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File: Untitled7_20231125124826.png (1.4 MB, 2433x3459)
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Hi /ic/
Can you criticize my silent comic
I still an amateur and developing my skills, practicing every day despite my busy university scheduleand your advices and criticism is really important for me because it's direct and real (not sugar coated like the one's I got from my peers)
Thank you
>>
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>>7101058
Page 2
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>>7101058
Page 3
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>>7101060
Page 4
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>>7101062
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>>7101063
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>>7101065
Page 7
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>>7101066
Page 8
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>>7101067
Page 9
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>>7101071
Page 10
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>>7101072
Page 11
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>>7101073
Page 12
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>>7101074
Page 13
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>>7101075
Page 14
The final page, first of all I hope you all enjoy it (because that's my first aim and why I'm drawing, just to make people happy)
And I'll be grateful for all of your advices
Don't go easy on me
Because I want to become better
And thank you again
>>
well done for finishing something, but it doesn't flow too well. I didn't know which way to read it until page 10
>>
First of all, this belongs in /mmg/ >>7095889

Your comic is not bad. It gives heavy Tsukumizu vibes, and has a similarly rudimentary art style. The scenario is a bit generic, but I think it works for what it is. Overall, I do think this is a step in the right direction to improving, and good on you for actually making and posting it.
>>
>>7101058
I know you know theres room for drawing improvement such as perspective consistency, and finding ways to reduce moire. The theme is a bit mysterious but overall the depiction of emotion is strong. Good work
>>
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>>7101097
I see, you mean I need to work more on captivating the reader attention by good story and art flow
Thank you for telling me that
>>7101100
Thank you, I love tsukumizu art style and work,(Tugeneko, shinzo Keigo and Nanashi too, I always study their work) that's my aim, stylized work + good scenario and to reach a level of aesthetically pleasing art is a challenge but it still something fascinating if done well
Thank you anon, appreciated
>>7101101
Thank you for the great advice and pin pointing what I need to improve
To be honest, I still lack in body proportions (my next subject to study), perspective and folds
For now before starting in that, I'm doing a revision of anatomy and body parts and how to stylize them from real life (I'm still in the head)
Here's some studies from toshi books
>>
>>7101120
I definitely think you are on the right track and have the right mindset. If you are fond of the style that you are drawing in, thats great and so you should work on refining and improving it until you reach a level you are satisfied with. You avoided the common beginner trap of waiting until they were "good enough" to start a comic, so that already puts you ahead of the curve.
You've got this anon.
>>
>>7101058
The atmosphere and setting are pretty nice, but the pacing in the beginning feels somewhat unnecessarily slow

I don't fully understand the ending, what is the relationship between the two guys and why did the hooded guy had to spend all that time cultivating a garden before showing himself and being reunited?

The perspective is bad throughout the work, and it's the most noticeable art mistake
>>
>>7101125
Thank you, I will keep practicing keeping in mind all the great advices and I'll post my progress whenever I can and I'm always like I've said grateful for your help anons
>>7101130
I see, thank you for telling me that
I guess my try to build a feel in the beginning come up slow, I need to fix that for sure in upcoming works and try to give more details in a faster more efficient way (I'm really bad at writing)
Perspective, I need to work more on that too since I'm bad at that which is something very important too
Thank you again anon for the advice and showing me my weakness appreciated
>>
Good Stuff Anon. You're doing good but you should increase the quality of the artwork imo. The art is not bad. It's like at a B+ level. Some panes are well done but others are mid. Like the shoes. If you just work on that I think you'll be fine as everything else was great. I really enjoyed reading this.
>>
>>7101058
it may be rough around the edges, but your skills are clearly headed in the right direction and it has a lot of soul. i think with time you could develop a distinctive style that's true to your inspirations. anywhere i can follow your work?
>>
>>7101058
your shovel switched sides on the backpack.
>>7101059
>>7101066
>>7101072
overall youre on the right track however when making a comic without words, youre going to have to focus on your body language more panel out action and reaction between objects. One, hes shoveling, but its not clear what.
>>7101066
here. hes watering the garden. but the first panel is so disconnected from interacting with anything that it feels disjointed. 4th panel, his hands are flat on the ground, i can only assume he planted something, but it again, it doesnt look natural and the jump cut to it makes it look disjointed. you could get away with it if you drew a motion of moving dirt over something specific otherwise it seems out of place.
>>7101067
I couldnt tell the bird is what caught his suprise and if that is what happened. If so, you could easily fix it by having his head look up at it in the last panel.
>>7101071
this ones a good example of action amd reaction when not using words.
>>7101072
then here, its disjointed again. I get that hes guardening and days are going by, but you need better camera positions and environmental interactions because all i see is a guy holding farm equipment. Also the perspective. The tree is overlapping on top of him but going behind him. Then the days going by. Were reading right to left but the numbers dont ascend in order well in either direction and the calender hanging was easily missed and doesnt flow well with the passage of time with the flowers growing. You could make it 4 panels by having the calender be the first panel on the right with the numbers moving to the panels on the left for better flow, and readability.

overall, the mangas fine, but youre lacking a lot of connections between things and actions.
>>
I took way too long to realise it's read as right to left
>>
>>7101215
Happy that you liked it anon, I will work more on details in every panel in upcoming works
>>7101228
Thank you anon, I will work on developing my skills in future works
Here's my Twitter and Instagram handler "reitarubi" Or we can be Facebook friends "leith talbi"
>>7101352
The best reply I've got so far
I really I'm thankful to your time and pointing my mistakes, I wish I've had you or people like you as editors so they can review my manuscript and sketches
I've already Screenshoted your reply and I will keep it in mind
Thank you again
>>
>>7101478
Sorry anon
Is the panels hard or misleading to understand ?
>>
nothing special in your work, lack of perspective and some panels are average and the others are down bad but with practice you'll get even better
Just keep on drawing and posting your work you will get somewhere eventually
>>
>>7101058
you should add more white to the focal points in your panels. everything is gray on gray and looks kind of muddy.
>>
bretty nice
I didn't mind the lack of perspective (there are surely more important things for comics than good perspective)
the things that bothered me were the lack of reference material for some of the objects (the tank in particular) and the Deviantart-style, middleschooler symbol drawing 'anime' eyes that so many people do
>>
>>7105109
Thank you for the advice anon I will keep working on it and practice and study more about perspective
>>7105174
That's my problem as many mentioned, I will study more comic references and fix that in upcoming works, thank you anon for mentioning that
>>7105192
Thank you anon for pin pointing that, I will use references for objects I can't draw and avoid symbol drawing, also I'll try to stylize more the face features so it doesn't come soo common and boring
>>
I rate it 4/10, I've had a good time going through it though
You can do better, GMI
>>
Good try for an absolute /beg/ tier
You're now considered better than 20% of the comic posted here but a long road awaits you kid
>>
Lack of perspective
Lack of folds
Lack of logical lighting and shades
Lack of panelling
Lack of storytelling
But despite all of that it's an acceptable work that is enjoyable to look at it reminds me of Shoujo Shuumatsu Ryokou
>>
Comic direction was confusing by the shit was and art was pleasant enough. Good work anon. Story was pleasant.
>>
>>7101058
This is my opinion and my view of your comic so don't take it too much seriously.

I start with positives and what i like about it.
+Panel work it's good and i like how you even break it sometimes and it goes out of it if you don't overdo it can stay like it.
+Like the setting in the comics looks like post apo which is always hard to do and even harder to put on paper.
+Story without saying a word is a rare but it's nice to see.

Now i go to negatives or things that could be improved.

Drawings you should put more effort into volume in your objects and more perspective. It doesn't have to be overdone when it comes to perspective but with 2 point you should be perfectly capable of constructing a lot of your future shots so if you are going to work on next project this is something you should train.
When it comes to volume lot of objects need more depth.

Post apo theme don't worry and use more dark tones and shadows it's best in scenarios like this. It makes things look more depressing and standout.

Anything then that pretty good job i think.
>>
There's an excessive use of screentones that created an effect of moire
>>
>>7107334
Thank you for your rating anon I'll keep it in mind
>>7109465
Thank you, but It's not a competition for me to prove myself better than anyone, I'm competitive don't get me wrong but I focus more on enjoying the process and having fun
>>7111284
I'll keep those in mind, thank you for pointing out my lacking anon I really appreciate it
>>7111298
Thank you anon, happy that you found the story pleasant, I'll try to improve the comic directions in upcoming works
>>7111305
Thank you anon for the great points and criticism especially noting the pros and cons of the work, I already screen shoted your reply, thank you again for your time
>>7112468
I'll try to reduce the use next time
Thx anon for the advice
>>
>>7101058
Looks good and soulful, there’s room to improvement
>>
>>7114360
You have the hardest part figured out, which is the artistic one.
Now just read books that teach you how to draw comics so that you learn how to make scenes flow better and how to switch from scene to another
>>
My 6 y.o daughter liked it so much
Nice work anon, I stopped drawing long time ago but I appreciate people doing art from time to time
>>
>>7101058
your panel layout is confusing, you will probably improve after 5 more of this kind of proejct
>>
Nice work anon for a first timer
Need more practice though
Good luck
>>
>>7101058
Using so many greyscale colors is overkill for the kind of shading you are doing. Either limit the number of shades even more, or learn to do smooth shading instead.
>>
My only advice for you is :
PRACTICE MORE
>>
That's a new genre of doodle manga
Kids will go crazy for this kind of art style
>>
>>7101059
This page feels a bit disjointed, like I feel with better composition it would help the reader understand they dug up the item from the rubble and packed it away.
>>7101071
I like this page the most, not sure why.

Overall my critic would be that the panels are too close to the subject in the scenes that want to depict actions like digging, gardening and climbing so we don't have a very good idea how big or far away things are or get to see body language. we needed more panels like
>>7101060, especially when the protagonist returned from the city or here at >>7101074 show just how big the garden is.
>>
>>7114360
Thank you anon, I'll keep improving and happy that you liked it
>>7114368
That's important, I guess many pointed that out, I need to study how to make the story flow better and strength my writing, thank you for reminding me of that
>>7116365
Glad that your daughter liked it and thank you for appreciating my work anon (I wish you come back to drawing too)
>>7116380
Thank you for pointing that out, I'll keep working on bettering it
>>7118270
Thank you
>>7118288
That's a problem I'm having too, I'm kinda lost in using screentones and I'm having lot of moire
I'll try to read books about shading and conveying light in a logical way
Thank you for the advice
>>7119695
That's a great and the most important advice thank you for reminding me
>>7121087
Maybe, I like doing some comic for kids in the future, but my problem is that I don't have lot of stories (I'm a bad writer)
>>7121151
Thank you anon for your great observation and criticism of my work
I already screenshoted your reply and I'll fix those things in upcoming works
It's really great to find those kind of replies it really helps me out greatly
>>
>>7101076
>>7101058
It's a cute story anon, I get the gist of what you're trying to show but you need to work on paneling and flow, I can't tell if I'm supposed to read left to right or the other way around. Try reading a bit of AkiraToriyama, and it'll give you a better idea of creating panels that are easier to read through in terms of intuitively knowing where to lead the viewers eyes and how to create in between panels that make the order obvious

One comic I would recommend to you is "The Horizon" by JH, as it deals with similar subjects of surviving in a broken down world and also has a great sense of flow.
>>
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>>7101058
I don't know much about making comic books but your hatching is loose and very rushed. It also lacks direction in a lot of places. On page 8 >>7101067 you've clearly tried to use hatching to imply the shape and bumpy surface of the tree in the last panel, but in the very same panel the hatching on the main character's cloak is very sloppy. It looks as though you quickly rushed through it and ended up with this vaguely hairy effect because of the short, bent strokes applied here and there unevenly, regardess of the shape of the form underneath.
I have no idea who Tsukumizu is, so I googled them to see if this was a look you were maybe specifically going for, and it kinda is? Pic related looks good, and while the hatching is indeed messy, you can tell right away it's much tighter and more uniform. There are just simply more lines, and their uniform direction creates an effect which clearly indicates the shape of the pipes and which way they're orientated. The fact that there's really only one shade of grey in the image also helps. The rest of the variation in value is created entirely using hatching (the small object of the far-left notwithstanding).

My advice would be to slow down a lot when hatching. The process itself is boring as fuck, but the end result is really exiting. When hatching something you could try deliberately drawing only one line every second or some other such exercise, and see just how closely and evenly you can possibly draw the lines. For me it required a shift in attitude, and learning to enjoy the fact that you can't do it well quickly. The slower you do it the more time you also have to realize if you're making mistakes.
>>
>>7123671
The horizon I've read that, it's really good, I'll try to learn about dynamic panelling to make more interesting work in the future thx anon for pointing that
>>7123790
I'm really bad at hatching and cross hatching, I'm planning to study it after folds and proportions and also thank you anon for explaining and even posting a reference that I can understand more my mistakes, I will practice more to make it even better in the upcoming works
>>
My friends enjoyed your comic we had a good laugh going through it
>>
OP you have plenty of good advices
Now just go draw
>>
I suggest you copy your favorite comic artist work to speed up your learning process
>>
Anon
Don't listen to advices here
Most of them are misleading just to destroy your potential
Run away
>>
>>7123671
I agree with this anon. The panel with the sprouts growing inside the grenades was a good touch and I like how you portrayed the main character's loneliness and trauma, but it's hard to tell what panels I should read first. I think it would be better to draw LESS in this case. Focus on larger panels for scale and atmosphere and fewer gray tones as well. Making the contrast between foreground and background stronger would help the readability a lot. Akira has good examples of this. The art is intricate but it's quite legible.
>>
Your work is acceptable
But you're far away from publishing
You need even more work and dedication
>>
I see potential but you're way far from the level of published comic artist I see them around
>>
التوانسة اللي بيحبوا الانمي
>>
First time seeing a /mid/ drawing a comic
Good job
>>
>>7133931
He's tunisian?
>>
>>7136618
If you did a little research you'll find that he is from that country dumbass
>>
>>7138538
>>7136618
>>7133931
Why caring for where he's from?
He just asked for advices or criticism to his comic
>>
>>7101075
Try to use different dynamic poses in your panels
Because this page look stiff
>>
NGMI
>>
>>7144167
PYW
>>
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>>7144193
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>>7145405
NGMI!!!
>>
I'll echo what some of the other anons are saying in that the flow of panels is hard to discern as for the "story" aspect of it, it's a bit on the nose for an anti-war story.
>>
>>7145481
OP is a fag and can't even draw
If he can as he says
I challenge him to draw a nekomusume even just the face
>>
>>7147274
Here's your gift
I hope you like it
>>
>>7148384
OP did it
he's a mad lad
One crab is killed successfully
>>
>>7148384
Cute
>>
>>7147274
Fag
>>
>>7148384
A rare W move
>>
>>7147274
Pyw
>>
>>7148384
That's the ugliest, most /beg/ level drawing that actually made me puke
OP you fag and can't even draw
Also thank you for the free shit
>>
>>7155834
Typical crab response
>>
>>7155834
Fag
>>
>>7148384
I see potential
But try to draw the whole body next time
>>
>>7155834
Seethe and cope
>>
>>7148384
That's really cute OP (also followed you already)
>>
>>7148384
How nice from you really
You humbled the crab
>>
>>7145405
Pyw
>>
too much screen tone
>>
>>7101058
The background look so flat
>>
>>7101075
You rushed the work here
Like someone to wrap it up quickly
Put more effort in it
>>
Some panels are great
And the others are kinda flat
Try to maintain the same level of details in every panels
>>
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Since I follow the OP
He posted this today with this caption :
"Today is my birthday
I'm always trying to develop my skills in drawing so I can make people happy and in the same time to express a feeling or opinions
That's why to celebrate this occasion, here's a drawing of a girl holding a slice of watermelon


#freepalestine"
>>
>>7169708
Happy birthday OP
>>
>>7169708
>#freepalestine"

back to r.ddit faggot
>>
>>7170387
>Kike detected
At least wish for the OP a happy birthday or stfu



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