I'm scared I'll hate it. I'm scared it'll prove I'm not really trans. I'm scared people will judge and ridicule me. What do I do?
>>36375706(you) should simply /bee/
>What do I do?Stop being a little bitch.
>>36375706first off how many months have you been on hrt?
>>36375730This image is inconprehensible
>>36375730You think I should girlmode?
>>36375741I got back on it in February after being off of it for a year but then I stopped in June because I got scared I was faking my transness and that I was going to regret transitioning. I'm so fucked aren't I?
>>36375737How
>>36375776yikes!idk dawg but i cant talk shit im not even gonna attempt to girlmode until im 5 years minimum and so far im barely gonna be 5 months andromode is prob better imo thats what i do
>>36375801It's so over
>>36375834maybe but i didnt even mention genetics height body shape blah blah blah i mean theres twinks that can pass as a girl who arent even on estrogen but ya both of us probs arent that lucky so idk why i said that actually uh ya nigga its over lmao
>>36375706Why do you have to do it? RLE or something?
>>36375706If you pass none of it matters you just have to pass
ignore all other posts itt. have fun! its supposed to be fun.
>>36375857Sadly I'm not a luckshit
>>36375887I don't pass
>>36375928I don't know how I'm supposed to have fun. Especially because lately I haven't felt trans and I feel like I'm probably just faking everything and I'm scared this will just prove that part of my brain and (my parents) right
>>36375706One you can try to pick an outfit that is neutral that both men and women wear! Or you can choose something overly feminine. That’s typically what I do on days I feel very dysphoric. Like a sundress and make my hair up in a cute way. P.S Finding a nice dress is more difficult than you think!
>>36375706just don't retard
>>36376013I literally was not given a choice. I am literally being forced to do it cuz one of my family members is sick of seeing me go in circles
>>36375995I have a black plaid skirt that I'll probably wear with my black hoodie and thigh highs. I am so ugly though so I'm probably fucked
>>36376092You should be thankful of them
>>36375995>One you can try to pick an outfit that is neutral that both men and women wear! this is fantastic advice.but even if you go more femme i think you'll be fine, OP. its nothing to stress over, youve got this!
>>36376092no you are notgo outside and stay out of reach for the day and come back without saying anythingalso move out faggot
>>36375706you don’t have to though? if that person truly cares for you they should understand that this is a difficult process and that girlmoding can trigger dysphoria
>>36376125I'm moreso just scared of the stares I will get in public and I'm scared I'm going to hate going out dressed like that and realize I just have some gross fetish instead of actually being trans
>>36376142If I could move out I would but I am an unemployable retard
>>36376206get benefitslive in low-income housingdo porn or other low skilled NEET work
>>36376151I mean I do since they have financial power over me and they could easily put me if they wanted to. They care but they are just kinda dumb when it comes to stuff like this or really anything based on emotions
>>36376212I am too ugly to do porn also the area I live in has no low income housing, either you live somewhat stablely or you rot on the street
>>36376135>its nothing to stress over, youve got this!I don't pass and I haven't privately girlmoded in months. I'm so fucked and I'll probably hate it and realize I just let a kink ruin my life because I'm an aspie retard
>>36376226could you explain why it’s a problem to them? if not then you could try and dress down/casually. there is this thing where some women wear big baggy pants under their skirts so maybe that could work?
>>36376237okay then do that or stop complaining about your parents who put a roof over your head forcing you to do stuff
>>36376256i dont pass and i girlmode every day. if youre not wearing lingerie in the streets, literally nobody cares. youll be fine.
>>36376257>could you explain why it’s a problem to them?They are sick of seeing me go in circles about gender identity stuff especially because they think it's a choice that I'm refusing to make. They are sick of me constantly getting on and quitting estrogen out of fear that I'm going to become a detrooner who will regret trooning for the rest of my life.>there is this thing where some women wear big baggy pants under their skirts so maybe that could work?I feel like this would just get me more weird looks
>>36376283Ok... I'm sorry
>>36375776there's not enough information to give honest advice. what's your fit looking like?
>>36376316I'm scared I will hate girlmoding, especially in public
>>36376380Black plaid skirt, black hoodie, black thigh highs. I'm really basic and don't have any fashion sense
>>36376394well do you mean youre scared youll hate it because you just wont feel comfortable like that, or because you'll be thinking "none of these clothes fit on my man body iwnbaw"? because i suppose i was just assuming it's the latter.
>>36376412this is a bad fit do not do this pleasehow are you even being forced
>>36376422Both desu but I'm also scared that it will make me want to detroon even harder and will make me realize I'm actually just a man. I apologize if I've not been clear enough. I'm pretty retarded
>>36376441>this is a bad fit do not do this pleaseWhat should I change? I am really bad at fashion which is probably a sign I'm not really a woman>how are you even being forcedeither I do it or I'm going to be yelled at or I'm going to be outed to people who I know hate trannies
>>36376454no, its my fault for making assumptions.anyway, if you realize you want to be a man, wont that be a good thing? you can just detroon and live your life, now that you know what you want it to look like. surely its better to know than not know?
>>36376524I mean in theory it's a good thing but that would also mean the past almost decade of questioning has been a lie. It would also mean it's just a kink and I really don't want that. Plus, knowing me I'll detroon and then want to troon again and then I'll detroon and I'll be stuck in that cycle forever
>>36376478no everyone just had to learn fashion thoughmy personally opinion is its hard to match hoodies w skirts and thigh highs arent a thing you often wear out for no reasonwhat is the occasion for and what is the context for you being quote yelled at or outedthe easiest outfit is just buying some light womens jeans and like any random crop you can find at walmartif its your mom forcing you to girlmode around family just ask her for help with clothes and also styling your aesthetics (brows, taking you for a haircut, etc)i did this and theres no shame and it set me up for passing later
>>36376614>what is the occasion for and what is the context for you being quote yelled at or outedMy dad is kinda just sick of hearing about my gender issues and thinks I just need to make a decision instead of going back and forth with my gender.>the easiest outfit is just buying some light womens jeans and like any random crop you can find at walmartI'm too overweight for a crop to, if I had a nice body I would wear them all the time but I'm so tubby and gross>if its your mom forcing you to girlmode around family just ask her for help with clothes and also styling your aesthetics (brows, taking you for a haircut, etc)Every woman in my family hate trannies especially my mom who thinks it's sinful. I have tried talking to my mom about gender stuff but she always just ends up screaming at me until I tell her I'll do what she wants and detroon
>>36376569yeah but the past decade already either is or isnt a lie. the only thing youre changing is whether or not you know that.as far as it being a kink... i can understand having some shame mixed up in that, but ultimately thats just you being hard on yourself. even if its true, that wouldn't make you less of a person, or any worse of a person. its just one small part of who you are.>knowing me I'll detroon and then want to troon again and then I'll detroon and I'll be stuck in that cycle foreverthat doesn't sound fun, but just in my personal experience, that anxiety comes from worrying to much about being "trutrans". thats not a thing that matters. i might detroon some day, for health reasons or because i simply decide i dont like it. but because i dont worry about what that "says" about me, it doesn't cause me any anxiety.
>>36375776imo you should be just crossdresser femboy without hrt because you are unsure about it
>>36376808I'm too ugly to do that especially without HRT
>>36376805>even if its true, that wouldn't make you less of a person, or any worse of a personI don't want it to be true because that means the TERFs and my mother are right about me>that doesn't sound fun, but just in my personal experience, that anxiety comes from worrying to much about being "trutrans"I mean if I'm not a real trans person then why should I transition? That sounds like a bad decision I would regret
>>36376884>because that means the TERFs and my mother are right about meno, because they think youre a bad, gross person. you arent, nona, youre a beautiful person and you know that. pity those who live their lives defined by hatred, dont fear them.>That sounds like a bad decisionidk what to say to this. hrt makes me happy, so i do it. its that simple. srs would not, so i wont. there are plenty of people who would get mad at that and say its "faketrans". but none of that matters; what they fail to realize is im absolutely disinterested in whether im "trutrans" or "faketrans", because im something much more important.im happy
>>36377007>youre a beautiful person and you know thatI'm really not, I'm a selfish, vindictive, attention seeking jerk who ruins the life's of those around me. I'm also just lazy and I complain all the time. The TERFs are right about me being bad and gross.>hrt makes me happy, so i do it.HRT usually makes me feel good for a month or two and then I start feeling awful when the breast buds start forming so I'm probably faking it. I care a lot about being trutrans, I need to be but I'm definitely not because I have seen SRS surgeries and they scare me and because of this back and forth I find myself in. Maybe my family is right and I need to just cut my hair and try to be a man. I wish I could just die because I feel like it's the only way to make the pain stop
>>36377171Stfu I love you and you're not selfish
>>36377307I don't see how I'm not, I come here to complain and I never take compliments and I can't take criticism either that's the definition of selfish
>>36375706Lol I don't even remember those days when I was mostly boymode. Get a boyfriend, that's what made it easier for me to go out in girlmode when I had a silly cute guy who made me happy when I was pretty and dolled up uwu
>>36377479kill yourself
>>36375706this would fix me.I need to be forced to girlmode, somebody needs to pick out an outfit I'll look nice in for me and force me to go out around town with them in it.>t. 6 year boymoder
>>36377479>Get a boyfriendI'm too ugly and retarded to get a partner boy or girl. Plus, no one else would want to hear me complain all day
>>36377501I'm scared I'll hate it and permanently go back to being a man. Wanna trade places?
>>36377171>I'm really not, I'm a selfish, vindictive, attention seeking jerk who ruins the life's of those around me. I'm also just lazy and I complain all the time. The TERFs are right about me being bad and gross. the fact that you feel that way is, to me, proof that you arent that.>I care a lot about being trutrans, I need to beyou dont and you shouldn't. just be you, nothing else matters.
>>36377483Fuck you I'm just trying to give advice as someone whos actually became a giga passoid
>>36377556yes pleaseyou can have all my hoodies if I make it
>>36377563>the fact that you feel that way is, to me, proof that you arent that.If you knew me irl you'd probably realize I'm pretty awful. I kinda just tire everyone out eventually.>you dont and you shouldn't.Why shouldn't I? If I know 100% that I'm trutrans then I can transition without the fear of regret but if I am 100% fake trans then I can just be a man. But now I feel like now that I've seen the good and bad sides of HRT I'm fucked to be confused forever >just be you, nothing else matters.Idek what I really am anymore. I'm cooked
>>36377605I would rather just know what I am but hoodies are ok too
>>36377565slit your wrists sweatie
>>36377640>Why shouldn't I?because it doesn't matter. if you don't want boobs but don't want to masculinize maybe you can just take antiandrogens with no estrogen. and thats fine! you don't need to be 100% one way or the other.>If you knew me irl you'd probably realize I'm pretty awful. I kinda just tire everyone out eventually. i doubt it. i know how you feel, ive been there, but it isnt true. just take care of yourself and the rest will follow >>36377565ignore him, we appreciate it
>>36377787that's an awfully thin mask sis>>maybe you can just take antiandrogens with no estrogen>these are the people telling anons to "just get a boyfriend lol its easy"
>>36377787>you don't need to be 100% one way or the other.I feel like I do, I feel like that's the only way I can be happy and without confusion in my mind and without insane levels of hate thrown my way.>but it isnt true.It is true. I have lost so many friends just because of how awful I am. Now I'm just a NEET in college who has no future ahead of me>Just take care of yourself and the rest will follow I'm so shit at taking care of myself. I've tried working out and doing various things in an attempt to improve my mental state but nothing works
>>36377874>>these are the people telling anons to "just get a boyfriend lol its easy"ive never said that. would be hypocritical as ive never had a boyfriend. im also confused what you mean?
>>36377957you need at least one sex hormone, telling someone to take an AA without estrogen is just giving them a speedrun route to osteoporosis
>>36377946>I feel like that's the only way I can be happy and without confusion in my mindit isnt. in fact, it seems like worrying about this is doing the opposite for you.>Now I'm just a NEET in collegethats an oxymoron. you cant be a neet with education. youre going to be okay, you DO have a future>I'm so shit at taking care of myself. I've tried working out and doing various things in an attempt to improve my mental state but nothing worksi get that. working out for mental health is an absolute psyop, never worked for me even a little bit. what did work was finding the right balance of hormones and antidepressants over the course of like 5 years. it isnt easy, but you can do it too.also, idk if what this guy >>36377997 is saying is true, but im just some random asshole on the internet, definitely check with an actual doctor before you take my advice.
do these faggots not DIY? this is literally entry level knowledge on hrt what is wrong with you
>>36378041>it seems like worrying about this is doing the opposite for you.I've tried to stop worrying but I always end up back here, back to feeling I need to choose a gender already and to 100% commit to something I know I won't regret later>you cant be a neet with education. youre going to be okay, you DO have a futureThat's fair, it's probably more accurate to say I'm an antisocial khhv I'm their 20s. I have no connections and I probably won't be able to make any. I don't have friends who I hang out with everyday either.>it isnt easy, but you can do it too.I'm going to be honest I don't think I will find the specific combination that's right for me. I'm probably just going to end up offing myself because I feel so hopeless. This is probably all my fault because I let this gender shit ruin my life and make me antisocial. I'm fucked
>>36378056no, i have prescriptions im too stoopy for diy :P>>36378257>I always end up back herehave you tried therapy? seems like it could help. all trannies probably need it anyway >I need to choose a gender already and to 100% commit to somethingyou don't. its your life, you dont owe any part of it to anyone else's expectations of you.>That's fair, it's probably more accurate to say I'm an antisocial khhv I'm their 20s. I have no connections and I probably won't be able to make any. I don't have friends who I hang out with everyday either. this is more common than you think. making friends is hard, but nowhere near impossible. if you want it bad enough it WILL happen, you just have to not give up. and having friends online is much easier, and can build your confidence to make irl friends, so id try starting there, with tagmap or something.>I'm fuckeddont be dumb, youre still in college. you have many years of life left ahead of you. Besides, im out here looking like the gamestop hon and i havent killed myself yet. Nobody is allowed to kill themselves if i still havent.
>>36378447>im too stoopy for diy :PSame>have you tried therapy?I've been receiving some form of therapeutic care long before I started questioning my gender and nothing has made my gender problems go away or get better and if it did it only lasted for a few months>you don't. its your life, you dont owe any part of it to anyone else's expectations of you.Besides feeling like I need it to live a normal life I feel like 100% commitfing to be a man or a woman is the only way I can stay sane>having friends online is much easier, and can build your confidence to make irl friends, so id try starting there, with tagmap or something.It hasn't helped me build any confidence I still feel just as incompetent as socializing as ever. Probably doesn't help that I'm an aspie. What even is tagmap anyway?>you have many years of life left ahead of you.It feels like I'm constantly running out of time. I feel like I need to decide what I am now before I'm 25 or god forbid 30 but I know I won't be able to but then so what the point I'm sticking around for things to only get worse
>>36378602>What even is tagmap anyway?i made a couple friends using https://boymoder.networkits great because other tranners will understand your issues better than normies - and a lot of them are also aspies lol>I feel like I need to decide what I am now before I'm 25 or god forbid 30you dont! you have your whole life to constantly reevaluate what you want at that moment. i didn't even consider trooning (seriously) before 25. and i mean, i didnt turn out a passoid, but im happy is my point>Besides feeling like I need it to live a normal lifethere is no such thing as a "normal life". humans are all individuals, and we all have our own idiosyncrasies and weird things we like to do to ourselves and each other behind closed doors. everyone is some kind of freak, dont let them trick you into believing otherwise.>nothing has made my gender problems go awaythey wont, you just learn to manage them. and you may have to shop around a lot of therapists that specialize in gender fuckery before you find the one that can help you.
>>36378902>other tranners will understand your issues better than normiesI wish this was the case. Usually when I talk to other trannies they don't relate to the confusion I feel of the constant back and forth with gender stuff. I'll check this out but I doubt it will work>you dont! you have your whole life to constantly reevaluate what you want at that moment.I want to pass though, that's the thing. If I don't decide now then I'll never pass if I truly am a girl, hell it's probably already too late. I just want to know what I am so I can move on with my life because right now I'm at a stand still>dont let them trick you into believing otherwise.I know a lot of people who are "freaks" and I don't wanna be like them. I just want to be normal and healthy so no one notices me or sees me or thinks about me>and you may have to shop around a lot of therapists that specialize in gender fuckery before you find the one that can help you.I have been shopping around for years but nothing has changed or improved. I just need someone to cure me of these thoughts or give me a lobotomy because those are the only ways I see myself staying alive
>>36379056>just want to be normal and healthy so no one notices me or sees me or thinks about me lol its gonna be hard to be friends with people who dont notice or see or think about you.i have to go but>I'll check this outyes, just keep trying, thats all you can do.and remember >I want to pass thoughpassing doesn't matter. only TRYING to pass matters. passing will make your life easier, but not better. people who say "passing is toxic" are idiots but equally people who say "not passing means your life isnt worth living" are idiots. most of us never pass, even youngshits dont get that guarantee. learn to live with yourself no matter what you look like and youll be able to be content with doing your best to pass, even if you dont "make it".and lastly>only ways I see myself staying alivei already told you, youre not allowed to kill yourself until i do! look for a chubby weird al-looking boomerhon in the obituaries, and if you see me you'll know you have permission to die.good luck with everything! goodbye!
