How do I induce schizotypy in such a way that I only get the benevolent delusional beliefs i.e. that there's more love in the world than bad shit and me being born is worth the unhappiness of a life barely lived because I was too much of a coward to come out when I was younger? I need my mind to break so that I don't have to face the harsh reality of my pointless painful existence anymore. I don't believe death leads anywhere (not even a black void) so I don't consider it any kind of an escape from anything. So I need to figure out a way to live in a state of unearned and irrational bliss instead of the majority of my time in experience consisting of torturous anguish.
Just turned 30 and I felt my body change in the past couple of years, I lost the sensation of growth. Like my life reached its maximum extent and began shrinking again. It's like I can feel the decay in my cells' replication having passed a particular threshold. I've passed the point before which I could still have made up for lost time.
istg if youre under 30 (and knowing this board under 22) you haven’t “wasted your life” - youre being an immature little shit and moping around. There’s plenty of life and love for you and you deserve to not be shackled by the what could have beens
>>37324519I'm not under 30. Also I have Ehlers-Danlos so I don't have as much left for me after 30 as a lot of people do.
