I used to be a bordeline hikkikomori once, barely social and all due to trauma, after a while i considered (and still) myself as bi, however mostly in relationships with men, as well i used to consume a lot of gay histories that related true love stories, mostly yuri. My whole perception of love was that true connection and intimacy was something posible, based in all those le wholsome gay anime stories that made me think of Love 24/7 and how It would be amazing to feel wanted by someone else. For some reason after some bad and disappointing relationships, i forget about the whole true love thing, mostly because i felt that i was too insecure of a person to be worth of love. With time i start to become more social, like making actual Friends of both genders, not feeling insecure and slowly getting rid of my social anxiety. however i did notice that the whole feeling loved thing is a joke now to me, sometimes i even feel disgusted by the idea of being in a relationship because It feels It always goes nowhere, and that my time It is more worth spending on my hobbies than in a person. Soo... Did gay anime stories fucked Up my perception of love with all that true love crap? Like i do not deny that i may fall in Love again but its been a long while since i felt i want intimacy and love from someone else, now i feel apathic to the idea of being with someone, like if the only thing that i needed to learn to love myself was giving up on connecting with someone in a romantic way.
>>36371374Probably not. You had an idea version of what love was, and then you kinda overcompensated towards the opposite side. Consider that real love stories are rare as hell, because real love is most of the time awkward, sometimes cause suffering or anxiety, and is, at the end of the day, about two human beings with their own issues and personalities trying to be together. When it works it's so much more fulfilling and fun than an idealised and sterile depiction of it, but it's also ten times the effort. The problem with stories in general, is that they rarely get into the nitty-gritty of the human experience, and it's so much easy to tell about people falling into perfect love when said "people" are just vehicles for the author's intent to write about love. Real people are much more complex, and this complexity makes love tricky, because it's about understanding and sharing, which isn't easy to achieve. Basically don't let your dreams be dreams, but do be mindful that fantasy and reality are pretty separate by design.
>>36371374Your attachment style evolved into dismissive avoidance, which isn't a healthy development at all but like two entire generations now pretend it is because of fucked up media messaging.Welcome to the club, feels like majority of zoomers and millenials end up here.
