I'll start:A normal part of life is bad stuff happening in your external world (i.e. deaths of family or getting fired), but the damage that unwanted sex hormones do to your body straddles the boundary between the internal and external worlds in a way that really destroys "you" as a person, and whatever life you were going to have absent thisWith this comes>depersonalization/dulled emotions>maladaptive coping mechanisms (dissociation through consumption of games and youtube)>inability to pursue sex/dating like others>inability to imagine my future, or be fully present>can't genuinely connect with people>difficulty being employedWorst of all is the intense sadness, hopelessness, and physical sense of wrongness I feel from just not being female, simply existing in my body. I can live without dating, or real friendships, etc, but the feeling of "I'm not me" is a whole other depth of despair that I can't even fully convey to someone who doesn't share this experience. It makes everything meaninglessAnd many misguidedly advocate for policy that dooms others to this same experience, and have some pseudo-religious belief that they're good for doing so
>>37317975My most "awful trans experience" was the years I spent forced into a role that didn't fit, I still hate how much dissonance is caused by it and how people downplay how much it sucked>but you were happy at any given point, it couldn't have been bad!I'm still trying to work on my abject hatred for my past life, I've been trying to imagine my "inner child" as the child I wish I had been because the actuality makes me aggressively angry. Existential woes are a bitch, most people don't even understand mind-body dualism
>>37317975Couldn't have said it better myself. I'll only add that most people are animals trapped in their own ignorance, unable to look up from the mud and the feed and see they're headed for the slaughthouse. They won't understand not having theory of mind is the reason they'll get much less than they deserve, as their ignorance is systematically taken advantage of and twisted into a craving for oppression and obedience. It's truly sickening what humans have been turned into by nature (god) and the government, none of which give a shit about them despite how desperately they cling to the values you mentioned. You are in a sort of hell aren't you, just like me. One more thing actually. I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I'm so sorry.
>>37318146>You are in a sort of hell aren't you, just like meYes, my body is this sensory hell. I wasn't smart enough or courageous enough or rational enough to connect the dots and properly conceptualize my discomfort with my body, when it started getting bad at 11, and order prescription drugs online as a teenager, or tell parents what I was going through once I figured it out. It was easier to instead just gradually shut down, but you can't run from it forever; eventually you have to become a functioning member of societyI know 100% that I would be happy if I were either born female or given the drugs I needed to instead go through female puberty. I really have everything else going for me in life, but this one detail causes a degree of pain that I doubt most people could even imagineIt feels like my life was just stolen from me, and I'm now in some purgatory. I used to be optimistic that I would grow into a woman and be happy, but 18-24 horrifically deformed my skull and now my optimism is gone, I feel like life is indefinitely on hold, and I don't know how to continue. I make progress toward not being a NEET, but then being more present inevitably makes the pain worse and leads to me sobbing on the floor and needing to dissociate again. I need to get a job with my CS degrees and save a fuckton of money over several years to go to a good surgeon, all to have a chance and not even a guarantee of fixing thisIt's mentally and emotionally exhausting
>>37318494Personally I don't bother. Trying to fix what's been done to me I mean. I was "raped" out of a normal healthy life, and it is happening to countless others. Pulling things into perspective from a wider POV my life doesn't matter, so I focus maintaining that perspective. I can die on a whim now and leave all the stories here, miserable or joyful behind as just a short dream during my otherwise perfect sleep. If you do give up like me hopefully there's some solace in that. In the fact that your world and mine will become very small in the blink of an eye.
>>37318599Sometimes it feels like that's the only option, but I want to try first, however futile it may or may not beI hope you're eventually able to find some kind of peace
