables, walk ins and dish pits below street level. I'm going through the trouble of explaining this so you can try and imagine how many things at any given moment were giving off steam or letting out condensed air from a beehives worth of activity every hour of every day. Second, it was a gallon plastic jug and we went through them very sparingly because penny pinching is modus operandi at most fine dining restaurants in the states. I said bottle to make for easier reading. wowee.

The chef I'd worked for previously in the same city made us take the plastic inserts for quick pouring out of the bottles before dinner service because "it wasted too much oil" pic related. So imagine, having to cook at one million miles an hour and instead of having one of those handy deli squeeze bottles, you had to manually open a glass bottle of oil and use your thumb as a choke every single order. And when I say bottle I actually mean bottle, not jug (for this particular restaurant)

Anyway, as this anon had mentioned>>20900269 he melted a plastic cover of a fryer....into his fryer. That cover is there to protect the oil from air. When any cooking oil is exposed to air it absorbs water from it. If there's too much water in the oil it will start a fire

Also I don't think you understand what samefagging is.

>>20904878
thanks, I guess lol

>>20900469
>>20900474
>>20902709
Sorry never checked back on the thread. My mom shot me because she thought I was an intruder

>>20905001
Those retards complaining about multiple posts are showing how new they are. Ignore. Thanks for the story.

>>20898758
My dad has a reputation for making chicken wings. First time he had me make wings, he gave me a frozen bag of chicken wings for our tabletop turkey fryer and said "go ahead." I was 12.

I dumped the bag in and boiling hot grease erupted across the counter like a kid's baking soda volcano.

My dad said I ruined dinner and then hit me.

>>20905053
Based dad

>>20898758
when I was a kid my dad left me and my brother in charge of the grill while he went out and got something, he said not to add more lighter fluid, we feared the grill wasn't hot enough and the flames would die if we didn't so we did add more. When he got back he asked if we did it and we said no, then when he tried the chicken he started showing us with compliments about what a great job we did, we confessed out of guilt and he threw his chicken leg on the ground and yelled "THATS WHY THE MEAT STINKS" and chewed us out and sent us inside.

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>>20905040
no problem champ. stay away from culinary schools.

Blamp

>>20904293
Many more previously safe products/machines are going to become dangerous once DEI hires of various colors are given important positions.

>>20905053
>My dad said I ruined dinner and then hit me.
based

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>>20898758
Weird how I come across the thread after forgetting I had a pizza in the oven today.

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>>20900454

>>20904288
>I found out that the Chinese made it only resistant to the "strength of a woman" lol.
Based and also I read all of this and this is why I don't bother buying "real brands" anymore, it's all chinesium anyway so I may as well just buy the WeLoveCookPot off amazon for $50 cheaper directly rather than putting my faith in the Crock Pot brand quality.

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>>20898758
I'm a dumbass and went barefoot into the kitchen. I left the lid on instead of taking it out and when I was trying to dig beans out of an opened can the spoon got stuck and when I tried to unstuck it it hit the lid and catapulted it straight into my little toe right to the bone.

>>20900912
You were so desperately incompetent you could not pick a corner of your house and open the cupboards, look in crevasses, to find the stink? Like unless your space was shared and the roommates were desperately territorial, or you have a severe physical handicap this is very very desolation level pathetic.

I've cut myself while drunk cooking a lot of times but never carbonized any pizzas. Worst I ever did was as a young trash chad cooking bacon while ass naked in my trailer I laid the strips down toward me in hot oil and burned my dick with a jet of hot grease. It healed ok though

>>20900454
I think you should pay someone to handle your expensive bottles.

>>20900454
I can only hope that bottle was at least mostly empty before it ended up like that

>>20899977
He probably lived in a dorm or something, my workplace has the same system.

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>>20906303
i was just sharing a story of mine to try and make people laugh but it sounds so much worse now

>>20905069
>>20906052
Thoroughly unbased faggots who will die in nursing homes because their kids put them there to rot
If they even get to have kids

>>20906472
that’s retarded, the vast majority of smoke alarm incidents are not of any real concern

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>>20898758
18 years in kitchens. Shit I saw:

>Finger cut off (Juan was cutting frozen chicken, knife slipped.)
>Palm sliced when Juan tried to catch a kfe he'd dropped.
>Foot in fryer when Juan tried to "get ahead" of closing cleanup by wiping the hoods over the fryer while the fryer was uncovered.
>Nasty chunk of palm sliced off when Juan was slicing red peppers on a mandolin and got distracted.
>Head split open when Juan slipped on a greasy floor and hit his cabeza on an open Traulson door.
>Numerous (hundreds at least) of minor cuts and burns.

Pic is a little related

>>20906495
>it sounds so much worse now
You lived with the smell of rotting potatoes and did nothing to fix the problem and instead isolated yourself and started screaming at yourself. Dude, that's not even slightly funny.

>>20906613
Wrong. It's extremely funny and I'm glad he posted the story and all the additional details

>>20906495
It sounds bad because it is bad.
Like more than your aware as a person who is responsible for themselves and their environment. This stinks of learned helplessness or complete idiocy.

You might be a sack of shit bro.
Do better if you can

But realize if this is your base self you are unfortunately as useful to yourself as a slug.

Also take a dewormer course in case you've just got a huge parasite load making you stupid.

>>20906646
>t laughs at the misery of others

>>20906652
This is literally the "post your biggest fuckup so we can laugh at it" thread

>>20898758
I let my sponge get mildew.

>>20906662
Kitchen disasters are different from mental disasters. You do understand the difference?

>>20899876
that just happened like 3 months ago at my apartment complex. was that you?

>>20904293
holy shit, absolutely based agents of chaos destroying the world one boston marathon themed home appliance at a time

>>20906609
That's juan unlucky fella

>>20907228
He's not Juan that you'd want working in a kitchen, that's for sure

>>20898758
Not quite my worst but close and it's recent. So the other night, fucked up beyond this dimension, I decide it's time for the most delicious paster this man ever made in his life. I was focused, on point. The recipe was floating elegantly in my mind dancing and shit it was magnificent. So here I am, standing in front of the fridge and I'm a machine, one two one two, a pile of ingredients is starting to appear on my counter as I expertly extricate the delicious sustenance from the preservation device. But of course, the devil was waiting to strike around the corner... I grab a jar of tomato sauce from the pantry but as I turn around, it escapes from my manly grasp and in a slow-motion, shattered on the tile floor. Now, a shattered jar of sauce can't be that much of a disaster I hear you say, and I would tend to agree with you but this one was special you see, it wanted to piss me off. As the jar impacted the floor, the thicc and rich sauce shot upward at mach 7 and splattered the 11 foot ceiling in a 15 feet radius. So I did the right thing and I made some P&B sandwiches, watched a few YouTube vids and went to bed, leaving the murder scene for future me to deal with.

>>20906545
Have sex, sweaty

>>20907378
I fapped 2 times today. I don't need sex.

>>20899906
Did you fug?

as retarded as i am literally nothing ever happened that i could even recall

>>20907513
Lucky fucker

>>20907573
>lucky
idk dude
probably like dropped a pancake when i was a kid and tried flipping them or some shit or i've made a carrot cake once and the cheese was salty because i bought salted cream cheese but it was still pretty good
i think i've cut myself a bit and it took like a week to heal not that long ago but who cares

>>20904793
yeah you deserved it Cory

>>20906613
It's pretty funny.

>>20906666
You're the one going off on some mentally ill "dewormer" news media disinfo delerium like some mouthfrothing covid stasi from two years ago while barking like a pig going off on a judgemental tirade

>>20900446
recently saw a video of a chick doing exactly that. cooking for a while, focused while probably a bit tired or distracted. painful nonetheless.

>>20900146
thank god i was about to think someone got stuck in the dishwasher

>Make meat sauce for spaghetti
>Just needs to simmer half and hour and reduce a bit
>Forget to actually turn down the heat
>Ends up getting a maillard reaction going
Delicious, happy little accidents.

>>20907349
The writing style in this post is so absurdly shit I wish actual physical harm on you for thinking it's okay to put this out there for innocent people to have to read. I am not embellishing that was painful.

>>20908149
When i did that once it just burned and splattered sauce all over the oven

>>20908234
s'prob ai slop

>>20908324
its not your stupid current thing boogeyman, AI writes way better than that

>>20907942
Several different people responded to this pathetic story.

On the subject of parasite load there are many studies that associate lowered cognitive abilities with infestation, also improvement with less infestation
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3144834/

Well I'm hoping that this person in this story has the potential to get better. Not that their hopelessly undermined, and there is no better self for them.

>>20908324
AI types clearer than most humans, its part of how you can tell it is AI

Paprika doesn't belong in the refrigerator you great fat stupid git!

>>20908234
rude asshole, fuck you.I took the time to write this in my language then translated it for you all ungrateful pricks to read. again, fuck you.

>>20904288
>>20904293

Did you do your bar exam over xbox live? Why donyou sound like a child?

>>20908544
Many people born after 2000 are now college educated professionals, grandpa

>>20907942
Dumbass spewing a cloud of dumbass buzzwords is a dumbass.

More news at 11

>>20908451
why not

>>20908776
most literate cooffag

>>20908857
Thank you for proving my point.

>>20900588
checked
worthy story, how did the cat turn out?

>>20899906
did she at least let you have sex with her afterwards

>>20900588
post tits or gtfo

>>20900912
Have you tried not being mentally ill?

>>20899854
i found this at my friends once. went to grab something from the bottom cupboard that spins and was met with a very foul odor. spun it and saw a big bag of rotten potatoes, all black and sludge. closed it very fast

>>20900469
A 60 year old lebo prep guy
>>20900474
It was Halloween 2013 everyone was dressed up so the guy i was teaching how to make gnocchi was dressed as a soldier and his bb gun kept hitting the table in his holster so he put it down on the table. 60 yo leb prep comes up holds it point blank to my eye and shoots
The rest was a blur i allegedly hopped the prep table and kept hitting him until gignigga bartender terrence pulled me off him
I got over losing an eye fairly fast but the kicker was with blood and fluid leaking out of my eye my girlfriend at the time said i "ruined her Halloween"

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>>20899754
>bought a used pressure cooker
was this worth saving 10 dollars?

>>20902600
Damn, if thats true....rough man. Was there a case brought against you?

>>20902579
Did his burning flesh really smell like pork?

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>>20904239
some people really can't seem to understand how sharp my cheddar is until its too late, I've never had it happen to myself though lol

>>20908530
Oh damn I didn't know you were ESL... sorry dude.
SIKE! Fuck you!

>>20898758
my ex kept adding shit to my spaghetti sauce so i threw it in the sink

>>20898758
Left eggs boiling when some family drama distracted me and left for an hour. The eggs exploded, getting shells and bits into every conceivable place within 20 feet.

>>20900169
I can totally picture what you are describing because I took those trains to work every day for a while. Crazy shit happens on those Metra trains to Chicago. I remember navigating Ogilvie Station while super high on acid for the first time. I ordered a bunch of taco bell but found out firsthand that no one ever really wants to eat on acid. My very drunk friend ate all of it and then we boarded the train. He ended up puking the whole way home, with long strands of beans and cheese play-doh-ing out of his mouth and onto the train floor below. Those railway conductors are no joke; they’ll throw you off the train if you’re unruly, and I’ve known a few guys that have taken a few blows during scuffles. I can’t believe they let you drink on the train. There was a drunk car on one of the lines, the 4:13p west line or something, and all the regulars would bring a bunch of booze and socialize after working white collar jobs and heading back to the suburbs.

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>>20906609
>cabeza

>>20909145
Cat ran around spreading tomato stuff everywhere until he was clean again. He is the same one who jumped into the oven after it was preheated and I was putting something in. I didn't know I could react so fast. Grabbed and threw him behind me while he was in the air. He was one who used a ton of his lives early on. He's only calmed down slightly with age.

>>20898758
This happens when I give my german shepherd anything other than regular food

>>20908776
You can't really say this after spouting "dewormer", it's hypocritical.

>>20909646
blacksmith?

I had a giant pot of salsa verde I had been working on all day, and when I was taking it off the heat to begin putting it in different containers, my dog let out the most jarring, soul-piercing bark because she saw someone out on the sidewalk. I dropped about 6 gallons of the stuff all over my stove, counters, floors, and myself. It was still pretty hot, so the pain only amplified the anger and anxiety about the situation.

>>20907942
Anon... you need help.

>>20898822
>oh no, i had to sweep!

>>20899854
YEARS

>>20911312
still finding rice grains now I bet

>>20901655
that photo is obviously staged

>>20904130
Million to one shot, doc
A million to one

>>20908301
Many brands of canned tomatoes from Italy contain added sugar

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>Valentines day
>buy big steak for my gf
>its frozen
>throw it straight on the pan
>burn the fuck out of it
>cut it open
>still frozen solid

>>20899754
you got away easy. my sister got 2nd degree burns all over her torso from an instapot. not only did she have to deal with that but she lives in a rural area so the hospital she went to wasnt equipped for skin graphs so they risked killing her by hypothermia and airlifted her to the city to be treated. luckily she’s fine now but is permanently scarred

>>20911026
did you rape your dog after that?

>>20898758
>want to microwave some pizza
>have leftover gold paper plates from a party the night before
>put it in the microwave for a minute
>whatever they used in the plate to color it gold catches fire
still ate the pizza but the toxic fumes or something made the pizza taste bad

>>20911504
>skin graphs

>>20899854
and here i thought i was gross for letting my potatoes liquify in 5 months

>>20911428
based loving retard

>>20911521
ive never had to write it until now, i didnt know!

>>20911751
And now you do! Enjoy the free knowledge anon, next one's gonna cost you.

>>20902664
Spilling blue cheese can actually cause the cheese's mold to spread everywhere

>>20911510
Post hand, Muhammad.

>>20904414
>>20904441
I had no idea that could happen.

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>be me
>get home from school in like 6th grade
>starving and want a snack
>find picrel in the cupboard
>open it up, remove the cheese packet and throw it in the microwave
>completely forget to add the water
>go take a quick shit while my mac n cheese is "cooking"
>return from my shit to a kitchen that oddly smells more like burnt plastic than mac n cheese
>black smoke pours from microwave as I open it up
>the dry noodles were turned into black carbon and melted the plastic around it
>parents came home an hour later and ripped me a new one
>burnt smell could not be removed at all so they trashed the microwave
>parents buy really nice brand new microwave
>I do the exact same thing 2 months later

>>20912071
>>I do the exact same thing 2 months later
based retard

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>>20907228
>>20907278

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>>20912091
Yeah at least on the second time, I remembered what I'd done and stopped the microwave after about a minute. I was able to clean the smell out of THAT microwave because I caught it before the macaroni started on fire.
Also I just memberd:

>be me a young kid watching my dad grill some bbq pork chops outside
>he finishes grilling and places the pork chops into a steel pan to transfer to kitchen inside
>pops tells me to bring the porkchops inside while he cleans and closes up the grill
>have to enter house thru the door inside of the garage
>door is very heavy and sticks so you kind of have to yank it open
>struggling to hold the heavy pan of meat I yank the door open
>lose my grip on the pan, dropping all of the fresh beautiful bbq pork chops onto the fucking dirty door mat
>dad watches this happen, but surprisingly doesn't yell at me probably because I was about to burst into tears, I felt so bad
>just tells me to quickly put them back into the pan and take them inside
>dad rinses them off in the sink, re-bbqs them and throws them back on the grill for a bit
>they tasted just fine
>mfw

I used salt instead of sugar once in a batch of cookies.

>>20912162
>>dad watches this happen, but surprisingly doesn't yell at me probably because I was about to burst into tears, I felt so bad
>>just tells me to quickly put them back into the pan and take them inside
>>dad rinses them off in the sink, re-bbqs them and throws them back on the grill for a bit
>>they tasted just fine
Your dad is unironically based

>>20910015
Two years ago I attempted to hardboil 5 eggs using the microwave; I'm assuming the first exploding egg blew the door open, and the other 4 exploded 200 milliseconds later.

There was egg on the ceiling.

There was egg on the wall.

There was egg on the refrigerator.

There was egg BEHIND the microwave.

And there was obviously egg completely covering the inside of the microwave, threw that into the scrap bin at work (after opening it up and taking out the magnets)

>>20912167
>Your dad is unironically based
Yes and he is a legit master of the charcoal grill. His main hobby is slamming garage beers and cooking absolutely delicious grilled meats over an open flame.
Getting him a nice pack of ribeye's from the local butcher for Xmas

>>20911521
>Godrick the Graphed

>>20912185
>taking out the magnets
Reminds me of when I was about 19 or something and was building a railgun. Lots of great scrap in microwaves, I went to a few different Goodwills and got several of them for dirt cheap. My mom caught me though, I wasn't allowed to build "weapons" anymore after the laser incident. Whatcha using the magnets for?

Anyway, my biggest fuckup was probably when I utterly ruined a metal kettle my family had since before the great depression by setting it the stove for tea and forgetting about it until the smoke detectors went off.
There was also this time as a teenager, I was making a lemon meringue pie, everything was absolutely perfect, but when I went to put it in the oven, my hand slipped since it was wet and I spilled the entirety of the pie dish into the hot oven, backing it on and making it an absolute pain to clean. It also dripped between the door to the oven into the little drawer underneath. I was more pissed about ruining my pie after so much work via a dumb-ass mistake than having to clean up.

>>20912185
>(after opening it up and taking out the magnets)
What did you do with them?

>>20912220
>Reminds me of when I was about 19 or something and was building a railgun
Elaborate please

>>20899946
>why not just cook it at 4,000 degrees for 1 minute

>>20912246
Yeah why not?

>>20904180
Kek, based retard.

>>20912249
because youre a fucking faggot

>>20898758
spilled a wok of boiling oil I was using for beignets on my arm. My nurse roommate was convinced I'd need urgent care but I ran cold water over it for a half hour and it just behaved like a normal panburn, no huge blister either.

Made a minor explosion when I was teaching myself to use the oven as a small child as well, was trying to figure out why the ignition button was busted and by the time I found matches the gas had filled up the oven lol.

>>20899756
>I am legit afraid of pressure cookers.
Same, my mom gave me a used one a few years ago. I've only used it once and it looked like it was about to explode at any moment. Honestly I even forgot I had one until I opened this thread.

>>20912300
Stay safe Anon

>>20912238
Well, since you said the P Word, I'll keep it brief so I don't derail the thread.
Tl;dr I had an unhealthy interest in hobbyist engineering. Still do, but I'm just too married nowadays. I saw rumors online the Navy was making railguns and wanted to make my own. From some IRC channels and other such groups I was already in/found, I developed my own blueprints that were appraised and approved by those groups. They were most interested in what I call "repeater coils", I'll keep the egghead stuff to a minimum. It was essentially jury-rigged as all hell and after I spent a fuck ton of money on materials and started actuilling building the damn thing in my bedroom, my mom found out in the middle of it and told me to stop. The laser incident was when I built a laser out of mostly used PC parts with the focusing lenses being the little lenses in old DVD drives. It could reliably set fire to things in under 4 seconds at ~10 feet minimum, never got to test at longer ranges. I was so proud so I showed my mom, and she was slightly more horrified than impressed and made me take it apart. It was even worse when I told her I never used eye protection and I had it plugged directly into the wall.

Anyway, making things is fun, from ghetto-rigs to cooking.

>>20912165
sounds good

>>20898758
I was in charge of Thanksgiving while being a novice and used the turkey brine to make stuffing.

>>20912339
I dunno, I've never done this before, but I imagine just a splash might be ok. It's already got salt and some seasonings and shit, yeah? I guess it depends on your brine.

when I was 7 and my sister was 13, her friends made her a birthday cake, but they put the candles in the cake when it was still hot. the candles must have been weirdly shitty quality cuz they melted into the bread of the cake.
I have an incredibly vivid memory of it because it was such an endearing moment of friendship, a bunch of young teenagers laughing and joking while eating this terrible candle wax infused cake. As the friendships I made never turned out even remotely close enough for us to make birthday cakes for each other, the memory has remained

>>20899906
do you retain complete dexterity in the finger you chopped off? Does it feel in any way different?

I bit my tongue almost in half because of a car accident and it never felt quite right afterwards.

>>20902579
>I accidentally tipped a fryer onto a coworker. They ended up being airlifted and didn’t make it
Uh, is this the one?

>Abstract: On April 22, 2010, Employee #1 was working on a newly installed copper waterline that was located in the deli area of a City Market. Employee #1 was laying on the floor, soldering the new pipe, which was in close proximity to a Henny Penny deep-fat fryer. As Employee #1 worked on the pipe, the fryer, which was on casters, rolled into a drain cover and tipped over. The contents of the fryer fell onto Employee #1's legs, arms, and torso. He was taken by helicopter to a burn center in Aurora, Colorado, where he died four days later due to complications related to his injury.

Everything seems to fit except that the abstract doesn't make any mention of another employee being involved.

I saw a friend of mine drink engine coolant because someone had stored it in a Gatorade bottle on a hot day. Had to get his stomach pumped.

>>20906613
i dunno, i've dug myself out of depression in the past and have done similar things (not talking to mice though, but generally just not taking care of myself and my home). It's kinda funny looking back but hard to tell the story to others in a way that doesn't make them feel awkward.

>>20900169
man this reminds me of taking the subway as an intern in the big city. I'd always get some chinese takeaway on Fridays to take home and there'd always be a bunch of kids trying to knock it out of my hands the first few weeks I lived there. I gave one of them a kick the third time it happened to me and the kid looked so shocked i felt bad about it for a minute.

>>20902745
NTA, nigger shut the fuck up please. There are models of professional deep fryers and even normal ones available in stores that integrate a lid in their design. There are a few reasons I can think of (maintaining temp, avoiding splash if you're a bad cook) but to pretend with this much confidence that every single fryer is like yours is moronic.

When I was a no-skill teenager working the fryer at my local burger joint each fryer had a lid and we never had steam problems because presumably the designers weren't idiots.

Christ it hurts thinking this whole board is filled with overconfident lecturing faggot neckbeards like you. This whole discussion should be spat upon as dedicated deep-fryers are complete overkill for a home-cook.

As a teen I wanted to heat some frozen pizza. Popped the pizza in and turned the knob, only I accidentally put it on on the pyrolitic mode, which also locks the oven door so you can't open it.

I could only watch as it turned my pizza into black ash.

>>20906609
kek I worked the dish pit for a few weeks in a friend's restaurant once. Just in those few short weeks I saw plenty of kitchen related injuries but the worst cuts I saw were from some kid practicing with his butterfly knife after closing. Dude kept shredding his hands up with deep cuts but just laughed it off, this dumbass would get blood all over the counters because he'd do this in the mornings too. Good fun guy but always made me nervous to work with.

>>20912424
Maybe he didn't admit to it at the time and claimed it was a freak accident he wasn't directly involved with until he decided to confess on an anonymous basket cooking forum ten years later.

>>20898758
Usually involves eggs.
when I think I have it all together I try to cook eggs for breakfast and they stick or get overcooked and I just about put my fist through the wall and go to mcdonalds

>>20911520
I've done that to my grandmother's fine china before :(

>>20904236
unironic autism and apathy, people here are fucking stupid

>>20908530
nta but it wasn't bad. a couple cringey words but this is /ck/ so w/e
other anon is just an asshole

>>20912311
you'd probably get along with my landlord

I don't have any major cooking horror stories, but there were some fun things in restaurants

>first food service job
>shitty Mexican fast food shack
>making like 20 gallons of garlic buttermilk ranch for the day
>recipe calls for god knows how many jars of minced garlic
>realize garlic didn't come in the supply order, we're fresh out
>send the retarded dishwasher over to the grocery store to buy as many jars of minced garlic as he can carry
>sure enough he does, comes back with like 20 jars, dump them all in
>all day customers are complaining about the ranch
>don't care, we're all making $7.25/hr and despise our customers
>end of the day
>entire 20gal ranch tub is empty
>taste some of it
>weirdly sour and tastes extremely off, almost like it's spoiled
>check the jars in the trash
>they weren't garlic, they were all ginger

>other job, waiting tables in Italian restaurant
>end of the night
>one of the things the servers have to do for closing is bring like a couple hundred plates up from the kitchen to the front counter area
>can really only carry them in stacks of like 20 at the most
>college kid reeeally wants to get out early to get to a party
>tries carrying like 3 or 4 loads at once, the stack of plates is gigantic and goes way over his head, he is red in the face and obviously struggling
>he can't see in front of him, doesn't see the floor has just been mopped
>slips, screams
>look over just in time to see nothing but his feet up in the air and a cloud of 60 or 70 plates suspended in the air above him
>what followed can only be described as the sound of a bomb made of porcelain going off
>run over, can only see his dazed face staring up at me through a blanket of shattered plates
>one of them even hit him in the face and broke his glasses

i worked with a line cook who was more retarded than me and was careless about everything, my favourite of his blunders was ordering 10 cases of chicken wings despite us getting through 1 a week. my least favourite fuckup was when he somehow left a bread knife blade side up during a busy saturday lunch service. i didnt see it because it was nearly 2D from a bird's eye persepctive and accidentally stroked the blade with the back of my middle finger

>>20901671
Probably less than the number of peoples houses rhat burn down from deep frying a turkey on Thanksgiving.

>>20906572
Better safe than sorry. Also
>in a dorm
The likleyhood of it not.being a mishap goes up

>>20904294
I hope you get a handle on your drinking anon

>>20906609
How was Juan still.employed after the second incident

>>20906609
lol classic juan

>>20912499
Does unplugging these disengage the safety feature? Was this before having a cell phone with witch to solve your ignorance.

>>20912438
Take methylated b vitamins a multivitamin including magnesium and start low key humming liked songs in public and singing at home. It's a biohack to produce happy chemicals. Also really common depression caused by lack of vital nutrition can be cured way cheaper than 12000 Dollars to find you need magnesium from pricy American labwork

>>20913104
i've had the knife thing happen to me but since it was serrated the damage was minimized. i'd left the knife facing me and was wiping the cutting boards down with my hands. i've also seen people grip the bread too hard, knife goes through bread, then through their fingers gripping it, gnarly stuff, even happened to me once. thinking about it still makes me wince.

even before and after moving into management i coached every single peon that came through there about these kinds of incidents, said everything that needed to be said even if your nature of self-preservation thinks it doesn't need to be said. i'd just never assume someone didn't need to hear this.

before i worked there i worked at another fast food place, where as a min wage ignorant teenager with no authority over anything, i actually had to tell everyone, on every shift, managers included, MULTIPLE times to convince them that putting knives in the sink wasn't safe. they'd leave me sinks full of unwashed dishes complaining that they were too busy to do them, and while i avoided it many times, the final straw was when one of the pokey boys finally got a cut on my finger, i complained to the store owner that they weren't listening to me, and the general manager brought this up in a store meeting, and things finally changed after that.

>Decide to make massive batch of french onion soup
>drinking beers
>decide to smoke some pot and make cutting 15 lbs of onions less annoying
>start cooking the onions down
>5 minutes in, nothings been happening
>go to take a piss
>SPINS SPINS SPINS
>laying on bathroom floor
>15 lbs of onions carmelizing
>cant get up
>trying to motivate myself to go downstairs
>finally wobble my ass down the stairs
>onions on the bottom are scorched, but 90% of it seems fine
>so many black flecks in the soup, making it taste slightly acrid
>20 lbs of soup, all ruined
>eat it anyway to teach myself a lesson

>>20899854
>these ae the retards zog wants you to share an apartment with

>>20898758
I was making ham soup, and stupidly took the pot and put it on the counter (you know the narrow part next to the sink), and the full 7 quarts of ham, onions, potatoes, and stock felll off and splattered all over the floor. Very bad day.

>>20905053
its pretty funny that he hit you anon but it really was his fault

>>20913477
DUDE

>>20913451
mine was also serrated and is still scarred 8 years later, i hadnt even considered it being a more friendly cut compared to what could have been. ive argued with my missus about knives in the sink for years, how do people not understand? that 1/1000000 chance of serious injury is not 0

>>20913971
WEED

>>20913290
NTA but my stove is fucking heavy, takes two strong people to pull it out and it scratches the floor a bit.

>>20909491
>girlfriend at the time said i "ruined her Halloween"
Nah that was badass, what a cunt. You had an appropriate reaction to being shot in the face.
>>20902655
>>20901655
Do you guys have the carbonized chicken feet incident that was posted here on /ck/ maybe around 2018-19? That one was special to me because I was here for that thread.
I think the worse I've done was a small grease fire after miscalculating how hot the oil was.

>>20910188
ya the entire footwell was like a moat. I used to caddy at. ajewish country club with my friend and took it down there almost everyday for a bit. I would be faking that I found a ball just to make the game go quicker to could catch the next train or else youd be stranded in highland park for like 3 hours.

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>>20900912
Given the nature of 4chan I'm inclined to believe this is fake but holy god damn dude if this is true you are a living human disaster.

>>20912782
>>first food service job
>>shitty Mexican fast food shack
>>making like 20 gallons of garlic buttermilk ranch for the day
>>recipe calls for god knows how many jars of minced garlic
>>realize garlic didn't come in the supply order, we're fresh out
>>send the retarded dishwasher over to the grocery store to buy as many jars of minced garlic as he can carry
>>sure enough he does, comes back with like 20 jars, dump them all in
>>all day customers are complaining about the ranch
>>don't care, we're all making $7.25/hr and despise our customers
>>end of the day
>>entire 20gal ranch tub is empty
>>taste some of it
>>weirdly sour and tastes extremely off, almost like it's spoiled
>>check the jars in the trash
>>they weren't garlic, they were all ginger
kek based

>>20913147
>Probably less than the number of peoples houses rhat burn down from deep frying a turkey on Thanksgiving.
Why are americans deep frying turkeys? Are they stupid?

>>20914627
because it's delicious

>>20900913
Huh, that's my image, lol.

>>20898758
When I was around 7 or so, I was really hungry so I thought I'd make myself a hot dog. For some reason I wanted this hot dog to be cooked, despite the fact that around this time it was common for me to just eat them out of the package cold. Neither of my parents were around, but I was smart enough to know that boiling water was out of my skill level Instead, I threw it in the microwave on top of a paper towel and put it on the 'MEAT' setting. Once it finished cooking, the hot dog hadn't puffed up like it normally did when you boiled it, so I decided to do another run under the 'MEAT' setting again. I did not realize that the paper towel had soaked up a bunch of the hot dog's grease and sometime during the 2nd run, it burst into flames. It completely destroyed the new microwave.

not food related but it happened in my kitchen. i set the fire alarm off by pouring my ash tray in the bin because i didn't know how long that shit stays hot. twice.
i also set the fire alarm off twice in one night because i didn't know you can't put roasting trays on the bottom of the oven. my taller flatmate had to turn it off lmao he was pissed.
i was cooking for a girl i was dating at the time as well. i was surprised she wanted to keep seeing me after that, let alone sleep with me after.

recently i almost killed my mother with a really hot curry because my taste receptors are fucked.

>>20912523
Or maybe it wasn't his fault and it still haunts him regardless

>Back in...2008 or so, I was in high school and taking a Foods course
>That day we had spent making...some fucking nonsense, but I remember using 3/4 burners on our stovetop for it
>Get home from school, get a call from my mom asking if I can turn down the spaghetti sauce she has going on the stovetop
>Do so...or so I thought, as the dials are actually mirrored from the ones at school, so I accidentally turn it to the max
>Go lie down in bed to play some 360, end up falling asleep
>Wake up...maybe 20 minutes later, go out into the kitchen for a drink, and the entire house is filled with smoke
>Grab the pot, run outside, set it on a vinyl deck chair
>It fucking melts through the chair
>Just as my parents come home and see all the smoke billowing out of the house and the destruction of their favorite garage sale vinyl chair
>No spaghetti that night

I was amazed my dad didn't at least try beating my ass, but it probably helped that puberty hit me like a truck and I was bigger than him now.

>>20899911
dude it's a fake story

>>20900916
>>20904866
stop being a fucking retard

>trying to eat healthier
>buy some lettuce cause it's healthy
>thought you were supposed to boil lettuce
>fill pot with water and put lettuce in it
>try to turn on stovetop, never really cooked for myself before so I'm kinda lost
>turn dial all the way up
>doesn't work, burner doesn't come on
>go outside to call my landlord
>get into an argument with him about why the stove doesn't work
>come back inside
>there's a fucking horrible smell in the apartment, found out later it was burnt hair
>see smoke wafting into the hall, this is how I found out the smoke detector didn't work too
>run into the kitchen
>smoke everywhere, entire ceiling is fogged up
>the fucking oven is on
>try to call my landlord back but he's not answering me now
>eventually I turn off the oven
>pull the door open while leaning as far away from it as I can
>smoke and a horrible smell pours out, I'm covering my nose and mouth with a dishrag and I still almost throw up
>eventually look inside
>see the curled up and blackened bodies of a mother rat and about six baby rats, all stuck to the bottom of the oven now
I think they'd been pissing in there for a while cause it smelled a little like ammonia too. Easily the worst smell I've encountered in my life.

>>20906613
>>20912438
Yeah I've been there. Don't want to talk about it either.

>>20899754
>>20899756
>been using the same pressure cooker for 30+ years
>0 (zero) accidents so far
they don't make stuff like before, is just chink garbage nowadays

>>20916382
Don't jinx it bro

>>20904288
>>20904293
Crock Pots are not pressure cookers, retard

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>>20909509
>dis is a delicacy in my gountry
>we make cocina lige dis for abuelita

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picrel is me trying to read recipes and sub ingredients i don't have not sure if it's still going to work

i don't really cook. i'm not really good at it.
relied on microwave dinners for a very long time
trying to get better lately
i'm practicing with mexican food cus it's easy

so i tried to make carne picada last night

didn't have rice, did have tortillas
didn't have serrano, did have jalapeno
have green peps and onions
beef is already chopped in package and ready to go
chop my green peps, onions, jalapeno and some questionable cloves of garlic
have canned chopped tomato/green chile

browned the beef, added chopped veggies, added canned chopped tomato + water last, cooked a bit until lightly bubbling, then added spices; paprika, cumin, chili powder, salt pepper, oregano, garlic powder
stirred, covered and simmered

where i messed up is i panicked because there was visually way too much veg in the pan, so i added half a cup of water, thinking if i boiled the water while covered it would also cook the veg and boil off
the canned tomato already had enough water to not warrant adding this extra water
the pan was half full with water the majority of the hour and not really cooking off

the other problem was, the garlic cloves i used, i bought months ago
it was soft, gassy, expired, and while i threw the soft parts away i found some hard bits inside and used those

reducing the water by uncovering and stirring often on a simmer for that hour turned the entire dish to mush
i added 2 tbsp flour just to thicken it back up in the last ten minutes just to recover this slop
but the spoiled garlic already did its job at ruining the entire dish

while what i created tasted fine hot, had lots of flavor, maybe i went overboard on spices, but the garlic fucked it all up. i had an acrid taste in my mouth and bowels all night and it gave me nightmares where people were chasing me out of my house to murder me. i woke up to take a pepto bismol shit and have been low energy all day.

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>>20917189
>Crock Pots are not pressure cookers, retard
The Crock-Pot brand, in addition to selling traditional slow cookers, also sells electric pressure cookers like pic related.

Retard.

>>20917246
Lmao, I would make fun of you but this just seems like one of those situations that you can learn a lot from in terms of what not to do and everyone goes through those when learning to cook, so don't sweat it

>>20917246
tldr?

>>20917288
don't trust old garlic
if one spot is soft throw the entire thing away