Look, deep down, in my soul, I know that suicide is selfish is and wrong, and I know that life is always, no matter what, worth living, and that I should not kill myself, because it would hurt my family, it would make them upset. But also, I'm predator at heart, I am Satan, I am evil, so my existence itself might be wrong, however, I have to. I have fantasies of molesting children, of abuse, of rape, of murder. I am literally a pedophile, who wants to ruin a child's entire life, and destroy their spirit, purely because all I think about is myself, I want to utilize the child to fuel my god complex, to feel unstoppable, superhuman, omnipotent. The fact that it's sick doesn't repulse me, it's precisely what motivates me, you think to yourself, what is the sickest, most degenerate thing I can do, that's pedophilia.I do have fantasies of suicide, part of it related to how much of a sick human being I am, and deep down on the inside, know that I am, letting Satan himself, possess my spirit, however, the right thing to do, is to survive, so I'm sorry for all of the potential damage I cause in the future, I'm sorry for the poor lost innocent souls, I have to do this, because pedophiles don't change, evil people never change, they are the way they are for life. But it's evil to die, so you're victimization is necessary.
