Am I retarded for having a second thought everytime I'm taking my girl pills? Thinking that I might regret it or feeling fake. That I am somehow doing something immoral. It's probably just internalized self hate in some way, but it's freaking me out. I stopped HRT once before cause of it, now I'm having it again. Anyone else ever have a similar experience?
yeah i started and stopped like 7 times and eventually stopped for good a year or two ago. it's normal to be hesitantthough fearing it's "immoral" is retarded. i hesitated because i wasn't sure i wanted the effects of it. if you definitely are sure you want all of the effects then you're just an idiot for not doing it
it sounds retarded but I felt very nervous to take my first pill and decided to simply utter "when I walk the valley" and swallow it. There's a character in payday 2 that sometimes says that before he puts on a mask to rob a bank and I always liked it. That little distinction for me was enough to make me commit like "yes this is a small physical action with massive consequences, yes I am committing to this and accepting that my path will be changed forever". A little prayer or something can help give you the poise needed to abandon your past come hell or high water.
How long has it been happening for you? It eventually stopped for me, but mostly because I got used to it lol. I wasted a year waiting to start. At my worst, I still worry that this was unnecessary and that I’ll regret the consequences later, just not when taking the meds.
The reason you don't want to do it is because there is no innate component to your desire to transition genders. It is simply a vehicle for your identity issues.
>>36647165Even if that was the case, I'm still pro body modding with HRT. If you want to be a character creation screen with your own body and get the meds legally, I'm for that. In my case, I hate a lot of my masculine features, even as a super faggy looking bottom. So HRT for me is a way to feel better. Being a "women" would be nice, way better than being a dude, but it's less about the identity others see me as and more what I want to be and feel.
>>36646995Well one thing our culture and society does is critically shame any effeminate male behaviour. It’s seen as vulnerable. Also another dilemma is biology. It’s hard for men to express femininity as testosterone only gives an acute window for that expression. Typically the late teen years before testosterone kicks into overdrive. From my standpoint, I love having a female body. Now, I can see how a guy who would want to express himself, would take hrt to be more feminine. Also, I think it’s difficult to express to others and doctors this. When there is an attack on the transgender way. It’s almost like it can be used against some to show that they’re not trans and it’s all in their head. Kinda like it’s all the way or not at all. No in-between. That’s what’s bothers me! I think there are a lot of guys who’d like to be able to be androgynous, but still be male. Dress like a girl for their boyfriends, an occasionally then just dress back like a guy.
>>36646995i started with injections and i hate needles. id never given myself an injection before. there was a lot of adrenaline but no hesitation
>>36646995>pillsit's over
I've also gone through the same moments of self doubt, but what brings me back is realising that the doubts arent based on what I think, but what I think other people would think, Like I would want someone else to do what they want but I'm scared that I'm not allowed the same freedom that I give to others
