>>36644484
Youre trying to start a new, very vulnerable, stage of your life. Some fear is normal right? Who wouldnt think its scary to actually get what they want while being target because of their fufilled desire? Or even just moving somewhere new to start over. Thats scary for the same reason its exciting.

So im going to point out some things i suspect you already suspect and would like someone else to validate:
1. You do have a reason to leave the state, you dont feel comfortable transitioning there and you *want* to transition.
2. If a friend or relative is going to try and damage you because youre being yourself, theyre not someone worth caring about because they demonstrably do not care about you. Just a false image of you.
3. You can make new friends who will love you for you. You can even make a new family.

Let me also say that you dont need us to validate this for you. If youre experiencing self doubt, make it an exercise in self confidence. Deep down, you already know whats right. Trust yourself.

>>36644484
Most of the world is going to be full of people you don't like.

how old r u already

>>36644601
>1. You do have a reason to leave the state, you dont feel comfortable transitioning there and you *want* to transition.
yeah i guess, i'm thinking about trying to get a job in the pnw and moving to oregon or something like a stereotype. but i'm shitting bricks thinking about flying on a plane
>2. If a friend or relative is going to try and damage you because youre being yourself, theyre not someone worth caring about because they demonstrably do not care about you. Just a false image of you.
still but i don't want to live near them if they're gonna be uncomfortable with it. like i could live in the same neighborhood as my relatives but they're kinda conservative (and so is the entire neighborhood probably)
>3. You can make new friends who will love you for you. You can even make a new family.
or i can be in the closet to try to keep my old friends
>>36644618
yeah but it's not people i have history with.
i should probably move really far away but the idea kinda terrifies me
>>36644643
too old to be thinking about this shit

>>36644763
>or i can be in the closet to try to keep my old friends
Theyre not your friends. Friends dont lock each other up in closets. Friends knock on the door and ask if you even want to be in there.

*knock knock* do you want to be in there anon?

Im making none of this up: almost 10 years ago i faced the same choices. Didnt want to lose my old high school bros. I reasoned i could make it work, that they would surely accept me if i went slow and didnt change too much. Not only did the one i came out immediately start gossiping about me behind my back, they dropped out of my life one by one. And im glad. Can you imagine making sacrifices for people who would ghost you without a second thought? Dont do it to yourself. Not anymore than you have. Dont you rip off another beautiful inch of yourself for them to eat without so much as a thanks for the grub.

I went to seattle when i was ready to stop boymoding. Best decision of my life, best years of my life honestly in a lot of ways haha. Lot of mistakes, tears, adventures, friends, new experiences and self discovery.

Being unmoored from people who hated the real me was freeing, beautiful even. I was able to eventually become someone i was so scared i could never be. You can too. Please consider it. You could be very happy and youre worthy of it.

You ever get to pnw and youre around seattle, go to rain city burgers for me and get a sounders burger and pistachio shake. Best burger i ever had. First burger i ever had as a woman.

>>36644937
>I went to seattle when i was ready to stop boymoding.
i'm a software dev so i have a excuse to work in seattle or somewhere else in the pnw. moving to the bay is probably easier but i've heard it's a complete shithole there
i'm just kinda scared of flying and also scared of living that far away
i wish i could just stay here and get on hrt and not cause trouble

>>36645060
You arent causing trouble. How could you be? You havent hurt anyone. But you have been hurt. It sounds like people around you have hurt you. And you sound like you want to be loved. They're the ones causing trouble, trouble for you, you're just the one who puts the trouble to bed.

Programmers can do well in seattle. You could get a good job, good insurance. Imagine what your life could be like with just one year of good income, trans care and a trans friendly environment. Now two years. Four. Ten. Twenty. A plane ride is maybe 6-8 hours. This is the rest of your life. Whats a few hours of anxiety compared to a life well lived? You can be brave for that.


(Well ok you could also take a train which i honestly romantacize and think would be fun but i wasnt sure how to slip it in without ruining my core message of how you deserve to be brave because youre worthy of bravery's rewards and that stuff)

((Also you could start hrt now and boymode, save your pennies and use this time to slowly peel open the closet door. Maybe longer hair, painted nails, womens jeans, whatever youre comfortable with when youre comfortable. Its my suspicion that the reactions of the people around you will tell you that theyre not worthy of you)

>>36645408
>You arent causing trouble. How could you be?
by trooning out
>Programmers can do well in seattle. You could get a good job, good insurance.
what about the rest of the pnw?
>A plane ride is maybe 6-8 hours. This is the rest of your life. Whats a few hours of anxiety compared to a life well lived? You can be brave for that.
yeah i've taken those long rides before, it's scary still to me
>Also you could start hrt now and boymode
if i felt comfortable taking hrt in secret i wouldn't want to move out

>>36645538
Dont use that word. Thats their word for it. Not yours. It implies that you're doing something destructive instead of revealing. Theres a real you youve buried alive for these people. Why? They cant love you. If they can, theyll understand and come around. Maybe youll even come back. But its not the end of your world if you dont.

I dont know the rest too well to be specific but the pnw is gorgeous and programming is a desirable skill that provides good insurance and even remote work opportunities. Youll be fine, dont go out to the hick rural areas obviously. But the cities are bigger than them anyway.

Come on anon, whats your life going to be like if you stay in the closet? Youll live a lie. For people who dont even like or know the real you. And if theyre good people, and you really earnestly love them, then it might be nice for them to get the chance to actually meet you instead of speaking between the closet door.

You know this anon, you know you do.

>>36645653
i don't mind manmoding as long as i could live a normal life...i just wish i wasn't so scared of moving
what about the other places in the pwn besides seattle?

>>36645938
Well you may need to do your own research im afraid. Check on reddit to get a feel for a city's vibe, they usually have one even if theyre small.

I think a normal life isnt half as good as an honest life. You deserve that. Happy real memories. Manmoding is one word for it. So is non binary. And theres a whole world of people who would welcome you even that and not hurt you for it.

>>36646215
seattle seems like an option, but i'm still very nervous about it

>Manmoding
yeah, i just wish i could manmode here

>>36646289
Be nervous then, its your body giving you energy to do something important. Be nervous, and be ready to accept that you can make your own happiness. Whats so important about staying where nobody knows the real you anyway? What feels good about it?

>>36646952
idk i'm just scared to fly and move