In one hour, you will have to fight a vampire to the death. You can use anything at your disposal which you can prepare in that time. The vampire is vulnerable to typical folklore things such as holy water, garlic, silver, and wooden stakes through the heart, but it is also supernaturally fast, strong, and cunning. Additionally, sunlight will only irritate it rather than instantly burn it, and it can heal from most injuries other than being staked in the heart or exorcised, given enough time. If it finds other people while hunting you, it will drink blood from them and gain buffs to its speed and strength.When the hour has passed, the vampire will appear at the foot of your bed (or wherever you last slept) and immediately begin hunting you. How would you fare?
My penis
One word:Peenus weenus
MUUUH DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIK
I roll to seduce
I would have sexual intercourse with the unholy abomination
Weenor
>>62147020With a kiss (WOMEN ONLY!)
>>62147020I will submit to vampire queens and be their handsome servant who gets taste of their blood
I mean really, what else did OP expect when he used that picture?
>>62147071we must submit
>>62147020brick
>>62147102Based brickposter.
All of you retards would die immediately.
>>62147102I dont know if a brick can defeat the vampires that seduce men to be servants
>>62147102"gon bash ye' ed' in wit' a fuckin' brick' innit"
>>62147116i genuinely do not care
>>62147020
>>62147071>>62147096>>62147120>random tatted up instathots>vampsextremely poor taste unfuck yourself
>>62147185you will serve your instathot vampire mistress, and you will like it
>>62147020I would fuck up a vampire with a brick
>>62147189>hairy bush poking out from behind the pantiesFucking perfect hnnnngg
>>62147189looks Russian
>>62147197serve and you may be rewarded
>>62147203she scottish
boomer 45 and some silver bullets might crank my hog later but no vampire shit
>>62147020use OP's hoe ass as bait and then i hide on the top of a building with a nvg and when she starts to suck OP of his blood like how his mother did to me then i jump off goes her head and i get a portable blowjob machine anytime i want (defanged of course) difficulty (3/10)rewards (7.5/10) over all its pretty worth it in my opinion
>>62147212och aye is that soa fine black haired pale skinned Celt filly I perceiveI shall save her from this life of depravity and we shall repopulate the highlands together
>>62147229you will do no such thing, you will be used as a blood slave and eventually turned into her vampire bodyguard/slave
>>62147020ground silver in a leafblower
>>62147046>20, she impales on your dick and is defeated>1, you're impaled on his dick and become butt thrall for life
>>62147241>daisylove97she's a sub and needs a depilator badly
>>62147265based>>62147267you will worship the vampussy!
>>62147020I run it over with my 2003 Honda Accord and than force it work a night shift at walmart until it either kills itself or pays me back for the damages.
>>62147280good*sucks blood**makes you go work security at her underground vampire club*
>>62147301Considering the vampire blood she will feed you to make you loyal to her and a ghoul will give you heroin induced euphoria that is probably 100x greater than sex, I think it will be good. Maybe her friends will use you too
>>62147020Fuck people answer this question a million times already. The answer is those "real sunlight, full spectrum" flood lights people use to grow weed indoors and some batteries. Pretty much massive area of effect, last for days and just a few of them make and impenetrable dome of light. Practically like carrying a massive flamethrower with near unlimited fuel. Also can easily rig them to motion sensors and such to make super effective booby traps.
>>62147020Shelter in my bunker, call upon my legion of highly trained bodyguards to slow it down and immobilize it with sustained automatic fire, trap it then confine it. As soon we have it under control we use political prisoners to keep it alive and figure out how it reproduces. Once we understand it's biology we use it to make our Nations Leaders immortal and create an army of ghouls as the perfect workers.
>>62147320Yes...
>>62147020If “foot of my bed” is bounded by “the foot of the actual bed I am sleeping in.. then I get the largest caliber gun handy (preferably 44 mag or above) and then grab my sleeping bag and a 12 foot board with 2 bricks.. lay down, set a timer, and as soon as the vampire phases in.. put a round through their head.. yes.. it will heal.. but… heads probably don’t grow back fast…. Set a stopwatch and track what the interval is.. blow apart the partially formed head as soon as the new one appears.. from there you can start seeing how you can go about securing the vampire.. personally I think cutting the top off my water heater, putting the body in their (head exposed) then as much coiled rebar or wire fencing and then filling with concrete is probably the most reasonable way to match “securing the supernatural” with “things I can grab at the hardware store or order from there in less than 40 minutes time”. Keep blowing the head away…. Once the concrete is cured over several days you can do a careful trial runs with some friends handy (sharkbite suits might be a good safety idea) to see if the vampire can escape the reinforced concrete…. If this is secure then start looking into exotic reinforcement… holy water.. crosses and stuff like that…. If the vampire starts breaking free from the initial containment then blow the head off and start putting it in a bigger metal box with more reinforcement and concrete…. If you have a swimming pool then hire a cement mixer and full it…. At some point it’s either the vampire is so comically overpowered that this scenario is hopeless, or brute force physics wins the day….
I revoke my invitation and lock the doors and windows after they are forced to leave.
>>62147350....
>>62147102>brick
>>62147341why is her face so flat? she looks like a cartoon character that just ran into a wall
>hang ERPers on a sunny afternoon>ERPer says last words with final gasp of air>"*dies lol*">mfw
>>62147371fine i guess...
>>62147385np
>>62147368In their culture being a bit chubby is a sign of success, hence their leaders and Kim's daughter are all chubby. If they were skinny it would be a bad omen for the nation. She is skinny because she works hard for big brother and devotes alot of energy to it, hence she is skinny. Also she might just be a meth addicted tomboy.
>>62147370
>>62147398>Tfw no Prevertin addiced nuclear armed North Korea tomboy GF
Vampires are overrated as hell.I could fuck with a werewolf chick though.Think about it>big>strong>loyal>works as a space heater on a cold day>pack hunter = harem>can actually eat food>can go out with her during the day>probably likes her steaks rareI believe in werewolf supremacy
>>62147474Oh, and I forgot the most important thing>working reproductive organs
>>62147020I could totally kill a vampire, I have a really big knife
I buy a bunch of garlic, grind it up and make garlic butter, baste it onto a brick and beat them to death.
the proven method is to get someone else to do it
>>62147020>Rub garlic on bullets and load into glock>Obtain wooden staves from spare wood>Shoot vamp and finish off with staveRub garlic all over my naked body and fight dick out like a champion
>>62147398anon said flat not fat, dipshitalso>In their culture being a bit chubby is a sign of successnonsense>>62147368>why is her face so flat?orientals tend to have less sunken eyes and less prominent noses>she looks like a cartoon character that just ran into a wallthat would be Awkwafinatruly gag-inducing features
>>62147389GYAAAAT DAYUMNNNNN
>>62147720You really have no idea about how traditional asian cultures work do you? Mean while in the real world: http://www.kcna.kp/en/article/q/70d6822796a74f70162299ae9739c947.kcmsf
>>62147389bogged
>>62147736I AM Asian, specifically, orientalthe>chubby is a sign of successbullshit is a popular Western theory and it's applied not just to us but also Africansit has no empirical backing whatsoever, in fact oriental womens' standards of cosmetic surgery is generally more slender than Western womenpersonally I think it's Western feminists and liberals kneejerking against evil patriarchal trad values and trying to find excuses in other cultures' supposed practicesdouble bonus since it's non-whitemeanwhile in the real world over here, generation after generation has always been warned against obesity dating back to Confucius et al, our women diet like Europeans, our celebs are thin, and many Buddhists, Taoists and Shintoists often have meat abstinence days, in part because of the strictures against taking animal life but also for "health"only recently in fact is there an awareness that orientals in general are under-nourished, and as we grow richer and more educated, we're getting taller and broader, though still slenderif you knew anything about oriental "signs of success" for the past forty years at least, it's having a gym-toned bodyyou want to see an actual Asian culture that prefers the curvier phenotype in general, go look at Indiafucking slampigs the lot of themeven then I blame lack of self-control more than a genuine preference
>>62147020you faggots need Jesus
>>62147803>i'm Asian but also African>Western feminists>liberals>Our culture>slampigs>India is real Asian culture not KoreaI think that it is highly unlikely that you have the slightest idea how the culture, economy, industry, military and society of the DPRK works.
>>62147861I think that it is highly unlikely that you can read
>>62147863I think that it is highly unlikely that you will still be talking after your shift ends.
>>62147803>grow richer and more educated, we're getting taller and broader, though still slenderobesity is rising as well >self-control ultra-processed foods
>>62147897>obesity is risingamongst the working class, yeslike I said, culturally the true "sign of success" is a gym-toned, athletic bodybecause gym and sports was regarded as an activity for the leisure class>ultra-processed foodscheap cooking oil and sugar
>>62147915partiallymany eat until fullif you aren't feeling full you eat moreaddictive high calorie, low satiety upf = obebsity more and more of the diet in industrialized, and barely industrialized, nations are becoming ultra processedsugar and cheap oils also make a large portion of upf, and the sugar certainly doesn't help you eat less either
>>62147935it's countries like Japan that has a problem with ultra processed foodthe problem with India is that their traditional foods are extremely fatty and sugary, which is common with treat foods in all cultures (which is after all precisely why they're treat foods)that wasn't a problem in antiquity when oil and sugar was expensive, naturally limiting consumptionbut now oil and sugar is much cheaperalso India is still very poor and they haven't gotten over their poorfag mentality of not needing to watch their diets (they had always been calorie deficient until now)there was a fella here describing the same phenomenon with his Egyptian in-laws
>>62147978the fast food industry is exploding in urban Indiaso they have increasingly shit diets on top of upf to contend with
>>62147025>>62147026>>62147037Some things never change.
>>62147020If you throw enough high explosives at something it stops being an issue eventually.
>>62147020>How would /k/ defeat a vampire?
>>6214702013mm | .454 Casull
>>62147499Is lycanthropy hereditary?
>>62147205Brother I can't give my immortal soul to some undead ho, even if that bush is hot ngl.>>62147129Nigel Howard: Chav vampire hunter. Defrauding council assisstance by day, hunting vampires by night, now in cinemas near you.
>>62147020By dick or by brick
Kissing is surprisingly effective.
>>62148142I can personally confirm that this is the only way.
>drive to the store and pick two jars of minced garlic>eat a couple of spoonfuls>pour one of the jars over my head>wait for the vampire to appear>shoot it with a 12 gauge until it falls over or at least gets stunned momentarily>pour the second garlic jar on the vampire>drive a stake through the heart with a large mallet
>>62147020Plant a mine field in a open field put some sprinklers with holy water load up a mini gun with Silver bullets and wait the fucker in the misle of this field the plan is if je attacks on lane the Mines and holy water Will aloe him down so you Got time to fuck him up if je attacks from the air well the mini gun has enugh rpm to say fuck ya muda
>>62148289but im not italian
>>62148335You certainly defeated readability, you may stand a chance against a vampire.
Depends on the vampire. If you're dealig with an anime jap powercreep then you're done for. A VtM vampire only requires a good shotgun blast to the face, unless they're metuselah demigods. A folklore vampire is kinda tricky, sometimes all it takes is a bag of rice to appease their autism, sometimes they're relentless cadavers that won't yield no matter what.
>>62148273>Nigel Howard: Chav vampire hunter. Defrauding council assisstance by day, hunting vampires by night, now in cinemas near youI'd watch itIt'd be like a spiritual sequel to Attack The BlockCould even guest star John Boyega, preferably as one of the first victims
>>62147020Joke's on you, I have a progressive shotshell press and I buy my minced garlic from costco.
>>62147020I would offer them my hand in marriage of course. I will land myself a hot britbong vamp wife or die trying.
Rape
>>62147020my last "routine Blood Work" my doc is mumbling about "tri-glicerides" and other shit, so I tell him "just tell me like I can understand" and he says "well, in medical terms...you'd give a vampire diarrhea"
Are we talking bullshit vampire that is basically human but can transmorph, or a witcher tier bullshit higher vampire that literally can't die even if you turn them into a puddle of goo.
>>62147020>How would /k/ defeat a vampire(By living in reality.
>>62147020Well, what kind of vamps? Also shotty with dragonsbreath
>>62148579Based filthy mouthed doc.
A hamburger should appease em' for a while.
>>62148705That face on the hamburger wrapper XDliterally :3I am remoralize
>>62148649>he doesn't know
knifeand rape
>>62150591
>>62148640it think it's the Blade type that you can take down with your buddy Kris Kristofferson but more tolerant to sunlight.
>>62147102EVERYONE IS EQUAL INFRONT OF THE BRICK
>>62147020>mash up garlic>mix it in with holy water>pick up the stabbiest piece of silverware in the house>cover it in the garlic and holy water mix>stand in front of the foot of my bed with enough space between me and it for the vampire to spawn>surprise_motherfucker.mp4
>>62150591happens to best of us
>>62151282You reminded me I got a jar of pickled garlic in the pantry, so I will probably steal this idea. My going plan so far was to equip a butcher's knife in one hand and a silver cup in the other and try to stab the vampire with both when we do battle in the living room. Your plan is way better. I haven't got any holy water so I will probably try kidney beans in the hopes that the operative word "kidney" somehow acts as a discount communion on the contents. I can put it in the silver cup for double effectiveness.
>>62147020what's the LD50 of semen? Let's find out
>>62151282>take silverware>melt with a torch and cast some .454 ball>load Uberti reproduction Colt Walker with 55 gr FFFG and CCI no 10 capssend that bitch back to hell through the door, a wall, and three pieces of furniture.
>>62148289whys it ok to mock italians
>>62152228Round 2: Angry Wife Asking You Where All The Silverware WentYou have 1 hour until she finds out what you did to the silverware, how do you defend yourself and the marriage?
>>62147020I have a boar spear an orthodox bible and a bottle of holy waterIm just blasting Sabaton and pinning it with the spear while my brother beheads it with a machete
>>62147020Fire
>>62152276racism against Italians is socially acceptable
>>62152455why
>>62152465libtard propaganda also kys, freak
>>62147020>The vampire is vulnerable to typical folklore thingsI never leave my house anyway so I don't have to do anything. Also, if they're unable to cross running water then they're kind of fucked there are water pipes everywhere
I will be using the dick
>>62152592I don't think so
>>62152608I have a plan. I will distract her with my repeating digits, taking advantage of the vampire's compulsive need to count.
>>62152623She will count, number of bullets in your magazine.
>>62152592lungs filling up with sweaty feet air
>>62152643that's a lot of bullets, I've got time>>62152649Remi has clean feet, behave yourself
>>62147020Anabolic steroids, magical martial arts, and plot contrivancies
>>62152670according to /d/ a whole village died in the middle ages because she removed her socks
Not invite them in and then go to sleep
>>62147102Based and Home-Alone-pilled
>>62147020The only surefire way of dealing with a vampire is to marry her.
>>62153053>The only surefire way of dealing with a vampire is to marry her.With the eventuality of staking some hard wood into her.
>>62152341i am imagining a panicked husband sorting through the heirloom formal silver set for the couple weird pieces that nobody knows what they do anymore to melt down.
>>62153053Then impregnating her?
>>62153570There is no other way unfortunately.
>>62147071>>62147096>Reject modernity>Retvrn to VAMPIRA
>>62147020Eat a massive amount of garlic and sharpen some sticks.
>>62148191Lycanthropy is transmitted by blood, so it probably passes from mother to child.
>>62147020>In one hour, you will have to fight a vampire to the death. You can use anything at your disposal which you can prepare in that time.Awesome, since you're whipping supernatural beings out, I get to go whole hog.>The vampire is vulnerable to typical folklore things such as holy water, garlic, silver, and wooden stakes through the heart, but it is also supernaturally fast, strong, and cunning. Additionally, sunlight will only irritate it rather than instantly burn it, and it can heal from most injuries other than being staked in the heart or exorcised, given enough time.Neat. let's see how it like a neutrally charged particle beam, or maybe a singularity projector. Doubt "Vlad" is coming back from being blasted into a microsingularity.> If it finds other people while hunting you, it will drink blood from them and gain buffs to its speed and strength.When the hour has passed, the vampire will appear at the foot of your bed (or wherever you last slept) and immediately begin hunting you. How would you fare?I live in the middle of nowhere, and my home is -literally- on consecrated ground. Flappy flap bat dude is fucked. Plus, my army of indestructible fembots constantly patrols the property to keep stray creatures from fucking with my honey badger ranch. So good luck with your vampire shit OP.
>>62147020:: Project Nortubel ::progress :: put garlic in the gun
>>62154013>>62153673garlic doesn't do anything>>62153570vampires can't be impregnated
>>62154024So it does come down to brick?
>>62154024>vampires can't be impregnatedThat is an incorrect statement sir.
>>62154013norblerposting is taking over the world
>>62147370>guise why gook pan face?
