I have been struggling so long with what the fear of being seen and judged overpowering the urge to create. It has caused me to hide within myself, to paint what is conventional, what is expected, so I've been painting landscapes, still lives, portraits for years and years. And now I have no idea how to return to myself and my personal creative visions. I don't even know if I had them to begin with... I feel feeble and old, like the creativity (youth) has passed me by, though I am actually young. When I am not painting, I often think about it. And when I paint a landscape or something to scratch the itch, I feel like something is missing and there is a lack of fulfillment. I doubt I am alone in this, so please share your stories.
>I have been struggling so long with what the fear of being seen and judged overpowering the urge to create.in what context do you paint? could you not simply *not* show your work to others?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVY5gla0FNQhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJYGFwGhHnAhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rr2wz3nttYhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOJlMv0Pl-cLearn to master being mindfully carefree. You can't be wrong. It's your tempo. Your art. Your rhythm. Your soul. Listen to the music inside you. Let it flow through your art. This sounds like neo spiritual bullshit, but this has been the most helpful thing for getting me out of artblocks. My art blocks would always arise because I was overly critical, overthinking, but when I learned this, I learned to let go. There is no right, there is no wrong, there just is. Like watching art unfold in front of you as you sit back. It's honestly so fucking awesome when you start seeing things come out of nowhere as you just trust in your intrinsic artistry.
>>7300608I really like how Synix mentions that the goal of tempo or automatic drawing/painting is to reach an intuitive state of mind, that most animals on a primal level understand musicality, appeal, rhythm. To learn to enter that intuitive state of mind is to learn how to tap into that vast wealth of intrinsic knowledge that all animals have.
>>7300603one of the good things about art is you can do it alone. so you don't have to worry about anything really. if you want to share it you can do it as slowly as you want or not at all.
>>7300623I've only been able to enter this state of flow in 2 out of 20+ life drawing sessions. Every stroke automatic, no measuring, already knowing where the next mark lies on the page after looking at the model.
>>7300757That's why I like that Synix makes the distinction about it with the word tempo. You might not necessarily be in the flow state, but as long as you are in tune with your internal rhythm and have that tempo going, it helps to make things intuitive. Which is why automatic drawing is supposed to be like the way to get calibrated to your internal metronome, and then you take that tempo and dive into your study or project, which kinda primes you for flow state.
>>7300603Are you a confident person in real life? You should never care what others think, unless it's constructive criticism. Do you want to draw a fat goblin having sex with a giant rat? It disgusts me, but you should not care about what i think - only about what other coomers think.The same principle applies to every branch of art and life in general. Find your niche, your specific interest, what makes you happy, and stick with it. It's better to die in blazing glory than live in mediocrity.
I know what you are talking about man.Starting out knowing you have no skill and what you are making will probably come out cringe af is the worst.Try to learn some fundamentals first so you can at least get your marks down alright then make heavy use of references to what you are try to draw. Sooner or lately you should become accustomed to the feeling and should be able to push through and eventually forget about it.If you really want to start but can't get over the anxiety to a crippling degree, I imagine the problem could be rooted in much more than just drawing and you may want to seek therapy, unironically.
>>7300608>Your soul.i fidn that is the breaking point op. if you are afraid of creation, at least for me, you are afraid of your soul. the fear of being seen and judged is not about your art, but your soul being judged and mishandled, overwhelmed by yourself too. it is not even about ego or confidence like others put it, but feeling the safety to just be. as art is the gateway to your subconcious, i would check if and what has been wearing on your soul, so much that you tried to surpress it and by that as a butterfly effect, restricted your creative development aswell.
>>7300603>When I am not painting, I often think about it.It's funny how we "enjoy" more thinking intensely about doing something over actually doing that thing.> I have been struggling so long with what the fear of being seen and judgedTo put it bluntly, you're a pussy.Learn to evaluate yourself objectively; like, your work may suck, but if you've improved on some aspects as you intended to, then you're successful regardless. Random passersby, unless they're fine crafstmen themselves, will never be able to understand that from a quick look. See also below. > And when I paint a landscape or something to scratch the itch, I feel like something is missing and there is a lack of fulfillment.It's likely that you simply lack skills. Thus you're growing conscious about many technical concerns, drawing energy away from creativity, inspiration. But it may also still be because you're a pussy, and by that again I mean that you care about subjective viewpoints too much.I'm joking with you: most people, myself including when I was younger, care way too much about superficial judgments. It's pitifull to see people in their 50s or so who still do.
>>7301829op hereYour comment stuck the most anon. If you can, I'd love to know what you did to figure yourself out, to understand the cause and how you found the solution
>>7302696damn thats a good question. my artistic sensibility has been instrumentalized with sexualized violence and some other stuff too. so it became unbearable for me to deal with my talents, feelings, interests, and the surrounding. i shut myself off from the world and anything that would move me, especially my own voice, language.but with this decision i made myself very sick. its like being paralyzed but my conciousness is fully aware. then i tried with safe steps, psychottherapy to create a foundation, where i can bear the pain and rage. but its like having tenthousand buckets of pancake batter and there is an ungodly disbalance between the hunger for pancakes and the amount of time and effort it takes to finally enjoy it. and by the time youre done, theyve become cold, dont take the syrup anymore, you have no appetite and cant stand the smell of burned batter anymore. 6 years of therapy, 3 of them 3x a week, at the same hour, after finishing it, hourley meditations for 2 years, then another type of meditation every morning. that just for creating some buffering space between the pressure of the subconciousness, and the lid, that otherwise would blow me into a new colour on the wall. now that i have some bodily and emotional resilience, which i assume you already have, ive experienced a couple of ongoing rejections over months, ranging from justified to ghastly coming from ppl. that i assumed due to their artistic depths have a more sophisticated understanding of life and soul. not true though, you see the same competition, devouring, humiliation, ridicule, everywhere, from uni to family. so get used to judgment, until you get desensitized, indifferent, like everyone else, to function in community. face your smallest, most insignificant pathetic self while theyre feeding their superiority off you, in their full flexibility. you return to yourself, as you are rn, surrender to yourself1/2
>>7303158Bear the tension of being pushed down and holding yourself up. Fight back if you see it worth, there is value in fight itself.Have a sense when it has outdone its purpose, then you need different fights.I was hardly artistic, feeling used by this force, as you know, it goes right through ya, youre a vessel and I did not wanted to fade again outside of my will. And every time I do, it comes back, acompanied by enjoyment, lust and passion, lechery even and it is unbearable to consolidate, to have fill me up. It is betrayal and freedom, it is perverted and closure, it is mean and unforgivable. if its a continuum, either you can reclaim it and make it yours, or youre so burned down, you need time and steps to come back to life. Meanwhile there are plenty who like to run you down.Face and dive into their critique and judgment with a certain open detachement, mellow indifference, let it slowly turn into irony and friendly distrust, a twisted, dishonest agreement, grow into your own elasticity, staying receptive and reaching out. At your own pace. Be boring, stale, simple, dont prove shit, not even to yourself. Channel ease and enjoy but treasure the pain of where you are at, dont betray yourself. Keep the thought of being a lesser version of everything. Hold the disappointment of feeling like a scrap. Feed off the loneliness in your heart, was it not trying its best? Be hurt until it hurts no more.The OC redraw thread looked like fun, I got the courage and received some friendly words, that helped. Im like a radio, a resonance body, I am attuned to my surrounding, more than I would like to be. have some kind of scaffolding in the beginning, those are remarks that understand what youre trying to do, so that you can believe it. build steadily, you want yield it with an honest strength.With buffering space, detachment and friendly support you can actually enjoy some breathing you know, unconscious material out, new experience in, finally.
>>7303158>>7303170tl; dr:meditation/detachementbearing friction/rejection/competitiontrust comments that mean and do well.rinse and repeat
>>7301825>>7300603therapy is the worst thing you can ever partake in. just fucking exercise instead and gain self confidence. this self confidence will transfer to your art, and can help overcome anxiety, gain confidence in your abilities, and can help humble yourself
>>7303182>therapy is the worst thing you can ever partake in.Depends highly on the doc. Exercising may be less sensitive to external factors though, aka probably a better option. Sport and music were the foundation of ancient Greek elite education, and were meant to psychologically balance people. Then they were ready to study other topics.But today we consider sport and music as recreational activities. We've become so stupid and dismissive towards our ancestors it's unbelievable.
>>7300603Find art that you like and do it for yourself. If your goal is to just feel good doing art, do the art that feels good. When you feel ready for critique, post it in places you know will be constructive
>>7300603>how to overcome fear?Simply: you are doing your work for yourself. You are seeking to improve your work for yourself. Either share or do not share it; it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you do it. After all, you shouldn’t expect yourself to be great; you just need to be the best you can be, and then work upward from there.
>>7300603>I have been struggling so long with what the fear of being seen and judgedits called therapy, get some>nooo I don't need itfine, stay broken
>>7303512Who does the therapist go to for therapy? Therapists are often just as broken, if not more so than the people they’re trying to ‘treat.’ Short of something serious like PTSD, you’d be better off simply just thinking your problems through on your own and trying to rationalize them effectively, rather than chatting to some fucktard who is likely inclined to push you down the medication railroad for basically nothing.
