Cis man, just started dating a really fucked up mentally tgirl as my first relationship. Any tips so I can actually save her?
>>35547649>Any tips so I can actually save her?you cant change anyone, especially if they dont want to change.
>>35547649Retard.If you are going into a relationship to "save" someone.That's not a relationship. It's narcissism.
It's.a relationship. Be loving and caring and good to her, be patient and understanding when it comes to struggles you don't understand. The only 'saving' you should be doing is bringing happiness to someone else's life through love.
>>35547649You got this king, she will definitely stop cutting, stop using drugs, stop having panic attacks, stop ruining relationships and stop being a narcissistic attention succubus with you. Trust. The. Plan.
>>35547649realistically you should expect to have to live with it. maybe she'll learn to manage it better (perhaps with your help), but it's not gonna go away long term idt
>>35547649Ahh, man. Well this isn't gonna go well for you, but I guess we all have to learn this lesson for ourselves
Depends on what way she is mentally fucked upI'm mentally fucked up and need a lot of extra reassurances in life and relationships. Been through a lot of abusive relationships and abusive family environment. It's hard to not catastrophize everything and I chronically worry "when will the abuse start again". If that's the case and she has some sort of trauma mental illness depressed anxiety whatever because of it or is also ADHD and Autistic just have patience with her and help her communicate her feelingsNow in the case of other types of fucked up trans people which seems to be most of them and every single t4t relationship I was in before. They are just fucked up people who are hurt and then externalize that and hurt others and are BPD lunatics. Get away from those people there is no way to help them even extensive professional help these people rarely get better the first kind with time and professional help gets better.Let her be her and help her become that best version of herself in her own unique way. There is a reason I went back to being straight though trannies are beyond insane usually and many are extremely malicious
Forget fixing her I need a gf who can fix ME
>>35547680I'm getting into a relationship with her because I love her, asshole. I want her to be happy with herself and feel like she deserves to live, not being jesus
>>35547649>Any tips so I can actually save her?You can't and you don't. That's just how things are for people like that. Also, don't let her gaslight you into staying with her when the time comes.
>>35547649Just make her feel pretty
>>35547649>Any tips so I can actually save her?when she starts to push you away, let her go. she is about to kill herself and doesn't want to scar you for life so please just let her go. it's for your sake. please let her help you for once please
>>35547649if you want to fix her you don't love herthe correct attitude is "why would i fix her, she's perfect <3"
Good relationships require generosity; that generosity needs to go in both directions for the relationship to be sustainable long term. there can't be any tit for tat, you need to take care of the other person with a kind of selflessness. it's a constant collection of little unmentioned things like cleaning up after each other, cooking and just doing the dishes quietly (not passive-aggressively), getting up to make coffee on days you don't work and they do, grabbing their favourite snack on the way home, letting the little things go. it's thoughtfulness, understanding, solidarity, implicit trust, and later when you're not codependent, mutual accountability. If she's narcissistic, she'll never have the generosity to reciprocate, and you will end up burned. It happens constantly in normal relationships because many people are totally oblivious to their spouses generosity. Fucked up people can be loved into being generous and can be loved until they love themselves. that last part is important, because often times people can't actually manifest the full generosity of actively loving another person until they've figured out what it means to physically and mentally love/take care of themselves. if she loves you, if she's WILLING to be generous and thoughtful, you can ask her to be kind to herself for you. you can push her to love herself the way you love her, which may give her the tools to genuinely reciprocate a relationship.
>>35547813if that's not the case my man.i grew up constantly catching beatings, my childhood was really violent. I'm also AuDHD gang so i've always been weird. realizing after i left home how totally maladjusted i was nearly broke me. Learn to take care of yourself (cooking, cleaning, exercise), and get a little bit of therapy. just finding out why you're unhappy and setting up a realistic plan to fix it can create enough hope to really start moving in the right direction.Don't give up, i've been married to my QT enby wife for close to ten year now, and she has smoothed out a lot of my fucked up. we're all gonna make it.
