Dear CC it's so fucking hard to talk to you I like you so insanely much I love hearing you talk about persona and everything I could just cuddle you and listen to you info dumb for hours if you let me I want to be with you so bad I need you in my life I think I just want to be FWB so bad with you -N

Man, it sounded pathetic even typing it out anonymously. I need to get a grip. I've gotten a little too invested in you again, and I need to scale it back again and get some of my defenses back up. I know you'll hurt me if I let you. I don't really think that's your intention, but I wonder if you're conscious of the way you toy with me. But I let you, hell I encourage it, so what does that make me?

>>38518537
Still not sure whether or not you were waiting for me to get out of a relationship to slide in, but if you're reading this, don't wait. I've pretty much already fallen for you already. You keep saying you love me, and so I keep saying it back, because... well, it's true. I just wish I new your true feelings on me. Do you actually like me, or am I just a thing to be fucked for you?.. I'm sorry, I've been played too many times and honestly would just like a concrete answer.

I know we had our differences and butt heads a lot but you were a great friend. I've always been jealous of your ability to take life by the balls. You transitioned under horrible circumstances and came out the other end a stronger more fulfilled person. I wish I was as brave as you but I repped in cowardice and rotted away instead. I hope life is treating you alright. Sitting on the porch at 10 PM talking about stupid bullshit is one of the best memories in my life. If I don't see you again in this plane of existence I will be waiting for you in the next.

I miss you. That's all.

i fucking hate you. you’re a cheating piece of shit and i wish i never met you. you’re a bpdemon and the worst type of person. i hope you fucking die

just thinking about you makes me wanna fucking die. how could you even do all of that shit and then go on with your life? i loved you with my whole heart and you threw it all away like did you ever even fucking love me? why did you have to do that? i felt safe being yours. you’re a fucking liar YOU’RE A LIAR

i hate that i wish you would reach out. i hate knowing i was just a stupid obsession that you got over. you showed me love and then fucking destroyed me. i wanna scream in your face and cry as loud as i can. you ruined everything you ruined what we had you fucking liar

i really wish i never met you

I wish I could forget about you. It's dumb that I still think about you at all, let alone for this long.

you taught me everything about art, you were a close friend, and i still had so much more to learn from you, and I fucked it all up by saying "i love you". It's been an age since we spoke yet my mind occasionally wanders to thoughts of you, and how incredible I could've been if i kept learning from you.

i'm sorry for chasing you off the internet, K.

dear s
i love you
i think
im scared about the future, but im happy about today
oh i dont know what to do.
im terrified because your illness is killing you
and im worthless
all i offer you is affection, and i see that youre suffering every day
i hate myself for getting shy when you held my hand in public
im sorry for not always telling people that you're a girl and not a guy
im sorry that sometimes i pity you
i want to be with you all the time
im sorry for being selfish
im sorry for being ugly
please dont stop loving me. im broken apart. i need you

j.
im garbage. im refuse, the flotsam that gets hosed off the sidewalk, im as rancid as the bile that i spewed. i said a lot of things i truly regret saying. when we first met, i said i think were gonna know each other for a long time...
ig i was wrong. we have so much in common, but were so toxic as friends. you didnt deserve what i unloaded on you
i still love you baka, i wish wed talk beyond the cryptic subtweets youve insisted on. im glad we met, but i guess well be together in another life... if only it couldve been this one
-a

>>38518537
I would do quite literally anything to have you inside of me if you weren't 900+ miles away.

>>38518537
I still think about you. I keep replaying memories of the small interactions we had. I was so scared of getting hurt in a relationship again. I have a lot of shit to work through so I don’t hurt anyone either. It wasn’t the right time but I wish the best for you

I'm sorry for having a crush on you I'm sorry for being so needy and insecure I wish I was nornal I'm sooooorrrrry

Please, just lie to me. I get it, I'm not worth that kind of effort but I'm begging you. I know you only want me for sex, but just lie. Tell me you love me, that you think I'm cute, answer my little queries about you. I would be yours, you could do whatever you want, be it sex or hell you could abuse me and I wouldn't mind. I just, can't get you out of my head, it's been over a year and I can't get you out of my head. You're the only person who's made me feel attractive since high school, but I'm not even pretty enough to manipulate. I don't need something real i just need to be in your arms so please just let me love you.

>>38522860
I wish I could hear that from her

God ur so hot. Why am i straight? Fuck my life men suck goddamnit shitshitshit i don't want u to be so sexy but my brain is quite idiot straight men are either boring, creepy or ugly i wish i wasnt to shallow tho so its also my b dude but jfc beefy hot men are so sexyI know im too good for most of you without any interesting or notable aspects about yourself other than your respective maxxing and shitty compsci degree aaaaaaaa fuck but the guys who are interesting are always either creeps or ugly fuckfucjuffuck its me its literally me im the problem why do i find themmm so hottt fuck why cant i be a lesbian or more bi or something shit is this my life do i settle wait but also why cant i be less picky i could stop having fuckbuddies and get in a real relationship but then that relationship wouldnt be fulfilling because id be bored shitless honestly i think im privelaged to even be trans and noticed by these men but like i dont want to be fucking bored and i definitely dont want to be topped well or have a chaser bf either i think bisexual man is my way out but like where tf are the bi dudes and why are they all into rock climbing i mean thats interesting ig but my muscles are fake cuz my ligaments dont work so id just be cucked while he climbs eh whatever wait WHY ARE THERE SO MANY rock climbers in my area theyre hot ig and there, want me but like rock climber bf idkk kinda silly like still a sys dev or engineer but would you drag me climbing in shit im certified ig so thats fine but id be lowkey jealous n wanna climb what other bisexual options are there wait why is rock climbing bisexual ON THE HIGHEST OF KEYS no lies are being told all the bisexual men ive ever hooked up with or had confess have been rock climbers whats up with that is it cuz im tall well whatever anyway idk what i was talking about but yeah i rly yearn for straight dudes but they suck.

>>38522775
Then why are you so far away? Should've come here instead

>>38523278
I'm sorry. I made a decision and unfortunately am stuck with it. I didn't know you at the time and I'm sorry. I still don't know what you want from me. I hope you want a relationship, because I would kill to have someone as special as you in my life, even though I did just get out of a breakup. I don't want someone as special as you to slip through my fingers.

K, I'm so sorry. You told me some of the deepest trauma of your life, and all I could do was stand there offering hollow advice like an emotionless fucking robot. I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I'd opened up to you, then maybe it wouldn't have ended like this.

I hope you die alone, and that your bloated corpse is eaten away by maggots and vermin until nothing but your bones remain. Forgotten. You are probably the only person in this entire world I can earnestly say that I hate. I hate you so much that I've turned my life around. I'm in control of my diet and exercise so I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm living on my own, working, constantly striving toward my goals, just to spite you. Your remaining animals should be taken away from you, how many dead cats do you want on your conscious? You claim to be an animal lover but you've killed more animals than anyone I know. The fact I dated you and enabled any of this is my greatest shame. The day you die will be the day my own weakness leaves this world.

>>38523704
nta but whatever happened there is DEFINITELY not your fault

>>38523600
I'm most certainly not the person you're talking to, your first post just fit my own situation lol

>>38523797
Ugh. Damn. Got a little excited. The person I'm talking about browses this board but I'm not sure how often. I wonder if they'll see this...

>>38518537
i miss talking with you S. you never needed to send nudes and dick pics for me to enjoy being there with you, and i didn't mind having to reassure you about all kind of stuff you had to deal with because of brainworm either, i just liked being there for you be it good or bad time, you are a great woman and i always felt lucky with everything you said to me
and that's why i guess i just don't get why you had to disappear like that out of nowhere after talking for so long and i guess i'm just too afraid to even try to ask because i know i have such a low chance of ever hearing from you again and thinking about you again makes me sad

i wish you missed me. i wish you were real. i wish i could fly out to you and just say "here i am" and you would take me as i am, see me as the kind, calming, lovely woman you said i was and not the ugly i hid from you, the ugly that made me run away only to realize i missed what i wanted. i want you, or at least the idea of you, i wish you would give me one last chance to be honest, about everything, and to still give yourself a chance to love me after that, because i promise if you do, i promise i will love you back, with everything i have.

when we talked briefly in september you asked me "do you remember me?" and i was in shock because yes of course i remember you, maybe that's because i never made it clear how i felt about you. do you see it? do you see it now? i couldn't forget you even if i wanted to. but i think you're trying to forget about me now. we barely even talked, why didn't you forget about me? what's your excuse? you had a girlfriend before we talked, it's not like you were falling for someone for the first time, not like i was. why did you remember me? why did you go cold after we talked? was it because i didn't want to call? i thought you realized it's because of my voice, you remembered that much at least. was that your uncrossable line? ask me that again. i've been lazy and scared but i'll do it for you, *****. I'll voice train for you. I'll become a real woman for you, the one I want to be and you want me to be if you just hold my hand first. I'm so alone here, so be my fire, keep me alive, love me, hold me, make me feel anything at all. I miss you so much Ollie, and you don't even know it.

>>38524463
Wow, Ollie sounds like a lucky fella to have someone care about him to this degree.
I wish this post were about me... so much it makes my chest hurt, in fact.

>>38524505
it's fine, he's gone now, he left all group chats he was in a couple days after we talked and ditched his discord account not longer after, the one social media account he had linked was deleted too, he's just gone now. i need to move on. i know i can't live off of wishes and what-ifs, but i just wish i could have done it differently, and i wish he was a little more open about a few things too.

plus, the idea of him seeing this is terrifying to me. first of all, what are you doing on this hell website, you are too good for this place, please leave, and second this is such a bad thing for you to see now, see me bleeding like this. i have so much more i could say to you too, this is just the exterior. you simply do not understand the depth of words i could write for you and about you. when we stopped talking (the first time, when i ghosted), the last thing you said to me was this "song" or really a poem. it was silly but the gesture was appreciated at the time, but now i think back and i'm like "ha, that's cute, that's *all* you had to say to me? i could build cathedrals out of the words i have for you, you have no fucking idea". he wasn't just a… crush, i guess. he was a revelation, an awakening, it's why i have to say i loved the *idea* of you. i know i'm idolizing you a bit for what you stood for for me, maybe if we talked more things just wouldn't have worked out, but the not-knowing hurts, and until the day i know comes, or whatever day i move on from this all comes, i'll always be right where you are.

sorry for how confusing this is

I really can't believe I'm finding myself fall for yet another fucking person so far away from me. Why do I always do this? Why can I not just be satisfied to have someone who I enjoy talking to? Why does my brain always have to drift to thoughts of holding you, cuddling, kissing... and more. And I don't understand if you want me to have these thoughts or not? Sometimes it feels like you egg them on or even suggest them yourself. Other times it feels like if I try to voice them then I just get shut down and ignored. I don't understand how you see me. I hope I haven't ruined what we had by being like this. Even though it's what I do every single time. I just can't stop feeling like this time it's different. Like you're the puzzle piece that fits perfectly into mine, in a way that no one else before did or could. Even if you did think of me that way, it's still so hopeless due to the distance. I know I'm going to get hurt so fucking bad. You'll say something innocuous one day that will hurt me so much and I'll have a breakdown and you'll realize how actually fucked up I am and will never want to talk to me again. And it'll just be another rung of trauma to add to myself. Though I'm not sure I could get over that one, there's just something so different about you.

>>38524731
I feel like I wrote this/it could be written about me. Sorry to hear that anon :(

i'm dying. my mental illness is killing me slowly and i want to die with some level of dignity. right now i'm just retraumatising myself every day and declining more and more and feeling that i'm losing my mind and my body. i can't remember the last time i had a day where i just felt okay. i'm sorry, my friend, i'm dying. i think you know that already but might be as afraid to admit it as i am. i remember we had a fight back in october and you let it slip that you didn't expect me to get better, maybe you don't remember saying that but i've thought about it at least once a week since even though i don't really like to think about the times we've fought.

it's funny that i spend so much time worrying about what's going to happen to you after when i so strongly feel you'll be better off once i'm gone. i wish i could continue to watch over you from above somewhere and be your guardian angel of sorts but it took genuinely facing down death for me to realise that i'm not a religious or spiritual person and that's just wishful thinking on my behalf. i remember the first time i prayed in the church with you. it was the same day i saw you change my discord nickname to designate me as your best friend and i didn't tell you at the time that i saw you doing it but i was touched because i'd have done anything for you and i still would. ultimately though i'm a shitty excuse for a friend and you deserve better and you probably know this on some level too. i won't ever be the person you need me to be and i won't ever be the person i need myself to be either.

fuck i'm crying typing this, i don't know how i'm actually going to manage it when i need to say goodbye for real. i wish i could have been better. i wish i could have been literally anyone else but me and still met you and not ruined your life by being a fucking failure and a pathetic excuse for a human being. i'm just hoping that when i'm gone it's not going to hurt too bad. my heart breaks imagining you missing me.

>>38518537
I've been thinking about killing myself a lot recently. it's really funny to me, you were so important to me but if I did you wouldn't even know. I've been planning my method and whenever you pop into my head I think "if she somehow found out would she even care" I don't even know if you would or not. I don't think it matters since you wouldn't know, Id be gone and you wouldn't even notice that I was never coming back.

lmao I internalized every message here and now I feel awful
Anyways:
Hi cutie, I hope you're doing better now. I hope you found your place in life and I truly wish you happiness. Even though we didn't have much time together (and even though we didn't even live in the same country) you gave me a lot of happy memories. I miss staying up way too late just to hear your voice, I miss talking nerd stuff with you, I miss playing games with you. I hope you felt the same way and that I could atleast alleviate some of your pain.
You're missed, I wish I could have realized that I should have given you more. Please be kind to yourself

i really like you and i want to spend more time with you but i think i'm too fucked in the head to get close to anyone like that, and that hurts even more than knowing that you would probably reject me because even if you didn't it wouldn't make a difference, and this will happen again and again for every person i fall for until i die

please just be honest with me. you don't even respond anymore when i say i love you. i would never leave you and i still hope we can fix everything but if you genuinely don't want me anymore (even though we always reassured each other that we will live and die together) just say it. just fucking tell me honestly how you feel about me. if you hate me or don't thing im worth your time but don't want to deal with breaking up cause i have attachment issues just say it and get over it. so that i can jump off a bridge and won't have to suffer like this anymore. you are the love of my life and there is nothing for me without you.

>>38525853
if they dont respond to you when you say you love them then its pretty fucking obvious that they dont love you back. sorry but how is that even in question. it sounds like theyve already moved past you, you're the one confused here.

>>38525903
You're right, but anon's blameless. Their partner sounds sucky and immature and anon's the one suffering for it. I hope anon realizes this and moves on, there are other potential partners out there who potentially don't suck.

>>38523789
Yeah, even just after I wrote it I realized I was being too emotional and hard on myself. Thanks, anon.

I can save you.

I wish I could fall in love with you.

>>38526837
why can't you :(

>>38526837
please do it. fall in love with me. i want to spend my nights sitting with you and sharing silly stories together. i want to cuddle with you under a nice warm blanket as we hold each other gently without saying a word. i want you to kiss my forehead and tell me everything is going to be okay. please fall in love with me.

I wish she would fall in love with me. I wish so badly she would fall in love with me. I don't think about a single other person as much as I do her.

J, I know you'd understand, better than anyone else on the earth. That you already know, because we grew up in the same place. I'm so, so sorry I can't talk to you, not about anything real, that I've left you alone to struggle through everything. I hid my dysphoria, I hid my interests, and then I hid everything about myself, and now it feels like I'm going to die every time I open my mouth. You deserve better. I wish I had the courage to say this to your face.

>>38526888
please be about me

>>38518537
FUCK YOU I deserved better

>>38526990
Where do you live?

>>38526837
just gonna add the chorus...
please fucking fall in love with me i would do fucking anything i want you so badly and spend so much of each day just fantsising about you please please please fall in love with me we could fix eachother and complete eachother please

>>38527070
gahhhh please be about me >0<

>>38526837
cruelest, saddest sentence in the english language. "i hate you" is nowhere near as cruel as this.

I'm not over you but I'm not in love with you anymore

>>38518537
Every time I see you pop online, only to hop off without responding to me, it feels like my heart is being ripped out in real time, and I know you don't see it this way. I probably am just a phase for you, someone to toy with for a bit before casting aside once you've extracted all you've ever wanted from me. It's happened before, and it will happen again. I've been hurt one too many times which makes me very anxious with these things. I'm having to put my foot out first, which is something I've always struggled with. I'm having a very difficult time getting a read on you, and I know we live nowhere close, but... A girl can dream, can't she?

>>38527473
You have BPD, sorry to be the one to tell you this. This makes you practically unlovable but I still wish you luck, anon.

>>38527214
letters?

>>38527571
no

>>38527473
Feel this. We are probably both bpd like anon said.

File: 22405_f76dfe1eeab73250.png (3.32 MB, 1480x2080)

3.32 MB PNG

I'm sorry. Im a massive failure and I know you're disappointed. Hopefully soon, no one will have to deal with me anymore, and my soul can rest.

I don't have it in me anymore. 2 decades on earth, and I've already failed at life.

Cute flirty bi boy,

I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable—I wish I’d done a lot of things better, for sure, but that doesn’t make it any less of my fault. I’m kinda pissed that you didn’t give me a chance to just say goodbye but oh well, it is what it is. It was nice getting to know you and I had a lot of fun with you—I hope you feel similarly at least lol. Best of luck with life and all :)

Sincerely,
That one annoying tranny you were in a talking phase with at one time

>>38527715
you shouldn't give up anon, I hope you make it through this

>>38526921
I’m sorry to hear that anon <3
I hope you get through it ok, we’re here for you

Carmen,
Eat shit groomer nonce, kill yourself, you won't be missed

Talk to me R

>>38518537
When I would think about you I would get this warm feeling in my chest and my heart would beat faster and I felt almost weightless. It was the most incredible kind of happy excitement I have ever felt, and before I met you I had only ever felt it in my dreams. I had never been in love before but I was in love you and I know I can't be with you, but I wish I could have that feeling again.

get bumped nerds

>>38527602
i dont wanna be unlovable though....

What does it mean if I feel like I don't have anything to write anyone

Every day I think we're doing better and that we made the right decision by breaking up but I forgot what it feels like to not be in love anymore. It hurts. Everything hurts so much. I'm sorry I was bad to you. Part of me wants to love again, but I know that I shouldn't, not this soon. I keep finding special people, and I really don't want them to elude my grasp. I feel like there's a huge hole in my chest that keeps on getting heavier and heavier and nothing will probably fill it like the love we shared together for that two year span. What happened to us? I went and screwed it up again. I keep trying to fill the hole. I fill it with drugs, alcohol, and flirting with random people. But I want that real connection again. I'm sorry I tossed it away. I really need someone. I need someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. I need it. I'm not going to get it though, and it breaks me.

>>38528521
that you have a severe lack of deep/meaningful connections with others.
or you have a perfect life with no issues.

>>38528556
first is probably more likely

I still miss you like crazy, I wish you didn't turn me soft before you left. you taught me how to care, you reassured me that everything was going to be ok and that I was stuck with you no matter what. Now im alone with all of these feelings, I cant function like this, I think its only a matter of time before I give up. The only reason im still here is because Im foolishly waiting for you to come back. I feel like you took a big chunk of me when you left, I just wish I could get it back, I feel like ive been mortally wounded and im just waiting for death at this point.

woah look it’s another bump!

>>38518537
even if you were using me I wish you would've kept doing it, the lows from it were very bad, but the highs were great, and now that you're gone it's a constant low and it's worse than it's ever been

Well that was stupid! Let's try not to do that one again, okay?

>>38518537
I watched "Welcome to my side" and it made me reconsider our relationship and my part in it falling apart a lot more. the quote about being 2 stones in a steam and how when the other stone bumps into you and scratches you it's easy to forget they get scratched too sometimes worse than you. It made me think of all those times you hurt me and all those times I lashed out, and I wish I could've realized how much you were hurting too. I wish we could've just stayed in that stream together and tried to get rocked by the waves less.

I think I got tired of you.

I miss her. With all my heart and soul

>reading these threads looking for things that could be about me, but knowing none will be
>seeing posts that could be from the ones i want to hear from by the details, but not at me
>being reminded that simply no one remembers i exist
must stop doing this to myself