>>36974206
(19 and still not on E) I am too scared to go get E because I don't pass and I'm gross

>>36974206
not trans but i'm late to pretty much every social event.

>>36974229
ull feel less gross if u go on e so do that dumb repper

>>36974206
>refuses to elaborate
>leaves

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>>36974206
2001 tranny that started when they were 21. i didn't even know that hrt was a thing. i just assumed all trannys were just crossdressers and "coming out" was just as a man in a dress like bruce jenner.

>>36974298
haha retard

>>36974250
why

>>36974206
no

>>36974329
but i need to mock u

>>36974206
I figured out I was trans and wanted HRT at like age 12 or something but got medically gatekept until age 21 and was forced to stop diy when I tried that

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>>36974206
i tried coming out at 15 by telling her what she thought about trans women. she told me they were fetishists who must be killed and if i came out as trans shes kick me out of the house on the streets. i live in a very dangerous part of mexico in a dangerous neighborhood so i decided against it. i just came out to her as a gay man and she accepted it. i went to my "gay positive" church and they accepted me, but when i went to my pastor he told me id be better off living as a gay man since thats what god wants of me so i decided to repress by living as a gay man and fully came out at 17 as one, to some mixed but mostly positive reactions. dysphoria was still killing me so i decided to try and lessen it by getting laid so i went on grindr and decided to meet up with a middle aged gay man. we had agreed that it would be oral but he changed his mind halfway through and decided to pressure me into sex or he would show my parents the pics i showed him so i obliged and it traumatized me. for the next 4 years i lived in a haze, kinda disassociating the entire time. apparently i had sex with 2 more men but i barely have any memory, just a feeling of recollection and texts to prove it. i wasnt even drunk or on drugs i was just mentally gone. eventually i escaped that state in the middle of 2021 when i was 21 and after weeks of consideration i started hrt in my 22nd birthday. my mom kicked me out like she promised but at least i have a job(i boymode though), a apartment and a gf so at least im doing ok i think but its still hard :(

>>36974206
>it’ll go away
it doesnt

>>36974206
When I was in high school it was illegal to have gay sex; transition was on no one's radar. I told my parents when I was seven I wanted to be a girl and they got nervous and dismissive, so I internalized the lesson that this was an abnormal and unacceptable thing. Pink was my favorite color until the adults in my life politely explained that pink is a girl color, and I'm a boy and shouldn't like girl colors. Media representation of trans people was limited to jokes like Mrs. Doubtfire or villainous freaks like Buffalo Bill. Being openly gay in the military was illegal until Obama's second term, as was gay marriage.
By the time I knew what HRT was, I was in the military and knew that if I told anyone about it, or went DIY and got found out, I would be discharged and lose my GI Bill benefits. I would have to go home in shame having failed to complete a term of service the same as I had failed to finish everything else in my life, and on top of that my parents would have to bear the shame of seeing their son emasculate himself. I would have been shut out of any jobs other than sex work.

Sure things changed, gradually, and then suddenly, but it took me a long time to notice and then to stop repressing myself. I didn't even meet a trans person IRL until 2021, because I had spent the previous decade as a depressed dissociative shut-in.
I've been on HRT for three years now though and people assume I'm a woman in my early twenties though so it's all good.

>>36974206
my trans therapist had me wait until 18 to get on hrt. i wish i knew about DIY back then. i was going to her since I was 13…
luckily i didnt grow any bigger. still “its a man” size at 5’9 size 11 womens shoe.

>>36974353
KILL UR PARENTS AND DOCTORS (in roblox)
>>36974363
:c
>>36974396
therapists are so fucking awful i probably have trauma from all the ones i went to

>>36974259
nah i feel gross due to other stuff (I haven't had running hot water at my house for like three or four months) so i don't really like going outside at all - i haven't even gotten to the dysphoria part of procrastinating yet

>>36974206
Christian conservative upbringing. Crazy abuse. Gym repped. Botched suicide attempt. Figured I might aswell be dead anyway so I'll troon out before I die even though I'll have to manmode forever

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i came out to my dad as trans at 18, had been having trans thoughts since before i was 16 but told myself i was too immature to make the call. At 18 i came out, and he said
>No you're not
and made me repress for 7 more years till i worked up the courage.

he's accepted it now and is quite supportive.

didn't know a trans person until i was 25, didn't recognize dysphoria for what it was because i didn't have the language for it, autism, dad who would call me a faggot when i let my hair grow out despite how hard i cried when i was forced to get it cut short

now im living on the other side of the country and am doing much better :)

>>36974495
how can u ever forgive that asshole

>>36974495
i swear i've seen like 12 people have this exact interaction with one of their parents which led to half a decade of repression. weird

>>36974519
theyre all lying as a cope to explain why they transitioned so late

>>36974514
he is very, very financially supportive. He took some time to be won over but i did it, i actually took him from someone who said
>my son is dead
to
>it's a refinement of what she is
and he doesn't deadname me, or misgender me at all anymore.
I can't forgive him, but he's always going to be my father, he only stole 7 years of my real life because i was too cowardly to make the change myself.
>>36974519
admittedly the first two things my mother said was
>How are you gonna afford all that
and she called me a disappointment in a roundabout way, but she's.... okay. ish. now.

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>be me
>freaky gay kid
>crossdress a lot and play with sisters toys
>knew I was trans at 12
>15, came out
>gatekept by nhs ad nauseum
>ukmoment.mov
>don't get mistaken for a girl by strangers anymore
>selfmed at 19
>ackattempt.jpg
>detrans for 8 months
>nhs hrt at 20
>hondosed for 3 months
>selfmed lena juice after turning 22

i shiggy diggy

>>36974539
start placing dead small animals on his bed as a form of divine retribution

>>36974558
we don't live together, after my parents divorced, neither of them wanted to live with me (my mother had the rest of the family to take care of, my dad wants to get with other women so he didnt want me around), so my dad basically pays for my admittedly quite pricey apartment (live in the worst place in the world for rent) and is quite happy with my lifestyle as an artist (neet)

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>>36974363
>gf
you’re not trans, you’re a disgusting autogynephile

a trans person sexually assaulted me when i was 18 and high on cough medicine so i hated trans people for a while. When i first realized i was trans i tried to commit suicide and rapidly quit my current job so i convinced myself that i needed to be stable so i wasn't an embarrassment to my family. i did HRT rep from 21 to 25 occasionally quitting out of shame and family disapproval but im now putting effort in

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>>36974206
Thought I was too masculine and ugly to ever transition so I repressed and disassociated myself into stagnation. Then I turned 26 and was dead inside and nothing else in life brought me joy. I was ready to kill myself I had nothing for the future or the present so I just did HRT so I could "get it out of my system" and just be done with it. I'm a coward so I didn't do it and just kept using HRT.
11 months later I'm not passing but eh pretty happy now. Life is beautiful I'm happy for every single day I'm happy for everyone in my life I cherish everything. I wish I did it sooner but I was too scared to do anything about it and I'm too reserved to ever open myself to anyone for them to push me to do anything.
I didn't have trouble accepting I was trans I very much had already accepted this pretty early on I remember even praying to god to turn me into a girl when I was little. But thinking one thing in your head and doing something about it are two very different things.
I'm very much defined by my fears but at least I'm moving and I can see some light in my life now.

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>>36974701
sorry :( i dont have any of the actual agp symptoms but i get why youre disgusted. im bi if that matters, but im too scared of both men and penetrative sex to consider having a relationship with one sadly

>>36974717
i dont get how u can be happy and not full of anger

>>36974206
didnt know hrt was a thing until i was already 20

>>36974745
Anger is not really an emotion I ever felt in my life. Right now I'm just happy I'm doing something about this huge problem I've had. Things could've gone better but I just can't think too hard about it god knows if I ever mull over my mistakes I'll never stop and nothing good will ever come off it.
You do what you can with what you have right.

loving life with my software engineer job and luckshit genes not much to explain

>>36974786
>You do what you can with what you have right.
no i will be a smarmy little shit forever
>>36974795
im gonna stab u

>>36974786
same? i have also, strangely, never felt much anger either. i wonder if this is common among mtf trannys, assuming you are one.

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>>36974206
Didn’t realize i was coping by disassociating through online video games and forums. Cross dressed at 16 by the grace of a friend and really enjoyed it at the time, and then tried to do more fem stuff throughout my years but super conservative and backwards ass family wanted none of that “crazy shit”.

Around 24, after briefly speaking to my ex who came out as trans before me, noted that I might be an egg and to seek therapy so I did. Therapist was a life savor, but I had to DIY because shit state.

Hit the trans lotto and not only pass but am attractive to a lot of people that interact with me on any given day or who’ve seen my pics.

Still shitty for my parents holding me back over ill-informed research, but they atleast love me and gender me correctly, and though they don’t deserve forgiveness for not only that, but a lot of traumatic shit going up, I chose peace. I know countless other trannies that would love to have these opportunities so i try not to just squander it, or neck myself over the dysphoria/depression, but fuck is it difficult some days.

Now in my thirties and still kickin it though.

>>36974838
Yeah I'm mtf. But I don't know I see plenty of girls on twitter getting angry and even artists expressing anger through their craft so idk I think some people are just like us. I mean if there are people who get angry all the time there would've been people who also rarely feel anger right.

>>36974206
Don't worry I'm a repper so I won't become a meme

>>36974895
do you go into every thread and argue about repping with the posters there and make yourself look like a retarded schizo?

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>>36974855
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>36974899
Not everyone can pass. Please understand that.

>>36974910
you're the same nigger in the haus thread!! ohhh man that's embarassing

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>>36974904
You okay anon?

>>36974915
There is nothing embarrassing about repping, which takes more willpower than you will ever have. Transition should not be shilled to reppers.

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>>36974899
>>36974910

If you’re serious about repping you’d need to literally find a life to build around that doesn’t involve following trans communities. Anyone hanging around here is going to attempt transition either sooner or far later with much more regret for doing so.

Manmoding is also an option; just take the pills, if you don’t pass then just present male/androgynous, and let the meds atleast pacify the dysphoria in brain (probably still find something to focus on that isn’t just looks, or trans stuff if that stuff bothers you)

>>36974940
But there is something embarassing about going into completely random threads, going
>IM A REPPER LOOK EVERYONE IM REPPING LOOK IF U TRANSITION UR RETARDED
and getting into arguments with people

>>36974954
They fucking are retarded, what do you mean? NONE of those people should consider EVER transitioning. I am not ashamed of this.

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>>36974920
its not fair its not fair its not fair its not fair

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>>36974976

I don’t blame you if you take my advice as patronizing or insulting but; it’s all a gamble anon, we just try and make the best with whatever hand we got.

I’m still so fucking mentally ill in the head that i can’t lock down any partner, and I’ll most likely die alone in that regard, heh. On top of wasting most my years not building a career until now. It’s not the best, but we do what we can.

Gotta do whatever you can to make life just a smidge more bearable than the previous day. Otherwise the only alternative is just wasting away the single opportunity we had at living this life; gotta atleast see it to the proper end and then say we “well atleast i tried and had some fun times”.

>>36975100
i hope u die

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>>36975170

One day for sure; I can promise you that, anon =)

>>36975170
She's 100% in the right you've got to take a leap of faith and hope for the best. Not trying is the worst thing you can do that gnawing doubt in the back of your head will forever haunt you.

>>36975230
not a repper but she literally transitioned at fucking 24 and is a hot passoid now i hate biology i hate myself fuck the world kill them all

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>>36975272
You’d tell any other anon not to fucking focus on this level of envy, and to go out and actually change their life; not sit in a room and ruminate. Take the advice you’d tell others.

>>36974206
I was homeless and have no family. I went days without eating. I joined the navy for free college and health care. Half way through trumps presidency he banned transition in the military. I did my 5 years got out and now I have the stability and resources to have a good transition. I did it on my own and am 3 years in at 30 years old now. Passing, voice trained, thank God i powered through. thank God.

>>36975272
No one knows how they'll end up before they start transitioning it's always a leap of faith. You can only do your best and hope for the best.

I transiotioned at 12 in Minecraft no joke, im the epitome of cronically online, i had a few friends who played with me on Skype basically everyday, i told them to call me she and changed my skin and name, but ive never expressed myself irl, i gave up being a girl when my voice dropped and my body got disfigured beyond recognition, i started dissociating a lot irl, tried suicide at 15, dropped out of school, stayed a neet until this year because reality caught up to me and I decided to give estrogen a chance because even though i know ill nver pass, i basically have nothing to lose. Id be ugly even if I was cis bcuz my mother is hideous and my father is even worse. I wonder why such people were even allowed to conceive a child. Im 21 btw probably wont make it to 22

>>36974206
I'm sorry.... I hope you can forgive me for starting at 14

>>36975350
can u kill me

>>36974206
what is there to say
the idea of repressing made me want to kill myself
the idea of disappointing my parents made me want to kill myself
i valued their opinion of me over my own comfort, so i repressed for almost 15 years until my dad was dead and the equation changed, and then finally started at 27
sometimes other things are just as painful or frightening as dysphoria
>>36974760
also this, i thought transition was just The Surgeries until college

>>36974206
>28
i am a lucky-ish twinkhon and i like the effects of estrogen (no libido, feeling sane, hair growth significantly slowed)

in my defense, i told my parents when i was 6. i just was too much of a goody two shoes to push it after they got really mad, and eventually started unconsciously repressing

>>36975365
Sorry, I'm just trolling. I started at 16 after finishing puberty, I'm 5'10 and I have hair loss from a chronic illness. So I look pretty terrible.

>>36975412
lets do a midshit suipact

I got raped by a transbian hon when I first came out at 21 so I went back into my head and became a deeply transphobic repper who was actively anti-trans.

I didn't actually transition until 31 when I realized no amount of drinking or drugs or overwork would make the tranny thoughts stop.

I turned out to be a bit of a luckshit in the end. I pass better than my rapist after a year and men like me now. I think I'll be ok.

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>>36975421
I'm not done just yet

>>36975512
but why we got handed the worst lot in life

>>36975533
It could be so much worse lol
Being alive is fucking awesome. Even if you don't have any legs. There's still so many things for you to experience. Video games. Films and TV. Places to visit. Things to learn. Surgeries to save for. It absolutely gets better and I say this as someone who has terrible childhood trauma and cries all the time. And like I said I have a chronic illness and I lost my thick nice hair, which used to be the one thing I liked about my appearance. Having something missing means there's room for improvement I guess. I'm gonna get my hair back and get FFS. I'm gonna acquire friends and shit. Why lie down and die when I've experienced so much, and still have the rest of this century to experience? The times we live in are very interesting. We might even live to see the end of the world. I'd hate to miss that, all because I wanted skip to the inevitable 70 years early

catholic school, conservative upbringing, etc etc. the high school i went to still to this day doesn’t allow transitioning :/ sucks bc i cross dressed for as long as i can remember and developed anorexia but i didn’t know hrt existed/what dysphoria was until college

>>36974206
i am chronically ashamed of myself, i will never pass because of my height and face, if i transitioned i would look and feel like a freak and be rejected by everybody

>>36974206
I was raised catholic and still have nightmares about burning for all eternity in hell

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i only did it as an aesthetic last resort

>>36974206
i figured out i was probably trans at like 18 but i figured that would be difficult and embarrassing and i already had a gf anyway so i decided to rep. 6 years and 1 suicide attempt later, i had graduated college and moved a state away from my parents so i figured it’d give the tranny life and a shot since my life sucked anyway

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by the time I learned about transgender healthcare existing I already had a male frame and bad midface, no point in transitioning now

>>36974206
Didn't understand the difference between trans people and crossdressers until 22 when my ex went ftm. That's also when I found out about HRT.
I was balls deep in a relationship with my then fiance and studying secondary Ed and history. I figured transitioning was too far a leap of faith to completely wreck my life when I was already mentally falling apart. Then everything fell apart and I spent a few years getting my life together until I nuked it again and then came out at 28, started HRT at 30

>>36974536
kys most parents would never be okay with their child trooning out. my mother told me she'd kill herself if i were a tranny

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>>36977822
my parents were against it and i still did it
>my mother told me she'd kill herself if i were a tranny
isnt that a positive outcome

i told myself it was a fetish after concluding it was too late at 18

>>36977973
i mean it is too late at 18

>>36974206
i didnt know what hrt was until i was 19. i knew a tranny at 14-15 but i just thought you were trans if you were feminine or whatever. i never knew until i was 19 that exogenous hormones were something that an amab could take to any effect.

then i repressed for 2 more years lol. i hate myself for it.

>>36978008
didnt say it wasnt

>>36978033
also saying its a fetish is a cope u are trans u just didnt go through with it when u should and now u will live with this regret forever

>>36978042
mhm mhm

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grew up in a shitty neighbourhood in germany and went to a shitty school full of migrants. i did the mistake of admitting to be gay in 6th grade or something and the guys in school went relentless on me (got bullied, beaten up, sexually harrassed, you name it), coming out as trans was unthinkable at that time, even though i wished to be a girl, i would've been stabbed there or something. so i repressed during my teenage years, went to the gym, started acting and trying to behave really masc because it was the only way for me to feel safe. it wasn't until 21 when i finally reached a point in my life where i felt safe to be who i am, but it still took 3 years of hesitation until i decided to troon.

i often think about how my life could've been if i was just born as a girl in a stable environment and got the protection i needed :/

>>36978083
tja

>>36974206
i found being a guy who wants to be a girl mortifyingly embarrassing

I have a supportive single parent and am 2 years on hrt at 25. It was not always this way. I was the only one of three kids who had been kicked out six times since 16/yo, just missing out on almost six years of time lost with my mom and I's lives as a family, and then after getting back from the sixth kickout at 23 y/o, my mom aged a little bit. ( It was sad to be gone for that, she seemed tired and surprised to see me when i was allowed to come back the sixth time. ) I even told her the day I saw her again "You look sick." cause I was still being edgy to her at 23.

As a condition of my return to our house, I had to be honest about how I see my self, and what I had been going through. I basically said "My goal is to pass so well no one can tell I was ever m***." Long story short, my mom told me that as long as you pay for your hrt, ffs, laser, ill never judge you and you can live and present as you like. "I am only sad you have never seemed happy inhabiting your body." Last two years have been pretty peaceful. Still some serious dysphoria but I am a lot happier to be openly trans at home. She is a little old fashioned, still uses my deadname now and then, but its just habit from my mom. Love her.

>>36974206
No I dont think I will, Im just coming here to save all the pics itt. Now consider the following:
i WILL honmode
i WILL invade womens spaces
i WILL ruin trans optics
i WILL get gender affirming care for minors banned
i WILL giggle in my deep man voice when youngshits rope
and you cant do anything about it!!

>>36978083
>muuhhh evil immigrants!!!
fuck off nazi

>>36974206
I started at 30 but am going to kms now because 17 is late now

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>>36974206
what am I explaining?

>>36978429
explain why ur such a cutie

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>>36978440
I cannot explain something that I am not

>>36978443
grow your hair out again, you look like a goth caveman rn

Not much to say.
Being troon is such a meme now. Wasn't like that back in the day. Even troon hate did not exist back then if you wanted to be troon back then, you might as well just be gay.
So I went out there, to bigger cities. I saw these creatures and thought to myself. I am in my 30s and I can still do so much better than these. What the fuck I've been doing all my life?
And so I did it and...
Now I am just good looking transwoman and a faggot. I shot myself in the foot but feels more comfortable, I guess. Not like I had very pleasant life before.

>>36974206
My family was fundies and I lived in chudland. Had to wait till I was old enough to get a PO box (18).
In my defense I attempted to delete my balls while on a heroic dose of oxy at like 15.

>>36978453
it's not my choice...

i will give you guys a tl;dr because if i give too many details it will be in vain because people will discredit me
so here it is:
i was displaying signs througout my life and never paid too much attention, only when i was 31 did i realize what was wrong, so im a lateshit because i didnt know i was trans

>>36978627
did someone force you to cut your hair or what are you saying?

>>36975608
Anon you're really cool

>>36978385
Not that anon but fuck you
I don't hate minorities but holy shit do a lot of them hate me.
Growing up in the early 00s as a teen wasn't great in a heavily mixed neighborhood where the black men threatened to best you up at the drop of a hat and the women told you that gay rights aren't civil rights. The Hispanics were a lot better but you still had to deal with homophobia and machismo shit.

White dudes would of course get in on shit like this too but no one pretends dudes like Nick Fuentes (neighboring town to me) aren't problems and don't exist.

That being said the white boys would drive by yell slurs and whip bottles or garbage at you, the others would jump you so none were great

>>36974298
>2001
lol you were like 14 when being trans became normalized, you have no fucking excuse

i'm born in 1999 and i realized i was trans in 2013

>>36974206
I would crossdress to alleviate dysphoria. It wasn't until I was 23 that I started feeling dysphoric while crossdressing because that was the time I was starting to getasculine enough to not pass. Fortunately about 4 months on HRT got me to the point where I was gendered female 90% of the time in boy mode and then a few months after that I came out.

>>36974206
i'm a dumb coward and i'm afraid

>>36974206
>crack 10 years ago
>have a breakdown and end up homeless
>get psyopped by therapist
>femboycope instead of trooning

>>36979764
also this

>>36974206
No money
Didn't want to potentially fuck up my endocrine system
Severe depression

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>>36974206
You all are too hard on yourselves. 18-21 is not lateshit, maybe oldshit but i feel more like thats midshit unless you got hit hard by puberty. If you dont reach tanner V before anti andros i think thats by default mid or youngshit and that includes the number of 18-21 year old amabs that are delayed or insensitive. But 18-21 is still super reasonable age to start whether or not you got to tanner V and i dont think its truly "late" biologically or socially. late 20s onward is the true lateshit and where most of the mtf community's issues come from

>>36979975
i'm 29 anon

>>36979975
yoooo i started at tanner III lets go

>>36979911
that therapist saved your life. 90% of the "people" here are gonna die of dvt and cancer before you muster up the courage to kys.

>>36979588
just because you shit one white people doesn't make you less racist you pos, black people are the most supportive minority when it comes to lgbtq people please just go back to pol

>>36980058
blacks are 40x more likely to assault trannies than whites....

>>36980058
>black people are the most supportive minority when it comes to lgbtq people
obvious bait but i'll bite
what statistics and study are you getting this from

>>36979759
kys luckshit

>>36980063
>>36980106
yea let me just cite some made up KKK stats, totally convincing, just look up down low stories on youtube, so many black men sharing their experiences and you people pretend that they are homophobic lmfao

>>36980054
i think the risks of both of those are lower than cis women
but i'm still scared of them and am repping

>>36979703
i had an extremely weak puberty that did basically nothing to me and gave me an extra 2 inches in height, so it doesn't really bother me as i mostly pass. it also beat the constant fag bashing being in a rural area and my very unaccepting parents at the time, too. so even if i knew anything about trannies i wanted to be a WOMAN, not a man in a dress.