Reason 1:I’m actually, seriously, diagnosed autistic as shit. Severe ADHD too. I just can’t interact with others well no matter how lonely i get. I’ve tried to make friends but it just never seems to work out, every time I think I’ve met some people who actually like me i start to get more comfortable and without fail I’ll find out that they were just trying to be nice or tolerating me. Whenever I try to have friends it always turns out that in fact they were just putting up with me and eventually their patience runs out. I think that people have a finite amount of patience and goodwill, like a "friendship score" if you will. If you ask for too much or you are too needy then they become hostile, which seems to always happen eventually.Reason 2:I can barely hold down a job and I’m (Once again!!) gonna be homeless soon. I’ve got a car i can live in but it’s just so fucking disheartening that i can’t make a stable life for myself.I’ve literally got a degree in Mathematics a few months ago, I put myself through college without even being medicated for my ADHD and people are always telling me that they think I’m smart. Despite all of that i am stuck working as a janitor because i just cannot find a job within my field.Now i think I’m being fired soon because my coworkers are mad at me again because I put some stuff away in the wrong place and left one of the supply areas untidy. Apparently I’ve been doing that for months and i never knew it until now. Apparently someone mentioned it to me awhile ago but i don’t remember ever talking about it until yesterday when the lady who was nice to me started yelling at me that I never listen and I’m inconsiderate and ignorant.1/2 but this is the important part
>>36642433Reason 3:I’m trans and my transition failed.Basically self explanatory, I know I’ll never be seen as a real woman and I’ll always be seen as a feak. Before a bunch of people write ywnbaw please realize that THAT’S THE FUCKING PROBLEM. I’ll never find a partner who will love me or see me as a woman. I’m like 6ft2in, have you ever seen a real woman who is that tall? I’ll always stand out no matter what I do and absolutely the last thing I want is to be a social pariah.Reason 4:I got molested by a pedophile when I was 12 and was frequently beaten by my parents and I think it broke my brain’s ability to trust anyone ever.The pedophile part really sucks too because I’ve started prog and it makes you horny, and being horny kinda triggers me i guess. I’ve got a ton of trauma related to anything romantic or sexual so whenever I’m ever horny I just can’t get the fucked up memories out of my head.
you shouldn't kill yourself, but you deny biology to your detriment. whatever help you have to get, seek it out; there are other resources and avenues for people with problems like you.
>>36642462whether this helps or makes you angry anon idk, but I'm 6'2" and am now happily married to another tgirl after a botched suicide attempt last year that left me unable to walk.things can get better even when you think you've hit rock bottom, hold on there <3
>>36642485>there are other resources and avenues for people with problems like you.Name one as example
>>36642462>>36642433you seem like a sweet girldon't kill yourself>your reason 1:keep trying to make friends, maybe other people on the spectrumneurotypicals who don't have understanding or experience with autistic people can get annoyed of you after a while, that's truebut there are people who don't mind or will put up with it, please keep searching for themi have add, it made school always really hard for me, but because i wasn't showing any symptoms of adhd nobody caredteachers called me dreamy and moved oni have two autistic friends and sometimes they can be really annoying or inconsideratebut i put up with them cause they're my friendsthey care for me and try to show itand i care for them>your reason 2keep looking for a job in your field!!it will pay off and you'll be able to do something you're good at <3>your reason 3yes i see girls that tall fairly oftenamericans are just manletsygmi>your reason 4that's terrifying and i'm very sorryyou should probably get therapy for that if you canor maybe try making new horny memories so you slowly change the association in your brain? not sure if that's a great idea, but could work
>>36642433Life is fucking brutal jesus.
>>36642462>friends hardI get that, I'm diagnosed nothing and I've lost all of mine anyway, it's not always easy finding those and it's harder keeping them, I say better no friends than bad ones, if a relationship has decayed it's better to leave on peaceful terms>I put myself through collegethat's really impressive, a lot of people can't manage that, I didn't even make it through highschool, as for the homelessness, that'd be more of an issue with the system than you specifically>have you ever seen a woman that tallyes, all the time. They're not that uncommon in Europe.>I got molestedthat sucks but that's no reason for suicide, if anything it's a good explanation for why you're struggling with a lot of the restLife is hard sometimes, take pride in the fact you've made it this far. I'm cheering you on anon, you can pull yourself out of this one. You can be an example to inspire others one day, think of the little hon 10 years from now, struggling alone, you might be what makes the difference, be the helping hand you needed in this situation.
>>36642433I wish I could take you in and get you some therapy, girl. Keep trucking on, maybe that degree will come in handy soon.
