Some chefs spend years perfecting the art of plating; tweezers, micro‑greens, sauces drizzled in shapes that require a protractor. But true culinary enlightenment arrives the moment you realize the highest Michelin standard is simply embracing the circle of life: no matter how elegant the dish, you and your digestive system are going to… reinterpret it.So why not cut out the middleman?A dish that already looks like the final product is actually avant‑garde. It’s honest. It’s bold. It’s the culinary equivalent of a philosopher saying, “We all end up dust anyway.” Except here, the dust is… well, you know.In fact, serving something that resembles diarrhea is practically a statement piece. It whispers, “I understand the human condition.” It screams, “Form follows function.” It winks, “Nature is the real chef and i certainly am not a cooklet.” Michelin inspectors call that depth of concept. Everyone else calls it “please don’t put that near me.”
>>21886101Save room for dessert, OP.
>>21886101If life is just a circle and you end up as dust anyway, why not just cut out the middleman and kill yourself now? To appreciate the circle of life means to appreciate the whole circle, not just where the loop closes, but everything in between too. Even though you know it's transient, all you really have is now, so enjoy it while you can.
Your mouth must be watering for this then.
>>21886110Woah that's avant-garde as fuck.
>>21886101Top kek, that’s my rendang. Sorry I didn’t make it Instagram style. Maybe recipe tin eats is more your style.
>>21886101Did you punch this into ChatGPT or what? Your phrasing is dogshit.
>>21886118It's toilet-style. People who don't care how their food looks probably don't care much for how their food tastes either because it's slop on a plate to them.
>>21886124>Your phrasing is dogshitthe cooking also
>>21886118Hi cooklette currycuck.
>>21886113Top kek, that's my red-dung. Sorry I didn’t make it Instagram style. Maybe Gault-Millau is more your style.
That looks like a big sIop of shit
What's with this board trying to post the perfect edible shit?
>>21886127Did you notice it’s still in the cooking pot? You’re sperging about it looking bad when it hasn’t been plated. Give your balls a tug.
Rendang cook here, bumping thread with home made kimchi.
>>21886194I fucking hate lentils
>>21886341Stinky. Do make any regular people food?
>>21886101renounce semitism and i'll give you a star
>>21886113Too Indian, my circle of life doesn't involve staring at brown doughy goos daily...
>>21886101Looks like shit, OP. Good work.
>>21886495What, like roasted quail salad? Sure.
>>21886584It’s an inherent weakness of all curries anon. I will try to do better for you all next time. I’ll even plate it and stage it.
look into south carolina bbq hash. there's a couple styles of it, you want the one that's just a grey mush. there's a couple restaurants that do it justice enough but best if you can find some old men who make it. basically slow stewed meat and onion with a lot of salt and pepper. it looks like shit but have it on some plain, cold white bread, you'll never taste anything quite like it
>>21886241I notice you don't deny that it looks like shit in a toilet. If you're capable of plating it like a civilized human then go for it.
>>21886645That looks greasy theme park restaurant food for rubes.
>>21886701Oh it absolutely looks like shit, and I’ve agreed on at least two occasions.See >>21883567 and pic related. But it’s a curry. There’s only so much that can be done to make it look like something off iron chef.
>>21886645>>21886709That looks fine for a home made dish
>>21886742Correction, that post link was about my chilli Colorado which also looked like shit LOL.In any case I am unruffled by the opinions of people just here to troll and who never actually contribute. My curry looks like shit? Sure. My chili Colorado looks like shit? Well yeah. Now show us your mad skills, anon.
>>21886341Post recipe for your porridge, please.Here's mine:1 cup water3 tbs sweet rice flour 2 tbs brown sugar1/4 cup fish sauce2 tsp fermented shrimp paste1/2 cup pepper flakes1/8 to 1/4 cup hot pepper flakesMix rice flour, sugar, water and bring to simmer to thicken and let cool.Mix other ingredients in.Cut and salt napa cabbage to wilt, then rinse. Cut green onions and carrots into batons. Mix porrige and veg together and put in jars to ferment.
>>21886776Just a brine bath using Celtic salt, followed by rolling in generous amounts of gochugaru, packing into jars, and adding a few dashes of fish sauce. Veg ingredients are wombok aka Napa cabbage, spring onions aka scallions, bok choy, and garlic shoots.
>>21886101for me, it's 'ghetti in the 'ub before 'ed
>>21886341That looks like good ‘chi
>>21886709Interesting that you know what rubes eat at theme parks, anon.
>>21886495Do you count hot dish as ‘regular people food’? Because I make that.
Breakfast burrito, sautéed spinach, dirty eggs and lap cheong sausage.
>>21887096Pork and peanut coconut curry.
>>21887097Wings, slaw and potato salad (all from scratch, I hate store-bought salads).
>>21887100Irish stew
>>21887101Roast chook and vegSo yeah anon I make regular people food too. You can tell from the above that I’m a big fan of comfort foods and slow cooking.
>>21886110>If life is just a circle and you end up as dust anyway, why not just cut out the middleman and kill yourself now?Because Nihilism is the rejection of one's godly traits in favor of their animalistic desires, and animals don't commit suicide. They just eat and fuck and feather their nest until they can't anymore.
>>21886101looks like the beef stew im currently eatingmandoline 6 large onions cooked down1.5kg beef chuckbeef stock cubes, herbs2 pints of good dark beer1.5 hours lid on in the oven45mins lid off45mins lid off again after adding 60g of beurre manié to thicken
>>21887104Lasagna
>>21887122Beef jerky prep
>>21887123Jerky all done
>>21886879comfy
>>21886507>Too IndianNot really, there is a toilet.
>>21887090What's that? I cooked chicken thighs on rice a few times, so I get the general idea, I'm just curious what's on the top.
>>21887182Topping is potato gems, aka tater tots. Meal is ‘Minnesota hot dish’, one of the easiest and tastiest cold-weather foods you can make. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hotdish
Go shit in a toilet instead of the boardy you disgusting delusional freak.
>>21887101>Irish stewWhat's Irish about this?Uncooked ham hock and raw potatoes. Cooklet detected.
>>21887328Lamb shanks, potatoes, peas, carrots cooked in stock. That’s what an Irish stew is.
>>21887674> That’s what an Irish stew is.Is it . . .. is it really? First off your Lamb isn't rendered at all and your potatoes are thick slices, as opposed to cubes.I won't even mention the silly amount of peas or the water everything is floating in.You are just as pedantic about other peoples food, so deal with criticisms of your own feeble offering.And tell me . . . .how is this different than an English lamb stew?
>>21887687You didn’t even know it was lamb in the pot so I’m pretty sure I don’t need to worry about it not meeting your definition of an Irish stew.>not renderedThe lamb was cooked on low in the oven for an hour and a half before it went into the pot. >amount of waterI used chicken stock, and you can serve as much or as little of it as you like when plating.>not cubesWho said they had to be?>different from Englishhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_stew>pedanticShow me where, anon.
you ever shit in the toilet or do you only shit in the kitchen?
>>21887693>Gives me a link to wikipedia >thinks I am even going to look at it. You really are a pathetic cooklet, the picrel here of an English lamb stew(including suet dumplings) is far superior to your sad anaemic effort here >>21887101and here >>21887693You have no idea what you are talking about.>B-b-but muh Irish heritage.Hang your head in shame.
>>21887702Don't listen to him, he is full of himself and full of excuses
>>21886101>Some chefs spend years perfecting the art of platingYeah, those are multiclassed Chef/Artist. Durrrr.
>>21887702Now show us a picture of yours, instead of cribbing one off some wine aunt’s carefully curated cooking blog.But you won’t, Nigel, because all you eat is Fray Bentos canned pie, mushy peas and chips enhanced with the occasional kebab made of raped schoolgirl.
>>21887812Your post is full of cope.I don't picture everything I cook, I'm not an hysterical schoolgirl who needs to prove anything on Instagram (unlike yourself). I have had a couple of cook a longs on /ck/ but according to the likes of you, all we eat is toast sandwiches and jellied eels. Grow up and stop acting like a know-it-all prat, following childish internet memes thinking that it makes you funny or clever.
>>21887720It's really not that difficult, just requires a steady hand and really basic ideas of framing and color theory.
>>21887822Go to warosu and link us to some of these cook-a-longs then. Or are you afraid of receiving the same level of scrutiny as you apply to others?
>>21887828>Go to warosuI'm not clicking on that shit.You fully criticise others but you cannot handle it when it comes back to you. Your cooking is below par and quite frankly it's rather pitiful . . .. you need to deal with this, along with your American exceptionalism.
>>21887835I told you to leave it, hes not worth arguing with
>>21887843sane words never argue with idiotsthe shit cook who cooks shite is clearly mentally ill
>>21887822>get told I don’t cook>show photos that prove I do>get told I’m an attention whore for posting photosSome people are just born to be miserable cunts to others, I guess.
>>21887835>You fully criticise othersShow me where.>you cannot handle it when it comes back to you.Huh? I’m more bemused than anything. Where is this anger coming from? > Your cooking is below par and quite frankly it's rather pitifulAnd yours is non-existent so we’ll call it a draw, shall we?>American exceptionalism.You think I’m American? Top zozzle.
>>21887865>show photos that prove I do>>21887693KEKI rest my case.
>>21887865Isn't this whole thread because you sperged out acting all high and mighty and cunty to din dins anons for no reason?
>>21887874Probably. You should ask OP, not me.
>>21887939>I’m not here to post about actual food and cooking. I’m just here to spam my daily meals because I have the same desperate need for online attention and validation of a 14 year old girl whose dad walked out on the family when she was 8 and hasn’t been seen since >I genuinely hope you and your whole rotten inbred family of snaggle-toothed council-house dwelling dole scum get blown up by a ‘new arrival’ with a backpack bomb. Here’s your (you), fucking choke on it Nigel.Why would you say this to din dins anon?
>>21887939We all noticed that you were a sour grapes sperge full of your your own self importance.
>>21887945Because his contributions are worthless, Reddit-tier garbage.And calling people out online is fun. I don’t take the shit I’m getting in this thread personally (I wouldn’t be posting my admittedly amateurishly presented cooking for comment if I was afraid of critique). I only posted my photos to prove that I do indeed cook as per >>21886495.But I have had many threads and posts over the years helping other anons learn new recipes. Din dins isn’t actually doing anything positive. And what happens if the board fills up with faggots like him, dollar bill guy and god bless? Do you want every other thread to be so peripherally related to cooking that this board becomes a food-themed /b/? Because I don’t.
>this retard is actually peak retarded and not baitingcan't make this shit up
>>21886101
>>21887822>I'm not an hysterical schoolgirl who needs to prove anything on InstagramYou are posting like a hysterical schoolgirl who needs to prove something on 4chan for some reason, though. Jump on his shit if you like but it's pretty sad in its own right.
>>21888030This board is called food and cooking, not just cooking. Din Dins and what eat now are nice, polite posters who post good looking food. You're a pretentious twat and an asshole who thinks you're not getting the attention and recognition you deserve for your cook a longs. And it's really funny that someone saying >Stinky do you cook regular people foodmade you dump a bunch of pics of your disgusting poverty slop. You sure took that one personally for someone who doesn't "take the shit I'm getting in this thread personally".
>>21888043Post own cooking, NPC. >>21888061Pretty sure it’s din dins faggot hunting me down (it’s definitely a British chav, the lowest rung of Caucasian evolution).
>>21888067No. It's everyone. No one likes you cause you're a fucking cunt and your food looks disgusting.
>>21888063That’s the beautiful thing about opinions and truth. You’re ascribing feelings and motivations to me that I simply don’t have, based on a subjective interpretation of my motivations. It’s very Rashomon. Posting photos of food you order in restaurants is peak narcissism. It doesn’t lead to discussions of value, same with God Bless autist and dollar bill retard. You bought a meal? Well congratulations.
>>21888071>you're a fucking cuntWell I’m glad you’ve figured that out at last. >your food looks disgusting.Yeah but it tastes great and at least I actually cook, not just look for headpats for being a consoomer. I guess I’ll just have to learn to live with the devastating blows you’re raining upon me, I’m sure I’ll be crying myself to sleep tonight.
>i’m just here to spam my daily meals because I have the same desperate need for online attention and validation of a 14 year old girl whose dad walked out on the family when she was 8 and hasn’t been seen since always funny when then the mask slips and they confess by projection.
>>21888114>tu quoqueCan you just go back to shitting on my food’s appearance? The mean girl act is boring.
>>21888182You're the mean girl, dummy. That anon quoting your words back to you isn't being a "mean girl". Stop playing victim now, you pathetic fuck. What's your specialty dish btw? Every cooker has a specialty of the house. What's yours?
>>21888247I have a couple, mostly curries, but I also do a stewed pork belly in ketjap manis and star anise (tau yew bak).The reason so much of my food looks dull is because my wife is the most white-bread eater in the world. The pork chops in >>21888106 I did with a fresh mango and balsamic pan sauce and she wouldn’t eat it even though she likes mango and balsamic, just separately. It’s also why the ovened chicken wings I did weren’t cooked in the sauce. So stuff like the lasagne and roast chicken I do for her, stuff like the curries and chili Colorado I do for me.
>>21888271>my specialty is diarrhea slop>my food sucks because my wife has the palate of a childNo wonder you're so angry. Have you tried taking it out on your wife instead of anonymous strangers on a Guatemalan empanada forum?
>>21888357That makes no sense. I care about her, and don’t give a fuck about you and your frantic fellating of worthless dipshits like din dins faggot.
>>21888409You don't care enough about her to expand her palate with your superior cooking skills. You're content to let your wife eat like a child and you cook her the beige garbage food she demands. Din dins anons wife eats better than yours lol.
>>21888453>Din dins anons wife eats betterLet's not go nuts.
>>21888271I get it now.You have a tastelet picky wife and you cater to her whims.Then you come to /ck/ to vent your frustration on did dins anon just because he eats a varied diet.
>>21888453Oh I’ve broadened her horizons, I even have her eating things like Japanese curry now. But she’ll never eat the more ‘exotic’ stuff.>Din dins anons wife eats better than yours lol.You’ll never know how deeply your insightful analysis and trenchant witticisms have hurt me anon, I am scarred for life I tell you, scarred!
>>21888525>she eats Japanese curry nowNice. More beige food. Where's the vibrant vegetables dishes? Your cooking is so beige and plain and ugly.
>>21886110spbp
>>21888525My husband was like that when we met. Now I have him eating all kinds of weird exotic foods. If you cook well, she’ll trust you more and more that she’ll like whatever you make.
>>21887101>>21887097I see you struggle with reducing the liquid ratio when using a slow cooker. It's sealed and not simmering, it won't evaporate anything near hob based cooking, so you need to reduce the fluid amount or use something to thicken, otherwise you end up with thin, watery results like those.
>>21886489Why? They're cheap and filling, and good for you.
>>21886879Anon, why have you saved an image of an underage boy bathing?
>>21887113>and animals don't commit suicidenobody tell this nigga about dolphins
>>21888629and I love my little dog and my doggy loves megonna cherish my dog under the green bay treeslittle dog goes bow wowlittle hen goes cluck clucklittle pig goes mm mmlittle duck goes quack quaacklittle guinea podderaaackand my rooster goesCOOOOCKA DOOODLE DOOOOOO DOODLE DOOO DOODLE DOOOO
>>21888639If this is a meme, it's one with which I am not familiar.
>>21888645just a niche moviethat's all little niggathat's allgoodnight
>>21888648niche movie about naked boyI'll stick to niche movie about naked girls k thx bai
>>21888645The movie is ‘Gummo’ and for some reason some autist is spamming that image all over the entire site.
